Mariscola
by Vinividivinci
Summary: An encounter with aliens sends Jack and Sam - far away. Jack is no longer himself and Sam has to learn to survive. S/J of course. Jack whumping of course.
1. Chapter 1

_**Yes, another new story (with others unfinshed) Sorry - but this has been simmering. It's a bit different (okay - not different in that it's Jack Whump and S/J) but different because of the setting - which you'll see in the next chapter. I will finish all my stories - don't worry! I just sometimes need a bit of variety.**_

"MOVE IT PEOPLE" O'Neill shouted. He turned and shot off a few rounds, trying to keep their attackers from getting any closer. Daniel and Teal'c were ahead, running madly for the Stargate, followed by Carter. He was in the rear, as always, protecting his team as well as he could and making _damn_ sure they made it back alive.

It had started out as a standard mission to a routine boring planet. They'd found the normal ruins, Daniel had spent the typical time oohing and aahhing at some dead civilization and the writings they'd left behind. Sam had taken the same old samples, hoping as always to hit the nacquada jackpot and Teal'c had been his inscrutable best while looking out for his teammates.

Jack – well he had complained and bugged Daniel and teased Carter and relied upon Teal'c – as always. Then, as was pretty much SOP – standard operating procedure – they'd been attacked by aliens who'd appeared out of nowhere and were intent on killing them, for absolutely no reason that he could discover.

Why couldn't they – just once – have an interesting mission that didn't end in mayhem? He knew the answer to that – they wouldn't be SG1 if that were the case. Nope – missions gone FUBAR – that was SG1's style. If he wasn't running madly for his life he would have sighed. As it was, he could barely breathe. He knew it was going to be a miracle if they actually made it.

The burning pain in his back signaled clearly that a miracle wasn't about to happen, at least not today. "GO!" he managed to cry out with his last remaining breath. As he fell to the ground he was pretty sure he heard a strangled '_Colonel'_. He just prayed that Carter or the others hadn't stopped for him but had continued on, back to earth and to safety. They had to be safe; otherwise this would _so_ not be the way to end things. He slowly faded out. Yup – this had turned out to be another day at the SG1 office!

Carter had watched as Daniel dialed the gate and thought – just maybe – they were going to make it. She heard the intermittent shots as the Colonel tried to keep the aliens from catching them. Teal'c stood on guard as well, protecting Daniel and watching for his teammates to appear. She heard a sound – a cry – and quickly looked back, only to see Jack fall to his knees.

"_Colonel_", she shouted, stopping and running back.

"GO!" he managed to shout and then he fell forward, either unconscious or dead.

"No!" She ran over to him, barely hearing Daniel or Teal'c's shouts. "Go – get help!" she cried.

Daniel looked at Teal'c – unsure what to do. He didn't want to leave his teammates, but there were too many aliens and they were almost upon them.

"We must go Daniel Jackson", Teal'c said quickly. "We will bring back assistance."

Daniel nodded, gave one last agonized look, and he and Teal'c threw themselves through the gate.

Sam had only enough time to discover that the Colonel was still alive but unconscious, before the aliens reached them. She looked up into a face filled with hate and cruelty. She didn't even have time to speak before she was hauled to her feet, and held captive by two very large men.

"Please, help him", she cried.

A hand reached out and struck her across the face. "Silence", the leader hissed. "If she speaks again", he instructed his men, "hurt her." He then turned towards the Colonel. "Is he dead?" he asked.

"No Pasha", one of his men replied. "He lives."

"Good. Wake him!" He stood watching as one of his soldiers unhooked a vessel from his back, opened it and poured water over the unconscious man.

"They will return Pasha", another man said. "I heard them say they planned to bring help."

"Yes – we must hurry. Trada, open the circle. They will not be able to come while we hold it open."

"Yes Pasha. Shall I open to the home world?"

"No! We will send them to -" he stopped and thought. "We will send them to Mariscola – after I have taught them a lesson."

Just then Jack groaned and opened his eyes. When he saw the face of the man – or alien – looking down at him he groaned again. Why oh why couldn't he – just once – meet an alien who _liked_ him. "Uh – hi!" he said, trying to sit up.

Suddenly the leader grabbed him by his hair and forced him to stand.

"Hey – ow! Watch that! What are you -"

"You will be silent", the vicious looking guy spoke. "You have committed blasphemy and have desecrated our holy place. For this you will be punished!"

"Hey – wait. Look we're really sorry – we didn't mean -" The blow caught him unawares and knocked him back down to the ground. For a moment he saw nothing but spots and was pretty sure he was going to lose his lunch. His back burned horribly – he knew one of the alien weapons had struck him – and now his head hurt as well. God!

"Pick him up", Pasha instructed two of him men.

"What about the woman?" one of them asked.

"She will watch and we will send her through with him. She can then deal with him." The man called Pasha grinned as he spoke and Sam felt fear strike her heart. She was faced with evil – and knew she and the Colonel were in big trouble.

Jack was being held up by two of the alien – soldiers, priests – whatever the hell they were. He tried to shake his head, to clear it, but all that did was make him feel even sicker. "Look, I don't know what you want but honestly, we didn't mean any harm. We're simple explorers and we only wanted to look."

"You looked and now you will be punished", Pasha told him calmly. "You will know the pain of Morta – and then the oblivion. Your woman will have to look after you" he laughed. "Unless she grows tired of it and leaves you to die." As he was speaking one of his men approached, holding a small round disk.

It looked pretty innocuous, thought Jack. It reminded him a bit of the Tokra memory device although it was a bit bigger. He felt himself tense up as the man – Pasha – approached, now holding the device. Looking at the man's eyes he felt himself grow even more nervous. This was bad – really bad.

"Sam", he said softly. "Whatever it takes – don't worry about me." He hoped she understood – he wanted her to save herself, if at all possible.

"Sir!" she said, anguished. That got her another hit across the face. She didn't cry out though – and he was proud of her courage.

He jerked back as Pasha reached out with the disk. Pasha gestured and another man stepped up behind Jack and held his head in a tight grasp. Unable to move he had to stand there and wait as the disk was placed against his temple. It felt cold and caused a slight tingle – but didn't hurt. At least, he thought, it hadn't hurt. Now it was starting –

"Aaargh!" he screamed. The agony was indescribable and filled his entire body. It was all consuming and slowly – slowly – he lost the ability to think, to know where he was or even who he was. It was as if all thoughts, all memories were slowly, agonizingly being burned from his mind. His last – and only remaining thought was 'Sam' – although he no longer knew what that was.

Sam watched in horror as the Colonel seemed to convulse in pain. The men holding him quickly let him go and he fell to the ground. After a couple of seconds his body froze, his eyes open and staring – terror clearly shining from their brown depths. Slowly, slowly that faded – to be replaced by a look that was totally and absolutely blank. It was as if she'd watched him die inside, although his physical body was still alive.

They all watched, many of them smiling. She tried to pull away, to get to him, but her captors held on too tightly. She could only continue to watch as the man she – as her friend and commander, was tortured to – to this. She sobbed and felt her knees give way. She had never felt so helpless in her life.

"It is done", Pasha announced. The man on the ground laid totally still, a thin stream of blood leaking from both ears. His eyes remained open, staring, not blinking. With a pleased grin the alien reached down and removed the disk. "Send them through – but first, make sure the woman is not aware." He then began to walk away, back the way he came. He was followed by most of his men – none of whom looked back.

She sobbed again and tried once more to pull away, to go to the aid of the Colonel, but again she was held back. She felt something cold touch her temple and that was the last thing she remembered.

She groaned and rolled over, the hot sun burning into her face. Where was she? She tried to think, to remember. Was she on a mission? She must have fallen asleep. "Colonel?" she said, although the sound that came out of her mouth wasn't exactly clear. She tried again. "Colonel? Daniel, Teal'c?" She licked her lips, wishing she had a drink, and forced her eyes open. Yes, she was lying on the ground, the hot sun shining over head. She pushed herself until she was sitting up and looked around. The first thing she saw was the Colonel lying on his side next to her. His back was toward her and she went to reach out to wake him –

"Oh God!" She scrambled over to him as quickly as possible, everything suddenly flooding back. "Sir! Colonel!" She felt his neck and was relieved to feel a steady, although slightly sluggish, pulse. "Sir, wake up!" She gently rolled him over onto his back but recoiled with a gasp. His eyes! "Oh God", she said again. His eyes were totally dead – glassy – and staring straight ahead. He wasn't even blinking

"Sir", she sobbed, trying to get him to wake up, to acknowledge her, to "BLINK god damn it, BLINK!" For some reason she had to make him blink, to close his eyes, to prove he was _in _there, somewhere. "Please Jack, don't do this!" she cried.

She looked around frantically. Was there anyone here? Anyone to help her? She stood up, shaking and weak and looked around. They were very obviously not on P7K 5Z4 anymore. That planet had been cool and forested. This place – wherever they were – looked more like Texas or Arizona. There were miles upon miles of plains, with the odd scraggly tree. There were hills in the distance but, as far as she could tell, no people or towns. It was hot and dry. Where the hell were they?

There was also no gate. "Colonel", she sat down beside him. "I could really use you now Sir", she said, her voice quavering. "Please – come back to me Jack!"


	2. Henry

_**Thanks so much for all the great reviews! I am going to try and alternate chapters with my stories so you don't have to wait so long between updates. Of course, the more reviews the faster I write (shameless, shameless plug!). You'll see today where I'm going - sort of - with this story. Please enjoy!**_

The brilliant sun – or star, she guessed, since they weren't in earth's solar system – blazed down on the planet, causing the surface to dry and crack. The only life appeared to be the few small, bleached trees and the odd lizard like creature that scurried past. She hoped there was nothing poisonous around.

She tried to lick her lips but her mouth was so dry there was no saliva with which to wet them. She stood up, again, but there was still nothing to see.

"Oh Sir", her voice cracked, just like the ground on which she stood. "What do I do? I can't leave you but – we'll die here without water." She collapsed onto the ground, next to the Colonel and checked him over again but nothing had changed. She had eventually reached over and closed his eyes, unable to bear looking at him the way he was.

She refused to acknowledge it to herself, but somewhere in the back of her mind she knew – she knew that he was gone. Oh, his body was still alive, he still breathed and his heart still beat, but he was no longer Jack O'Neill. He was just a shell.

She had tried to lift him, thinking she would walk until she at least found water. She'd managed it for almost an hour but then had collapsed. Without water and still half in shock, she'd been unable to keep going. She had then decided to leave him, to explore and return quickly. She'd only managed to get a few hundred yards away when she had panicked, sure he would die without her there to watch over him. She'd run back and thrown herself beside him, shaking with fear and anguish.

Maybe she should just sit here until both of them perished, she thought. Part of her rebelled, part of her knew that Jack would be angry at her for giving up. But did that matter now? He was – he couldn't say anything, he couldn't tell her they'd get home, that she had to believe. No, he was gone, and she no longer believed.

She closed her eyes then and laid her head on his chest. The faint sound of his heart and the steady, although shallow, rise of his chest gave her some comfort. She began to doze.

"Hey missy", a voice intruded on the pleasant dream – the dream where she sat beside Jack, both of them fishing in his pond. "You okay?"

She was able to ignore the voice, the sounds, until a hand touched her shoulder. She almost screamed, startled at the actual feel of a human hand. "Wha – " she croaked, now almost unable to speak.

"Hey, are you hurt?" the voice asked.

She managed to lift herself up and looked at the person who belonged to the voice. She saw a man – an old man with white hair and a grizzled, leathery face looking down at her, concern written all over his face.

"Uh –" she tried to speak again, but her mouth was just too dry.

"My God!" the man fell back, looking like he was about to fall over. "Hannah! Hannah, you've come back!" Tears began to run down his face and he reached forward, as if afraid she would disappear, and he gently touched her face. "I knew it", he cried. "I knew you weren't dead. Hannah!" he repeated.

Sam didn't know what was happening. This man thought she was this – Hannah – person. For now that was okay because she needed help. She needed to get Jack to a doctor, to help him and bring him back to her.

"Oh my goodness", he cried again. "Here." He turned and walked away.

It was only then that Sam realized he must have come in the wagon that was standing a few feet from where she sat. It was being pulled by two horses that were standing calmly, obviously used to waiting. The man returned a few seconds later carrying a canteen.

"Here, sip slowly", he instructed as he handed it to her, still looking as if he was in shock.

She forced herself to take small sips, knowing that it would all come back up if she gulped. Still, it was difficult. She wanted to tilt her head back and pour it down her throat. When she'd had enough to satisfy the initial craving she turned to the Colonel. She had to get some water down him. He was dehydrated, and she was pretty sure the wound on his back had started to become infected. She knew he already had a fever.

"Here Sir", she said softly. She carefully poured a few drops into his mouth, worried that she'd drown him if she went too fast. Thankfully, after a couple of seconds, she could see him swallow convulsively. At least his reflexes seemed okay – and he was aware enough to swallow. That was the first good sign she'd seen.

"He's alive?" the old man asked in surprise. He limped closer and carefully leaned over, touching the comatose man at his feet. "He looks in bad shape. Who is he Hannah?" he asked.

"His name's Jack – Jack O'Neill. And I'm afraid my name isn't Hannah – it's Sam, Samantha Carter."

He looked up at her, a frown on his face. She could tell he looked a little lost, a little confused. "Not - ? But you look just like her. You must be my Hannah."

"No, I'm sorry. I've never seen you before. My name really is Samantha." She turned back to Jack, giving him a few more drops of water. She really wished she had a cloth to wipe his face. He looked so pale, so – no Sam, don't think about that now. We'll get him to a doctor and everything will be fine.

"He needs a doctor", she told the old man. "Can you take us?"

"Ain't no doctor for fifty miles", he replied. "Wouldn't do you any good anyhow. Doc Baxter's worse than no doctor – good for nothing more than pluggin bullet holes and pullin' teeth. I'll take you back to my place. That's the best thing for him."

She nodded. At least they'd get Jack inside and in bed. She'd have to be the one to look after him then, if there was no doctor.

"Let's get him moved. He looks like a big man – may be a bit tough. I'm not as strong as I use to be."

"That's okay. I can probably lift him that far", she replied. Hell, she'd carried him for an hour, a few steps should be possible.

"You? You're a woman", he said, as if that was enough to prove she couldn't do it.

"Yes, and I'm strong. If you can just help me a bit I can put him over my shoulder – "After a few minutes of struggle – she couldn't believe how weak and shaky she felt – they managed to get the Colonel into the back of the wagon. It was only as she laid him down that she noticed his eyes were open again and that he was staring straight up, completely unaware of anything.

"What happened to him", the old man asked as he looked down at the man lying totally still.

"He – a head wound", she said. "I don't know how bad it is."

He shook his head. "Bad I'd say. I doubt he'll make it and if he does he'll probably be like this. I've seen it before. I don't think there's much left in there", he pointed to Jack's head.

She turned on him in fury. "Don't _say_ that!" she cried. "He'll be fine. He's the Colonel – he comes through all the time. He's strong. A stupid little alien isn't going to destroy him and don't you _dare_ say those thing!"

"Okay, okay!" he held his hands up, almost as if to protect himself. He didn't seem to catch her 'alien' reference – or maybe he thought she was just hysterical. "Could be he'll be fine and he's just stunned. I'm gonna drive back so you'd better get in."

She watched as the old man climbed up to the front and took the reins. She quickly hopped up in the back and sat beside the Colonel. The old man had given her his canteen and she continued to take small sips and then give more water to the Colonel.

"How long until we're there", she called up to the front.

"It'll take about an hour", he called back. "I was on my way to town when I saw you. Don't usually see people out here without a horse and I was curious."

"Thank you", she said, finally realizing that she'd been less than gracious. "I'm sorry – I didn't mean to yell at you back there. It's just – he's my friend and I'm kind of worried." Understatement of the year, she thought.

"It's okay", he laughed. "It was fine – it reminded me of my Sarah. She used to tear into me like that." His voice grew shaky. "I miss having someone tell me I'm a fool. My name's Henry, by the way, Henry Staples."

"Hi Henry and – thank you for saving us. We would have died out here." She was silent then but after a few minutes decided to ask. "Who was Sarah?" She needed to keep her mind off what was wrong with Jack.

"She was my wife", he replied softly. "We were married for almost twenty years. They were the best years of my life. I still miss her."

"What happened", she asked softly, realizing he wanted to talk.

"She died. Just woke up one day, saying she wasn't feeling good and the next day was dead. Hannah was inconsolable. She and her mother were so close. She was only thirteen. After that she was never the same. She'd always been a sweet and loving little girl but after her mother – she, she grew angry. I think she blamed me. After that she grew kind of wild and one day – she was only seventeen – she just up and ran away. I never saw her again."

Sam could feel the tears gather in her eyes. She didn't know if it was in sympathy for the old man, the remembrance of the loss of her own mother, or the fear over Jack, but she suddenly wanted to lay her head down and cry her heart out. "I'm sorry", she whispered.

"You look just like her – just like my Hannah. At least", he amended, "what she'd look like if she were older." He abruptly laughed. "_If_ she were older! She's in her fifties now" he said. "She's older than I was when she ran away." He stopped talking then, seemingly caught up in his memories, although he appeared more rational than he had a few minutes before.

She continued to watch over the Colonel, but nothing had changed. She had agai tried to close his eyes once more, but after a few minutes they'd opened again. That seemed to be the only movement he would make, except for swallowing. She prayed it was a good sign even though she found his stare disconcerting.

They bumped over the rough ground – there wasn't even a road – for over an hour before she saw buildings in the distance. Actually, what she saw first weren't the buildings, but the trees. The house had been built next to a small stream and was surrounded by trees – they looked like weeping willows. It was charming, she realized, looking cool and peaceful. The house was white, a two story clapboard. There were other buildings, sheds and what looked like a barn, a couple of hundred feet from the house.

"It's pretty", she told Henry. "You must love it here."

"Yeah", he said softly. "It's my home, I built it – and where my Sarah is buried." He looked over his shoulder, a grin on his face. "I plan on being buried right beside her. We didn't have enough time together on down here but I plan to spend eternity with her! I'll probably drive her crazy!"

She smiled back at him, thinking again of her own mother. She wondered if her father had ever thought such a thing. Somehow, knowing now how much he'd loved her, she wouldn't be surprised.

He pulled the wagon up to the front of the house. "_Charlie_!" he shouted.

She started – wondering who Charlie was, and instinctively looked down at the Colonel. He hadn't moved, not even a small response.

"Charlie's my hired hand", Henry explained, without her having to ask. "He can help us take your friend inside. Then you can get cleaned up. There's some food around although you may have to help fix it. Charlie and I eat pretty basic stuff. Neither of us is much into cookin'."

Just then a man – he looked to be in his early forties – ran up. "What is it boss?" he asked, not seeing the people in the back of the wagon. "I thought you were going in to town?"

"I was but I happened upon these two lost without horses or a wagon and brought them back. The man is sick – can you take him up to the spare room?"

Charlie made a small noise and looked into the back of the wagon. He frowned at first, clearly suspicious, but soon his face cleared. "Okay. Hi, I'm Charlie", he said, walking to the back of the wagon and holding out his hand.

Sam shook it. "Hi. My name's Samantha and this is Jack. Can you help get him inside?"

"Sure." He lowered the rear of the wagon and gently lifted Jack up, holding him carefully. "What happened", he said as he walked towards the house.

"He uh – fell and hit his head really hard. He hasn't been conscious since then."

"Hmmm", was all he said, glancing down at the unconscious man. He glanced up and caught Henry's eyes. The old man shook his head and he nodded slightly in return. They both knew a dying man when they saw one.

"Here", Charlie laid the man down on top of the bed. "I'll get one of your nightshirts and some water", he said.

"Do you have any medicine and bandages", Sam asked. When the men looked surprised she explained. "He has a wound – on his back. I'm afraid it's infected."

"Yeah sure", Charlie answered. "I'll be right back."

"Thanks" Henry said as he watched his hired man leave the room. "So, what are you doing?"

"I'm trying to get these clothes off of him. I need to clean the wound and make sure there's nothing else wrong." She struggled to get the Colonel's vest and then shirt off. Henry offered to help, but she thought he was looking rather tired. "It's fine", she told him. "I'll manage."

"Had experience have you?" Henry's eye's twinkled.

She glanced up, startled, and immediately went to deny it. Something in the man's eyes, however, made her shut her mouth. Somehow she knew that she was allowed to continue because they thought she and the Colonel were together – probably even married. Although she was sure she'd just referred to him as 'friend.' Still, if this culture was anything like earth's of over a hundred years ago, she knew they'd frown on a single woman travelling with – or caring for – a man not her husband, father, son or brother.

Just then Charlie returned with the supplies and immediately came over to help her. With his assistance they soon had Jack stripped down to his boxers, which she decided to leave on.

"Sir", Charlie said to the old man, "why don't you go downstairs and rest. I'll handle things up here."

"Okay", Henry answered, sounding suddenly shaky and confused. He turned, without saying anymore, and left the room.

"This kind of thing is hard on him", Charlie explained.

"I know – I'm so sorry", Sam said. "We didn't mean to cause trouble."

Charlie grinned. "Oh, it's okay. He's tired, but this is the most fun he's had in a while. I just need to make sure he rests." He then frowned as he peered at the sick man on the bed. "I'll roll him over onto his side so you can take a look at that wound. I also brought a rubber sheet. We should put it under him so the bed doesn't get dirty."

She was extremely grateful for Charlie's help. Without him the whole thing would have been much more difficult, both physically and emotionally. Having him there kept her mind off of the worst-case scenario and made her concentrate on the immediate need to get the Colonel looked after.

The wound on his back wasn't as bad as she'd feared. It was a burn – something like a staff weapon burn – but not as deep or as bad. She cleaned it carefully and put on the salve that Charlie had given her. She then wrapped it in clean bandages and finally turned him on his back. With the other man's help she managed to get him into the nightshirt. She then noticed that again his eyes were open.

"Does he do that all the time?" the other man asked gently.

"Yes – I don't know why. It's – I don't know what it means."

Charlie didn't answer – he didn't know either. He just knew he'd never seen anything like it before. He was more than ever convinced that there was no hope for this man. He was pretty sure his brain had been damaged past repair. Looking at the woman, however, he knew he wasn't going to tell her that.

"Uh- you might want to consider -", he stopped and grimace, not sure how to continue.

She raised her eyebrows. " – consider?"

"Uh – some kind of – wrapping."

"_Wrapping?"_ she said, confused.

"Well – he can't exactly use the ur – chamber pot – so you need to – you know, put something on him?"

It took her a second before she realized. Oh god – of course. The Colonel wasn't in control of anything and certainly wouldn't be able to control his bladder or - . She figured the only reason he hadn't – relieved himself - by this point is that they were both dehydrated. It wouldn't be long before it would become a problem. "I – see", she said. "You're right. Do you have -?"

"- rags", he replied. "I'll bring some clean rags. You'll have to wash them out afterward because we don't have that many."

She nodded, knowing that this was the least she could do. She waited as Charlie went back to get the rags. She sat by the bed and gently wiped Jack's forehead, removing some of the dust and grime of the past few hours. "Oh Jack, please, get better." She leaned down and gently kissed him on the cheek. "Please!"

Charlie returned and handed her the rags. "Uh – I'll just go downstairs and get some food together. You must be hungry."

"Thank you for all your help Charlie", she said calmly. "I appreciate it."

He nodded and then looked at her sharply. "Just make sure you don't hurt the old man", he warned. "There are those out there who want to – and I'll kill anyone who tries!"

She knew a real warning when she heard one. She too nodded. "Don't worry – he saved our lives. I would never hurt him."

"See that you don't." He gave her a brief smile and left.

She held the rags and contemplated what she had to do next. She knew that Charlie had escaped, not wanting to deal with the embarrassment of the next task. She should have just asked him if he would do it – but then changed her mind. No, she owed it to the Colonel to be the one to look after him.

She felt herself flush a bit as she thought about what she had to do but then scolded herself. This was Jack – the man who had saved her life on numerous occasions, her friend, the man she cared about. If this was all she had to contend with – well then, she'd just deal with it

She pulled the covers back and couldn't help but notice how well-toned and muscled he was. He kept himself in amazing shape and could have passed for someone much younger. "Okay Sam – stop procrastinating!" She finally reached down, pulled up the nightshire and carefully pulled the boxers down.

"There, not so bad", she told herself. She could do this – nothing to be embarrassed about. Just pretend she was Janet. She got the rags – avoiding looking directly at his – okay, so she _was_ embarrassed, although she couldn't help but admire – SAM! Just get the damn diaper on!

She struggled but managed to get the long cloth under and around him and then tied. What she wouldn't have given for Velcro! Hopefully the cloth would offer some protection although she was glad for the sheet. She sighed. She might as well get used to this – at least until the Colonel got better.

She covered him back up and then decided she'd go down and see about something to eat. The Colonel's eyes were closed and she was beginning to think this pattern of non-blinking staring and then closing his eyes was simply his being awake and then asleep. Right now he must be sleeping – so she'd eat and worry about next steps once she was fed.

The old man was sitting in the kitchen, eating a plate of bacon and eggs. It smelled delicious and before she had a chance to even speak, a plate appeared before her. "Sit down and eat", Charlie told her. "Coffee?"

Oh thank God – a planet with coffee! "Yes please", she said. She took the steaming cup and noticed the cream on the table. Pouring a large amount into the cup she took a sip. "Heaven", she said. The men laughed.

"See what I mean", Henry said. "Just like Sarah."

The hired man smiled, although Sam could see the suspicion still in his eyes. She tried to convey that she really wasn't going to hurt the old man, but could understand Charlie's caution. She liked him all the more for it.

"How's your man?" Henry asked.

"Sleeping", she replied. "I'm hoping with some rest he'll get better. I'll take him up some food in a while."

Henry nodded, although his face was serious. "You know – he might not -"

"He will", she said confidently. "You'll see. Nothing keeps him down for long!"

She refused to be separated from the Colonel that night – in case he needed her. Charlie brought in a small trundle bed and she lay down on it, exhausted with the day's events, but knowing she would find it hard to sleep.

She thought about Daniel and Teal'c and General Hammond – but knew it was unlikely they'd find them. They'd been taken somewhere, through the Stargate, but unless they got the address from the aliens who had attacked them, there would be no way the SGC would find them. Nope – she figured they were pretty much on their own.

Now all she needed was for the Colonel to get better – and then they'd go and find the gate and get themselves home. Yeah – it should be simple, she told herself. She looked over at Jack and could see his eyes shining in the moonlight. They were open, staring – and dead. She put her head down and cried.


	3. To Live Again

_**A second chapter in one night - only because you're all so great. Just a warning that this chapter contains some sensitive subject matter. **_

Four months! She couldn't believe that they'd been here that long. She looked down at the Colonel and sighed. Nothing had changed, not a thing. He simply lay in bed, staring at the ceiling for hours on end. He would then close his eyes and, she assumed, sleep. She looked after him completely – feeding him, bathing him, changing him – just as if he was a new born infant.

She'd kept hoping, for weeks, that he would get better. She had imagined, a few times, that she'd heard him speak, or move, but after a while had acknowledged that it was her imagination – her wishful thinking. No, he wasn't getting better.

She spent hours with him every day, talking to him, telling him about her life on Mariscola. She told him about Henry and about Charlie – and about James Manning who was trying to buy the ranch. She touched him as much as she could, hoping that the human contact would reach him somehow. She knew that it hadn't, and it probably never would.

Today she had turned him over, noticing that he'd developed some nasty bedsores. She tried to move him into different positions but still the sores would appear. On top of that he was slowly wasting away. Oh, she fed him as much as she could but just couldn't get enough down him. She'd finally asked Charlie to see if he could get some rubber tubing the next time he went to town. She figured he'd starve to death unless she could insert a naso-gastric tube and get more nourishment down him that way.

Now, looking at his vacant eyes, she wondered what she was doing. She knew the Colonel would hate this. There was nothing he would detest more than to become what he was now – an empty shell of a man. She wondered if it was more cruel than kind to keep him alive. Maybe she should just stop feeding him and let him starve.

NO! No, she couldn't do that to him. But look at him Sam, she said to herself. Is this any less cruel? Instead she should just take a pillow and place it over his face. It would be quicker, more humane. Oh yeah, she laughed – much more humane to murder someone with a pillow rather than starve them slowly. "Jack, what should I do? What would you want me to do?"

The only thing that had kept her from actually carrying through and ending this, was the thought that maybe he _was_ in there. Maybe if she just waited, a bit longer, he'd snap out of it. She could almost hear him – barking 'Carter' at her, telling her not to give up. Oh god – what should she do?

She looked down again at the weeping sore on his hip. There were others and she had to clean them carefully so as not to let them get worse. Was this life? Was this what he'd really want? No, of course not. He'd rather die – she was as sure of that as she was of anything in this life. She was being cruel to let this continue.

But what would the others say? Nothing. They would say nothing – because both Henry and Charlie thought she was insane to keep hoping, to keep believing. As far as they were concerned, the man 'upstairs' – the one they never saw, never visited – unless she needed Charlie for something – was already dead. If she did what she was thinking – if he suddenly 'died' – they would simply say it had been coming all along. That it was a 'mercy' that he'd gone peacefully.

_Peacefully!_ There was nothing peaceful about being murdered by a friend. But was it really murder? Wasn't it merciful to end this, to stop his suffering? She laughed bitterly. Was he suffering or was it her? She didn't know. Did he feel anything? Did he _know_ what he'd become?

Oh god, oh god, oh god. What should I do?

She'd been around it and around it for days, weeks. Everyday she'd sit with him, talk to him, touch him – and every day she'd think that she had to end this, for him, not for her. If he – died – she'd miss him with every fiber of her being - but he would be at peace.

You have to do it Sam. For him.

She stood up slowly, and took her pillow. She then walked over to him. "I'm so sorry Jack." She laid her head beside his and rested her cheek against him. She listened to his soft breathing and imagined what it would be like to lie beside him – to be with him – when they were both healthy and strong. It had been her secret dream for years but that too was dead – dead alongside the man she cherished. "I'm sorry", she repeated as she stood up. She closed her eyes and took the pillow, knowing it was now – it was time to end this.

She lowered her shaking hands, knowing she would never forgive herself for doing this, but knowing she would never forgive herself if she didn't. Either way she was damned.

She didn't want to look, to see him staring, not blinking. She didn't want to remember him this way. But she knew that she owed him that. She could not do this with her eyes closed – the coward's way. No, look at him Sam. Look at him and say goodbye and then end his suffering.

With a shuddering breath she opened her eyes and slowly, slowly looked down – terrified to again see the vacant stare of one dead inside.

"I'm sorry", she whispered one more time. "Forgive me." She took a deep breath and went to lower the pillow when something – something small – caught her eye. What? She lowered her hands, dropping the pillow to the side.

"Oh my god", she whispered. Jack's eyes – they weren't staring straight up – they were looking at her. "Jack?" she whispered again, afraid that this was just a dream. "Jack, can you hear me?"

He didn't move, still didn't blink, but his eyes were looking at her. She moved slightly and almost gasped as his eyes tracked her movement. He was following her with his eyes. She experimented a few more times and he continued to follow her.

"Oh thank God", she cried, "You _are _in there! Jack, I'm here and you're going to be okay!" She suddenly collapsed onto her knees – grateful and relieved. She put her head on the mattress beside him and just sat there, for a long time.

It only came to her slowly – that she's almost murdered him. One more second and he would have been suffocating, dying, without being able to tell her. She started to breathe quickly – and soon was sobbing in anguish and fear. She'd almost killed him! What kind of a monster was she?

Feeling sick she stood up and ran to the basin under the window and lost her breakfast and lunch. She was shaking so badly she could barely stand. She wanted to run – to flee the room and never come back, but she couldn't do that. He relied on her – she was his only hope – and she had to stay and look after him.

If he only knew, she cried, he was being watched over by a monster who had almost killed him!

From that day on he continued to track her with his eyes anytime she was in the room. When she'd first walk in she'd see him staring at the ceiling but as soon as she was there his eyes didn't stop following her. It was slightly – disconcerting – although better, perhaps, than the blank stare. Except it was still blank, still lifeless and there appeared to be nothing behind those eyes – no life, no thoughts – nothing.

She had to stop thinking that way. He _had _improved and there was still hope. There had to be.

She continued to look after him, in all ways. She had managed to insert the tube into his nose and to his stomach. She'd felt sick doing it – but he had shown no reaction – and it had helped. Although still woefully thin, he had put on a bit of weight and no longer looked like a prisoner of war.

"You can't keep going like this Hannah", Henry told her the following week. "You're exhausting yourself. You never get outside or visit friends. You have to stop this."

Since she'd arrived she'd realized that some days Henry could be totally coherent and sharp as a tack. Other days – days when he was tired, or frustrated, his mind would wander and he'd refer to her as Hannah. There were other times when he'd call her by her correct name – but speak as if she were Hannah's daughter. In fact, she realized more and more that he was now convinced that that is who she really was. Somehow he'd decided that she'd found her way home.

She didn't have the heart to disabuse him of the thought. It seemed to give him great comfort. She'd been worried that Charlie would be angry but when she'd talked to him he'd simply shrugged.

"It gives him some pleasure", he'd said. "He's old and had a hard life. He lost everything that was important to him and if he can have some joy in his old age, who are we to take that away from him."

"But Charlie – I'm _not_ his granddaughter and I don't feel right about tricking him."

"You're not – tricking him, that is. You've been honest since the beginning. It's him that's tricking himself and I say we let him. Henry isn't young and his health hasn't been good for a while. Just let him enjoy what time he has left."

So she'd let it go and had tried to make Henry's life a little happier. When she wasn't sitting with Jack she did some cooking and baking – although it took a while to figure out the ancient stove! She also got out a bit and planted a garden. The men clearly enjoyed having a woman to cook for them – even though she had never claimed to be particularly good at it. Still, it was better than they had done for themselves.

She hadn't been to the small town of Mariscola yet, although she had met James. He's been by to try and convince Henry to sell to him. Although he'd been nice enough – friendly and kind – there was something about him that bothered Sam. She'd asked Charlie about him.

"Oh – he wants the ranch badly", he'd explained. "I don't quite know why. I mean, it's good grazing land, and we have more than one water source, but there's other land around that he could buy. I think Henry was going to sell to him before you showed up."

"Before -? But not now?"

"No – he figured he didn't' have anyone to leave the land to before – but now his granddaughter has shown up. I think he wants you to have it."

"_What_? Charlie, I'm _not his granddaughter_. I couldn't take the ranch. That's just – wrong."

"Why? Why is it wrong?" Charlie suddenly swung around on her. "Henry isn't going to be around that much longer. His health is failing a bit more every day. And then there's you and" he pointed upstairs, "him. What are you going to do when Henry goes? Do you have any money? Any one you can contact? No, I didn't think so. You're all alone, aren't you? Without Henry you'd be lost."

"But still", she said, "I can't pretend like that."

"Again – why not? You have everything to gain, and Henry has nothing to lose. The only person who will lose is James Manning – and believe me, he has enough money and power that one little ranch isn't going to make that much difference to him."

She thought about it for awhile but then put it out of her mind. Hopefully the Colonel would be better before then and they'd be long gone and home.

"SAY SOMETHING DAMN IT", she yelled. "Are you even in there Sir – Jack? Do you know who I am or what I'm saying? Maybe they're all right – maybe you are just a vegetable and I'm being stupid to keep hoping. Why don't you move – why don't you speak! God damn it Jack – I can't do this anymore!" She collapsed onto the floor, banging her fists against the wooden slats. She'd been looking after him for months. After the day he'd begun to move his eyes her hope had been renewed that he was getting better. Since then, nothing had changed and she was tired, exhausted. She never had a break, never went anywhere, saw anyone, did anything. Her life revolved around looking after him and nothing more. For the first time she began to resent it, to resent him – that, of course, brought a huge pile of guilt which, in turned, caused more resentment.

It wasn't his fault, she _knew_ it wasn't his fault. He was the victim, not her – so why did she feel so angry? She'd walked into the room, after eating a quick breakfast, and immediately had realized that he had to be cleaned and changed. Since she'd begun tube feeding him he was getting more calories, which in turn got his system to start moving better. That meant more changing. It was a task she dreaded, although again, she knew it wasn't his fault. It was natural and just something she had to cope with. Still she wasn't a nurse and this was just not something she'd ever thought she would have to do. It was as she was sponging him down – doing something so intensely intimate – that she had felt her anger grow. She wanted out. She wanted fresh air and people and laughter and – and technology and TV and pizza and Daniel and Teal'c. She had looked down at the thin, pale person who was once so vibrant and alive - and knew that was she really wanted was Jack.

"What is it? Hannah, what's wrong?" Henry hurried into the room and tried to pull her up from the floor. "What happened? Did he hurt you?"

She looked up – her hair hanging limply in her face – puzzled by his words. "Hurt me? Who?"

"Jack. Did he hurt you?"

Jack? Hurt her? "NO!" She pulled her arm away and struggled to her feet. "How dare you! Jack would never hurt me! I'm the one who – I'm – god, I'm a horrible person. He's lying there hurt and I'm thinking only of myself. What kind of woman am I?" She looked at the old man, lost and bewildered.

Henry looked at this young woman – the one he knew, in his heart, was his granddaughter, and reached over and pulled him into his arms. "C'mere", he said, and didn't understand the wail that greeted his words. "Don't worry, everything will be fine." He looked over at the bed and anger filled his heart at the man lying there. Somehow, he had to deal with this. He had to free his granddaughter from the prison in which she found herself. She deserved to live – to laugh and to love – not spend her life bound to a man who was nothing more than an empty shell.

"Don't worry Samantha. Things will get better soon – I promise."


	4. Changes

_**I'm at home, recuperating from mouth surgery so have been able to update quickly - I may not be able to do so quite so regularly after this weekend - sorry.**_

_**I know some of you are finding this story rather difficult - and for some it's hitting close to home. I'm sorry if any were disturbed or upset by the content - but please know things will get better and thank you all for your kind comments.**_

_**Finally - I'd like to acknowledge a great fan fic writer - Not a zatarc - for the inspiration behind this story. Her story Changes gave me the idea for mine. If you haven't yet read her work I would suggest you check out her stories. Changes and it's sequel are especially good. (oh and she's a great whumper!) Thanks**_

"You're going and that's final!" Henry told her sternly. "You spend all your time upstairs, looking after that, that -" he didn't continue, knowing that she'd kill him if he said what he was thinking. "with Jack. You need to get out and meet people, have fun. You'll enjoy the dance. There are lots of single men and they'll be glad to have a new dance partner."

"I can't leave him", she said softly, not looking up from her mending. "I have to be here and look after him."

"Hannah– ur Samantha, _I_ can look after him just fine. I'm not an imbecile – at least not yet. It'll give me something to do. You can feed him before you go. I'll stay in his room if you'd like. I can take my book and read in there. He'll be _fine_!"

She _so _wanted to go. Not because of the dance – she really couldn't care less about that – but she needed to get away, even if for a little while. She felt like she was suffocating and knew that, in the long run, it would be better for her and for Jack if she were to get away, even if only for a few hours.

"How would I get there?" she finally asked. She missed the look of triumph on Henry's face.

"Charlie will take you", he said. "He's planning to go. He's quite some dancer. He'll look after you and can bring you back when it's over. And I'll watch out for Jack, so you really have no excuse."

"I don't have anything to wear." Normally such a comment would be the typical cry of women everywhere who were planning on going to a special event. In her case it was true. She had a few skirts and blouses – mostly things that Charlie or Henry had managed to pick up on their travels into town. What she didn't have was anything good – anything for a party. She couldn't very well wear the dresses, most of which were too short, and she practically laughed to imagine everyone's reaction if she showed up in her BDU's. They were carefully tucked away in her drawer upstairs. She'd quickly realized that to fit in on this planet she'd have to act and dress like the women here, even though it galled her. She also _hated_ wearing the uncomfortable and highly impractical clothing.

"You can go into town and get something", Henry said, interrupting her thoughts. "Rebecca Townsend has a little dress-making shop. I'm sure she can whip you up something quickly."

"I don't – I can't-"

"I'll give you some money." He held up his hand as she went to speak. "I don't have anything to spend my money _on_", he told her. "Let me do this. It will give me pleasure to see my granddaughter having fun."

She'd long given up trying to convince him she wasn't his granddaughter, Hannah's daughter. As Charlie had said, he seemed to get some happiness out of believing her to be family. She sighed. "All right", she finally agreed, instantly to be filled with guilt.

"I'm sorry Jack", she told him as she put on her – hated – bonnet. "I'm just going into town to get a dress. I won't be gone long and Henry will look after you." She leaned down and gave him a kiss on his cheek. As always he followed her with his eyes, but didn't move or speak.

She smiled briefly at him and resisted the urge to apologize again. With one final look at him she turned and left the room. She just missed the small sound he made.

She had a lovely time that afternoon. She chatted to Charlie all the way to town and he told her some more about all the people in Mariscola and had her laughing – something she hadn't done in a long, long time. When they arrived he dropped her off at Rebecca's and told her he'd be back in two hours.

She found the young dressmaker to be a sweet and interesting person. She hadn't lived long in Mariscola – she was originally from the big city of Treesor – a couple of day's wagon ride away.

"I wanted to try something new", she explained. "I've always liked adventure – and so I decided to come out to the frontier."

"And you like it?" Sam asked.

"Mmm hmm", she nodded, then she grinned. "Well actually it's more the _people_ I like."

"They're friendly here?"

"Well – most of them. But – don't tell", she suddenly looked shy. "Stanley asked me to marry him. We're going to announce it at the dance."

"Oh – congratulations", she told the young woman. Stanley was the owner of the local mercantile and seemed like a nice young man.

"Thank you! We figure it will also be good for business", she explained. "I can open my dress shop right inside the mercantile and it should help increase business for both of us."

Sam had to laugh – it wasn't very romantic but the young couple were obviously thinking with their heads.

"What about you", Rebecca suddenly asked. "Do you have – someone?"

The smile instantly left Sam's face, although the other woman was pinning her hem and didn't notice. "I – not –"

"Oh", Rebecca sat back and looked horrified. "I'm sorry, I forgot about – I don't know his name."

"Jack, it's Jack", she told the other woman.

"Jack. I – I heard that he was injured. I hope he's okay?"

Sam laughed – a bitter sound. "No – I'm afraid he's not. He – he had a head injury and he's – well -"

"I know", Rebecca interrupted, "I'm so sorry", she said again. "It must be terrible for you. How do you manage to keep going? If anything happened to Stan I know I'd – I wouldn't want to go on."

"Some days I don't", Sam answered softly. "I – miss him so much. I wish you could have known him. He was – funny and kind and brave. He would sometimes drive me crazy but I always knew I could trust him to – keep me safe. I – he's not there anymore – even though I keep praying he'll come back to me."

"Stan says" she paused, "Stan says maybe it would be better if he were to –"

Sam looked up at her. "To -? To die? Is that what he says?"

"I'm sorry", Rebecca said, tears gathering in her eyes. "I didn't mean - he wasn't trying to be cruel. It's just we all feel so sorry for you and for him."

"No – it's okay. Some days I feel the same", she said quietly. "And then I hate myself for thinking that." She finally straightened up and took a deep breath. "I've taken enough of your time. Thank you so much for all your help. The dresses are going to be beautiful. I'll probably have Charlie stop and pick them up – unless I can come in again before the dance."

"It was so nice to have another woman to talk to", Rebecca told her. "I just hope I didn't offend you?"

"No, of course not", Sam smiled. "I – really have to go. I'm supposed to meet Charlie", she lied. She had to get out of here before she burst into tears.

She paid Rebecca a deposit for the dresses she'd ordered and then said goodbye. She still had an hour before Charlie was to have come for her. She looked down the street, shading her eyes, wondering what she should do. She noticed the small stream behind the town and decided to go there and sit for a while. She needed to gather herself together before seeing anyone else.

She'd been sitting for a few minutes, enjoying the peace and quiet of the afternoon, when she heard a sound and looked up. "Mr. Manning", she said, recognizing the man walking towards her. She went to stand but he motioned for her to stay seated.

"Please, call me James. I hope you don't mind", he said, smiling. "I saw you over here and thought how lovely you looked. I couldn't help myself – I had to come and say hello."

She smiled at him – she couldn't help but be slightly charmed and flattered. "Thank you", she answered. "I'm just sitting and waiting for Charlie to be done and then we'll head back to the ranch."

"May I?" he gestured to the space beside her.

"Of course."

After he'd sat down he turned to look at her. "How's Henry", he said with a frown.

"He's okay", she answered, "For a man of his age he's doing well."

"Mmm hmm", he replied, distractedly. "You know Samantha – can I call you that?" When she'd nodded he continued. "You know – if ever anything happens to him, you can always rely on me", he told her. "It's hard for a woman alone and I'd be glad to help out with the ranch – or with business – or anything you need. Never be afraid to ask."

"Thank you", she smiled, suddenly wondering why she'd been bothered by him before. He really was a nice man.

They stayed chatting for a while until she realized it was time to go. She had a sudden feeling of dread as she remembered the room at the top of the stairs. She'd enjoyed being out – except for the last few minutes with Rebecca – and she dreaded being stuck back inside. 'Forgive me Jack', she said silently. How could she be so selfish?

"Is something wrong?" James asked. "You suddenly looked rather sad."

"Oh – no. I'm just enjoying the day and am a little sad that it's coming to an end."

He looked flattered and she realized how her words must have sounded. She felt badly then – she really didn't want to lead the man on. As much as she had enjoyed her time, her heart was well and truly back at the ranch. Even though Jack was no longer here – he would always have her heart.

"Let me walk you back", he offered, holding out his hand to help her to her feet.

"You don't need to do that", she replied. "It's just a few feet."

"It's no problem, believe me", he told her. "I'll deliver you safely to Charlie. Uh – Samantha?"

"Yes?"

"Could I – would you mind if I came by and visited some time?" he asked.

She was about to refuse, about to tell him that she loved the man in the room at the top of the stairs, when something stopped her. Would it be so wrong? As long as he knew that she wasn't interested in any kind of a relationship, then would it hurt? She missed her friends – she missed Teal'c and Daniel and craved having someone – a brother – she could confide in - and Jack would never know.

"James", she started to say. "I – this has been nice but I – you have to understand that I – "

"Jack?" he asked. He knew the man's name from speaking with Henry.

"Yes", she answered. "We've – I'm his – there'll never be anyone else for me."

"I understand", he nodded. "But does that mean we can't be friends?"

"No – as long as you understand that's all we can be", she told him.

"Okay – if that's all I can have then", he held out his hand and took hers, "here's to friendship."

He accompanied her to the store, where Charlie was just finishing up his purchases. The hired hand looked startled to see James – and rather unhappy. "You ready", he asked Samantha.

They piled everything in the wagon and soon were headed back to the ranch. Neither of them saw or heard James as they pulled away.

"You're not going to keep me from what I want Jack, my boy. And I want Samantha!"

As soon as Charlie and Samantha had left, Henry made his way up to the room where the man – the vegetable – resided. He stood in the doorway and looked at him, disgusted by what he saw.

There was nothing there – it was obvious, he thought. The man just stared, he couldn't even piss on his own. Poor Samantha did nothing but look after him – months and months of caring for someone who should have died long ago.

He took a step closer to the bed – almost frightened by the still, corpse-like body of the man. Jack, he thought, a simple name. He wondered what the man had been like. Although Samantha spent all her time looking after him, she didn't really speak about him. He knew she had cared for him – but that's about all. He must have been a good-looking man when he was well, thought Henry, but now he was gaunt and pale and so very dead looking.

Yes, it would be more merciful for all of them if he truly died. Samantha could have a life and this man could finally be at peace. It was a good thing he was doing – a good and honorable thing. There would be no pain and the man could sleep, forever.

He'd thought about how he would do it. It had to be some way that would leave no marks, no telltale signs of violence. If it looked like he'd killed the man, Hannah would never forgive him and he'd lose his daughter all over again.

He took another step closer to the bed. The man still didn't move, didn't acknowledge him. See – that proved it – he was already dead, his body just didn't know it yet.

In the end he'd decided that the best way was poison. He had just the thing – and no one would ever know. He'd thought about suffocating him but didn't know if he had the strength. No – the best thing would be poison. He just had to add a bit to the jar that Samantha used to feed him. The poison would run through the tube into his stomach and he'd be dead in a matter of minutes. It could be a painful death – for someone who was conscious – but this man was already dead. He wouldn't feel a thing.

He stuck his hand – which was shaking terribly – into his pocket and pulled out a small vial. He looked at it for a few moments and then walked over to the bed. The stand with the jar was beside the bed – the tube running from it into Jack's nostril. She left it there most of the time – only taking it out to clean it occasionally. It was much easier to feed him this way, she'd explained, although it still bothered Henry. It just wasn't natural.

He slowly reached for the jar and took it down. Taking a deep breath, he pulled the cork out of the vial and held it over the jar. "It's better this way son", he said to the comatose man. He glanced down quickly and was disconcerted to see the man – Jack – staring at him.

No – it was just his usual stare. He wasn't – he couldn't be looking at him. He took another breath and dumped the poison into the jar. It would take a few seconds before it reached his stomach.

The unexpected sound made him drop the jar – which smashed on the floor. It also ended up pulling the tube part way out, although some of it remained in Jack. Henry looked down, to see the man looking at him, really looking at him. But he wasn't _just_ looking – he was also making sounds.

He wasn't making any sense – no words were coming from his mouth – but he was consciously making noise, trying to communicate. With a cry Henry reached down and yanked the tube all the way out. God – had he done it in time or had some of the poison reached Jack's stomach? He knew all he could do was wait and see.

"I'm so sorry", he whispered. He couldn't take Jack's eyes looking at him – or the sounds coming from his throat – anymore. He turned and fled.

The man in the bed lay there, staring at the door. He again made the sounds, although they grew softer and softer until they faded out completely. All that could be heard was the sound of a lone bird, perched in the tree outside the window. The man's eyes turned to that window and he listened – he listened until his eyes closed, and he slept.


	5. The Man Upstairs

"Get yourself up those stairs you damn fool!" Henry had been sitting for over an hour, thinking about the man lying on the bed upstairs and what he'd done. For all he knew, Jack could be dead already. He knew he had to find out before Samantha came home. If he was dead, if he'd killed him, he didn't know what he'd do – whether it was better to tell her the truth or to lie and say Jack had simply died in his sleep.

It wasn't himself he was worried about – no, it was her. No matter what he told her he knew she'd feel tremendous guilt. She'd blame herself for leaving him. He cursed again, wondering what had been wrong with him. He'd never killed a man before and felt both shame and disgust for what he'd almost done.

Still, there was the chance … "Get going", he told himself again. He knew he had to find out.

He walked slowly up the stairs, feeling every one of his eighty plus years. He was so tired and didn't really want to deal with anything anymore. Sarah was calling him and he wanted to go. All he had left to do was make sure Samantha was safe.

He walked up to Jack's room but stopped in the doorway. The man's eyes were closed and he wasn't moving – but that wasn't anything new. Henry knew he'd have to go closer, have to find out if Jack was still breathing.

He managed to force himself to approach the bed but stopped again. "God!" he cried softly. "Please let him be alive!"

As if in answer to his prayer, the still man's eyes opened. Henry almost fell over, his whole body becoming weak in relief. He managed to sit down on the end of the bed and then let his head drop into his hands.

He sat there, for how long he didn't know, until he heard a sound. A moment later it was repeated and he knew it was him – it was Jack. He lifted his head.

"I'm so sorry Son", he said. "You've not done anything and I – I almost killed you." He looked carefully then and could see that Jack was looking at him – directly at him. He could also see a thin trail of blood leading from one nostril. Damn, he must have hurt him when he yanked out the tube.

He looked around until he found a cloth and gently wiped the blood away. "You know, don't you", he whispered. "You know what I was trying to do. You're in there somewhere! Damn, but I wish you could talk."

Henry stood up slowly and moved over to the chair by the head of the bed. It was the one Sam spent hours in, talking to this man. "I wish I'd known you Jack", he said softly. Reaching out his hand he gently touched the other man's arm. "I figure you must have been a good man, a kind man. My Samantha wouldn't care for – love – anyone else. What did you do before this? Who were you?"

Henry knew he wouldn't get any answers. The man before him was trapped – trapped inside a damaged mind. Still, he felt curious. He wanted to know Jack, know what had made him the man he was or had been.

All the while he spoke Jack continued to watch him. This time his eyes weren't blank – but they weren't the eyes of someone who understood or was aware. All Henry could think was that they were the eyes of a small infant; trusting, curious, but not understanding.

For some reason the trust – and the stillness – of the man in the bed allowed him to open up like he had never done with anyone since his wife. He talked for hours, telling him about his life, the small joys and the great pains. He told him about losing his wife – "I wanted to die myself." And then he told about losing Hannah, about her running away. "It was my fault", he said. "When Sarah died, I didn't know what to do, how to care for a young girl. She was so lost, so alone, but I couldn't comfort her. I didn't know what to say so I lost her too."

He sat quietly, tears falling from his eyes. It had been many years since he had cried, but something in this man allowed him to grieve. Even though he knew it couldn't be so, he felt as if Jack would understand, would know how he felt.

"When I found you and Samantha – I knew God had forgiven me and had brought back my little girl. I look at her and I see my Sarah, my Hannah and I know I'm blessed. I just wanted her to have a chance Jack", he cried, again feeling the guilt over what he'd almost done. "I didn't want to hurt you – I only wanted her to be able to live, to find love. I know she loves you and –" He grew quiet, knowing he couldn't hurt this man anymore. If Jack loved her, the way she loved him, then he would feel pain and guilt for keeping her tied to him this way, that much Henry knew. He was pretty sure Jack would rather die than trap Samantha into this half-living existence.

Jack's eyes had closed and Henry figured he must have gone to sleep. He stood up slowly, his bones aching in tiredness. He patted the hand of the sleeping man. "I hope at least your dreams are good Jack", he said. "May God have mercy on you, for you surely need it." With one last look he hobbled slowly out of the room. It was growing dark and Samantha and Charlie would be home soon.

After he'd gone the room was quiet. Jack's eyes opened, and he looked at the empty chair beside him. A single tear threaded its way down his cheek.

* * *

"You look like you had a good time Samantha", Charlie said, looking at her as he drove the wagon towards home.

"I did. It was lovely talking to Rebecca. It's been a while since I spoke with another woman."

There was silence as they bumped over the rough track. Finally Charlie spoke. "Where did you come from?" he asked.

She glanced at him sharply, wondering what had brought this on. In all the many months they'd been here, neither Charlie nor Henry had asked. She'd wondered about it, until she realized that Henry didn't want to know. He wanted to believe that she was his granddaughter – and he didn't want facts to get in the way. Charlie had simply followed the lead of his employer.

"From far away", she answered. "From a place called earth", she said.

"Earth? I have not heard of a town called that. How many days travel is it?"

She laughed softly. "It's not a town", she explained. "It's a – land – a far off land. As for travel – I don't know how long it would take to get there. You see, Jack and I were kidnapped and left here. I wasn't conscious when we were brought here and Jack -" she didn't need to finish that sentence.

"Kidnapped?" Charlie asked, looking shocked. "Why? What happened?"

She sighed, wondering if she should be telling him this. But why not, she thought. What would it hurt? "Jack and I – and two others – were explorers", she told him. "We were looking at a – site, where people had once lived. We thought there was no one there but suddenly a group of men appeared and they attacked us. We ran – trying to get to safety. My other friends made it but Jack – he was our leader – he stayed at the back to protect us and he was wounded and fell. I ran back to him and we were both captured."

"The wound – it is what caused him to be -" he trailed off, glancing at her in sympathy.

"No – no, it wasn't bad. You saw it – it was the burn on his back. No, the men who captured us were vicious and decided the Col – Jack – was to be punished. The one in charge hurt him then, causing a terrible head injury. I was then knocked unconscious. When I woke up we were in a different place – in the dessert. We would have died if Henry hadn't found us."

"That is terrible", he said. "We should tell the sheriff so he can look out for these men."

"I'm pretty sure they are not from around here."

"Your friends – the ones who escaped – will they not look for you."

She didn't know whether to laugh or to cry at his question. "Oh yeah – they'll look. The problem is, I don't think they know where _to_ look."

"Maybe they will find you soon", he told her, to try and give her some hope.

"I hope so." Sam watched as the miles fell away, taking them closer to the ranch. She thought about the fact that they'd been here for over six months now and she hadn't even looked for the gate. She'd been consumed with Jack and hadn't been able to leave him. Maybe now was the time to see if she could find it and get them home.

"Charlie?" she asked.

"Mmm hmm?"

"I'm wondering – I need to find something and I'd like to ask for your help."

"Of course", he told her. "You know I'll do anything I can. What do you need to find."

"Thank you", she smiled at him, thinking what a dear man he was. She'd come to think of him as a friend, appreciating his kindness and his loyalty to Henry. "I'm looking for a circle", she told him, almost laughing at his expression. "It's a big, stone circle with symbols on it. If I can find it I can get home", she explained.

"I see – and you want to go home? You do not like it here?"

"No – it's not that Charlie. You and Henry have been so kind, but I miss my life – my friends, my family. We don't belong here", she explained. "Do you know of a circle like that?" she asked.

"No – I have never seen such a thing." He suddenly frowned. "But I do recall someone – I can't remember who – talking about something like that. But it was many years ago and I don't believe he said where it was."

"Really? Do you remember exactly what he said?"

Charlie drew the reins and stopped the horses. He then sat there, trying to remember. "It was many years ago", he said again. "I was over in Tukelee, selling some cattle, when I stopped in at the local bar. There was a man there", he squinted as if trying to bring him into focus. "He was telling about getting lost and coming across this giant circle. He said he'd gone up to it and touched it and if felt like stone." He stopped again. "Then – he said something happened."

"What?" she asked, after he'd been silent for too long.

"He said – let me think – he said it had started to turn and to light up. He'd grown frightened because there was nothing else around so he ran off and hid. He told me he'd watched as the circle spun and -and what he said next made me realize he was drunk!" Charlie snapped the reins and clicked his tongue. They began to move.

"What? Charlie, tell me what he said."

He glanced at her and frowned. "Surely you don't believe this?" he asked. "It was just a man's fantasy – probably from too much liquor!"

"No – no it wasn't Charlie. I've seen the circle do the same thing, many times. Please, tell me what he said."

He sighed and shook his head. "Okay – although it's crazy. He said that there was a noise and a sea of water came shooting out and then went back. The circle was filled with this water – which is impossible", he told her, "as it was standing straight up."

"Charlie!"

"Okay, okay. He watched this standing water, when suddenly people began to come out of it. There were ten men, all dressed in clothing like he'd never seen before. He told me he was frightened because they looked bad – mean bad. He stayed hidden until they'd gone and then he'd hot-footed it out of there."

"Did he say where this was?" she asked, more excited than she'd been in a long, long time.

"No – he didn't and even if he had, I wouldn't let you go there. He said it was evil, that the men were evil."

"Probably", she said. "I expect they may have been the ones who kidnapped us."

"But what does this circle have to do with you or them?"

"I think that's how we were brought here!" She thought for a few more seconds. "I know this doesn't make sense Charlie. I know I must sound crazy. But it's all true and I need you to help me look for it."

He considered her for a few moments and then finally nodded. "Okay", he agreed. "Although I can only do it after my work is finished."

"Of course. And thank you." She leaned over and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. "You're a good friend Charlie.

They arrived a short time later at the ranch and Sam said 'thank you' again and jumped down quickly. She wanted to run into the house but forced herself to stop, to move sedately. She could trust Henry and didn't want to make it look like she was worried.

It was dark now and the hallway was lit only with a small lamp. She went to hurry up the stairs when Henry's voice stopped her.

"He's okay", he said. "He's sleeping."

She turned to the old man who was sitting in his rocking chair, in front of a softly burning fire. There were no lights on in the parlor, the only illumination coming from the fireplace.

"So everything went okay?" she asked. She still wanted to rush up stairs – but she owed Henry enough to stay and talk to him for a moment.

"Everything's fine, although I broke his feeding jar. I took out the tube and I'm afraid I hurt him a bit. I didn't mean to."

"Oh." She looked towards the stairs, worried now.

"Go on – go see him. When you're sure he's okay, come back down. I want to speak with you."

She nodded, wondering what was going on, although she was more concerned with Jack right now. She gave Henry a quick smile and then headed up the stairs, wishing she wasn't wearing skirts so she could take them two at a time.

"Jack?" She walked into his room and saw that he was awake. He was watching her like always. It was at times like these that she almost thought she saw some life in his eyes – but knew it was the trick of the flickering light from the lamp. She went up to him and looked him over carefully. He looked fine. She could see the feeding tube lying on the table beside him and decided she'd deal with it in the morning, when she had more light. For now she carefully held him up and offered him some water. If she was slow and careful, he could drink this way.

When she was done she laid him back gently and stroked his head. She then spent the next few moments telling him about her day, although for some reason she left out the part about James. She did tell him about the gate though. She almost expected some reaction to that – why, she didn't know. She scolded herself for her disappointment when nothing happened.

"So, I'm going to go out with Charlie and see if we can find the Stargate and get us both home." She stood up and straightened out his covers. "Henry wanted to see me Jack. I'll check in again before bed. You rest now." She turned down the lamp and walked slowly to the door. "Sweet dreams", she whispered softly, although she didn't know if he even had those any more.

"You wanted to speak with me?" she asked Henry. She sat down slowly on the settee, tired after her day in town. She suspected it was more emotional rather than physical exhaustion as she was certainly used to doing much more than going shopping and for a dress fitting. "I got a couple of dresses and spent a nice time with Rebecca", she told the old man. "She's nice. It was good to talk to another woman", she repeated what she had told Charlie.

"I'm glad", Henry said. He didn't say anything more for a few moments and she began to wonder if something was wrong.

"What is it Henry?" she finally asked.

"Jack", he said quietly. "Tell me about him."

She looked at him in surprise. "What?"

"Tell me about Jack", he repeated. "You never say anything about him and I'd like to know. I'd like to know what kind of man he was, what he did. Does he have family, friends? Where is he from? Tell me everything."

"Why?" she asked carefully. "Why do you want to know?"

"Because – because I sat with him today and realized that he _is_ a person and he deserves to not be forgotten or ignored. Oh, I know you'll never do that but – I owe it to him", he told her, although he didn't explain.

She simply nodded and then began to speak. "He is – was – a very special person", she told him. "One moment you wanted to hit him, he could be so irritating, the next you wanted to hug him. He could be maddening, and funny and sweet and scary – and you could always trust him. He'd give his life for those he cared about – and even for those he didn't know. He hated injustice more than anything and he hated when the strong hurt those who were weak, or innocent or young. He loved children and puppies and knew how to be happy, even when life had consistently hurt him. He was a strong man, and a gentle man – and he was my friend."

She went on then and told the old man stories – stories of the Jack she'd gotten to know over the last few years. She kept them to things he would understand and didn't talk about space or aliens or modern life on earth. She told him human stories – things which he would understand and relate to. She told him about Jack.

Later that night, as she lay in her bed, she wept into her pillow. Tonight had been healing, but it had also been hard. For some reason, telling Henry had allowed her to find some peace – and also to begin to let go, just a little. Oh, she would always love him and would continue to care for him as long as he needed her, but she finally knew that she had to give herself permission to live again. For the man she'd described, the man she'd told Henry about, would not want her to stop living.


	6. Movement

_**I just wanted to warn everyone that the angst in the story will continue for a while - so please be prepared. Things will not happen overnight - but there is hope ahead.**_

"Well Jack", Henry said as he came and sat beside the man in the bed. "Samantha is off gallivanting around again. She says she wants to see some of the countryside so you've got me today. I know I'm not near as good looking so I hope you'll put up with me!"

Over the past few weeks Henry had spent more and more time in the room upstairs, talking quietly to the man there. He felt like he'd gotten to know the other man, although that was rather foolish as Jack had as yet to say a word. Still, Samantha had told him many things about him and spending time here made him feel close to the unmoving man.

He spent the next hour chatting away to him, telling him stories from his own youth and childhood. Somehow he figured Jack would relate to the young imp he'd been. He'd been a trial to his parents alright, but they'd loved him dearly. He felt sad when he thought of them. They'd been gone for years now but he still missed them. He had a sudden yearning to see them again.

Henry was thinking more and more of those he had lost – and more and more he wanted to rest, to be with his loved ones again. Other than the time he spent in this room or with Samantha, he had no interest in this world anymore. He knew it was time to let go. His time on this world was almost done.

"This will be the last time I visit Jack", he told him. "I'm going away after this. I'm going to see my wife, my Sarah. I miss her. I'm also gonna see Hannah and give her a hug and ask her to forgive me. I'll tell her I've looked after her daughter for her." He patted Jack's hand and smiled when the other man looked at him with his eyes. "You're in there, I know you are Jack. I just wish you'd figure out a way to come back to us. Samantha is going to need you soon."

He sat quietly for a few more moments. "She won't be alone though", he told Jack, "so I don't want you to worry. Charlie is here and he'll watch out for her. He loves her you know. Yup - I don't think she knows though. She thinks of him as a friend, and he's okay with that – for now. But I suggest you get off your behind if you don't want to lose her. Eventually she'll need someone. She's not a person who should be alone. She needs love Jack – love and life and children. The sooner you figure out how to get off the bed the better you'll all be!"

Henry stood up and moved over and sat on the bed beside the man who he now considered a friend. "You listen Jack. I left the ranch to Samantha – well, everything except what I've given to Charlie. He's been with me a long time and deserves something too. When I die she'll have the house and the land so she'll be fine. Charlie will look after her, like I said, and I think James will too. He's sweet on her as well. So you see Jack, you have lots of competition – but at least you'll know there are people out there who will care for her."

He rested his hand on Jack's shoulder. "You take care of yourself, okay? I want you to get better because now isn't your time. I don't want to see you again for many, many years!" He got up slowly, stiffly and walked to the doorway. At the last moment he turned back. "Thank you Son", he said. "It's been an honor to know you. You're a good man Jack – don't you ever forget it."

The next morning Sam got up and spent her usual time getting Jack bathed and changed. She got the feeling that something was wrong with him – but since he couldn't move or speak she had no idea what it was. "I wish you could tell me what's wrong", she sighed as she readjusted his covers. "I'm just going to go down and get breakfast for Henry and then I'll be back. Would you like the window open? It's a beautiful morning this morning." She walked over and opened the curtains and lifted the window, allowing a fresh breeze to come in.

She spent the next half an hour fixing Henry's favorite breakfast of pancakes and bacon. She'd noticed that he was looking rather pale and thin lately. She needed to fatten him up.

The pancakes were done and were waiting for him. She was surprised she hadn't heard him yet. He still tended to get up early, even though he didn't need to any more. He'd stopped doing anything around the ranch weeks ago. She supposed it was just the habit of a lifetime that made him rise with the sun.

She served herself and ate quickly, wanting to get back up to Jack. She was still worried that something was bothering him – although she supposed that was silly. She didn't think he was really aware enough or capable of worrying about anything.

Before she went to see Jack she stopped at Henry's room and knocked on the door. "Hey sleepyhead", she called. "Breakfast is ready when you are." She waited a few moments but there was no reply. "Henry? Are you awake?" Still nothing. She began to grow nervous. "Henry?"

She put her ear to the door but there was no sound. Maybe he was outside? He could have gotten up early to go for a short walk, although that was something he hadn't done for weeks either. "Forgive me Henry", she said as she opened the door. She hoped she wouldn't frighten him by walking in.

It took her a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. The curtains were still drawn. She could tell that he was still in bed however, so she walked over slowly, to make sure he was okay.

"Henry? Are you still sleeping?"

She didn't know what it was that made her realize. Maybe it was that he was too still – or maybe she could tell his vibrant life was no more. She took a sudden breath. "Oh – Henry!" She rushed to the bed and reached out a hand. All it took was one touch to know he was gone. His cheek was ice cold – and his body was unmoving.

"No!" she cried. She felt his neck, just to make sure, although she knew there was no point. It was only then that she realized. In his hand was a black and white photo of a woman and young child – Sarah and Hannah. She looked again at his face and saw he wore a small smile. He'd gone to be with the woman and child he loved.

She couldn't help the tears, the sadness that came over her. This man had saved them, had offered them refuge and love. She knew he was now in a better place, that he had grown tired and that he had wanted to go, to give up this life. But still, she was going to miss him. She had learned to love him as if he really was her grandfather.

"I love you Henry", she told him, gently stroking his hair. "Thank you!" She reached down and kissed him and then went to find Charlie. He'd be heartbroken.

It was a while before she realized she hadn't been in to see Jack since before breakfast. Damn! She'd never forgotten him like this before. "I have to check on Jack", she told Charlie. She'd spent quite a bit of time with the hired man. She had been right, he was devastated. Henry had been like a father to him.

Charlie nodded. "I'll – get him cleaned up and changed into his suit", he said, referring to Henry. "He'd want to look his best. I'll go into town then and let the preacher know. We can have the funeral tomorrow."

"Where - ?"

"Here", he said. "Right beside Sarah. She's buried down by the stream – it was her favorite place. The ladies of the town will bring food and everyone will come. Henry was well-liked", he told her.

She agreed – it hadn't taken long for her to realize just how much he was liked and respected by the town's people. She'd spent more time there lately – and had realized that she had been made welcome largely because of their respect for the old man.

She left Charlie then – alone with the body of his employer and friend, and went down the hall to see Jack. "I'm sorry Jack", she told him as she entered. "It was – something happened", she sniffed. "Are you okay? I'll get your food right away, you're probably hungry." She didn't actually know if he _got_ hungry – or if he could even feel such things as hunger - but she usually tried to speak to him as normally as possible.

She spent the next few minutes tidying up in his room and generally chatting away to him. She didn't want to break down so she avoided looking at him. Even though she was sure he couldn't really tell what she was feeling, there was something about him looking at her that made her want to keep her eyes turned away. The Colonel had always been able to read her, even when she tried to hide how she was feeling. She had this strange feeling that he could still do so.

"I'll just go and get your food –" a sudden sound startled her. She looked around, wondering what it could be. It was only when she heard it again that she realized. It was coming from Jack.

"Jack!" She flew over to his side and looked at him. "Was that you?"

He made the sound again. It was something between a moan and a cry. It was then that she looked at him – really looked at him. His eyes were focused on hers and – there was recognition there. Not only that – there were tears. He was crying.

"Jack! Oh my God! You're there – you're still there!", she whispered. She waited for something more – for him to suddenly blink and begin talking. Of course he didn't – she hadn't really expected him to. Still it was something, even though she was sure he still didn't understand her words. He _was_ better – but still was not the man she'd known. It was only then that the fact that he was crying got through to her. At least, she had to assume it was crying and not some autonomic response.

"What's wrong Sir?" She leaned over and took him in her arms, half lifting him up so that she could cradle his head against her shoulder. "What is it? Oh, I wish you could tell me." As the tears rolled out faster she tried to soothe him. "Don't cry, please don't cry."

He whimpered again and she laid him back down. He continued to look at her – but it was no longer the blank stare of the past many months. She could tell he was trying to communicate, trying to let her know what it was.

"I wish I knew what you were trying to say", she cried. She watched him carefully and saw his eyes move over to the right. They kept repeating the movement until she finally understood he wanted her to look at something. She followed the direction of his eyes but couldn't see what – "oh", she said softly. He was looking at the book Henry had left. The old man had gotten in the habit of coming up each night to read to Jack. Sam had been touched and had enjoyed watching him as he sat in the chair by the bed, softly reading the words she knew Jack couldn't understand.

"Henry's book? Is that what you're looking at?" She watched him but he didn't respond, he just kept looking at it. She walked over and picked up and returned to sit on the bed. "Jack, Henry is –he -" The tears suddenly began to flow. "Oh Jack – he's dead. He died in the night." She leaned forward and put her head on his chest and cried her heart out. "He was ready to go – I know that – but I'm going to miss him", she sobbed. Somehow, losing Henry had brought up all the pain and anguish of the last six months. She cried, not just for Henry, but for Jack and for Charlie and for herself.

It was only when she lifted her head, feeling embarrassed, that she looked again at the Colonel. She laughed softly – she hadn't thought of him that way for a long time and this was twice in one morning. Still – for some reason, right now it seemed appropriate. "I'm sorry Sir – I didn't mean to blubber all over you!"

She tried to smile and looked again into his eyes – and took a sudden sharp breath. He'd known! That was what was wrong this morning. He'd somehow known about Henry and he'd been unable to tell her! "How did you know Jack?" she whispered. Of course she got no answer – not even a sound. "Damn it, I wish you could talk!"

The next day it was as if the whole town of Mariscola had descended on the ranch. All the women, for miles around, brought their food, their husbands and their children. If it hadn't have been such a solemn occasion it would almost have seemed like a town picnic.

They buried Henry next to Sarah – down in a shady spot under some trees by the stream. The preacher said a few words, prayed, and it was over. For the rest of the afternoon people shared stories of Henry - while laughing and crying - and she found out again what a good man he really was. He'd helped many of the people in the town and on the surrounding ranches. He'd done so quietly, humbly – and he was well-loved.

"Samantha, if you have time now, I thought we could go into the house and read the will. I'll need Charlie too", John Murrow the town's lawyer came up behind her and spoke gently. "It won't take long and this way we'll get it over with."

"Oh – okay", she replied, wondering why she was included. She followed him to the house and found Charlie waiting.

"It concerns – uh Jack – as well, but I understand he's not well enough to come down?" John asked carefully.

"No", she said, puzzled. "He's not. Uh – what's this about?"

She was to find out soon afterward. It turned out that Henry had left the farm to her – along with half of the herd and a substantial amount of money. He'd been generous with Charlie too – leaving him the remainder of the herd, a small house in town and money enough to keep him comfortably for the rest of his life.

Sam was shocked when the lawyer announced that Jack was to receive something too. Henry had left him his book collection – some money – and the house. Under the terms of the will he was to be under the care of Samantha and was to be cared for as she saw fit.

Sam shed a few tears when she heard all the provisions in the will. She told the lawyer that everything should have gone to Charlie – but neither he _nor_ Charlie would hear of her trying to change the terms.

"Look Samantha", John told her. "He wanted you to have it. It made him happy and Charlie did just fine. He never planned to leave everything to him anyway and Charlie knew that. Henry had planned to leave most of it to the town – instead he left it to you."

By the time everyone had gone home Sam was so tired she was ready to collapse. Everything had been tidied up by the time they left so all she had to do was check on Jack one last time before heading to bed. She'd looked in on him periodically throughout the day but hadn't had any time to stay and talk with him.

When she got there he was awake – not only that, he was looking at her. And this time, it wasn't just his eyes. He'd actually turned his head – he'd moved! "Jack!" she smiled. "You moved! Can you do it again?"

Of course he didn't respond. He didn't know what she was saying. Instead she tried to pantomime what she meant. After a couple of seconds he turned his head – just like she had done.

"Good for you!" she cried. She bent over and kissed his cheek. "Good bo- ur good man!" She frowned, wanting to kick herself. No matter what he was like, he was no boy. She didn't know where that had come from!

Over the next few weeks life settled back into a pattern. She missed Henry and suddenly she was responsible for the things that were happening on the ranch. Fortunately she had Charlie, who continued to oversee everything. She was grateful for him and trusted him completely.

As for Jack – well that was a small miracle. After the day of the funeral he had slowly started to show some improvement, although he still didn't respond directly to anything she said. She had realized that in most ways he was just like a small baby. He responded to certain stimuli, could make small, uncoordinated movements and could verbalize – but he was still unable to truly communicate. He couldn't sit up on his own, although she started to prop him up with pillows for a certain amount each day. She also continued to move him around as much as possible, as bed sores continued to be a real problem.

For some strange reason – although she was grateful to see improvement after so long - it was almost harder now than it had been before. The small improvements had given her some hope – but he was still a long, long way from normal and, in fact, this highlighted even more how badly he'd been damaged. While he was lying still and quiet she could sometimes allow herself to believe he was simply trapped inside an unmoving body. Now however, she knew that mentally he was not the man he'd been. He was a baby, trapped in a man's body.

What made it even harder was she discovered – or maybe just had it reaffirmed - that Jack O'Neill could be damned stubborn – even when he was mentally the age of an infant. She wondered briefly if he'd been like this as a child. If so, he must have driven his mother crazy.

It was about a month after Henry's funeral when things really began to change – no pun intended. She went into his room and sighed. He had to be changed _again_. She really had to stop giving him so much oatmeal. She got the basin and soup, the cloths, towels and 'diapers' and moved them beside the bed. She pulled down the covers and reached for the bottom of his night shirt. The next thing she knew, a hand had come out and weakly pushed hers away.

She sucked in a lungful of air. "Sir?" she asked. When nothing happened she moved his hand away and again reached for his nightshirt. Again, his hand stopped her. "Sir? What are you doing?"

He made the sound he only ever made when he was distressed. She hated this sound – but it was very affective. "Okay, I wish you could tell me what was going on."

He made that sound again and looked down. "Is it something to do with being changed?" she asked. Of course, as usual, he didn't answer. "Well, here it goes. Let's try this again and see what happens."

She reached for a third time and this time he screeched at her and pushed her hand away as fiercely as he could, his movements uncoordinated, but effective for all that.

"All right – I get the idea you don't want me to change you." she said, with a sigh. She didn't get an answer, but she hadn't expected one. "So what are we going to do Sir?" she asked. "You certainly can't stay like this!"

She watched him for a few more minutes and discovered that his eyes kept moving. It was when he seemed to be getting even more distressed, or frustrated, that she got it. "Are you – do you mean the _chamber pot_ Sir?" she finally asked, realizing that he was looking at the wash stand, where it was generally kept. She'd used it a few times for dirty rags when there'd been a particularly – messy change.

He didn't move or respond to her question so walked over and pulled out the pot. "Is this what you mean?" she asked, showing him.

He made a soft sound – the one he used when he seemed to like something. "Okay", she sighed. "You want to use the chamber pot rather than wearing diapers? Well, that's certainly okay by me, although I really don't know how we're going to manage that. You can't exactly do it by yourself since you can barely move."

She sighed again and pushed her hand through her ever lengthening hair. "I guess we'll figure it out somehow. In the meantime Sir – Jack – I _am_ going to have to change you. You're rather – rank and you'll get sore if we leave you."

She put down the pot and gently explained this to him as she tried to lift his nightshirt again. "Damn it Jack! You have to let me do this. I will _not_ leave you like this!" She knocked aside his hands and pulled up the shirt, only to again hear his sounds of distress.

She could feel herself want to break down and cry. What did he want her to do? She couldn't deal with this anymore. She was looking after a 6'2" infant and she – just – couldn't! She sat back on the edge of the bed and covered her face with her hands. In the background she could hear him make soft noises – no longer of distress – although she didn't know what they meant.

Eventually she took a deep breath and turned around, only to find him looking at her – almost apologetically. "I know Sir", she said softly. "This has to be terrible for you. I just hope you're not really in there otherwise this would surely be hell. Please Jack – let me do this? Afterward we'll figure something else out, okay?"

He made a soft sound and she could almost believe he'd nodded, although she was pretty sure that was a trick of her imagination. She reached out slowly and touched his nightshirt. This time he didn't move but allowed her to lift it up and begin the process of cleaning him. She only looked up once – to see that his eyes were closed and there was a trail of tears on his cheeks. She wanted to cry herself.

Later that afternoon, while Jack was sleeping, she went and got Charlie and told him her problem. They talked about it for a while – she couldn't believe she was actually discussing this with someone – and finally came up with a solution – they hoped.

As Sam made her way back inside she decided it was time to really work with Jack – to see if she could get him up and moving. Using the chamber pot was a first – and big – step.

From that day on, with Charlie's help, Jack began to do more for himself. There were still a few accidents – and Sam thanked heavens for the rubber sheet – but eventually he was able to control himself much better. He still couldn't do it alone, but she'd rigged up a bell with a string by his hand and he'd ring it when he needed the pot. It only became difficult when Charlie was out on the range for long periods of time and wasn't available to help him.

Sam hated those times as Jack grew quite angry. She would try and explain to him and offer to help but he'd usually end up throwing a tantrum. She knew, she understood that it had to be terribly frustrating, but it wasn't her fault!

Everything finally came to a head one day when he was complaining – vocalizing loudly – because he was angry that Charlie wasn't available. He began to thrash around and managed to knock things, including a lamp, off his night table. Sam desperately tried to stop him, to soothe him, but he was having no part of it. Frustrated, angry, at the end of her patience, she stood up.

"ENOUGH!" she yelled. "Stop this right now Jack! You are acting like a spoiled brat. I'm leaving and when you've decided to control yourself I'll come back. I do _not_ have to put up with this anymore. Contrary to how it may look, I am _not_ your damned mother!" With those words she stormed out of his room, slamming the door behind her.

Of course, she stayed in the hallway and listened carefully. Regardless of how angry she was, there was no way she'd leave him to hurt himself. She heard a few muted sounds – Jack verbalizing – and then nothing. The silence continued for a long time and she decided he must have fallen asleep. With a sigh, she rubbed her eyes and decided to go outside, to get some fresh air and maybe go look at the animals.

The man in the bed stayed totally still until he heard the footsteps move away. He then began to move. The movements were slow, uncoordinated, but they were intentional.

It took a long time and he was sweating profusely by the end of it, but he managed to roll onto his side and get his legs over the side of the bed. It was an awkward and uncomfortable position – but the man had a small grin on his face. He'd done it all by himself!

He continued to move, taking short rests every few moments. He eventually got into position and then moved his arms and attempted to leverage himself upright. Of course, after months of not moving, his muscles had atrophied and he was as weak as the proverbial kitten. He managed to push himself up by no more than a few centimeters, but almost immediately collapsed back down. He made a small sound – angry at himself – but tried again.

He kept trying, not getting very far, but he wouldn't give up. He had few thoughts – his mind was still mostly a blank – but he knew enough that he had to do this – for her. He had to prove he could – and he would.

By this time a couple of hours had passed and he was exhausted and shaking. His back and legs had cramped and he had been unable to do more than twist his body into an unnatural position. He whimpered, angry and frustrated. Closing his eyes he decided to give it everything he had. He pushed, with arms that were weak as a child's but he refused to stop.

Suddenly, the momentum of even his small push overbalanced him completely and he went crashing to the floor, bringing the covers with him. He ended up on his face, legs and arms tangled in blankets and sheets.

He made a small sound. Any who could have seem him would have expected fury, or frustration or despair. Instead, the sound coming from him was one which hadn't been heard in many months. Jack was laughing. He'd done it. He'd moved and done something on his own – not a planned for result – but it was _his. _Of course, he didn't think these things – he couldn't, he could only feel, and he felt like he'd accomplished something, for himself.

He'd also had a picture flash through his mind suddenly, of something - something like this. He saw someone –a large man with a dark face – lift him when he'd fallen before. The picture brought a sense of peace – and hope – to a mind damaged almost beyond repair.


	7. Footsteps

_**Thank you for all your lovely reviews and for those of you adding me to your alert list. As always I truly appreciate them - and they keep me writing.**_

_**Unfortunately I am off for the next three days on a working retreat and won't have access to internet - so I'll be unable to post new chapters. I will keep writing however, so should be able to post quickly later in the week. And don't worry - I am still working on The Rescue and I will return to my other stories. I never leave them unfinished.**_

_**Thanks all - and I'll 'be back' in a few days.**_

She heard the loud 'thud' just as she walked in the house. She froze for a second and then took off running. Rather than worry about her skirts she just hitched them up and practically leapt up the stairs.

"Jack!" she called, sick that something bad had occurred. She threw open his door and heard a strange sound. Oh god, what had happened? Where was he?

Just then she realized that the covers were off the bed and the sound was coming from the floor on the other side. She hurried over to see him lying tangled in the covers. It was _Jack_ who was making the strange sounds. She knelt down to make sure he was okay. It was then she realized. He was laughing.

"Jack?" she said in wonder. Why? Why was he laughing? At that moment he turned his head to look at her and she gasped. It had been so long since she had seen him look – happy. He was smiling and had a look of – accomplishment shining from his eyes. She frowned, wondering why in the world he would be happy over falling out of bed.

As soon as she frowned he stopped laughing, disturbed by her expression. She noticed and quickly smiled. "I don't know what happened Jack", she said, "but as long as your happy, I'm happy."

He frowned slightly, not understanding, but after a few seconds, when she continued to smile, he allowed himself to relax. He gave her a small grin but he was startled to see the tears gather in her eyes. He managed to get one arm out from the covers and reached out slowly. Gently, carefully, he touched her cheek where one tear had managed to escape.

"It's okay Jack", she said. "I'm just happy – these are happy tears."

He nodded – not understanding but wanting to make her feel good. That's all he cared about. He somehow knew that she was sad when around him and he needed to change that. Again, he didn't understand and certainly couldn't articulate why that was, he just knew it was important.

"Okay, I guess we'd better get you back to bed", she said finally. "I don't know how you got here but I have a feeling it's going to be even harder to get you back." She sighed and began to pull the covers out from under him and to untwist them from around his legs. "I'd better get Charlie to help me."

He made a sound which she instantly knew meant he wasn't happy. For some reason – she didn't know why – he didn't like Charlie. Oh, he tolerated him but that was about all. And, although he hadn't said anything, she was pretty sure that Charlie felt the same way about Jack.

Men! Sometimes they could act so childish around each other, she thought. She practically laughed at that. In fact Jack _was_ a child – a big one, but a child nevertheless. So, she supposed she could forgive him his little dislikes. She was less tolerant of Charlie's attitude but knew there was no point in saying anything to him. "Okay, I won't get Charlie – at least not now", she elaborated when he began to grin. "If I can't get you up then I will have to."

It took a few minutes, and lots of sweat, but eventually they made it. She was surprised at the fact that Jack actually helped. It wasn't much but she could tell he was starting to get some muscle control back.

"Hmm", she said, looking at him closely. "I think we're going to have to get you up and moving. It would be better for you – and would certainly make all our lives easier."

So started the new project; getting Jack out of bed. She was quite surprised at how cooperative he was about the whole thing. It wasn't easy for him as he was weak, especially down the left side of his body, and still uncoordinated. She knew he got frustrated, but most of the time he just persevered.

By the end of four weeks he could sit up by himself and even stand for a few minutes. She knew he wanted to try more but she was very strict. "The last thing we want to do Jack", she explained, as if he could understand, "is try too much too soon. That's just going to make it harder in the long run. You don't want to hurt yourself."

He stared blankly at her and then smiled. She sighed, since she knew his smiles – which came more readily now – didn't mean he understood. He still reminded her of a baby who responded with smiles to the people around them – but didn't have a clue what was being said.

She was saddened by the fact that his physical improvement didn't seem to be accompanied by any verbal or mental change in his condition. She'd come to accept that he was as good as he was going to get. Oh, she hoped he could gain more control of his body – but other than that she was sure he was going to spend the remainder of his life with the mental age of a small child. She hated the thought but kept telling herself that at least he appeared happy now. He probably had no idea, no remembrance of who he'd been. She hoped that was the case because it was by far the most merciful reality.

As for her feelings for Jack - she no longer thought of him as 'Sir' or 'Colonel' – they'd slowly undergone a change. Oh, she still loved him, but now it was the love of a mother for a child. She no longer dreamed about him as a man – someone she could share her life with. No, he was someone who she had to look after, to care for, because he would always be special to her – but she no longer loved him.

She had been seeing James off and on for a few weeks. It was nothing serious – not yet – but she knew he was interested. He was a kind and intelligent man, although she hated the thought that she couldn't share her past life with him. She so desperately wanted to be able to talk about things she loved and knew, but had to keep her conversation to the mundane. Still, it was calming and healing to be with a man – a man, not a child in a man's body – who found her attractive and interesting.

He'd begun stopping by the house, at first offering to help her and give her any advice as she tried to learn about being a rancher. Eventually he'd stopped even giving those excuses.

"I came by to see you", he'd simply say. He'd sometimes bring her small things – oh, nothing elaborate. Sometimes it was wild flowers, sometimes fruit from the store in town, sometimes simple ribbons for her hair. The gifts weren't big enough to get worried about but they did touch her.

James had not met Jack as yet as she felt somehow nervous about introducing them. She didn't know if she was worried for James – or for Jack. She somehow suspected, although she didn't know why, that they wouldn't like each other. From the few comments James had made she knew he felt she was wasting her life looking after him. Jack – well, she was pretty sure he wouldn't like anyone who would take her attention from him.

She'd thought about it many times. She knew it wasn't time to be thinking about a future in Mariscola – not until she was sure there was no way to get home, and she hadn't yet given up hope. After Henry had died she had given up her search since she was unwilling to leave Jack alone. She knew, however, that she had to resume soon. She also knew that it was increasingly unlikely that she would ever find the gate. In that case she _would_ have to make a decision on her future. Right now, James looked like the best option if earth was lost to her.

Although Sam was sure that Jack was not progressing mentally, in fact, this wasn't true. He was not yet willing to try and talk yet – at least not while she was there – and his mind was still struggling to rebuild itself. But – rebuild itself it was. Slowly, surely, as each day went by, he began to remember, to think, to understand. He couldn't get everything Sam was saying, but he _did_ understand, at least some of her words.

And he knew her! He knew Sam, that he was sure of. And, unlike what Henry and Charlie had thought and said, he knew that she was _not_ Samantha. No, she was Sam – his Sam. He _knew_ her and he _loved_ her and he was determined to get her back.

He had been worried about Charlie. He was certain the man was also in love with Sam and knew he'd do anything for her. He watched them carefully when they were together and was relieved – he didn't think Sam was in love with him, or at least not yet. He, Jack, would have to make sure it remained that way. He'd been relieved and hopeful and then yesterday had happened.

He'd heard about James from Charlie. The hired man hadn't said much although he'd complained about James a few times when he was helping Jack. Charlie never actually spoke to him directly; Jack figured the man didn't think he was worth it – but he would sometimes mutter to himself, probably to keep from getting bored when he was helping the 'idiot' as he quietly referred to the man in the bed. So, Jack had known about James, but hadn't been worried He knew now he had been wrong. He should have been worried, very worried.

He'd been sitting in his chair – thrilled to finally be able to be upright, and was looking out the window, enjoying the warm sun and fragrant breeze, when he heard horses approach. He strained his neck to be able to see who was coming and soon saw a horse-drawn wagon with a dark haired man at the reins. The man – he couldn't be more than 30 or 35, pulled up near the house and then jumped down. Jack looked at him curiously, wondering who he could be, when Sam came tripping out of the house.

"James!" she cried, sounding happy. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see if you'd like to go for a ride. It's a beautiful day and I figured you needed to get away for a few hours."

"Oh – that sounds so nice, but I really shouldn't. Charlie is out in the south field checking on one of the animals and I really can't leave Jack all alone."

"Why not?" he asked. "Surely he's not going to hurt himself. Why, he can't even move can he?"

"Yes – well, a little bit – but someone has to be here if he needs something."

"Samantha, why don't you hire someone to care for him? You run yourself ragged looking after him all day and night. Why don't you get a nurse to come in so you can have a life of your own?"

"I do have a life", she answered, although even to herself her voice sounded hesitant. "Look, I can't just leave him. Maybe next time – I'll ask Charlie to stay with him and, and we could go. I really would like to go for a ride with you."

James sighed but then he smiled. "Okay, that's a deal. But I'm going to hold you to that Samantha. In fact, why don't we say this Saturday? I'll come by at 11:00 and we can have a picnic down by the stream."

She hesitated only for an instant and then smiled. "Okay", she told him. She stood talking to him a few more minutes about the ranch and then he waved and left. Sam stood and watched after him for a few more minutes and then turned around. She had work to do, and she had to think about what had just happened.

Jack sat frozen in his chair, his heart feeling like it had stopped. Why hadn't he known? Of course Sam didn't care about him that way, at least not anymore. Maybe before – before in that cloudy period in his mind which he remembered in bits and snatches. Had she loved him then? Had things changed or was he mistaken. Maybe she'd never loved him and it was only his sick mind which had believed it to be true. Look at him now, he laughed bitterly. He was practically a vegetable so it was no wonder she'd found someone else; someone young and good looking – and in his right mind.

For a moment he felt angry and betrayed but then that feeling left, to be replaced by despair. It was the first he'd felt it since he'd fallen off the bed and had known that he could get better. But now, what did it matter. There was nothing waiting for him, no one who cared.

He shook himself – no, that wasn't right. Sam did care – but only as a friend, a mother, not as a woman cares for a man. But that didn't mean he should just give up. No – he'd heard what James had said. It wasn't fair to Sam that she had to spend all her days looking after him. He had to get better – not because she was waiting for him – but because he had to let her go.

He was determined, from that moment on, that he was going to work as hard as he could to get himself back – back to the person he suspected he had been. It wasn't all there yet – there was still lots missing from his mind – but it was coming, slowly and steadily.

She noticed something had changed with Jack, later that day. She didn't know what it was. He didn't act differently, at least for the most part, but she felt like some spark – some sense of joy – was missing. One of the things that had made her deal how and who he was in now was the fact that he seemed happy. Even if he spent the rest of his life like this, she'd comforted herself with that thought. Now, however, he seemed to have lost that, and she was worried.

"Is everything okay Jack?", she asked softly that night, as she tucked him in. She sat down on the side of his bed and went to touch him, to stroke his head as she usually did. He always seemed to like it and it would often send him to sleep. Tonight he jerked his head away and rolled over on his side, away from her.

She was startled, and then hurt. What had happened? What had she done to deserve this? "Jack?" she asked, but he ignored her. After a few moments she stood up. "Goodnight", she told him, "sleep tight." She watched for another few moments but he didn't move so she quietly left the room.

For the first time in weeks she felt like she wanted to cry. What had just happened? A simple gesture – a rejection from this man and she felt devastated. What was wrong with her?

"-and don't let the bedbugs bite", he said softly to himself. He didn't know where that came from, not at first, but then a memory returned of him, standing by the bed of a young boy and saying the same words. He laughed harshly – so that was it. She thought of him as a child – not a man. He closed his eyes and felt like he wanted to give up.

Sam continued to try and look after Jack, but more and more he refused her help or her company. She didn't know what was happening, although she continued to feel hurt. She asked Charlie if he'd noticed anything but he simply said 'no'. "Jack's always that way with me", he'd said.

She'd gone out for the picnic with James – glad to get away as Jack had been particularly obnoxious all morning. He'd been uncooperative and belligerent – while still not saying a word or being able to understand anything. She really wondered how he was able to be such a pain when he couldn't even speak.

James noticed, right off, that something was wrong. She told him she had a headache and apologized profusely and then tried to enjoy her time with him. By the end of the afternoon all she wanted to do was go home, see Jack, and be with him.

It was on the ride back that she suddenly realized something. She'd been deluding herself. There was no way she could contemplate a life with anyone else – with James. Even though the Jack she'd known was lost to her – and yes, he was a child in almost every way – she had given him her heart years ago. She knew that she could never be happy with anyone else. Why had she thought otherwise?

She thought back to the last few weeks and knew that every small step Jack had made, both literally and figuratively, had brought her joy. She no longer resented looking after him – no, he was hers and it was her honor to care for him. She knew, without a doubt, that he would have done the same if their positions were reversed. Sam suddenly felt awash in guilt. Why had she let herself give up on him – and be willing to let him go?

"Penny for your thoughts?" James said softly beside her.

She turned to him in surprise. She'd almost forgotten he was there. "I'm sorry", she said. "I was just thinking."

"About Jack?" he asked, looking somber.

"I'm sorry", she sighed. "I can't help it. We've been – friends, for many years. He's a part of my life and I just can't give him up as if he no longer mattered. I know he's – really no more than a child now – but I care for him and I can't –" She stopped speaking, unsure how much more to say. She knew she had hurt the man beside her, but she also knew she had to be honest.

"So", he said softly, "there's no hope for me?"

"I'm sorry", she said again. "You're a good man, and I'd thought – but no, I'm afraid not. Jack has had my heart for a long time and even though we can never be together in that way I – I'm sorry."

He nodded but didn't say any more. When they arrived at her home he helped her down from the carriage. "I hoped there was a chance Samantha", he told her gently. "Please – if you ever change your mind or – well, I'm here."

She nodded and then leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I know and thank you."

She stood watching as he drove away, not knowing whether to feel sad or relieved. She then turned and went to check on Jack, her heart lighter than it had been in a while.

* * *

He felt bad. He'd been awful to Sam that morning and admitted to himself it was pure jealousy. He knew she was seeing James that day and he couldn't help but strike out at her, in any way he could. When he thought back, when he remembered her bewildered expression, he felt like scum. It wasn't her fault – so why was he punishing her? He took a deep breath and decided that he had to do better. He had to treat her decently – and then work like hell to get better and get out of her life.

He frowned, trying to figure out where it was that he should go. There was something – something in the back of his mind that told him he wasn't from here. He thought he'd had another life, somewhere else. There were images of people – of places – that weren't from here. He knew Sam had been there too but there were others as well. He was also sure he'd known Charlie from before – at least the name was familiar, although he couldn't picture his face in his other life.

There _were_ faces though. There was the young child that he kept dreaming about. Then, a woman – a tall woman, blond like Sam, but not Sam. Both those faces made him feel sad and he decided not to try and remember them – sure that the memories wouldn't be happy ones. But, there were the other faces - faces of men and women whom he had surely known. There was an older, bald man, a younger one with – glasses? Then there was the recurring face of the dark-skinned man – the first face he'd remembered, the day he had fallen out of bed. Who these people were he did not know, but he knew they had been part of his life. He wished he could ask Sam, but as yet he hadn't confessed to her that he was remembering things, or that he could speak.

He didn't know why he was hiding it from her. At first it had been because he wanted to surprise her, to have her throw her arms around him in joy. Now – now it was because he knew he had to let her go and figured it would be easier if she didn't know that he'd changed. The problem was, it was becoming harder and harder to pretend. He now understood almost everything, although at times his mind still felt slow and sluggish.

One day he'd have to tell her, he knew, but maybe not today. Today however, he had decided to walk. He had been practicing that as well – in secret – and he wanted desperately to leave his room; the prison he'd been in for months.

He'd watched her leave with James and sat for a moment, trying to erase the picture from his mind. Charlie had stuck his head in briefly and told him to ring the bell if he needed anything. "I'll check on you in an hour or so", he told him. "I have to do some work in the barn."

He'd waited until he could see Charlie walk across the yard and go into the building. He then pushed himself carefully to his feet, holding on to the chair. He took a deep breath and moved his feet, carefully, slowly. He'd been practicing every day, but he still had to be careful. He was still weak and his balance was still off.

He walked slowly to the door, grinning to himself when he finally made it. He then reached down and touched the knob. For some reason, that simple act made his heart speed up. This room was all he knew. This is where he had spent the only life he could truly remember. To open the door was a step into the unknown. If he did this, he was sure that things would change, forever.

The door opened easily, without a sound. He pushed it back and looked down the short hallway. There were two other doors; one, he knew, was Sam's room. He figured the other must have been Henry's. He stopped at that thought – a feeling of sadness washing over him. He missed the old man who had become a friend.

He forced himself to put one foot forward, into the hall. In a moment he was out of his room – he was no longer imprisoned in his mind – or in his room.

He continued to walk until he got to the top of the stairs. He looked down and felt like he was on the top of a mountain, looking down a steep cliff. He could feel his heart beat faster – and had to laugh at himself. "It's only a set of stairs Jack", he said. "It's not like you're jumping out of a plane!"

The words surprised him – and all of a sudden he had a picture of a - a plane? with him in the pilot seat. "Cool", he said, "I think I know how to fly!"

"Okay Jack – get your ass moving", he said softly to himself. He took a deep breath, and put one foot down. Thank god for the banister – he would have fallen otherwise, as his foot nearly gave out from under him. Okay – maybe this hadn't been too smart. "You should have tried to walk before you ran Jack", he said and then laughed – "or at least walked before you climbed stairs!"

Still – he was determined to make it down. It took a long time, and for the last few stairs he gave up and sat down and slid down on his butt. It reminded him of Ch – he refused to think any further about that. Instead he looked around the house, curious about what it looked like outside his one room.

He sat for long time on the bottom stair but finally decided he should move. Charlie would be coming back to check on him and he didn't want to be found sitting on the stairs. He pulled himself to his feet and made his way into what looked like the parlour. He managed to make it to the uncomfortable looking couch – settee he thought they called it – and collapsed. "Damn, you're an idiot O'Neill", he told himself.

"O'Neill? _Yes_! That's who he was Jack O'Neill – with two 'll's'. He was Jack – no _Jonathan_ O'Neill and he was a – a _Colonel_. Hell, he was Colonel in the Air Force. He paused and frowned. What the hell was a Colonel – and what was the Air Force? He thought for a moment and the picture of him sitting in a – plane – yes, he flew planes! So, the Air Force was something about flying. He wanted to laugh. It was coming back!

The door opened and he heard Charlie come in. As the other man started up the stairs he almost cried out, but then decided he deserved a little scare. Charlie hadn't treated him badly, but he certainly hadn't gone out of his way to be kind or friendly. A little panic would do him good.

"_JACK"_. Charlie was shouting, sounding thoroughly panicked.

Jack finally decided the poor man had had enough and let out a sound – one of his 'vocalizations'. Charlie didn't need to know he could speak, even though still not clearly. No – he wanted Sam to be the first to know that.

"Jack – what the hell are you doing down here?" Charlie sounded furious.

Uh oh – maybe this hadn't been such a good idea. Jack looked at the other man, slightly worried, but then decided that there was no way Charlie would hurt him. He didn't _like_ Jack, but he was a decent man.

"Who helped you?" he asked. "You didn't get here by yourself did you?" Suddenly Charlie looked puzzled – then suspicious. "You did, didn't you? You can walk now. When did you learn to do that? When we weren't watching you?"

Jack had the grace to look a little shamefaced, although he didn't want to let on that he understood everything Charlie was saying. He watched as the other man continued to look at him suspiciously and then seem to make up his mind about something.

"I suppose you want to stay down here and wait for Samantha?" he asked. When Jack didn't reply he just sighed. "You're something, you know that Jack. I really don't know why Samantha seems so intent on looking after you. If I were her I'd put you in a home for lunatics. Still, she seems to care for you so I guess I'd better keep watching out for you too. She'd kill me if anything happened to you."

Charlie's words gave him the first bit of peace he'd had since he found out about James. He kind of figured he could have gotten to like the man – if Charlie didn't dislike _him_ so much.

"And anyway, you're a lot better than that James!" Charlie sat down in the chair across from him. "He's a bastard, but Samantha doesn't want to hear that. She thinks he's a nice guy, but he's not. I don't _know_ anything of course, but I just have this feeling that he's not what he seems. I tried to tell Henry that but he used to laugh at me. Still, I spend a lot of time just listening, you know, and I think there's something funny about him."

Jack listened intently to the other man, concerned at what he was hearing, but not doubting it. He had observed Charlie over the weeks and months and agreed – he was a shrewd and intelligent guy, even if uneducated. If he said there was something fishy about James, then he was probably right. Damn – Jack wished he could do something, but he still wasn't in any shape to find out what was going on. He just prayed that things wouldn't go too far between him and Sam.

Charlie continued to chat to him – the first time he'd ever done so. It was probably the fact that he was dressed and sitting in the parlour, like a normal human being, rather than an invalid in the bed upstairs. He really wished he could speak, could engage the man in conversation but that would come, one day.

The door suddenly slammed and both men jumped. Neither had heard the carriage pull up. Before Charlie had a chance to speak, Sam had run upstairs.

"Oops", he said to Jack with a grimace. "I'd better go find her. She's going to be upset."

Since right at that moment they both heard a cry, Jack didn't disagree. He knew Sam was going to be totally freaked out.

"Jack!" she called, fear in her voice.

"He's down here Samantha", Charlie called. "He's in the parlour with me."

They could both hear her cry of relief and the next thing they knew she was running down the stairs. "Oh thank God', she said. "I didn't know what to think when I saw your room was empty. How in the world did you get down here Jack?" Without waiting for the reply she knew wasn't coming, Sam turned to Charlie. "I assume you helped him? It's good for him to be out of his room, but I hope it wasn't too tiring. It's going to be hard to get him back upstairs."

Charlie opened his mouth but didn't have time say anything as Sam kept talking. She was babbling on about much of nothing and Jack looked at her curiously. Something was – off – and he couldn't tell what it was. He just prayed that nothing had happened with James. Maybe the man had kissed – no, god, don't go there Jack. She didn't _look_ like they'd done anything, although she could have tidied herself up.

He felt a wave of jealousy rush through him and forced himself to calm down. He had no right to be jealous, none at all.

Just then Sam looked at him – with a look he'd thought he'd never see again. Suddenly, hope blossomed in his chest. Maybe, just maybe, he still had a chance.


	8. Lost

_**It turns out I have internet on the plane so you get another chapter before I'm off for a few days. Sorry to leave you here but I promise I'll post as soon as I'm back from my retreat. I'll also post a chapter or two of The Rescue. I hope you enjoy this chapter - and don't hate me to much for leaving you at this spot!**_

Charlie helped Jack back up to his room. By this time he was so exhausted he could barely move his legs and knew he must look like an old man. On top of that, the tiredness made it more difficult for him to concentrate, to get his thoughts straight. All he knew was that Sam was here so everything had to be okay.

"I think I've got it now, thanks Charlie", she told him. "I'll just get him to bed."

"You don't want me to help change him into his nightclothes?" Charlie asked, looking at the man who had practically collapsed on the bed.

She considered for a moment. "No, I think I'll just help him pull off his pants and then leave him. He's practically asleep already.

Charlie gave one last look at the man on the bed, thinking that Jack was getting better much faster than Sam acknowledged. He wouldn't be surprised that he knew and understood a lot more than he let on. Still, it wasn't his problem, unless it hurt Sam – then he'd _make_ it his problem!

After Charlie had left, Sam just looked at the half-asleep man for a few moments and then gently smiled. He was just like a little boy, she thought, exhausted after an outing. He wasn't quite asleep but she knew it wouldn't be long.

"Let me help you Jack", she said softly, walking up to him. She helped get his legs onto the bed and his body straightened out. "I'll just help with your pants and then you can go to sleep. I still can't believe you made it downstairs like that. You were naughty not to tell me!" She reached up to undo the buttons on his fly – what she wouldn't give for zippers, but they hadn't been invented yet in Mariscola. She'd gotten down to the second one when his hand covered hers, stopping her from continuing.

"What is it?" she glanced up, only to catch Jack's eyes. She stopped breathing – in the soft light of the one lamp it almost looked like – desire in his eyes. She closed her own briefly. No, it couldn't be. He was a child, an infant. Sexual desire was a thing of the past for this man. "I have to help you Jack", she continued, although her throat was dry. "Please?"

He lifted his hand, although he continued to watch her. She didn't notice but his breathing grew faster. What she did notice was that his body was reacting to her faint touch. Oh god! She started to back away, not sure what was happening, when his hand reached out again and stopped her. He gently pulled her forward until she was half lying on him.

"Jack?" she pleaded. She looked again into his eyes and saw – him. He was not the child of the last few months. She was looking at Jack, the man she'd known for years and he was now looking at her with desire and need. "Jack", she said again, this time with yearning.

He tugged gently until her face came up to his. His eyes roamed her face, watching her with an expression she'd only ever imagined. Without thinking she leaned forward and placed her lips against his.

A flame was ignited and both of them were caught in it. Although his movements were slow and uncoordinated, he was still able to take her in his arms, to hold her and to eventually roll with her until she was under him. He continued to kiss her, to fondle her lips, her neck, her breasts.

She was in heaven. Jack was back – he was here and he was loving her. She allowed all thought, all caution to disappear. All the despair, the anguish, the pain of the past months vanished in the feelings that had been aroused. They both let go of everything – the past, who they were and all that had happened, and allowed themselves to be consumed.

She didn't know how much later it was before she awoke. It was still dark and the lamp had gone out. She was lying naked, pressed up against Jack, who was sound asleep.

A soft cry escaped her throat. What had she done? Oh god! She'd just taken advantage of a man who was irreparably damaged, who had the mental ability of a child, even if his body was that of a man. She'd allowed herself to imagine that he was okay, that he had returned to her, and she had taken advantage of that, of him. What she'd done was tantamount to rape and she knew she'd never forgive herself. With another soft cry she rolled over and off the bed. Jack moved slightly and frowned, but didn't wake up. She was glad – she was afraid of what she'd done and what it had done to him.

She collected her clothes and hurried to her room where she collapsed on her bed. She was too numb to cry, too guilty, too horrified. All she could do was sit there until the sun began to come up. At that moment she knew she had to get out of here, to leave. She couldn't bear to see him, to see the evidence of her shame. She'd used a man she cared about more than anyone in this world – or any other world – and she hated herself.

She quickly dressed, made her way downstairs and walked over to the small cabin which was Charlie's. Sh quietly knocked and when he answered she told him she had to go into town for an early morning fitting. "Would you check on Jack please Charlie?" she'd asked.

Charlie knew something was wrong but by the time he was out of bed and dressed she had already gone. He watched the trail of dust from her wagon as she rode, much too fast, towards town.

"Oh Samantha", he said, "what are you doing?" He turned to the house to see Jack's silhouette in the window and knew this had something to do with him. He shook his head. He'd known something bad was going to happen – and it obviously had. He just prayed that both Samantha and Jack would recover.

* * *

Jack had known, as soon as he woke up and she was not there. He knew what she thought of him. He knew that she viewed him as no more than a child – an idiot. He should never have done what he did last night. He'd known it was wrong – but he'd missed her so much. He loved her and seeing her, framed in the light of the lamp, had ignited something in him. But now he'd hurt her – and he would never forgive himself. He slowly walked to where his clothes lay, on the floor, and picked them up. The best thing for him was to leave here. He was a burden, and now would be a constant reminder. Sam deserved peace and she deserved happiness and he would make sure she got both.

Charlie came up and gave him his breakfast which he pretended to eat, not wanting to make the other man suspicious. He suspected however, that Charlie knew something was wrong anyway. He returned a few minutes later and collected the dishes. He was also carrying a plate which was covered with a cloth and a pitcher of water.

"You gonna be okay up here? I have some work to do around the ranch."

Jack nodded, not willing to pretend anymore that he didn't understand.

Charlie's eyes narrowed – he'd suspected there was more in Jack's head than he'd let on. "Okay then. I've brought you a sandwich for lunch because I plan to be out all day. I don't know when – well this should keep you. You gonna be okay?" he asked again.

Jack looked up at him and nodded once more.

Charlie sucked in a breath. God – the man looked like someone had died. He really wondered what had happened between the two of them. He debated for a moment whether or not he should stay – but then figured Jack would prefer to be alone. "Okay then. I'll see you later."

Jack sat waiting, until he saw Charlie ride off and then forced himself to get up. He knew this was going to be difficult.

* * *

"Boss, she's here." James looked up from his desk as one of his men walked in the front door. "The Carter woman. You told me to watch out for her. Well, she just drove up in a wagon, looking like the devil was after her."

James frowned and stood up wondering what had brought Samantha to town so early. His plan to woo and win her had come to naught – at least so far – but he still was determined to get his hands on old Henry's land. He needed it and his partners were getting impatient. He'd actually been sitting here debating how he could get rid of Jack – or her – without anyone being suspicious.

He'd figured that marrying the woman would be the easiest way. As her husband he'd automatically become owner of her property and he could do with it what he wanted. Besides, she was an attractive woman and he'd enjoy having her. Of course, knowing him he'd get tired of her eventually. But that wasn't a problem. Accidents happened all the time on ranches and she didn't have any family to care or investigate.

Something had obviously happened out at the house and he figured he'd better find out what it was. Maybe he could take advantage of the situation.

* * *

It took Jack over an hour to make his way out to the barn. By the time he arrived he was exhausted and shaking but still determined. The next part was going to be the hardest, he knew. Saddling a horse when you were half disabled was going to be a bugger!

Fortunately he knew how to ride. He hadn't done it in a few years but he'd been good at it once and he figured it was something you didn't forget. Of course he'd probably feel like hell tomorrow, but that didn't matter. What mattered was he had to get away.

He really had no idea where to go, but his mind was not yet capable of totally clear and rational thought. He still suffered from blanks, in both his memory and his reasoning. It didn't occur to him that he had no money, no supplies and no idea of where he was. He just knew that it would be better for Sam if he was out of her life – so out of her life he'd go.

There were three horses in the barn and he looked for the most likely one. He eventually picked a gentle looking mare, knowing he wasn't up to handling a high strung horse. Still, she looked strong and sound – and had turned to look at him with gentle eyes. He gave her a pat and allowed himself to lean up against her for a few moments. "Don't – know – name", he managed to say to her. He still found it difficult to speak although he could get a few words out and he had been getting better.

He looked around and found where the tack was kept. He sighed – not looking forward to carrying the saddle and lifting it up, but knowing he had no choice.

By the time he was done he figured it was almost noon. He suddenly wished he'd brought the food Charlie had prepared but he really wasn't up to going all the way back in to get it. He had brought a canteen of water, at least thinking that far ahead. "Kay girl", he patted her. "Now – or – never!"

It was almost never! He just couldn't get his leg up high enough to reach the stirrup and he didn't have the strength to pull himself up with his arms. He stared at the horse, which looked at him as if wondering what was taking so long. He was about ready to give up when he noticed a stool in the corner. He wanted to hit his head – stupid Jack! He should have looked for one immediately.

He pulled it over and managed to get himself up on it. It gave him just enough height so he was able to kick his leg over the horse's back and put his feet in the stirrups. For the next five minutes he lay with his head on the horse's neck, completely worn out before he'd even started.

He clicked his tongue and kicked his heels and 'girl' started walking. He quickly fell into the rhythm of sitting on a horse again and slowly headed out – away from the ranch and away from Sam.

* * *

Sam thought about going to see Rebecca but it was still awfully early. Instead she decided to wander down by the stream for awhile until it was late enough that she could go see her friend. She desperately needed to talk to someone – although not about what had happened. That was something she would never share with anyone. It was her hidden shame.

"I find you here again?" a voice said from behind her. She swung around, startled, only to see James standing there.

"Oh, hello", she said softly. She really didn't want to deal with him right now, but also didn't want to be rude. "I just – I came to see Rebecca but it's too early so I decided to wait here."

"I see", he smiled. "Well, I'm glad because it gives me a chance to see you and talk to you. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine" she answered, trying to smile in return. She still felt embarrassed about telling him she wasn't interested in him. She wondered briefly if she'd made a mistake. Maybe the best thing for all of them would be for her to find someone else. She could still look after Jack but there wouldn't be the danger of –

"You look upset. I hope it wasn't me?" he said carefully.

"You?" She looked at him in surprise. "Oh – no – no it's not you. I just felt like I needed to get away from the ranch for a bit. You know – it's a nice day and I thought it would be good to -" her voice petered out as she realized she was babbling.

James knew he had to be careful here. There was something funny about this woman and the man she looked after. He didn't know what it was, but the last thing he wanted to do was scare her. No – he had to pretend to be simply concerned about her as a friend. In the meantime, he needed to find out more information.

He chatted to her for a few more minutes – about inconsequential things. He didn't ask to see her again or press her on anything. Rather he was the concerned friend, the person who was there if she needed anything. He could see her begin to relax and felt a sense of triumph.

He offered to walk with her to Rebecca's and then said a proper goodbye. He didn't suggest seeing her again – but let his offer of friendship stand. She gave him a grateful look as Rebecca opened her door and she went in to see her friend.

James stood in the street, considering what had happened, and smiled. Yes, things were working out quite well.

When he got back to his office another one of his men – one of the ones he used to gather information on people of the town – was waiting. "What is it?" he asked with a frown. He had things to think about right now and didn't need to be worrying about the petty squabbles that went on daily in Mariscola.

"It's that guy", Homer whispered. "You know – the lunatic."

James frowned and told him to be quiet. He unlocked his door and ushered the man inside. After closing the door he turned to Homer. "Now, tell me. What about him?"

"He left Henry's ranch", he said. "Stu and me watched from the hills, like you told us to. The woman left early, heading to town. Than Charlie left this morning and headed up to the north field. We didn't think anything else was gonna happen as the lunatic never comes outside. We see him sometimes in the window but that's all. Well, about an hour after Charlie left he comes out and goes to the barn." He frowned for a while, puzzled.

"Well?" James asked impatiently.

"Oh – he was in the barn for a long time. We couldn't figure out what was going on" he grinned, "unless he was having some fun with the animals. We've heard things about lunatics -"

"Oh for god's sake – tell me what happened!"

"Okay, okay. Well, like I said, he was in the barn for a long time and then he comes out, riding a horse like he'd been doing it for years."

"Riding? Where did he go?"

"He went off towards Tulelee. Stu's following him to see where he's headed. He was going slow so I thought I'd come and let you know."

James stayed silent for a few seconds, the other man becoming nervous. There was nothing more frightening than James when he was angry.

"Good." Was all he said. Bert breathed a sigh of relief.

"Here's what I want you to do", James smiled. "Go and find Stu and keep following him. Make sure there's no one around and when he's far enough away from here, kill him. And make sure the body won't be found!"

"Uh -" Homer shifted on his feet. He hadn't been asked to kill anyone before, at least not by this man. It wasn't really part of his duties.

"Don't worry", James said with contempt. "You'll be compensated accordingly." When Homer looked confused James sighed. Why did he hire morons? "You'll be paid well for the job. Now go, before you lose them both."

* * *

Jack had realized a while ago that what he was doing was stupid. He hadn't been thinking straight and had allowed his despair to dictate his actions. He knew he had to go back. The only problem was he didn't know how.

His mind had begun to wander and he kept losing touch with reality. Some of it was the heat but more of it was related to the fact that Jack's mind still hadn't healed completely. His thoughts tended to move from one thing to another, without him having a clear understanding of anything.

He looked around the desolate landscape and knew he was lost. He didn't even know what planet he was on. Where was his team? Where were Teal'c and Daniel and – Sam! Sam – there was something about her. Something he's done. Oh god – he'd killed her. He'd taken the zat and shot her twice and she was dead.

A moment later he remembered that no – she wasn't dead. She'd come back to him. Was she lost? Was that why he was here? Was he looking for her? She was being chased by the super soldier, that was it. He had to find her before she was killed. But where? Where should he look? He saw nothing but desert. But ahead – he squinted – yes, there were hills, mountains. That's where she'd be. She'd go there to hide and he had to find her.

Soon his tired horse was climbing up the trail, slowly. She was almost as tired as he was and needed water as badly. He'd given her the last of his water a while ago but they both needed more. If he could find Sam she'd tell him where the water was. She was smart like that.

By this time he was leaning forward, unable to stay upright in the saddle. He somehow knew if he fell off the horse he'd never get back up. Sam, he had to find Sam.

He suddenly straightened in the saddle. He didn't want her to see him bent over like an old man. But that only lasted a few seconds as his tiredness made him slump back down, as he was unable to sit straight for long.

At that precise moment there was a shot and Jack felt a sharp pain and then nothing. The men watching saw him topple from his horse and lay still.

"You got him Stu", Homer said with a grin.

"Yeah, although he moved at the last second. We better make sure he's dead and then get rid of the body."

The two hit-men got on their horses and rode over to where the man was lying on the ground, the horse standing still beside him.

They could see that his head was covered in blood and he wasn't moving at all.

"He looks dead", Homer said. "You'd better check."

"Me? Hey, I shot him. The least you can do is check on him."

"Fine" Homer scowled but got off his horse. "What was that?" he turned around, sure he'd heard something. "I think someone's coming."

"Quick, toss his body into that gully and then let's get out of here."

Without pause Homer dragged the body of the dead man and threw it off the small cliff a few feet away. It wasn't deep but the gully was full of brush and would be as good a place as any to hide a body.

"Hey, let's take the horse", Homer said.

"Don't be a fool. They'll catch us with it and know we did something. Just leave it here. It'll head towards water and someone will find it." Stu suddenly lifted his head. "You're right, someone's coming. Let's go."

Homer mounted his horse quickly and the two turned and rode off the way they had come, back to tell James they'd done the job they were hired for.

The horse stood silently, waiting for her rider. The silence of the afternoon was disturbed only by a creaking sound which drew ever closer to the burial spot of the man called Jack.


	9. Consequences

The creaking noise turned out to be a wagon which grew nearer and finally pulled up and stopped. "Something just happened here Bart."

"Yes Miss. Look over there", he motioned with his head. "There's someone's horse. You stay in the wagon and I'll check it out."

"Nonsense", the dark haired woman said. Tying the reins up she nimbly turned and hopped down from the wagon and walked immediately to the horse. "She's a bit spooked but seems gentle enough." She reached out and touched the horse's neck. "There's blood here."

"She's been injured?", Bart asked, walking towards the abandoned horse.

"No, it's someone or something else's blood." She suddenly knelt down. "There's more here and look", she pointed to marks in the dirt. "Something's been dragged." She stood up and followed the marks, followed closely by the man. They reached the edge of the small cliff and looked down. The foliage was so thick that at first it was hard to see anything. "Wait, there's something there", she pointed.

"Be careful Miss, you don't know what it could be."

"I believe it's a man. Watch the horses, I'm going to check." She began an awkward climb down the small gulley until she came to the patch of color she'd seen. She moved some bushes aside until she uncovered the object that had been hidden. "Damn, I was right. There's a man here Bert", she called up. "He's been hurt but he's still alive. I'm going to need your help."

It took them almost half an hour to get the unconscious man to flat ground. "Let's just lay him in the back. Tie his horse to the wagon and I'll stay in the back with him while you drive."

"Where to Miss", he said, looking worried.

"Home. We can give him better care there!" Once they'd gotten the man as comfortably situated as they could she began to gently clean his head wound. At first she'd thought the bullet had gone straight in and hadn't given him much hope. Now, however, she could see that it had simply creased his skull. He'd have a major headache but should survive.

"How is he", Bart turned and asked.

"Holding his own. I don't think he's in any danger of dying on us although it'll be better when we get him inside on a bed. I wonder who he is?"

"Nobody I recognize", Bart answered. "Probably just a drifter."

"He's travelling pretty light for a drifter. He doesn't seem to have anything other than an empty canteen."

She looked at him carefully. It was true he looked rather gaunt and underfed and his face looked pale, although that could easily have been from the wound on his head and blood loss. When she saw his mare however she doubted again that he could be a drifter. "That's a good horse", she said.

"He probably stole it."

She grimaced, knowing what happened to horse thieves. "Maybe, although she did stick around after he was injured and she seemed to know him when we brought him up."

"Maybe he stole her a while ago." Bart was clearly suspicious of the man they'd found and was not happy about her taking him back to the ranch. "You be careful Miss Janet", he told her. "This guy could be bad news and you're a single woman."

"I know Bart", she sighed, sometimes tired by how over protective her employees could be. "Let's get going. I don't know how badly he's hurt. We need to get him home and bandaged.

* * *

Sam arrived back home, still upset and angry at herself, but knowing she'd have to face Jack sometime. She didn't know how she was going to deal with what had happened. It's not like she could actually speak to him and explain. She snorted – if she could explain it to him she wouldn't need to as this then wouldn't be an issue. She frowned, confusing herself. Oh well – might as well get it over with.

"Charlie", she called, seeing him over by the barn. "How's Jack?"

"He was okay when I left this morning. I was just going up to check on him but since you're here I'll let you do it. I left him some food for lunch and I think he was just going to stay in his room."

"He – did he seem – okay?" she asked hesitatingly.

"No", he answered baldly. "He watched you leave and I think he was upset at something but since he doesn't talk to me I couldn't tell you what it was about."

She swung and looked at him – worried about Jack and curious at Charlie's words. "He doesn't talk to anyone Charlie. And how do you know he was upset? Was he – throwing one of his tantrums."

The hired man looked at her with a strange look on his face. "I don't think he's done that for a long time Samantha. I could tell because he looked upset. As for not talking to anyone – maybe not, although I think he can understand and do a lot more than you think."

She was startled by his words, wondering if she'd missed something. "I have to go check on him", she told him, refusing to think too closely about his words. "I'll be down shortly if you want to stay for dinner."

She walked slowly up the stairs, knowing she was just procrastinating. God, if what Charlie had said was true – she may have hurt Jack even more than she'd thought. How was she going to fix this? _Could_ she fix this?

She took a deep breath and knocked on his door. After a few moments of silence she tried again, but there was no sound from within. Suddenly remembering back to when she found Henry she panicked and pushed the door open, terrified that she'd see Jack, dead in his bed.

But there was no one. The room was empty. What? Where could he be? She remembered him making his way down to the parlor – was that only yesterday? Damn – she hadn't thought to look there before rushing upstairs. She quickly turned and made her way back down.

By the time she'd searched the whole house she was frightened. Where the hell could he have gone? She finally made her way outside, only to meet Charlie on the front step. "Jack is gone – "

"Sweet-pea is gone", he said at the same time.

"Sweet-pea?" she asked, sounding confused. "But who – oh my God. He couldn't have taken her – could he?" There was no way Jack was in any shape to actually ride a horse. The man could barely walk!

"I think he did", Charlie replied. "Whoever it was saddled her up, although it looks like he might have had some trouble getting things down. Also, there's a stool in her stall. I think someone used it to get up on her back."

"But – but he can barely walk!"

"But he _can_ walk Samantha. Didn't I tell you – he can do more than you've given him credit for. Look, I asked him some questions yesterday and he answered me – oh, not verbally, but he clearly knew what I was saying. And remember, he did make it downstairs all by himself."

"But why did he pretend? Why did he lie about it?"

"He didn't exactly lie. I just think he wasn't ready to tell us. Maybe he was going to try and surprise you or something."

She briefly closed her eyes, suddenly wanting to cry. Knowing Jack, that was exactly the sort of thing he'd do, the idiot. "I'm going to kill him when I find him! Come on, let's go look for him."

They spent the rest of the day trying to search for him, with no luck. The ground around the ranch was hard and unless you were an expert tracker it was impossible to see any tracks. What made it harder was they had no idea where he'd go.

The next day they enlisted help from people in the town, but with no more luck. James was especially helpful, getting a number of men who worked for him to saddle up to help find Jack.

By the end of the week everyone had quit searching. "I'm sorry Samantha", James had said. "If we haven't found him by now I'm afraid there's little hope. Look, you said yourself you didn't think he took any supplies and the dessert gets hot. It would be hard for him to survive out there if he was in his right mind. As he was - " he let the rest of his words trail off.

"No!" she said. "If anyone is capable of making his way through _any_ terrain it's Jack", she argued. "He's an expert. He knows how to survive."

"Maybe he did once Samantha", James said gently. "But he's a different person now – you have to recognize that."

"But where is he? Why hasn't anyone found – a body", she cried. "And where's Sweet-pea? She would have come back if something happened to him."

"Maybe not. They could have both fallen into a gully. There are a lot of them in the hills here. Look, I'll ask my men to keep looking but I don't think you should get your hopes up."

She nodded and thanked him, although inside she wanted to scream that there was no way the Colonel would just ride off and die. If what Charlie was saying was true, he was better than anyone had thought.

The fact was, he could have simply kept riding and could even now be in a totally different town or even one of the cities a few days ride from Mariscola. She'd hurt him badly – and he probably just decided to leave.

She'd only recently started to wonder if her greater sin hadn't been that she'd slept with him, but that she'd left him the next day. Charlie had told her about Jack standing in the window, watching her leave. He had probably thought she was running away from him. God – what a fool she'd been.

By week two she knew there was almost nothing more she could do. She didn't even know what direction he'd taken so he could be anywhere. The one thing she did do was hire a man to continue searching. He'd go to the nearest towns and cities until he came across some information. James tried to dissuade her, but she insisted. She knew she had to keep looking for Jack.

She also knew she had better start to look again for the Stargate. She'd been remiss in not trying to find it long before now. If she had, maybe all of this wouldn't have happened. She could have gotten Jack back into Janet's capable hands, she would have fixed him, and everything would be the way it was. No, from now on she was going to concentrate on finding the Gate. If she was lucky, maybe she'd find Jack as well.

* * *

Crap – another headache from hell! He tried opening his eyes but the spike being drilled slowly into his head convinced him that keeping his eyes closed was the smarter thing to do. He started to feel sick to his stomach but was furiously trying to talk himself out of throwing up, knowing that that would instantly cause his head to launch into outer space, when a cool cloth was laid across his forehead.

He sighed in ecstasy. The coolness of the cloth helped to instantly take away some, although not all, of the pain. When whoever was doing it pulled the cloth away he objected.

"Don't worry", a soft voice said. "I'm just rinsing it out at again." Sure enough, a few seconds later it was laid across his forehead, cooler than before.

"Does your head hurt?" the same voice asked. "I'm sorry – that was a stupid question. Of _course_ it hurts."

Jack was relieved not to have to answer and fully agreed with the speaker that it was a stupid question. On a scale of one to ten it was easily a million. His head _hurt_!"

The next time he woke up it was a bit better and he was able to open his eyes. Of course it didn't help much because he had absolutely no idea where he was – other than that he was in a bedroom. He must have made a small sound because a body appeared beside him.

"How are you feeling now?" the woman asked. "Is your headache a bit better?"

Jack peered at her for a few seconds and then let out a small sign of agreement. "Wa –" he managed to squeak out. Fortunately she seemed to understand and helped him sit up a bit to take a drink. Okay, he was officially in heaven, he decided as he allowed the cold liquid to moisten his dry, parched throat

"Where?" he managed to scrape out. Hopefully his nurse would understand.

"You're at my Ranch – the Stone Circle Ranch. My foreman Bart and I found you four days ago in a gully about two miles from here in the hills. Someone had taken a pot-shot at you and you ended up with a groove in your skull and a pretty good sized headache. You're going to be okay though as long as you take it easy. Oh, my name is Janet by the way, Janet Henderson. What's your name?"

He felt a strange feeling in his chest when she introduced herself but couldn't figure out why. He felt like he should know her but he was sure he'd never laid eyes on her before. He the had to think for a minute about his own name and grew worried that his brain had been so scrambled all the knowledge had leaked out. "Uh – Jack", he finally said. "Ma – name's – Jack."

"Well Jack, welcome to my ranch. Say, is there anyone we should be notifying? Do you have family close by?"

"No – no – family", he managed to say. Speaking was difficult and his brain kept getting lost. Eventually he remembered something about his situation, even if all the details hadn't come back.

Over the next few days he slowly got better. He'd begun to talk a little bit, although he still found it tiring. The same was true with walking, although now he could get around his room with no difficulty. His plan was to make it outdoors by the end of the week.

Janet was worried that the bullet had done more damage than she'd thought it should have. She saw Jack's struggle to walk and to talk and to communicate. Sometimes he would do well, other times she'd see him really struggle. It was Jack himself who finally told her about his other accident.

"They – think – I'm – idiot", he managed to squeak out. "Not – just have – trouble – getting words – out."

Janet began to spend more and more time with Jack as he seemed determined to improve and get stronger. She realized, after he'd been there for almost two weeks, that Jack was a very smart and attractive man and someone she wanted to get to know even better.

Jack slowly made his way down the stairs one morning after a couple of weeks recuperating in his room. He was walking pretty well, although he still had a pronounced limp and stairs were hard. At least he was able to get around and he'd begun speaking more.

"So Jack, tell me about yourself", Janet asked, one evening after chores were done. They were both sitting having a cup of coffee in the homey kitchen.

"Not much – to – tell", he said.

"Not much? Somehow I don't believe that. However, in order to pay me back for my care, you have to tell me some things about yourself. First, where are you from?"

Jack spent the next few moments telling her what were mostly made up stories although he had a sense that some of them may have been based on his own reality, that he couldn't quite remember. He hated the thought that he wasn't being totally honest but he couldn't really tell her the truth. He didn't want her to know about Henry or Sam and he couldn't remember enough about earth to sound convincing. He still had too many gaps in his memory.

"I've never heard of a town called Earth. Is it far?" she asked.

"Yes, very far", he answered, without going into detail. He claimed tiredness at that point and made his way slowly up the stairs and to bed.

His convalescence was slow, at least as far as Janet and Bart were concerned, but Jack knew he was actually coming along quickly from where he'd been when at Henry's. He was determined to get better and worked at it religiously

"So, you up for some work?" Janet asked one day. "I could use someone to help with some of the vegetables. I need to do some canning but I also have to help with the ranch. We're getting ready to take a herd to market." She grinned. "I really need a wife."

"Well don't – look at me", he grinned in reply. "I can help but – I refuse – to wear – pretty pink - apron." So Jack became the official 'canner' – once Janet had shown him how. After that he slowly added jobs to help out as much as he could around the house. He had a suspicion, however, that Janet was giving him small things to do primarily to keep him from getting bored.

He'd been at the Stone Circle Ranch for just over a month and finally felt ready to really start helping out for real around the place. He knew how difficult it was to get all the jobs done in a day on a ranch. As far as employees were concerned, Janet only had Bart and one other kid who worked part time – or at the whim of his father. Jack still had some trouble getting around and didn't have a lot of strength in his left arm, but there was still a lot he could do. He knew it would help make him feel less beholden to her.

He'd avoided thinking too much about Sam and what had happened before he'd left. He'd dreamt about it many times, but in the light of day he ruthlessly shut down all thoughts of their night together.

He knew she had to be going crazy and for that he felt sick and full of guilt. On the other hand, he convinced himself that she would be relieved as well. She didn't need him around to remind her of what he'd done. He also worried that as he got better she'd still feel trapped by him, especially after what had happened. She didn't need that or him in her life.

Jack knew that eventually he'd have to do something, would have to contact her, but for now he allowed himself to drift and to avoid making a decision. He convinced himself this was the better way.

He finally began to ride around the ranch, checking for lost cattle and places where the fences needed fixing. He couldn't do much to actually repair them as he wasn't strong enough, but it did help having him check things out as it saved time for both Bart and Janet.

He was getting stronger and all the time in the fresh air was also giving his appetite a boost so he was beginning to fill out and put on some of the weight he'd lost. The problem he was having was that his mental healing was taking longer and was making him angry and frustrated. He still had huge blanks in his memory and there were times when he still got confused about things. He hated those times and they made him feel like he was no longer a whole man. It was also another reason he convinced himself that Sam was better off without him.

"You sure you know what you're doing?" Bart was talking to Janet as they were out checking on a new calf born the night before. "You know he's got something wrong with him."

"Yes, he told me. He was injured – a head wound. He's getting better every day."

"He may be but he has a long way to go and I have a feeling he's never going to be a 100 percent. I've seen lots of head injuries and they often leave permanent damage."

"Maybe, but he's a good man and he can still help out around the ranch."

"It's you I'm worried about Miss Janet. I see the way you look at him. You need a man who's all there, who can look after you and the ranch both. You're doing too much for a woman. You need to be at home, doing woman things and having babies."

Janet shook her head, knowing it was useless to try and argue. The men around here had a certain view of what women should be doing, and there was no changing them. It was one of the things she really liked in Jack. He respected her and didn't think there was anything wrong in the fact that she was in charge of the ranch. She also suspected that Bart was very wrong in that Jack couldn't protect her if need be. She was pretty sure that he was a very strong man. Oh – maybe not physically, not yet – but he was a person she definitely wouldn't want to cross.

Janet had decided a number of years ago that marriage wasn't for her. She'd had a horrible experience with a man and it had almost destroyed her. Since then she'd avoided having anything to do with any of them, even though a number had been interested in her. She was never quite sure if they liked her for herself or for her ranch – and she knew that was part of the problem. She had lost her ability to trust after what had been done to her.

Jack was different. She had at first only looked at him as a victim, as someone to help. She'd quickly grown to like and respect him and was now pretty sure she was falling in love with him. He didn't have anywhere to go, at least that's the way it appeared, so maybe he'd just stay and together they'd make the Stone Circle a real success.

"Just be careful Janet", Bart said again. "I have a feeling he's a man that could really hurt you. He's suffered a lot, that man has, and there are things about him you don't know."

* * *

Thank god for James, thought Sam. If it wasn't for his frequent visits she was sure she would have gone crazy. She was worried sick about Jack – and she missed him horribly. Even as hurt and disabled as he had been, he'd been hers. Every day she rushed into his room, hoping that he'd returned and she'd find him lying in that bed. After almost five weeks she'd finally started to give up hope that he'd return. She would never give up hope that he was alive.

She also spent every bit of time she could out searching for the gate – to the point that Charlie was getting frustrated. Still, she felt she had to find it and soon. Once she did, she could get help to locate Jack.

Through all of this James had been a great support. He'd let her talk about Jack and offered her encouragement. She hadn't told him about the gate although she'd asked him many questions about the towns around to see if she could glean any useful information. Above all, he just allowed her to enjoy a few brief moments with someone who found her attractive without asking anything of her. It acted as a balm to her soul.

She'd been feeling tired and out of sorts for the last few days and had bitten Charlie's head off that morning. He was staying away more and more lately as James' visits increased. She knew he really didn't like the man, although she could never get him to give her a reason. Then too things were getting busy on the ranch. Charlie had hired a number of hands and they were busy getting the herd ready to travel to market.

This morning she'd been particularly bitchy to the poor man, and she really didn't know why. He hadn't done anything. Maybe it was because she was feeling so tired and sick. She'd looked after Jack for months and then had to deal with Henry's death and looking after the ranch and finally there was Jack's disappearance. No wonder she felt sick!

She had skipped breakfast that morning but decided it was time to get moving and get some things done around the house. With the extra hands she had less to do outside and more domestic chores inside. She stood up to head to the kitchen when the nausea hit. She barely made it to the kitchen sink before throwing up. Afterward she sat down and drank a cold glass of water. What the heck was wrong with her?

She sat there a few more minutes, waiting for the nausea to pass. She hoped she wasn't coming down with something but she had been feeling tired and rather sick all week. She laughed softly to herself, thinking that her symptoms reminded her of –

Holy crap! She stared at the wall and thought back, counting days and - . She laid her head in her hands, too numb to cry. It couldn't be – it was only the once!

She wished, now more than ever, that she was back home so that she could run out and buy a test and discover the truth instantly. As it was she would have to wait. Although inside, there was a little voice that was telling her she already knew.

"_Jack!_" she cried, reminded of waking up beside him in the desert. "I really need you." She finally began to cry – knowing that she was all alone and she was pregnant.


	10. Big Needles and Small Memories

_**Hi all! A busy weekend so I wasn't able to update before today. I caught a small error in a previous chapter (with a bad guys name) and made a small change - in case anybody rereads and is confused. **_

_**Thanks for the continued reviews! You're great.**_

He sat on his horse, looking off into the distance. Things had been quiet since Bart and the newly hired hands had gone with the herd. They were taking them to the city to sell and had been gone for over two weeks. The landscape looked barren without the milling, moving mass of cattle that had been there. The smell was also different – much better, he laughed to himself – although he'd gotten rather used to the aroma. Still, it was nice to be able to breathe the air, suffused with the smells of sage and desert grass rather than with the smells of - cow.

He shifted in the saddle, grateful that he was well enough now to ride for a few hours every day without getting sore or tired. He was also talking much better, although he still sometimes stumbled over his words. His mind was getting clearer, day by day - also a relief. He still got frustrated when he had problems concentrating or thinking clearly. That usually happened when he was tired or upset. The biggest problem, of course, was his memory.

He continued to get flashes of scenes which he assumed were of his former life. They were strange, however, as they were so different than what he was living here. One moment he'd get a picture of an object which he could not identify, the next he'd see something and know instantly what it was used for. For instance, he knew what a plane and a car were for, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out the large rectangular object was that seemed to flash sounds and pictures. When he got a memory of a bunch of strange yellow people on it he was really confused.

Still, he couldn't put any of the pieces together in his mind. Other than Samhe didn't know anyone from his past life, although he kept seeing a few people again and again. He knew his name and that he had been in the Air Force and flew planes. That was just about the extent of his absolute knowledge.

He tried to concentrate, to put everything together, but it didn't work. All that happened was he grew more and more angry, more and more frustrated. Janet told him to relax and let the memories come naturally but he was afraid it would never happen. He had no idea how long it had been since his former life, but was pretty sure it was a long time. He frequently wondered if he'd ever get that life back – or even if he'd remember it fully.

And then there was Sam. He'd convinced himself to stay here at the Stone Circle Ranch and not to put her through any more trouble. But then he'd imagine what his disappearance had done to her and was filled with guilt. How could he have left her? And how could he not tell her he was safe. She must think he was dead or hurt or lost.

With a jerk of the reins he turned 'Girl' around. She shied slightly from his anger and he felt badly. "I'm sorry Girl", he said, patty her neck. "I shouldn't take my stupidity out on you. Come on, let's go home."

Except it wasn't home – not for him, nor for her. They both belonged elsewhere. They both belonged to Sam. As he grew closer to the ranch house he thought about her and about Janet. He knew he'd have to do something soon. Although his mind had been damaged, he still knew enough to realize that Janet had developed – feelings – for him. He felt guilty about that as well. Although he cared for her and considered her a good friend, he was in love with Sam and always would be. He didn't want to lead Janet on and let her think he'd ever desire her like that.

No – he had to do something about his situation. It was time he _did_ go home –home was where Sam was.

When he got back to the house he could see a number of horses and men milling around. Bart and the others must be back. He took his horse to the barn and removed the saddle. Once he'd groomed her he made his way quickly – or as quickly as he could with his remaining limp and stiffness – to the house. For Janet's sake he hoped Bart had gotten a good price on the cattle.

"Bart, welcome back", he said as he walked into the front room. The other man, dusty and dirty from his long trail ride, turned to him and nodded.

"Jack", he said, his voice less than friendly although fortunately no longer openly hostile.

'I hope everything went well", Jack asked, trying hard to be friendly to the man. He knew Bart didn't like him but he also knew Janet relied on him so didn't want to cause any trouble.

"Yeah, it went fine. I just gave Janet all the details."

In other words, thought Jack, you're telling me to butt out! Okay, I can do that. "Good, well I'm glad to see you back. It's been quiet around here."

Bart ignored him and spoke again to Janet. "I thought I should tell you", he said, watching her closely. "I saw some of his men."

"Did they give you any trouble?" she asked with a worried look on her face.

"Nah. I stayed out of their way as much as possible and I don't think they knew who I was."

"Good. The farther we stay away from him and his men the better!"

"I did find out one thing though", Bart said, looking as if he was unsure as to whether to tell her or not.

"What?"

"Uh – he's getting married"

"Do you know who the unlucky woman is?"

"I never heard of her before", Bart explained. "She owns a ranch a couple of hours from town. I hear that he's been chasing after her for a while but it was only recently that she agreed to his proposal."

"I wonder why he's interested in her", she said cynically. "She must have something that he wants. I wish there was some way to warn her about him. I'm afraid she's going to be hurt."

"Or dead", Bart said softly. "Once he's got whatever he wants I wouldn't be surprised if she had 'an accident'."

"Me either. Do you think I should try and get in touch with her?"

"You can try, although you know what people are like when they're in love. She won't believe any of it."

"Probably not", she sighed. "I certainly didn't. Still, I should try. At the worst I'll be thought of as some jealous, spurned lover and the best I'll save her from – him."

Jack was watching the two of them as they spoke about this mystery man – and the woman in love with him. He was terribly curious, but figured it really wasn't his business. He couldn't help but wonder, though, who this man was and what he'd done to Janet to make her detest him so much. It was obvious, from her words and her expression, that whoever the man was she really hated – and feared – him. Then again, maybe he didn't want to know! He had enough of his own troubles to worry about and didn't need to worry about some other nameless woman.

"What's her name?" Janet asked. "I assume she's from Mariscola. I'll write something and have one of the hands deliver it."

"Her name is Samantha Carter", Bart said. "She turned up a few months ago claiming to be Henry Staples' granddaughter. He believed her and left her a good chunk of his ranch and money."

Jack stood there frozen. No – it couldn't be. Getting _married_? She wouldn't do that, would she? He suddenly felt like he had to sit down and grabbed the back of a chair and then stumbled into it. Why Sam? Why are you doing this? He suddenly wondered who she was marrying, although he had his suspicions.

"So that's why James is marrying her", Janet said, sounding bitter. "Although I must admit I'm surprised that he's gone after her. After what he said to me I didn't think he would ever be interested in owning a ranch."

"I doubt he'll keep it. He'll probably sell it off as soon as he can for the money. Either that or he wants it for something else." Bart snorted, showing his contempt for the man who had so badly hurt his employer.

"Maybe he just wants her." Jack said softly. Janet jumped, having forgotten he was still in the room.

"Jack? _Jack_, are you okay?" She'd suddenly noticed that he looked pale and shaken. She knelt down beside the chair and felt his forehead. "Are you okay? Are you sick?"

He gently grasped her hand and pulled it away from his face. "I'm fine. What is this about James? I assume you mean James Knightly?"

"Yes", she frowned. "How do you know him?"

"I – before I came here – I was staying at Henry's ranch. I – I know Samantha and I used to see him – James – come to the ranch."

"Oh", she looked at him in shock. He was from _Mariscola_? Why hadn't she thought of that? "Why were you there?" she suddenly asked, wondering if Bart had been right all along and there was more to this man than she'd thought.

"I don't know", he replied with a twist of his mouth. "I was sick – very sick and when I woke up I was at Henry's. I've told you I don't remember my past life."

"You did, but I thought you meant you didn't remember anything before we found you. Are you telling me you remember your time at Henry's?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lie. I just – was trying to forget it."

"Was it bad?" she asked, surprised. She'd heard only good things about Henry Staples.

"No – not bad. It was just that I had been really sick for a long time. I decided the best thing was to leave, to strike out on my own and not be a burden on Sa – on them anymore."

"So you know this Samantha?"

"Yes", he answered simply, although he knew the real answer _was_ far from simple.

"Do you think she'd listen to a warning if I gave it to her?"

"A warning? You mean about James? Why? What's wrong with him?"

"I-"she turned to Bart. "Why don't you go get yourself cleaned up and rested? I'll have a good supper for you later but right now you look like you could use a rest."

"You're sure you'll be okay?" he asked, looking suspiciously at Jack.

"I'm sure Bart", she smiled gently. "I'll be fine. Just come back when you're ready for dinner."

After the hired hand was gone Janet sat down on the settee across from Jack. "So, I guess I'd better tell you my story", she informed him softly, looking frightened and vulnerable. "I'll understand if this – changes –things but you need to hear the truth."

"Yes", Jack nodded. "Please."

"I first met James about ten years ago. My father had just died after a lengthy illness and I was on my own. Oh, I knew about running the ranch. In reality I'd been doing it for years, ever since my Dad had had a stroke. Still, it was a bit frightening and I was - lonely. Most of the girls I'd grown up with were married and had children. Me? I was still single and now the owner of my own ranch."

"I can see that it would have been hard", Jack agreed. "What happened?"

"Then I met James. It was the first year that I'd accompanied the cattle to market and while I was there I ran into him." She laughed, although it was not a happy sound. "I _literally_ ran into him. In fact, I almost knocked him off his feet." She paused for a moment and gathered her thoughts. "He was handsome and charming and – oh so kind. As you can imagine, I was easy pickings for someone like him. I'd spent all my adult life looking after my father and had never had a suitor before. It took me all of five minutes to fall in love with him."

Jack grimaced slightly, imagining what it must have been like for her. He also had a suspicion he knew what was coming.

"We began to see each other. He'd come out to the ranch as often as he could and I went in to Mariscola a few times to see him. He came out here one day and his wagon broke down. It was getting late so I told him he should stay and I'd have Bart look at it in the morning."

There was silence for a few moments, the ticking of the grandfather clock sounding loud in the stillness of the room. "You can – imagine what happened", she said, looking anywhere but at him. "The next morning – I – I was sure he was going to ask me to marry him. It was the only reason I'd been willing to – you know", she said, unable to say the words.

"I understand Janet. It's okay", he told her. He felt badly for her, knowing this was a very different time than he came from and that sleeping together, without marriage, would be a huge step for women in this society.

"No, it wasn't okay. He – we – again and then he got up, got dressed and said goodbye. I kept thinking he was going to come back and tell me he loved me, that we had to be together, but all he did was get his wagon – it wasn't even broken – and left. I didn't hear from him again."

"I'm sorry", Jack said softly. "I hate it that you were hurt."

"Oh, that wasn't all", she said, again not looking up. "I found out a few weeks later that I was pregnant. I wrote him a letter, begging him to come and see me. I even asked him to – marry me. I was so frightened and alone. I – didn't know what else to do."

"And what did he say?" he asked gently.

"He – wrote me a letter and accused me of lying and of trying to blackmail him. He said that if I said anything more, or if I told anyone, he'd sue me and make sure I lost the ranch."

"Bastard!" Jack hissed. "What did you do?"

"There wasn't anything I could do. I had no proof it was him. Bart wasn't here the night he stayed. In his letter to me James claimed that the father was probably Bart and knowing him I'm sure he could have gotten witnesses to claim we had been together."

"God Janet, I'm so sorry", he repeated again.

"I know", she smiled at him. "It was just – I grew to hate him after that."

"I see why. Uh – what happened to the uh –"

"Baby?" she asked, her eyes becoming moist with tears. "I lost it. In the end I knew it was probably for the best. A single mother would be ostracized here and my child wouldn't have had a good life growing up as a bastard. But – but it was still my baby and I -" She began to cry.

Jack knew it was dangerous, but he also knew he couldn't leave her to suffer alone. Any anyway, something she had said, something had struck a painful cord in him and he felt the need for some human warmth at this moment as well. He stood up and moved to sat beside her. "C'mere", he said quietly, holding out his arms.

She collapsed into him and held on tightly. She began to cry into his shoulder – and couldn't stop. Jack knew it was probably the first time she'd been able to do this with another human being so he just continued to hold her and rock her.

"So", she finally pushed herself up and wiped her face with her handkerchief, "That's why I need to warn her", she said, "Although if he's marrying her I guess it doesn't matter."

"Yes, it matters", he said, the anger bubbling well below the surface. "Do you know anything else about him? Anything we could use?"

"He's involved in various illegal activities", she told him, "although there's not much we can do. He has a number of officials in his pocket and is very careful. I tried to get something on him but didn't have any luck." She smiled slightly. "After – I was – angry and wanted to get back at him. In the end, though, I decided to let it go. I haven't been back to Mariscola since then."

Jack nodded, thinking again about Sam. This guy was bad news and there was no way he was going to let her marry him. Not if he could possibly help it! Still, there was a part of him that was more hurt than he wanted to admit. Even though he knew he was to blame for leaving he couldn't help but feel betrayed by her turning to James so soon after they'd –

"So – I expect you – think badly of me now?" Janet's soft, frightened voice interrupted his thoughts. "You – you would never want to be with a woman who – a fallen woman?"

"What?" His face showed his confusion. Why would she – oh! "No Janet, of course I don't think badly of you. You were betrayed by a – a jerk. It's not your fault."

"But you – wouldn't want someone like me, would you? Not after he took my – virginity."

He grimaced slightly, and then cursed himself when he saw her face blanch. She thought he was disgusted at her when the fact was, he was suddenly worried. He knew she fancied herself in love with him – and now if he rejected her she'd think it was because she wasn't a virgin! The truth was, he was disgusted at a society that would label a woman simply because she'd loved someone. He knew there wasn't anything he could do about that though - it was simply the way it was here, now. The problem was how to convince Janet that he really didn't care about that without letting her think he was interested in her.

"Look", he turned to her and took her hands in his. "I really _don't _think badly of you Janet – just the opposite in fact. You sincerely loved him and showed that love. There's nothing wrong in that and I certainly don't see you as a 'fallen woman'. I see you as an incredibly strong, capable woman who has a big heart and who cares about people. You were hurt by a cad – and it's _him_ that I'm disgusted at, never at you."

"But?" she said, a small, worried smile on her face.

He closed his eyes briefly. "But – I'm sorry Janet. As much as I like and respect you – and I really do respect you – I'm not in _love_ with you. It has nothing to do with you, please believe me. What happened, what you told me – wouldn't have made the slightest bit of difference if I'd been in love with you. It's just –"

"There's someone else", she stated softly. "I wondered, but I'd hoped that maybe – you'd forgotten or that you were free. But you're not, are you?"

"No", he answered, a small smile on his face. "I'm not free. I am in love with someone, and – I think I have been for a long time. If I wasn't then – I could have easily found myself falling in love with you."

"Really? Most men don't find me attractive. They say I'm too strong, too independent for them. They want someone sweet and innocent that they can control."

He stared at her for a moment and then shook his head. "Sounds awful", he told her. "Personally I like strong women – just not one's with big needles!"

"What?" she looked at him in confusion. "Big – needles? I don't understand."

He suddenly felt a headache coming on and clutched his head. "I – I don't know – it just – I was thinking and it -." He stopped and looked at her, a lost expression in his face. "Something – a memory or something I guess. I was thinking of you – no – of someone _else_. I think her name was Janet too." He rubbed his eyes. "Power-monger – little power-monger with big needles."

Janet grew worried and tried to get Jack to go and lie down, but he resisted. After a few moments he smiled. "It's okay – just a memory I'm sure. I'm sorry about that."

"Was she the woman you loved?" she asked.

"Who? Janet? No – no I think she was a friend." He smiled. "She was something like you I think. A very strong woman, although tiny, and one of the few who wouldn't let me get away with anything."

She laughed at that and stood up. "Sounds interesting." Her face grew serious. "I hope you find this woman you love – and I'm sorry if I -"

"There's nothing to be sorry about Janet. You've been, you _are_ a good friend. I wish there could be more but -"

"I know", she smiled softly. "Now you better go get cleaned up. Dinner's in an hour."

He sat quietly for a few moments, thinking about all that had just happened and knew he'd have to spend some time figuring everything out. He had to do something about Sam and James, although he didn't quite know what. Then there was the situation with Janet – this Janet. She'd been hurt and he was afraid he was going to hurt her even more, or maybe he already had. Finally, there was the memory that had just intruded. It was the most powerful one he'd experienced to date and it had felt so real.

He could remember sitting on a table in the – Infirmary – with Janet talking to him, giving him trouble over avoiding his check-up.

"Sir, if you don't let me do these tests then I'll have to ground you", she said. "I can't let you go through the gate without your regular physical, and you're already a month overdo."

"Fine, how about I come in on Monday -"

"_Now_ Colonel", she said, her voice brooking no argument. "I've got Lt. Derring bringing a robe and I want you to change into it and we'll get started."

"But Janet", he whined. "It's the playoffs. If I don't leave now I'll be late for the first period!"

"Sorry Sir, you should have thought of that when you cancelled six weeks ago. I'm afraid you're going to have to miss the game. I'm keeping you in overnight so we can get all of these finished and the results off to the General."

God! Janet Frasier. How could he possibly have forgotten her? And the General – General – _Hammond_! Yes, that's who it was – he worked for the General. And there were others too. The dark-skinned man – he couldn't remember his name but he was sure he knew him well. And there was that guy with the glasses, he was important too. Why couldn't he remember them?

Suddenly something hit him. It was something he remembered Janet saying – Janet Frasier - the part about going through the _gate_. What had she meant? He knew there was something – in the back of his mind that he just had to remember. It was important – very important.

He thought about a gate – and abruptly the picture of a circle popped into his mind. A circle? Why a – God – a _stone circle!_ He stood up so suddenly he almost knocked over the small side table. A stone circle - that's what it was and it was important. In fact, it was what was going to take him, no them, home, although he didn't know quite how. He paced around the room thinking about the circle and Janet – both Janets – and Sam and – hell, the name of the ranch! Tiny pieces were slowly coming together, although his mind was still pretty much Swiss cheese!

Damn! He had to remember! He grabbed his head and sat back down. There was too much – too much to figure out! He had to figure out that stone circle and then – and then he could go tell Sam that he'd found it and that – they could go home. She wouldn't have to marry that guy but could –? Yeah, what Jack? What could she do? Stay with a guy who can't even remember who or what he was, a guy who still had trouble speaking and walking and who is still only half a man.

Hell – life was suddenly much too complicated.

* * *

Life was too complicated, she thought. She looked out of her bedroom window as the sun began to rise, the colors lending a soft glow to the barren landscape. She wondered, as she had so many mornings before, how her life had come to this point.

It had been months since Jack had gone and she had finally decided she had to let him go, had to try and build a life without him. No one had seen or heard from him and she knew that most thought he was dead. James had been kind, but even he had finally told her to face reality and to let him go.

"It's probably for the better Samantha", he'd said. "I'm sure he wasn't happy living the way he was."

Except he had been – he had been happy, at least for a while. She thought back to their one night together and had known that he had been happy then. Oh, he hadn't spoken, but he hadn't needed to. He'd told her with his body, with his gentle touch. He'd been – just like she'd imagined he would be. That's why she had been so upset, so shamed the next morning. Jack _wasn't _the same – he was no longer the man she'd known and she'd forgotten that for a brief time.

But now – now she was bearing the consequences of that one night. She laughed softly – literally bearing them or it. She touched her slightly distended stomach and thought of the life growing within. As frightened as she was, she couldn't help being glad that it was there. If Jack was dead – or even if he was alive, but still – unaware - at least he would leave someone behind – a legacy of the great and kind man he had been. In his son, or daughter, he would continue to live on.

She leaned her head on the window sill and thought about James and about her decision to marry him. She'd been frightened, lost, and so alone and he'd been there, helping her, offering her support. He'd asked her to marry him at a time when she was vulnerable and so she had said yes. Her child would be born with a father and with a name – something that was important here, where she was now living. She knew that her child – hers and Jack's – would be treated as someone shameful in this society, if she had it without being married.

It was so unfair, she thought. Why should she be forced to marry – to give this child a father who wasn't his or hers, just to satisfy a bunch of judgmental fools? Was it fair to Jack to give his child someone else's name?

James was – a good man, she thought, although there had been a few things that had worried her. A few times she'd seen a look in his eyes that made her wonder. She'd convinced herself that it was her imagination, but then had thought back to the Colonel – who'd always warned her to be cautious, to listen to that little voice. It had saved her life more times than she could remember. She would do well to heed it now.

"Damn it Jack", she said softly. "Why the hell did you leave? And why the hell did you let them hurt you? I just want to go home and I want everything to be the way it was."

* * *

Janet thought about Jack and about the fact that she'd lost him. Well, not lost him exactly – she hadn't ever _had_ him. She laughed at herself. Why would she think that any man would be interested in her? No, she should just accept that she would remain a spinster her whole life. For a moment she hated the man she'd saved – hated him and resented that he loved someone else – but that feeling quickly faded. It wasn't his fault and he'd never been anything but honorable to her. No, she just had to forget her feelings and keep living the way she had been.

Except for one thing, she decided. She had a demon to lay to rest and she decided now was the time. After that, well she could be patient. Maybe one day Jack would forget that other woman and then, she'd be waiting for him.

"I have to get some new clothes", she explained to Jack a few days later at breakfast. "My dresses are all looking ratty and I've heard there's a new dressmaker in town. I'm going to head in for a couple of days and treat myself to a new wardrobe!"

Jack looked at her in surprise. He'd never known Janet to be that interested in fashion, although to be fair he hadn't really paid that much attention. It was one of those things that most men didn't really want to know about. He remembered when Sara would go on – hell! Where had that come from? He rubbed his eyes. Memories and thoughts were starting to come more frequently now, although they were still in bits and pieces and often didn't make sense.

"Jack – you okay?" Janet stopped speaking.

"Yeah", he grinned, "Just thinking that I uh – have some things to do around the ranch –"

"In other words, you don't want to go shopping with me?" she said knowingly.

"Uh – if you want me to -"

"No – no, you stay here and do your 'things'. I'll take Bart with me. He needs to get some things at the store. You sure you'll be okay here? Bart's kept a couple of the hands around so they'll watch the horses."

"I'll be fine Janet – go, have fun, shop!"

In actual fact he was relieved Janet and Bart were leaving for a couple of days. It gave him some time to start searching. He _knew_ the stone circle, whatever the hell it was, was important and that he had to find it. He'd spent the last few nights looking through books in Janet's library, to see if there was any reference to it but hadn't found anything. He decided his next step was to start a search the land, to see if he could discover anything.

He'd casually asked Janet about the name of the ranch, hoping she'd have some information, but she'd simply shrugged.

"I don't know", she'd said. "My father named it. I asked him a few times but all he said was that it was as good a name as any. I think it held some significance for him, but he wouldn't tell me what it was."

Bart hadn't known anything either and had told him to 'mind his own business'. He knew Bart didn't like or trust him, but sometimes he grew sick of the other man's attitude. He had done nothing to hurt him and didn't appreciate being treated like some kind of parasite!

He watched Bart and Janet head out in the wagon and waved goodbye. He knew Bart had been tempted to stay, to watch him, but Janet had laughed and told him to 'come on'. "There's nothing for him to steal here Bart – even if I believed he would. Just relax and let's go."

Once they were gone he went and saddled Girl and began his search.

* * *

Sam decided that the best thing to do was to go into town and confront James directly and tell him she couldn't marry him. She hoped he wouldn't be too upset, although for some reason she felt nervous. She hated the thought of hurting anyone, but it was more than that. For some reason she felt like he wasn't going to take it at all well. She wished she had a zat with her – just in case.

When they arrived in town Charlie took off to the General Store to pick up some supplies. "I'm going to see if I can find James", she'd told him. "sIf I can't I'll head over to Rebecca's. You can find me there."

In the end it turned out that James was out of town. One of his men – Sam really didn't like the guys he had working for him – told her he'd be back later that afternoon. She thanked him and headed over to the dressmakers shop.

"Samantha! What are you doing here?"

Her friend gave her a hug and invited her in. Just as she went to step through the doorway, a wagon pulled up and a small, dark-haired woman jumped out and headed towards the dress shop. Sam briefly wondered who this woman was. For some reason, she reminded her of Janet Frasier.


	11. Discoveries

"Samantha!" Rebecca opened the door and smiled when she saw her friend. "Come in, come in. I wasn't expecting you."

Just then the dark haired woman reached the door. "I'm sorry, is this a bad time?" she asked.

Rebecca looked at her in surprise, not recognizing the woman and she'd thought she'd met most of the women in the area. "Uh no, of course not. Are you interested in having a dress made?"

"Probably more than one", Janet smiled, smoothing her skirt. "I'm afraid I haven't been in for a fitting for too long, so my clothes are starting to look kind of worn."

"Well then -" Rebecca looked at Sam. "Did you -"

"It's okay", Sam stepped back. "Go ahead ma'am, I just came by to say hello." She gave the stranger a smile. "You can't go wrong here. Rebecca makes wonderful clothes."

"I feel badly about interrupting. I can come back later." The woman turned to Sam and smiled.

"Look", Rebecca laughed. "Why don't you both come in? I'll fix some tea and we can chat while – I'm sorry, I don't know your name?"

"It's Janet – Janet Henderson."

"We can chat while Janet looks at material. It's always nice to meet another woman around here. Sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded by farm hands and cowboys!"

"If you're sure that's okay?" Sam said, looking at the woman called Janet – that gave her a bit of a pause – to make sure she was okay with Rebecca's plan.

"Absolutely! Actually, I _am _surrounded by cowboys all the time. It's been a while since I've even _seen_ another woman."

As Rebecca ushered both women in she turned to Janet. "I haven't seen you before, have I? Are you from around here?"

"My ranch is actually a bit closer to Tulelee, so I don't often come to Mariscola. But I heard about you – and there really isn't anything over there _except_ cowboys and saloons."

"Well, I'm glad you decided to come! It's lovely meeting another woman. Did you come with your husband?" Rebecca was insatiably curious and Sam had to hold back a grin. She wondered how long it would be before her friend started to ferret out some information.

"Uh – I'm not married", Janet said with a bit of a grimace. "I'm afraid I looked after my father until he passed away so didn't have much time to find myself a husband."

"Really? Oh – that's too bad. Well, there are a few good-looking ones around. We'll just have to introduce you to some!" Rebecca handed her a cup. "Samantha here just found herself one. She's getting married soon to a local man."

Janet almost sprayed a mouthful of tea across the room upon hearing the other woman's name.

"Are you alright?" Sam patted her gently on the back.

"I'm sorry, it went down the wrong way, but I'm fine now. Uh, did you say – your name is Samantha?"

"Yes, although I usually go by Sam." She looked at Rebecca at that. The other woman refused to call her by her nick name, claiming it sounded too masculine.

"Can I -" Janet hesitated, not quite sure whether to continue. "Uh, can I ask who you are marrying?"

Sam paused, not quite sure what to say, but before she had a chance to say _anything, _Rebecca jumped in.

"His name's James – James Knightly – and he's _so_ handsome, and nice and rich too. Samantha got real lucky capturing him. Women have tried for years without any luck." She leaned forward conspiratorially "There were even rumors that maybe he was – you know – one of those men who – didn't like women."

"Rebecca!" Sam scolded. "I'm sure Janet's not interested in James. Please", she turned to the woman who eerily reminded her of her own Janet, "tell me about your ranch. I just inherited one – and I'm trying to learn all I can."

Janet had been struggling with whether to say something to the blond haired woman sitting across from her the moment she'd had found out that this was the woman that James was to marry. From what she had seen of Samantha – or Sam – she got the impression that she was a pretty strong woman. That could either mean she'd listen – or that she'd end up running Janet out of town!

She began to tell about her life on the ranch, although half her mind was still on whether or not to say anything. Before she had the chance to decide, Rebecca had begun to bring out some material and to talk dresses. Oh well, she thought, there was always later.

"I think I'd better leave you two to get on with deciding on material and patterns", Sam stood up. "It was lovely meeting you Janet. I'm sure we'll run into each other again."

"Oh, do you have to go Samantha?" Rebecca asked. "You can stay and help Janet make up her mind."

"Thanks, I'd like to, but I have to go and see James. He was out when I called earlier but his men said he'd be back this afternoon."

"I know", the dressmaker grinned. "Love – you can't keep away from him!"

Sam frowned and almost said something, but then decided it wasn't fair to James. No, she'd have to tell him the wedding was off before telling her friends. She gave a small smile. "Thanks for the tea. Maybe I'll stop by later before we head back."

"We? Did you bring Charlie with you?"

"Yes, he's over at the store picking up some things and then he was checking out one of Joss Weldon's horses."

"Horses? I didn't know you were in the market for a new horse?" Rebecca said in surprise.

"He - took – Sweat-Pea", was all Sam replied softly.

"Oh Samantha, I'm sorry – I wasn't thinking." Rebecca gave her friend a quick hug. "I'm sure he's okay you know."

Sam just smiled and said another goodbye and then left. Rebecca stared after her for a few moments.

"I hope everything is alright?" Janet asked, curious about that last bit. "She had a horse die?" she asked.

"What?" Rebecca turned quickly, having forgotten about her customer. "Oh – not die", she explained. "She had a friend staying with her. He was – he'd been – well, he wasn't right in the head, but Samantha cared a lot about him. I think she'd known him for a long time. Anyway, one day he just up and left and took her horse – Sweat-Pea."

"Oh – that's too bad", Janet commiserated, trying hard to look as if she didn't know any of this.

"Yeah – she was really devastated about Jack – that's her friend's name. She looked for him for a long time. I was actually surprised she said yes to James because I kind of thought she -". She suddenly stopped, seeming to realize she'd said too much to a virtual stranger. "So, what do you think of this material."

Janet turned her mind to picking out material and patterns, but she couldn't get out of her mind the look on Samantha's face. Suddenly she wondered about Jack – and Sam. Was she the woman he was in love with? It fit, especially if they'd known each other for a long time. He hadn't said anything like that, although to be fair his memory was bad. But if she was the one he loved, why had he left? And who could possibly have shot him?

She had a sinking feeling in her stomach. She'd thought that just maybe there was a chance for her. She'd hoped that eventually he'd forget this other woman and learn to love her. If the other woman was this Sam – then she knew she had no hope. But her mind came back to why Sam would be marrying James if she was in love with Jack.

It was all so confusing and she didn't know quite what to do. Maybe the best thing was to do nothing. She could let Samantha marry James and then even if Jack was in love with her, he'd have no hope. She, Janet, would be there, waiting. There _was_ still a chance for her. She loved him and could make him happy – she knew she could. Samantha had made her own bed – she hadn't been able to keep Jack with her and now she was marrying another man. No, that was it Janet – just let it alone. She didn't have any responsibility to the blond woman.

"I'll take these three", she smiled at Rebecca. "How long until they'll be finished?"

Sam walked slowly down the street. She was dreading the pending confrontation with James, but she was convinced, more than ever, that she was doing the right thing. She'd been sitting at Rebecca's, and had almost convinced herself to let things stand, to go ahead with the marriage – and then her friend had mentioned _him_. That had done it. There was no way she could do this to Jack. The child she carried was his and deserved to have his name – not someone else's. She would simply let it be known that she and Jack had been married, but thinking he had died she had decided to marry out of – fear – of being alone. She grimaced at that thought but knew people in this society would believe that of a woman.

No – she couldn't marry another man, no matter how nice he was. She was in love with Jack and always would be.

"Samantha! What are you doing here?"

James voice hailed her from across the street. She stopped and waited while he crossed over. He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I didn't expect to see you. What brings you into town?"

"Well – Charlie had a few errands so I decided to come with him. Actually James, I wanted to speak to you anyway. Could we go somewhere to talk?"

"Sure", he frowned. "Is everything okay?"

"Please – can it wait?" The last thing she needed was to break off her engagement in the middle of the street.

"Sure. Come on – we can go into the hotel restaurant. I doubt if there will be anyone there right now."

She wasn't that thrilled with meeting there, but knew she couldn't go into James' office or home without causing a scandal. Some days she really hated the constraints of this society. Then again, she half smiled to herself, it hadn't been that much different when she was dealing with the Colonel. They'd been bound by restrictions because of their ranks and Air Force regulations.

They sat down and ordered and once their tea had arrived James took her hand from across the table. "Okay, so tell me. What's wrong?" He smiled at her gently, looking nothing but caring and compassionate.

God – she hated this, she thought. She didn't want to hurt him. "James", she gently pulled her hand away. "I've been thinking about -"

"About?" he frowned.

"About us. I – you'll never know how much your kindness has meant to me. You've been a real friend and have helped me through these past months. But I'm afraid -" She looked up into his eyes and was startled to see a flash of – something, something dark and foreboding. Still, she was no coward, so she continued. "I'm afraid that I have to call off our engagement. I realized that it wasn't – fair to you."

"What?" he hissed, his eyes narrowed. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying I can't marry you. I thought – you were so kind – but I'm, I'm not free." There, she'd said it!

"Not free? What the hell are you saying Samantha?" He looked at her angrily. "You can't just come in here and tell me it's off. Oh no, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to accept that."

She jerked back – shocked at his reaction. "Well, you're going to have to", she replied. "I'm telling you it's over. I'm sorry if I hurt you -"

His crack of laughter cut her off. "_Hurt me_?" He laughed again. "Oh, you haven't hurt me Samantha, because it's not going to happen. You see, you _are_ going to marry me, even if I have to carry you to the altar."

For the first time in months – in fact, for the first time since she and Jack had been captured on that distant planet, she felt anger. Real, honest to god, blazing, don't f—k with me anger. She was a soldier, an officer, and for months she'd acted like some helpless woman. In fact, she'd acted just like she'd been born and raised in Mariscola rather than far away in the good old USA. She was a strong, smart, tough soldier and like _hell_ was this ass going to try and tell her what to do.

"Go to hell", she hissed. "I am telling you I am not marrying you and that's the end of it. You can stay away from me and from my property from now on." She stood up and went to leave when his arm shot out and he grabbed her.

"You agreed to marry me", he said calmly, although his hand was digging viciously into her arm. "And I'll file a complaint for breach of promise. I'll end up with your ranch and property."

She had no doubt that he would – and that he could end up winning. She was pretty sure he had the local judge in his pocket. At least, they were drinking and card-playing buddies. She jerked her arm away – it hurt but it was worth it. "Go ahead and try", she said. "I'll simply claim duress – and that I wasn't in my right mind after thinking my husband was dead. But I've heard news that he _isn't_ dead. So you see, I couldn't marry you even if I wanted to – which believe me – I don't."

"Your _husband_?" He looked at her shocked. "You don't have a husband you bitch!"

"Oh ho", she laughed. "So you're not such a gentleman, are you? And yes, I do have a husband. His name's Jack – and I've been married to him for years."

There was a pause as James digested what she was saying. He felt so furious he wanted to hit her, but knew he could do nothing in a public place. Husband! Who the – "That _imbecile_? He's your _husband_?"

"Yes", she said simply.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"There was no need", she said. "Henry knew – that's why he left him the house and some money. Why else do you think he'd do that?"

"You're lying."

"No – I'm not", she said. "Why else do you think I looked after him the way I did? Do you think I would do that for just – anyone?" Actually – she would and did do it for a friend – but she knew that James would never even think of such a thing. She could tell that he was starting to believe her – and that he was livid.

"You bitch", he repeated. "You did this intentionally."

"Did what? Agree to marry you? I did it because I thought you were an honorable man – and I thought that – Jack was dead." She had trouble saying the words, but knew she had to make this look good. The fact was – she _had_ thought he was dead.

He suddenly laughed, the anger draining from his face. He lowered his voice. "Actually my dear", he said, "he _is_ dead. You see, I had my men kill him."

She could feel the color drain from her face and would have fallen over except he grabbed her and guided her back into a chair. She felt sick and placed her hand over her roiling stomach. "What -?"

"Yes", he leaned down and whispered into her ear. "You see, I knew you'd never agree to marry me if that mad man was still around, so I sent my men after him. They _did_ find him - but I'm afraid they shot him in the head and threw him over a cliff. By the time anyone finds the body it'll be nothing but bones!"

That did it. She could feel the bile rise in her stomach and the next thing either of them knew she had vomited all over James chest. He pulled back in disgust, but not in enough time to save himself or his clothes.

"Oh God!" he shouted. "Look what you've done!" He turned and shouted for a waiter, standing with his arms held out so he wouldn't touch his dripping clothes.

Sam just watched him, feeling like everything inside of her was frozen. She slowly reached over and took a glass of water and rinsed out her mouth. Without giving it a thought she spit the water out – aiming directly for James' pants. With that she stood up – shaking terribly – and began to walk towards the door.

The waiter passed her and gave her a startled look but she just kept going. All she knew was she had to get to Rebecca's before she collapsed. She walked through the dusty street – her mind only able to deal with one thought and that was to get to her friend's.

She reached the dressmaker's door and collapsed against it. With a hand that was shaking badly she reached up and knocked. She didn't think she even had the strength to open the door.

"Yes – Samantha! Oh God, what happened?" Rebecca put her arm around her and led her inside, carefully shutting the door.

"What's – what happened?" Janet had just been gathering her things to get ready to depart. "Samantha! Oh dear, what is it?"

The two women managed to get her seated on the small settee. Rebecca ran and got a cloth and wiped her face. "Samantha, please tell us. What's wrong?"

"He's dead", she whispered.

"James? Oh – you mean _Jack_?" Her friend looked dismayed. "How do you know?"

"James – he – he killed him."

"_What? _You're talking crazy", Rebecca cried. "Why would James do that? He loves you and he tried to _find_ Jack when he left."

"He told me", Sam said, still feeling numb. "I went to break our engagement. I told him I couldn't marry him and he – he got angry – told me I had to, that he'd force me. That's when – I – oh God Rebecca, he's dead!" She curled up and began to cry – a terrible keening sound.

The young woman looked frightened and turned to Janet. "I – I don't know what to do. There's no way James would kill someone -"

"Yes, yes he would", Janet said. "Sam – please – tell me exactly what happened." She shook the crying woman but when that got no response she frowned. "Damn – here goes." She reached down and gave Sam a sharp slap on the face – not enough to do damage but enough to sting. "Stop it!"

Sam looked at her in shock, but she managed to get her crying under control.

"Now tell me _exactly_ what happened with James. And yes, I believe you. I've known James Knightly for a lot of years and he's totally capable of killing someone. So tell me – what happened."

Sam managed to pull herself together, at least enough to explain to the other women what had transpired. "He told me his men – shot him in the head and threw him over a cliff -"

"A gully actually", Janet interjected. She almost wanted to laugh at the look of shock on the other woman's face. Damn, she said to herself – there goes any chance of getting Jack. Still, looking at Samantha she knew she couldn't do that to this woman. And anyway, if it was true they were married that really meant he was out of reach. "Jack isn't dead", she told her. "He was shot – and I can believe it was James' men. My foreman and I found him almost three months ago. He had been thrown into a small gully. Fortunately his horse was still there so we knew someone was around."

"He's not dead?" Those were the only words that seemed to make sense.

"No", Janet gave a small half-smile. "He was very much alive when I saw him this morning."

"Oh God." Once again Sam curled up – her hands wrapped around her stomach. "I thought – how is he?"

"He's fine", Janet said. "It took him a little while to get over the injury, but it was just a crease from the bullet. I think his former injury – he said he'd had a head injury – was the main problem, although he's getting better all the time."

"He _said_?" Sam sat up slowly, and looked at Janet in shock. "But he can't speak."

"Yes he can. Oh, he found it a bit difficult at first, but for the most part he's speaking quite clearly now. He's also a lot stronger and he's been helping out on the ranch."

Sam was stunned. The relief of finding out he was alive was beginning to fade and anger was beginning to take over. She'd spent the last few months thinking he was dead or hurt and here he'd been recuperating a few hours away and hadn't even bothered to let her know.

Did he hate her that much? Was their one night together so awful – or maybe he'd been so hurt that she'd left and he hadn't forgiven her. She closed her eyes and could feel the hot tears begin to squeeze through.

"He really is okay", Janet said, reaching out to the other woman. She was surprised when Sam pulled herself away.

"That's nice", Sam sniffed and wiped her face. "Tell him – no, on second thought, please don't say anything to him. I'm glad he's not dead but he's obviously happy where he is and I don't want to bother him." She stood up. "I should find Charlie and head back to the ranch Reb -"

"Sam!" her friend interrupted her and for once used her nickname. "What are you doing? You can't just leave. You know where Jack is. You need to go to him – find him – bring him back."

"No – no, he's happy where he is. Why would I destroy that?" Sam headed towards the door, wanting desperately to get back to the ranch, where she could collapse on her bed and – and what? She didn't even know what she was going to do.

"Sam." Janet's voice broke into her thoughts. "He's not happy", she told the other woman. Sam turned to her in surprise. "He's okay – getting stronger, like I said. But he misses – you." She knew, even as she said the words that she was right. This _was_ the woman he loved and for some reason he'd left. But Janet was pretty sure he'd left _for_ her, rather than _because of_ her. "He told me – he was in love with someone and I'm pretty sure it's you."

"He has a funny way of showing it", Sam answered angrily, wiping her face again. "To leave me for weeks and months thinking he was dead. That doesn't sound like love to me."

"Doesn't it? With the little I've gotten to know him since he's been with – us – I think that is exactly like him."

Sam just looked at her, still too angry to want to figure out what the woman was trying to say.

"I think he thought he was a burden. He indicated something of the kind to me shortly after he began to talk to us. I often caught him – staring into the distance – and I'm sure he was thinking of you."

Sam slowly sank back down on a chair and tried to hear what the other woman was saying. A burden? He wasn't a – she stopped herself. What if – what if he had been much more aware than she'd thought? If that was the case, he would have hated being a burden to her – he would have hated feeling helpless. And then there was that last night. He'd made love to her and – she suddenly sucked in a breath and covered her mouth. Oh God – what if it _had_ been him? What if he was in there – and had known what he was doing? And she'd gotten up and just – left.

"He hated himself", she said out loud. "He felt guilty and knowing him probably thought he was ruining my life. _That's_ why he left."

"I think so", Janet said kindly. "He loves you very much."

There was something in the other woman's voice that made Sam lift her head and look at her closely. Janet was looking at her with sympathy and compassion – but there was also a look of – devastation in her eyes. Sam tilted her head, wondering what was behind that look. Her eyes suddenly grew round. She knew what it was.

"There wasn't anything between us", Janet tried to smile, knowing that Sam had figured out her feelings. "And believe me, I offered, but he wasn't interested. That's when he told me he already had someone. As soon as I saw you today – I knew."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Sam asked curiously.

"Why? Oh" she laughed softly, "because I was being selfish and ugly. I thought I'd just let you marry James and then I'd have a chance with Jack. As soon as you got back I knew I couldn't do that to you – or to him. I'm sorry. I'd like to think that I would have said something anyway. Actually, one of the reasons I came here in the first place was to warn you about James."

"Warn me?"

"Yes, as I said, I've known him for a long time. I've also been able to discover some things about him and he's a – bad man."

"I kind of got that impression. I can't figure out why he was so angry though. I mean – maybe he loved me but -"

"James doesn't love anyone but himself. No, I expect there's some other reason. But right now I think we need to figure out what to do about Jack first, don't you?"

Sam swallowed – it was more of a gulp than anything. She was suddenly terrified. She then thought back to that moment in the restaurant when she'd rediscovered who she was – and that she was not a coward. She took a deep breath and looked at Janet. "I think a trip to your ranch is in order."

Janet grinned. "Yup – I knew you were a woman after my own heart. I'm afraid poor Jack doesn't know what's about to hit him. Come on then", she reached down and pulled the blond-haired woman up. "Let's get moving." She returned to the silent – and still stunned – Rebecca. "Rebecca, thank you for everything! Please don't say anything to anyone about Jack."

"No, of course not. Are you going to be okay Samantha?'

"I'll be fine", she reached out and hugged her friend. "I'll let you know what happens."

She walked out of the dressmakers shop side by side with Janet. All she could think of was that she was going to go see Jack. Once she got there she'd throw her arms around him – and then she'd kick his ass from here to Chulak! Janet was right – the man had no idea what was in store for him!

* * *

He'd spent the morning searching the property for something – anything that might give a clue as to the 'stone circle'. So far he'd found nothing – and really didn't have a clue where to even look. It was as the afternoon was wearing on and he started to get tired, that he heard the sound of lowing obviously coming from an animal in distress.

He turned his horse in the direction of the sound. When he arrived he saw it was a heifer and she was standing making an awful noise. He quickly checked her out but she didn't look hurt although he immediately could tell that she had recently given birth, although there was no calf anywhere to be seen.

"Have you lost your baby", Jack asked, looking around. He tied up his horse and began to check the ground to see if there were any clues. After a few minutes he found what looked like tiny hooves – obviously they belonged to the calf. "Well, your baby was here. Let's see if I can find her for you."

He slowly followed the tracks, worried that he'd find the animal dead – either from having fallen into a gully – or having been attacked by wild animals. What he actually found surprised him. The tracks stopped right in front of a large outcropping of rocks. In fact, they stopped in front of a large bush that lay in front of the rocks. He shrugged and was about to turn around when he heard another sound. This sounded like the calf – and it was coming from the rocks.

"What the hell?" he walked forward and pushed the bushes aside. Yes the tracks continued through what was a small alley between the bushes. It hadn't been visible until he'd gotten closer and moved aside the bush. "Now what do we have here?" he asked himself. He began to push himself through the branches, squatting down as much as possible. The branches continually caught on his shirt and in his hair, but he finally managed to make it through until he was up against the rock wall.

Right in front of him was a break in the rock. It was big enough for a man to get through – and certainly enough for a calf. "Why the heck did you wander in here?" he asked. By this time the sounds of the mother in the rear, and the calf ahead, drowned out just about everything else. "Okay, fine, let's take you back to momma!"

He ducked and managed to walk into what looked like a narrow rock tunnel. It was clear and just wide enough and tall enough that he could move without crawling, although he had to keep his shoulders bent.

After walking for about five minutes the rock opened up and he found himself standing in a clearing. And there, directly in front of him, was the calf, lost and frightened. "Okay you, time to go home." He walked up and managed to get the animal turned back towards the rock. She resisted and he was tempted to simply carry her, but at the last moment she bolted, right into the tunnel. He followed quickly and soon was able to watch the mother and baby reunite. He had to smile at the sight of the mother madly licking her baby – and then the calf moving under momma for dinner. Yup – there was nothing quite like the sight of a mother and child – no matter what the species.

After making sure that everything was fine with the animals he turned back. He'd caught a glimpse of something in the clearing, but hadn't bothered to look too closely and he was curious.

He came out again into the light and walked toward the object he'd seen. The clearing itself was large and was actually a small valley, surrounded on all sides by steep cliffs. He estimated it was a good three hundred yards to the other side.

The object came into sight suddenly, as he walked around a gnarled tree trunk. It was a circle, with symbols. This then must be the stone –

"The stargate!" he breathed. "God - it's the stargate."


	12. A Dose of Happy

James looked carefully at the two women across the street, considering how he was going to deal with this latest development. He'd been standing and watching for Samantha when he saw her come out of Rebecca's, followed by a tiny, dark haired woman. At first he'd given the second woman little attention, concentrating solely on his ex-fiancee'. He'd glanced at the other woman briefly, but a few seconds later he took a longer look. There was something about her that seemed familiar.

It took him a few moments to figure it out, and then it came back to him. Janet! Janet Henderson – the young woman he'd bedded a number of years ago. He barely remembered the incident; it had meant so little to him. He recalled her telling him she was pregnant, but when a child hadn't materialized he'd shrugged and decided she'd told him that to force him to the altar. It hadn't worked, of course. There was no way he wanted to marry some innocent little virgin. He laughed softly to himself. Actually, he'd taken care of that, but once he'd had her he wasn't interested in her any more.

But now! His eyes narrowed. She must have been the one to turn Samantha against him. There couldn't have been anything else since he'd been extra careful to be nothing but kind and supportive of the woman who'd inherited Henry's property. He'd been so sure it was in the bag that he was still confused and furious over what had happened.

He knew he'd blown it. He'd let his temper get the better of him and had allowed his true self to show. He shrugged. In the long run it wouldn't really matter. He'd get her property – and as a bonus he'd take her and use her until he was tired of her. In fact, this was better. He wouldn't have to marry her to get what he wanted. He'd decided long ago he wasn't a marrying man. He enjoyed his freedom too much – and he could get what he wanted without being tied to any one woman.

He waited until he saw Charlie approach the two women. The three of them stood speaking for a minute and then Samantha's right hand man headed off towards the stables. A few minutes later he saw Janet's foreman – what was his name - approach. The man didn't look at all happy and stood arguing with her, leaving after a few moments.

He watched until he saw the two women get into a wagon together and head out. He quickly realized they were headed in the direction of the Stone Circle Ranch. He watched as Bart came up with the second wagon and Charlie hopped in and wondered what the heck was going on. He'd have to send one of his men to follow them.

James knew he had to spend some time figuring out his next steps. His – partners – wouldn't be happy to hear that Samantha had broken off with him. They'd been counting on getting the land soon. Now, he wasn't quite sure when he'd be able to take possession. He was a little nervous – hell no – he was a lot nervous. He knew that he couldn't mess with these guys. He'd have to do something – and soon.

Sam was quiet for the first little bit of the journey. Janet had told her it would take a few hours to get to her ranch so she had some time to think about all that had happened.

Her emotions were all over the place. One moment she was filled with joy that Jack was alive. The next she was so angry it was a good thing she didn't have a weapon handy. The more she thought about the fact that he'd disappeared and hadn't bothered to tell her he was okay the angrier she became – the angrier and more hurt.

She didn't deserve to be treated this way. She'd done everything for him – literally _everything_ – for months. She bathed him, fed him, _changed _him for god's sake. Her life had become nothing more than looking after him – and he'd repaid her by simply running off. How could he have been so selfish, so cruel, so thoughtless? Did she mean so little to him that he could just write her off like that? She suddenly felt, that as glad as she was that he hadn't died, she didn't think she could ever forgive him for what he had done.

"He loves you, you know", Janet said softly beside her.

"You said that before", Sam replied with a soft snort. "I'm afraid I'm having a hard time believing that. Oh, I'm sure he _cares_ for me", she said, sarcasm dripping from her tongue. "But if you love someone you don't do what he did."

"No? Well, I don't blame you for being angry, although I'm positive he didn't mean to hurt you. Remember that when we first found him he was hurt and confused. He still has problems with his concentration and memory. I think he's struggling to come back, to be who he was. I expect that everything was pretty muddled in his mind."

Great – now she was feeling guilty for feeling angry. She sighed and glanced at the woman beside her. "I think you're a better person than me", Sam said.

"No" Janet answered. "I can just see things a bit more clearly", she explained. "and I don't have the added complication of being in love with the man."

"No?" Sam asked softly, although she immediately could have bitten her tongue.

Janet was silent. A part of her wanted to scream at Sam, to tell her that if she didn't want Jack she'd take him. She wanted to fan the anger of the other woman, to have her walk away from the man she'd grown to love. She knew she couldn't do that however. She wanted to cry and to laugh at the same time. These two were so in love and so screwed up! She sighed and pulled on the reins, stopping the horses. She then turned and faced the woman beside her.

"Yes, I fell in love with him", she confessed. "It's hard not to. He's handsome, intelligent, kind – and the type of man who makes you feel cared for and protected. No", she held up her hand when Sam started to say something. "He never treated me as anything other than a friend, or maybe a sister. I told you before, he's in love with you and didn't for a moment think of me that way. But I want to be honest with you. I won't do anything to try and get in between the two of you. It wouldn't be right and I couldn't live with myself if I did. But – and I mean this seriously – if you walk away, I will be right there, waiting for him. I – thought you should know." With that she picked up the reins and clicked her tongue and the wagon began to move.

Sam sat stunned, not sure what to say. She'd suspected – okay, more than suspected – that Janet had feelings for Jack. She'd never thought of the fact that she could lose him if she wasn't careful. Damn! She was still hurt and angry – but was she angry enough to let him go? To tell him she didn't want him. She put her hand on her stomach. Was that fair to the child she carried? If she couldn't forgive him, and she turned away from him, she had no doubt that Janet _would_ be there and she'd soon hear that they were together. If they remained on the planet, could she survive knowing that he was with another woman?

"It'll be okay", Janet said gently. "Just give yourself some time."

"Will you give me time?" Sam asked. She needed to know how much she had to worry about the other woman.

"Of course!" Janet smiled. "I really am a nice person, you know. I told you – I'm not going to do anything to hurt either of you. I just wanted you to know that if you give him up – and only then – I'll be there."

Sam nodded and gave a slight smile. "Duly warned", she said. "I – don't know what I'm going to do, but for now -"

"Keep my hands off?"

"Oh yeah!"

The two women laughed, understanding and respecting each other. Sam wondered briefly if she and Janet could ever become close friends. If it wasn't for the man between them she thought they could. As it was – probably not. Still, she did trust her – for now.

* * *

Jack stood staring at the stargate for the longest time – pictures and brief glimpses of people and places popping into his mind. None of it made any sense and he grew more and more frustrated. He knew the gate was important – vital – to their return to – earth – wherever that was. The problem was, he had no idea how it was important, or why.

He finally gathered the courage to move towards it and eventually, although his heart was practically thudding out of his chest, he made his way up the steps. With a deep breath he reached out and touched it. He jerked his hand away, although nothing had happened. He reached out again and this time let his hand rest on the ring. He'd believed it to be stone, but it felt more like some kind of strange metal. It was warm to the touch and he thought he felt some kind of vibration, or 'buzz' when he laid his hand on it.

He looked at the strange symbols that were carved into it and again, they looked familiar, although he had no idea what they meant. He walked through the center of the ring – which gave him the feeling that he should know what to do, what this meant. He shook his head in frustration. "What's wrong with you Jack?" he said. God – he was useless.

Sam would know! He had to see her, to talk to her, to tell her. She hadn't lost her memory – at least he didn't think she had. His memories of the time at Henry's were fuzzy at best, although he remembered more from the time right before he'd left. Yes – he had to get back to Janet's and tell her he was leaving. He had to find Sam and tell her.

He made his way back out through the tunnel in the rocks and found Girl standing placidly, waiting for him. "It's a good thing you're so patient", he told the horse, giving her a pat. He mounted her and turned the horse towards Janet's.

Yes, he had to tell Sam. He had to tell her about the stargate. He'd ask her what it meant and maybe she could get them home.

Home. He didn't know quite what it was and certainly not _where_ it was. He felt it should be something he wanted, that he longed for, but instead it frightened him. He felt like he was about to take a step into the unknown. What if he didn't like it there? What if he'd left because of something bad? Would it be better to stay here, to build a life here? He didn't know but he hoped Sam would tell him.

Sam. He allowed his thoughts to dwell on the woman who had cared for him for so long. He grimaced as he remembered some of the things she'd had to do for him. He felt sick when he thought about those things. He didn't just feel sick – he felt ashamed. With a burst of honesty he admitted to himself that that was one of the reasons he hadn't gone back before now. Oh, it had partly been because he didn't want to be a burden – but equally because he didn't know how to face her. He somehow knew he'd been a strong, independent man – before. But, for the past – he didn't know how long – he'd had to rely on her totally. He'd been weak; more than weak he'd been like an infant. The shame grew and he could feel his face burn. How could she ever look at him as anything other than a helpless idiot?

As his horse walked slowly towards the ranch he sank more and more into a black depression. She _was_ better off without him. What had he been thinking to go to her now? She most likely thought he was dead and it would be better to leave it that way.

What about the stargate Jack, a little voice asked? Can you keep that from her? Is that fair to her?

"Damn it!" he practically yelled. "When did everything get so – f—ked up!" He could feel a headache come on and he knew his mind was becoming foggy. NO! He shook his head. Hold on Jack – just hold on. He tried to calm himself down and finally allowed Girl to take him home. Thankfully she knew the way, as it was dark and he was too tired and confused to know the right way home.

* * *

"He's not here" Janet frowned. She lit the lamps in the front room but it was obvious no one was in. "Where could the dratted man be?"

"Maybe he's taken off again", Sam said quietly. "He probably knew I was coming", she laughed harshly.

"Don't be ridiculous!" Janet said sharply. "You're tired and upset. Sit down and I'll fix us some tea. He could be over with the hired hands. I'll ask Bart to check on him as soon as he gets here.

Sam sat quietly, enjoying the peace and the warmth of the fire which Janet had lit. Soon her hostess returned with a tray and two cups. There were also some small sandwiches and cookies.

"We're both hungry", she smiled. "Have something to eat. You'll feel better."

Sam smiled and reached for a sandwich. "You remind me of a good friend of mine", she said, taking a bite.

"Really?" Janet raised her eyebrow and picked up a sandwich. "Is she bossy?"

Sam laughed. "Oh yeah, although she says it's because she cares about us all. She's a doctor."

"A _woman_?"

"Yes. In my – where I'm from women can be and do anything they want. They're equal to men and so we have women doctors and lawyers and engineers and – oh everything."

"Really?" Janet looked intrigued. Then she asked. "And what about men? Can they do everything women do?"

"Yes. I mean, we have male nurses and teachers and hairdressers and – lots of things."

"Can they have babies?" Janet grinned.

Sam laughed, although it was a bit forced. She unconsciously placed her hand on her stomach. "No, not yet I'm afraid."

"Good. I mean – can you really picture a man dealing being pregnant?"

"Uh – no!"

"Can you imagine what Jack would be like? I mean morning sickness, big stomach, everything!"

Sam snorted with laughter. "No – he definitely would hate it. He'd complain the whole time."

The two women laughed, needing the release after a day filled with tension. Still, in the back of Sam's mind was the thought of _her _child – hers and Jack's. She wondered again where he was.

A few minutes later they heard the front door slam. Sam looked up quickly at Janet, who just shrugged. "It could be Bart."

"Janet?" a voice called.

Sam closed her eyes. Oh god. It was him.

"In here Jack", Janet reached out and laid her hand on Sam's knee. "It'll be okay."

"Sor- ry Janet", he said, practically stumbling into the front parlor. "I - " He cleared his throat, dry from thirst but also because he was finding it difficult to speak. He got this way when he was over-tired or under stress. "I – was – out – riding."

"We have company Jack", Janet said gently. He hadn't noticed the other woman sitting quietly beside her.

"Wha -?" He looked and – "Sam?" Suddenly it all became too much. He stumbled, and would have fallen over except she'd seen how he looked and had been ready.

She held him up, her arms around his waist. He pressed his head into his neck and she could feel him shaking. "It's okay Jack", she said softly.

"You're – here!" he murmured. "You're here."

He continued to shake and after a while she thought she felt wetness on her neck. She was shocked at his condition. On the one hand he was so much better – he was speaking, and standing on his own. On the other – he looked like hell. What had happened?

"Jack", she finally said. "Let's sit down. Are you okay?"

She felt, rather than saw, the small nod. She then heard him sniff – she was sure he'd be mortified at that – and then he began to stand up straight. She immediately led him to the settee and sat down beside him.

He wouldn't look at her – he simply wiped his eyes with his forearm and then looked down.

"Jack", she said again, more firmly. "What's wrong? What happened?" At that he finally looked up – and she gasped. He was looking at her with – eyes that were clear. He was her Jack – oh, a little worn and still fragile – but he was back.

"Nothing", he grimaced. "I just – got over-tired", he said. "I – was – am sur – surprised", he grimaced again as he had trouble getting the words out, "sur-prised to see you."

"You didn't think I'd find you?" she asked, her brows raised. She could begin to feel her anger return.

He looked at her – sheepishly. For a moment she was tempted to laugh. He looked like a little kid caught doing something wrong and who expected to get in trouble with his parents. "I – didn't think – you'd _want_ to", he said.

"_What?" _she hissed_. "_You didn't think I'd _want to_? What the hell did you think I'd do?"

"I'm – sorry Sam", he said, reaching out a hand. "I – didn't mean to – hurt you. I thought it – would be – better 'f you – did – did – did not have to – look –after me. I know it was – awful!"

She began to feel herself grow calm, but it was not the calm of forgiveness. She felt cold – rejected. She noticed then that Janet had gone. When the woman had left she didn't know – but she wished she had stayed. She didn't know if she was up to this right now. It had all been too much.

"You know what was awful Jack? Thinking you had died. _That_ was awful. Thinking you had gotten lost and died of thirst or hunger – or from being attacked by a wild animal. _That_ was awful. Looking after you wasn't awful – it was something I did for a friend, for someone I cared about, who I thought cared for me. How could you just throw that away?"

Jack didn't know what to say. He was just so tired – so lost. He knew he'd made a mistake, had known for a long time. But he hadn't had the strength to deal with it. He still felt only half a man – and was having trouble coping with everything. He _was_ better, he knew that, but still not totally okay. Right now he wanted nothing so much as to lie down and sleep. No – what he wanted even more was to feel Sam's arms around him while he slept. He could feel his eyes begin to tear up and impatiently wiped them with his arm. "I'm – sorry", he repeated. He knew she wanted more, she wanted an explanation but right now – he just couldn't. "I'm – so – sorry."

He anger hadn't abated, but she suddenly looked at Jack carefully and could see he was in a bad way. Damn it! What was she thinking? "Are you okay?" she asked again, gently this time.

"Just – tired. Long – day."

"You did too much", she said, not asking the question. "I'd better get you to bed." She stood up with a sigh and went to help him.

That was just too much for Jack. Everything he'd been through – his head injury, making love to Sam and being rejected, being shot and rescued by a woman who was in love with him, finding the stargate and now seeing Sam again – it was too much.

"NO!" he shouted, pulling away from her. "I – can -" Damn, he couldn't speak. "Go – not – baby!" She wasn't going to come back and suddenly start to treat him like that infant again. He'd been looking after himself for weeks. He didn't need her. He struggled to his feet. "Don't – need –" He stopped, realizing how that would sound. "I – can", he repeated.

He moved slowly to the door, holding on the furniture so he wouldn't fall over. Just as he got to the doorway he turned. "I'm – sorry", he said, one last time. With that he limped out of the room.

Sam stood frozen. What had she just done? The man was beyond exhausted. He was obviously still dealing with his head injury and she'd treated him like crap. She closed her eyes, wanting to run after him and tell him _she_ was sorry. She let out a small whimper. You really screwed that up Sam!

"You gonna stay there and feel sorry for yourself or are you going to go to him. He needs you, you know." Janet was standing in the door, looking at her with an expression – almost – of disgust.

"You heard?" she said.

"I couldn't help it", Janet answered. "I understand that you're angry, but I didn't think you'd take it out on him like that. The poor man is sick and exhausted."

"I know – I know", she cried, rubbing her hand through her hair. "I didn't mean to. I – was just tired too, and scared, and it all came out – wrong."

"Well, now's your chance to make it right."

"What can I do?" Sam cried.

"I thought you were a bright woman, Samantha. I guess I was wrong." Janet turned towards the stairs. "I'll show you to your room", she said.

"Wait", Sam called softly. "Where's – Jack's room?"

Janet turned back and studied the other woman. "I can't let you hurt him again", she said. "He needs -"

"I know", Sam interrupted. "Please?"

Janet took a deep breath and after a moment expelled it. "Top of the stairs, second door on your left. If you hurt him -" she left the sentence hanging.

"Don't worry", Sam said. "I think both of us have been hurt enough. It's time for some healing."

Janet watched as Sam walked up the stairs and turned left. She hoped she would do the right thing. With a sigh she put out the lights. It was time for her to go to bed and to get on with her own life.

Sam knocked softly on the door, but there was no answer. With a short prayer she turned the knob and walked into the room. She could see Jack's silhouette in front of the open window. The moonlight shone in, illuminating the room with a soft golden glow. She bit her lip – knowing that this was it.

"I'm sorry", she whispered. "I – you didn't deserve that."

"Yes", he answered, after a few moments. "Yes – I did."

"No – it's been hard – for both of us. I was worried, and tired too – not the best time to deal with things."

He laughed softly. "No – not the – best."

"Jack?" She took a step closer. "I missed you so much."

"Really?" he asked, sounding tired. "Did you – miss – changing my – diapers?" This time he sounded bitter.

She suddenly realized that this was part of the problem. He was a proud man – one used to being in a a position of power and leadership. He was strong and independent and relying on her must have been galling. "Do you hate me for that?" she asked. She had to know if he would resent her for helping him.

There was a pause, during which time she could feel her heart beat faster. She was very worried that he did – and that he couldn't ever forgive her.

"No", he finally said. He laughed again, and this time he didn't sound so bitter. "I – feel – embarrassed. I don't – hate you. Never – that."

Oh thank god! She breathed a sigh of real relief. "There's no need to feel embarrassed. I know you probably won't believe me – but I felt – honored, that I was able to care for you. I felt terrible for _you_ – for what you had been through and how you had been hurt. I never felt bad for me."

She could see him move slightly, although he didn't speak for the longest time. She wanted to ask what he was thinking, feeling, but knew she had to wait for him to tell her.

"I – felt – ashamed", he admitted. "I didn't want – to be a burden. Then, after – the next morning you left. I thought you were – disgusted."

"Oh God!" she exclaimed, taking a step forward. "Never that! I thought _I'd_ hurt _you_. That's why I left. I came back later, to talk to you, but you were gone."

"I know. I'm an – idiot."

"Well -" she said, and almost laughed when he flinched in surprise. "But I was an idiot too. We _both_ were idiots. I hope we can – do better now?"

He shrugged, not knowing what to say or do. This whole situation was – confusing.

"Jack?" she called.

"What?" his head dropped forward, as if he was waiting for bad news.

"I missed you so much", she cried. "Please?"

"I missed you - too Sam", he answered.

She finally had the strength to move forward. She came up behind him – she knew he was aware of her presence. She reached out her hand and laid it gently on the back of his arm. "Then please", she whispered, "hold me? I – need you so much."

With a sob he turned and pulled her to him. He again buried his head in her neck. She rested hers on his chest and they stood this way for a long time. "Lie down with me Jack?" she finally said.

They curled up on the bed together. His arms where around her and her head and hand rested against his chest – the soft beating of his heart making her feel relaxed and sleepy. It wasn't long before she was asleep, feeling safe and happy – for the first time in a long, long time.

He continued to watch her long after she had fallen asleep. Finally, his eyes grew heavy and his thoughts began to fade. He leaned forward and gently kissed her on the forehead. For the first time – in a long, long time – he felt safe - and happy.

_**I was going to stop this after the angsty part – but then figured all my amazing and wonderful readers needed something sweet and nice. So – this is dedicated to all of you who have been so kind and faithful. We all need a good dose of 'happy' every once in a while.**_


	13. Really Glad

_**Sorry folks – a little, teeny, tiny chapter. I was really tired tonight but wanted to get something out to you all. I'll try and keep updating as regularly as I can. As soon as this story is done I'll finish my other two (geesh – I can't believe I actually started that many stories at one time. Next time, please slap my wrists if I try and do that again!) Vini**_

Jack awoke to the warm and comforting feeling of a soft body spooned up against him. His lips curved slightly. This was so much better than the last time he'd woken up after going to sleep with Sam beside him.

The deep, even tenor of her breathing – and her soft snore - told him that she was still sound asleep. He couldn't help himself; he snuggled closer and pulled her to him. He didn't want to ever let her go.

After a few moments of simply enjoying the warmth of her body, he noticed that she felt – somehow different than she had the last time. He told himself he was just imagining things. It's not like he had a lot of experience in holding her like this. And anyway, the last time hadn't been as well as he was now. No – he had just always thought of Sam as extremely slender and tall and now, holding her, he found her more – soft and rounded – at least around the waist. Maybe it was just that she hadn't been as active as when – he frowned – as before. Oh well, it didn't matter. He loved her and she was –

She was James'! Oh damn, he thought, he'd forgotten that she was engaged. He almost withdrew his arm and pulled away from her, but at the last moment stopped. If she was engaged, what was she doing here, with him, unless it had been simply a 'comfort' thing? What if she still regarded him as something of a child and was treating him like a son or brother? Oh hell! Why did he have to think about something like that, right now?

"Good morning." Her soft voice startled him and he started to pull his arm away. She grasped it and held it around her. "No, that feels nice."

He swallowed, wondering what to say or do. When he hadn't spoken after a couple of minutes she scooted around until she was looking at him.

"What's wrong?" she immediately asked, seeing his expression. She'd thought everything was fine when they'd gone to sleep but now he appeared – worried? angry? She couldn't quite tell.

"You're – you're engaged", he said softly. "We shouldn't – be here – like this."

She wanted to laugh in relief but realized at the last second that Jack would probably completely misunderstand it if she did. "No", she said quickly. "I'm not – not anymore. I broke it off with him."

"You did?" he said, sounding slightly hopeful, although there was still a hesitant sound in his voice.

"Yes, I did. I -" She knew she had to explain carefully but it was hard while lying so close. With a sigh she pushed herself up until she was leaning against the headboard.

Jack grimaced but followed suit, understanding that they had to talk about some things. They'd both been too tired last night – which had resulted in some things said which they'd both regretted. Now however, it was time.

"Why did you get engaged?" Jack asked. "It couldn't have been that long after I left."

"I thought you were dead", she answered plainly. "I looked for you and the people in the town looked. James had his men out looking for weeks. We didn't find you or any sign of you. Everyone told me I had to accept that you'd been killed."

"So that made you jump into a relationship with James?" He couldn't help but sound bitter. He knew it wasn't fair, but hell – they'd slept together and she'd immediately run away and then soon after had taken up with someone else."

"Jack, you have to understand. I was – so lost, so frightened. We've been here almost a year and for most of that time I was looking after you. No – I told you, I didn't mind doing it – never that. But it meant I wasn't able to find us a way home. I'd started to look for a way home when you got a bit better. Then, after you disappeared and they convinced me there was no hope, I looked again. Eventually I came to realize that there was nothing here – at least not that I could find – that would enable me to return home. That meant that I was stuck here for the rest of my life. I had to make a life for myself, all alone, without any of my friends or family – and without you. I was frightened", she repeated.

"And James helped?"

"Yes – yes he did. But I don't want you to think that I ever felt anything for him other than friendship and gratitude. I didn't love him and there was certainly no – physical relationship between us." She laughed slightly. "One of the benefits of living in this society; women aren't supposed to sleep with anyone until after marriage. Anyway", she continued carefully, "he would come by and sympathize and talk to me and – take my mind off of everything for just a little while. So, when he asked me to marry him I thought -"

"You thought he could help take the pain away permanently?"

She nodded and gave him a wobbly smile. "If not permanently then – maybe he could help a bit. But I realized – it couldn't work. I _didn't_ love him and it wasn't fair to him or me – or especially to you – to go ahead with the wedding."

"Why especially me?" he frowned, puzzled. "If I was dead what difference could it make to me?"

She swallowed convulsively. Should she tell him? God – he had a right to know so what was holding her back? She closed her eyes briefly then opened them and took a deep breath. "I didn't love him", was all she could say.

"So you said, but I still don't see -"

She reached over and covered his mouth with her hand. "I didn't love _him_", she repeated. "It would have dishonored what I felt for – you."

He didn't know what to say. He knew he had to say _something_, anything, but his tongue felt stuck to the roof of his mouth. What could he say? That he loved her, that he'd loved her for a long time, even if he couldn't remember anything before a few months ago? Could he tell her that he didn't want to live, to exist without her? Could he tell her that she meant everything to him, that she was his life, his soul?

"Uh - okay", he answered. She sat there, looking like she wanted more. Of course she wanted more, you idiot, he said to himself. She'd practically declared herself and he'd done nothing, said nothing. "Uh, I think you're not getting the best deal", he said. Right Jack, dig your grave deeper and deeper. He sighed and stuck his hand through his hair, making his morning bed head even wilder than than it had been. "But, I'm glad." There, a bit better but not great. He could claim his head injury, of course although that only went so far.

"You're glad?" she prompted.

He could have sworn he saw a twinkle in her eyes. Was she _laughing_ at him? Here he was, feeling pure terror and she was enjoying every minute of it. To hell with that Major! He turned and grabbed her and pulled her down until she was lying flat on the bed with him leaning over her. Without saying another word he leaned down and kissed her until – hell, until he had to stop, which wasn't for a long, long time.

When he finally came up for air, he pushed himself up on his arms, not wanting to squash her – at least not more than he already had. This time he wasn't mistaken, she _was _laughing at him. "What?" he said, his eyes narrowed.

"Does that mean you're _really_ glad?" she giggled.

"You Major, are an evil woman. And yes, I'm _really_ glad. Of course, I would have gotten rid of him anyway. You're mine and that's that."

"Being kind of sexist aren't you?" she said, still laughing.

"Sexist or not, I don't care. You're still mine Carter!"

Slowly her grin faded although she continued to stare at him.

"What?" he asked, beginning to worry.

"You called me Carter", she said. "Does that mean – do you remember?"

He suddenly felt dizzy, and his head began to ache. He rolled over until he was lying on his back, and covered his eyes. Why had he called her Carter? Okay – he was pretty sure he'd remembered that that was her name. She'd used it when he was still at Henry's, but he'd never thought of her that way – at least, not that he could remember. Why then did it feel so – right?

"I – no, I don't think so", he said. "I see – images, flashes of people and places, but I don't know what they mean. I think we were from – somewhere else, but I don't know anything about it."

"I'm so sorry Jack", she said, reaching out and gently touching his face. "I should have been telling you things, explaining them to you. I guess I just didn't think it would mean anything to you. I'm sorry", she repeated.

"It's okay. You're probably right that I wouldn't have really understood. I think I was out of it for a long time." He looked at her questioningly.

"Yes", she said. "It's been almost a year since we were brought here. You were ill for a long time."

"How did we get here?" he wanted to know.

She wanted to cry or to kick herself. She couldn't believe that she'd left him wondering. She should have been telling everything about his life while he was lying in bed. Even if he hadn't been able to understand at first, he would have picked up some things and it would have left him less – lost.

"We were on a mission", she said, "we were on a team together and then we were captured. You were hurt – the people who captured us did something to you, to your head. They must have knocked me out then because the next thing I knew we were here, in the desert outside Mariscola. I thought they had brought us through the stargate, although I haven't found any trace of it. I guess it could have been by ship. What is it?" she suddenly asked, noticing his startled look.

"Stargate", he whispered.

"Yes, it's a large -"

"- metal circle, with symbols all around it", he continued.

"Yes", she frowned, "that's right. You _do_ remember it?"

"I did. I knew it was important, although I didn't know why – still don't, for that matter. But I didn't just remember it. I found it."


	14. Finding the Gate

_**So sorry - company here from Canada so I couldn't update. This chapter contains no action - just some filler - but it's coming soon to a fan fic site near you!**_

"Well?" he asked, looking narrowly at the pock-marked face of the man opposite him.

"She stayed at the Henderson woman's place", Robert told him.

"And that's it?" James waited to hear if there was more. He needed more information to figure out what to do about Samantha – and more importantly, about her land.

"A man showed up. He went into the house and stayed. I didn't recognize him."

"What did he look like", James scowled. Was there someone new he had to worry about? Could it have been Charlie or Bart? You know, the hired hands?"

"Nah, they didn't come till later. All I know is he was tall and sorta skinny. He walked with a limp. In fact, he looked like he was about ready to fall over."

Who the hell could it be? James thought of all the people in the area, but no one came to mind. The only stranger who had been around lately was O'Neill, and he was dead. Well, he'd have to wait and find out. For some reason, he suspected that the man was tied up in whatever was going on. He didn't have any facts, just a gut feel. It was his gut that had enabled James to survive, and to gain power and money and influence. He wasn't about to stop trusting it now.

"I want you and Griffen to head back to the Stone Circle and keep your eyes open. "

Robert nodded and immediately collected Griffen and headed back to the ranch.

As James stood silently, debating his next move, he pulled his watch out of its pocket and checked the time. Damn, they were coming tomorrow and he had to have something to tell them. If they got angry it could go very badly for him. He sometimes wished he'd never gotten involved with them, but the rewards had been too tempting.

"_What" _she almost screeched._ " _You _found_ it?" She sat up straight in bed, almost pushing him over in her haste. "Where? When? How did you know where to look? Is there a DHD? Oh God, why didn't you tell me?"

"Whoa!" he said, half laughing. A flustered Sam was a sight to behold. He somehow thought it was a rare sight, but he had to admit he was enjoying it. "Slow down."

He had to chuckle at the look she flashed him and he put his hands up in mock defense. "Okay, okay, I'll tell you. Where? About four hours ride from here, over south in the red hills. When? Yesterday. That's why I was back so late. How did I know where to look? I didn't. I mean, I _was_ looking, but I never would have found it if it wasn't for a lost calf." He grinned at her confused look. "It's well hidden. I'll explain later. As for a DVD – I don't know what that is. And finally, why didn't I tell you? Well, I kind of had other things on my mind." He stopped and grinned again, pleased that he could give her the gift of the gate, but also continuing to enjoy her look of - irritation. He kind of recognized that one. He suspected he had a habit of driving her crazy on occasion – at least he did if it was always this much fun.

"Well I'm glad you didn't find it weeks ago", she said. "I really would have been – ah – upset at that. As for the calf, well I want to hear more about that. And it's D_H_D, not D_V_D – that's a – well it doesn't matter right now what that is. The DHD is short for Dial Home Device – it's what operates the stargate."

"O – kay", he said. "Uh, how does it operate it? I mean, what does it do? I figured the gate had something to do with getting us home, but I can't see how. I mean, it's just a big metal ring with weird symbols on it."

"Actually Sir -", she started, not even realizing what she'd called him.

He looked at her quizzically, but didn't interrupt. She was in full 'science geek' mode, he could tell. He sighed and leaned back. He knew he was in for some incomprehensible explanation. Somehow this was also familiar. She and Daniel used to do this to him all the time.

"It truly is a 'gate' – but it's a gate to the stars."

"Hence 'stargate'", he said helpfully.

"Exactly!" She looked at him proudly.

He could tell she had an overwhelming desire to pat him on the head and say 'good boy Jack'. Before she had the chance, though, he spoke. "Okay, so how is it a 'gate to the stars'?

"Well, the symbols on the stargate are actually glyphs that correspond to points in the galaxy. You have to dial seven of these glyphs to reach another gate. It's kind of like dialing a telephone. Once you dial a correct 'address' or 'number', the stargate engages – uh, it turns on' -"

"I know what 'engages' means Carter!"

"Yes Sir", she grinned. "Anyway, when it _engages_ a wormhole is established. This happens because the gate is made of Naquadah, a quartzite metal not found on earth. When charged neutrinos are applied to the Naquadah it absorbs and energizes the neutrinos. This forms an artificial but stable inter-dimensional path between two planets. You enter the wormhole at one end and your molecules are dematerialized as they pass through the wormhole. When you exit the event horizon at the other end, they are _re-_materialized. The process is almost instantaneous.

"So, you're telling me you walk in one gate, turn into billions of little pieces, get put back together and walk out another gate on a different planet?"

"Yes, that's it exactly Sir."

"So why didn't you just _say_ so Carter?" he said. "All this talk of nintendos* is confusing."

"I know. You've – always uh had trouble with it."

"I have?"

"Yes."

"Oh thank god. I thought it was my head injury!" He suddenly stopped and stared at her. "Wait! Are you telling me we're from a different_ planet_?"

"Yes", she said softly. She'd been worried about this. What if he didn't believe it?"

"Good. I really didn't feel like I belonged here. I mean, I like horses and everything, but I really miss hot showers -"

"I know, me too. I also miss -"

" – and beer", he said, not even realizing she was speaking. "I haven't had a beer in – I don't know how long. I'd really like a beer Carter."

"Yes Sir", she laughed. "Actually, they _do_ have beer here. We just didn't keep any in the house."

"Sam! What were you thinking? You _have_ to have beer in the house. I mean, what if there was an emergency hockey game or something."

"An _emergency_ hockey game?" She looked at him questioningly. "You seem to be remembering things."

"Yeah", he sighed, growing serious all of a sudden. "But like I said, it's only in bits and pieces. Hell, I don't even know what hockey_ is_."

"It's a game – played on ice. You loved it. The players wear sharp metal blades on their feet, carry a long stick and hit a puck – a hard rubber disk – around the ice and try and get it into a net at one end. You compete against another team who are trying to get the puck into your net."

He stared at her blankly. "Sounds weird", he finally said. "Are you sure I liked it?"

"Oh yes, very sure."

"Who's Daniel", he suddenly asked. He remembered that the name had flashed into his mind a short while ago. He felt like the memory was right there, just floating around his head, waiting for him to grab onto it.

"He's one of your closest friends", she said. "He's also on our team, or at least he was before we were captured."

"What does he look like?" Jack asked. He had a fuzzy picture in his mind, but wasn't sure if that was Daniel or not.

"He's a tiny bit shorter than you, dark hair, blue eyes, very good looking. He also wears glasses and -"

" – he's a geek like you!" he said triumphantly. "I'm starting to remember! And – the big, black guy with the weird tattoo on his forehead?"

"That's Teal'c. He's also a good friend and a member of our team."

"That's right! He's a – Taffy?"

She giggled. "No, he's a _Jaffa_. That means he used to serve an evil master. He has an infant Goa'uld – uh - snake -"

"Junior!"

"Yes, 'Junior' in his belly."

"I _am_ starting to remember. And you – you were on our same team. What did you do?"

"Me? I'm a scientist – an astrophysicist."

"Of course you are!" He said, shaking his head. He'd known she was smart. He was pretty sure that she'd _always_ been smarter than him.

"So, what do we do about the stargate?" he finally asked. He'd been trying to ignore the whole thing for the last few minutes, although he had been pretty sure the conversation would come around to it again. He still hesitated at the thought of going 'home'. It wasn't the stargate that bothered him – it was the 'home' part of it. He was pretty sure there was a reason he didn't want to go back. He just couldn't remember what it was.

"Well, we need to determine if there's a DHD – the Dial Home Device."

"And if there isn't?" he asked, feeling slightly relieved.

"I'll just have to build something. It might take a while, but eventually I should be able to do it. Of course, the difficulty is going to be hiding what we've found if we have to go there too often."

"And if this – D – thingy works?"

"Then I guess we'll go home", she said. She threw her legs over the side of the bed and pushed herself to her feet. "I'd better get up. How far did you say it was to the gate?"

"A couple of hours", he told her, looking suspiciously at her. "Where are you going?" he asked. He was rather ticked at himself for even bringing up the whole gate. They hadn't resolved this – thing – between them and she was getting up like having slept with him was no big deal. He sighed to himself. In fact it _had_ been no big deal. All they'd done was slept.

"Going? I'm going to get cleaned up and then I want you to take me to the gate", she said. "I need to determine whether or not I have to build something to get us home."

"If the DHD is there", he continued, "will you want to go home immediately?"

"I – no", she said. "For one thing, we can't go directly to earth." When he looked at her in confusion she explained. "There's a protective shield over the gate on earth. You have to have a code so that they'll open it on that end, otherwise you -"

"Go splat!"

"Yes, you definitely go 'splat'."

"Okay then, let's not go home", he told her. "Let's just stay here."

"_Jack_" she said, in disgust. "Of _course_ we need to get home. We'll just have to take a detour."

"A detour?" God – he wondered if he _used_ to get headaches from this woman or if this was a result of his injury.

"Yes. We'll gate to the Alpha site or somewhere there is a safe planet that has a DHD. From there we'll gate home."

"I see." He still sat quietly on the bed, wondering suddenly at her desire to leave here.

"Don't _you_ want to go home", she asked, as if realizing he wasn't happy.

"I don't remember home", he told her. "I mean, I barely remember my friends and even less about everything else. I'll be totally out of place there. At least here I know what I'm doing."

"But even here it took a while, didn't it?" she asked gently. "Look, it_ will_ probably be overwhelming for the first little while, but you'll quickly get used to things. And anyway, Janet may be able to treat your head injury and help you get better even faster."

"Janet? he asked, confused. "Why would Janet treat my head wound?"

"Not _this_ Janet", Sam said. "Our doctor back on earth – her name is Dr. Janet Frasier."

"Really? Wow. That must be why it seemed so familiar to me."

"So Jack – the stargate?" she finally asked. He seemed to want to keep turning the subject. She wondered what was bothering him.

"I guess we could go take a look", he finally conceded. "But we're not going to operate it or go through it until we know more about what is going on?"

"That's fine", she said, "although if the DHD is there, and working, we could try -"

"NO!" he said. "Absolutely not!"

"But Jack -"

"Don't 'but Jack' me. We are _not_ turning it on. For now just take a look. Then we'll figure out what to do."

Breakfast took forever since Jack seemed to draw out every moment. Sam was so impatient she wanted to yell at him, but instead she simply played with her food, too nervous to even feel hungry. Jack finally noticed her fidgeting but simply told her to 'eat up'.

"You have to eat properly Sam", he told her. "You know you're not just eating for yourself now."

She looked at him in shock. How did he know? How could he have found out? Oh god! She put her hand on her stomach and opened her mouth, to try and answer.

"I mean, I don't think I'm quite up to carrying you yet if you pass out from hunger. You have to think of me too you know."

Damn – now she really _did_ want to hit him. He'd scared the living daylights out of her. She attempted to return his grin, although she didn't find anything remotely funny in his comment.

Why she was finding it so difficult to tell him, she didn't know. What she _did_ know is until they found out about the gate and about going home, she wanted – no, she _needed_ to keep it secret. Afterward, she'd tell him.

"Hey, you okay?" he looked worried suddenly. "I was just teasing you know."

"No – it's – I'm just a little worried about what we're going to find. This whole thing was a – shock to me. I'd kind of – well, figured I had, had lost you and that I was stuck here. In the course of one night I found out you were alive and that you'd found the gate. I'm just a little –" she shrugged, not knowing what else to say.

He stood up and quickly walked over to her chair and knelt down beside her. Taking her hands in his he looked at her, his face looking both serious and gentle. It was an expression she rarely saw. "I'm sorry Sam", he told her, gently squeezing her hands. "I know I've been terribly – selfish – and I didn't want to hurt you, not ever."

Her face softened as she looked at this strong man, who was still so hurt and confused, and yet gave her confidence that everything would be fine. She'd spent years relying on him, and forgot that sometimes – like now – he needed her strength every bit, and perhaps more, than she needed his.

She pulled one of her hands free and reached up and softly cupped his face. "You don't have to be sorry. I'm just so glad you're okay and that we have a chance to go home. It's been hard for you – for both of us – but everything is okay now, or it will be soon."

He looked at her closely, as if trying to determine if she truly meant the words she was saying. He wished he could see behind those eyes, to know what she really thought about him, felt about him. He knew she cared – but not if there was anything else there. He sighed. He also knew that now was not the time to ask.

He pushed himself to his feet while keeping a hold of her one hand. Once upright he pulled her up beside him. "Well then, let's go see us a gate!"

They told Janet that they were going out riding and probably wouldn't be back until that evening.

"Don't worry about us", Sam told her new acquaintance. "We'll take a lunch with us and we'll stop for rests."

Janet turned and faced Jack, a small scowl on her face. Something was up and she didn't trust what was happening, although she was pretty sure neither of the two standing in front of her would tell her what it was about. "I don't think Jack's ready to go out all day", she finally said. "I mean, look at what he was like last night."

"I'll be fine Janet, don't worry so much", he told her, and had to stifle a sharp pang as he said the words. Somehow he was sure he'd used them – many times – although in a very different place and to a different person. "Sam is with me. It's just, we have to do this."

"Famous last words!" she snorted. "Fine, I can't stop you, although I think you're both crazy. Just tell me the direction you're heading so if you don't come back by tonight I'll send out my men to find you."

"We're heading over towards the red hills", Jack informed her. He'd almost lied, but decided that it _was_ safer if someone knew where they were heading. He and Sam would spot anyone who followed and when they got into the hills no one would ever know about the secret passageway.

They'd been riding almost an hour and neither of them had spoken. For the first while it had been a companionable silence. After the first couple of miles, however, it began to seem uncomfortable.

Sam kept racking her brains for something, anything to say. She could tell him some more about earth, or about some of the things happening at the ranch, or even some more about the gate and where she was planning to take them. She started to speak a number of times, but something always stopped her. She really didn't know what was bothering her.

"How did he react", Jack suddenly asked, out of the blue.

She started in surprise and then looked over at him, confused by his question. "Pardon me?"

"James. How did he react when you told him you weren't going to marry him?"

"Uh", she stopped and bit her lip. Should she tell him the truth or lie? "Okay, I guess", she finally answered, hoping that would be enough.

"_Okay_? What does _okay_ mean? Was he happy, sad, angry, upset – what?"

"He was, he was angry", she confessed. She hadn't wanted to say anything to him about James, but she should have known better than to think he'd ignore it.

He didn't say anything although she could feel his eyes burning into her. "What?" she asked impatiently. "Wouldn't you have been angry?"

His eyebrows lifted in surprise and some discomfort. "Maybe, although probably more -" he didn't finish, instead looking ahead at the vast, dry desert.

"Probably more -?" she prodded.

"Upset, hurt – I don't know. I wouldn't want to lose -" his words stopped again.

Lose whom, she wondered? Was he referred to _her_ or was he speaking in general? She wanted to ask him what he meant, but they weren't there yet in their – relationship. She almost said 'not yet', but she didn't know if they ever _would_ get there. She sighed.

He must have heard her because he pulled his horse beside hers so they were riding close. "Did he say or do anything – to hurt you?" he wanted to know. He could tell immediately, from her expression, that the conversation with James hadn't been a good one. He had always hated the man, even before he had a clear understanding of why. Now he _really_ hated him.

"Kind of", she answered. "Look, it doesn't matter. We'll be home soon and we can forget about him. He'll never bother us again."

"_Sam_! Come on, what did he say?"

She sighed again. She might as well just get it over with. She knew Jack and she knew he wouldn't give it up. "He threatened me", she finally told him. "But I don't think it was because he was upset at losing me – I think he was upset at losing the ranch", she confessed. She'd been shocked, and even slightly hurt when she realized that he really didn't love her at all, but that he'd simply wanted to get a hold of her property. Her next feeling had been one of relief; relief that she didn't have to feel guilty about dumping him. In fact, the a-hole deserved it.

"Do you think he poses a danger?" Jack had switched into soldier mode, without even realizing it. He sat up straighter in the saddle and instantly started to think of different possible scenarios. He wanted to know what they could be facing, and at least _try_ to prepare for it.

"I – he might", Sam knew it was important not to downplay James' potential danger. After she'd talked to Janet – this Janet – she realized that he was a scoundrel. She laughed to herself at her use of such an old-fashioned word, but it seemed to fit him better than anything else she could think of. "But hopefully we'll be gone before he has a chance to try anything."

Jack nodded once, although he was far from feeling happy about it. He had this sneaking suspicion that they hadn't seen the last of James Knightly!

They stopped once to eat a quick bite and have some water. Sam had asked for the stop and Jack had agreed. She knew that if it had been the 'Colonel' with her, rather than Jack, he would have nixed the idea of a break so soon into their journey. She knew that he still didn't have the stamina for long rides in the heat and frankly, neither did she. The last week or so she'd started to feel a bit better, but still found herself getting more tired than usual. She'd had a bit of morning sickness but it was mostly gone. Still, she knew that it was important for her to stay well hydrated and not to get overtired.

"Ready to go on?" Jack asked, looking at her critically. When she'd suggested they stop he'd almost snapped at her and told her a sharp 'no'. One glance at her had shown that she was looking rather pale and tired. He'd immediately agreed, worried that she wasn't well.

He knew that she'd been through hell this past year. In fact, she'd suffered more than he had, in many ways. He could barely remember a good chunk of the time, but she'd had to live with the knowledge of not only what had been done to him, but the fact that they probably wouldn't make it back to earth. No, she deserved some consideration and some care. He certainly owed it to her. In fact, he owed her more than he could ever repay.

"Yes", she said, standing up stiffly. She still wasn't that used to riding since most of the time she'd taken the wagon when out on her day trips. She liked horses but didn't have the ability that Jack had to ride them; he seemed to have a special rapport with the large animals, just like he did with dogs and children.

"Where did you learn to ride Jack?" she asked as soon as they were underway.

"Hmmm?" he murmured. "Oh, when I was a kid my grandparents lived on a farm. We used to spend a lot of time there and I learned how to ride. I used to love spending days on the trail with my grandpa."

"Where was that?" she asked softly, wanting him to continue. She was sure he didn't even realize that he was lost in memories of long ago.

"Wisconsin", he replied. "It was actually a dairy farm, but my grandfather loved horses and kept a couple for riding."

"I thought your family was from Illinois or Minnesota?"

"Yeah. My father's family was from Minnesota but my Dad moved to Chicago to go to college. That's where he met my mother and that's where I was born. It was my mother's family that was from Wisconsin."

"Sounds like a wonderful childhood", she told him, feeling slightly envious. Hers had been spent on one Air Force base after another. Just when she'd settled down and made new friends they'd up and move again. She had a hard time calling anyplace home. Just then a thought stopped her. That wasn't true, she _did_ have a home. Colorado Springs had become her true home, that and the SGC. She suddenly felt terribly homesick.

"It was", he smiled, his eyes crinkling up in the corners and a look of pure – contentment – crossed his face.

She wondered briefly if this was the Jack that she would have seen more often if it hadn't been for all the things he'd been through in his life. She had always suspected that he was a person who knew how to enjoy life to the fullest, to take joy in the little things. She'd seen some of that over the years, but it had always been tempered by the darkness that dwelt deep inside, and by the terrible things they saw and dealt with. She grinned, though, when she thought of him as a dairy farmer like his grandpa – milking cows, mucking out barns, riding horses across the Midwestern plains. Yes she could see him just like that.

"Whatcha grinning at?" he asked.

"Oh, just the thought of you milking cows", she giggled.

"Hey – I'll have you know they use _machines_ now Major", he said seriously, although with a twinkle in his eye. "Still, I can milk a cow with the best of them! My grandpa used the machines but always hated them. Said you only got to really know your animals when you milked them yourself!"

"Yeah, nothing like pulling a girl's teat to get to know her", she snorted.

The dead silence that followed her comment made her realize what she'd just said. She could feel her face go completely red – and the burn had nothing to do with the sun. Finally, as the silence continued, she had to turn and look at him. Had she shocked him?

At first she was worried that something was terribly wrong. He was bent over the saddle and looked like he couldn't breathe. "Jack?" she asked sharply.

He managed to lift his head and she could see the tears running down his face. He was gasping – but not from pain – rather from laughter. She didn't ever remember him laughing quite so hard before, and she couldn't help the tiny grin that appeared. "You okay?"

"Ye – es" he gasped. "Your – face!" He choked back another laugh and had to lean forward again, too weak to sit up straight. "Oh God! I – have to tell – Daniel, and – Janet", he cracked up again and this time actually laid his face down on Sweet Pea's mane. "I – I never thought of – that as a way to – get to - know – a woman!" And he was off agains.

Sam was pretty sure that the horse heaved a sigh of resignation as well, probably used to her rider by this time. Sam simply sat and waited for the Colonel to stop laughing. Finally he was able to sit up and he was clearly trying hard to straighten out his face, although it looked like it might break at any moment.

"Better?" she asked, sounding slightly miffed.

"Oh yeah, better than I've been in a long time!" he cried. "I just – just – " he choked but soon succumbed to more laughter. Eventually it died out and he clicked his tongue and started his horse moving. Sam followed immediately, not saying a word. Every once in a while she could see Jack's shoulders shake.

They didn't speak for quite a while and Sam was sure it was because he was still on the verge of breaking into riotous laughter at the least provocation. She was quiet because – well because, she was quite enjoying the day and didn't want to break the mood.

"So, you're pretty sneaky Carter", he finally spoke after a few miles of silence.

"Sneaky?" she asked, unsure what he meant.

"Oh yeah – got me to talking about my childhood without me even realizing it!"

"Do you mind?"

He looked at her in surprise. "Mind? No, of course not. In fact, it's a huge relief to have remembered all of that. I – worry – that there's only bad stuff to remember so when it's a good memory, I'm grateful."

She smiled, but felt bad that it had never occurred to her that he must imagine all sorts of awful things. It would be terrifying not knowing about yourself. Suddenly her guilt returned in full force. "Would you – like me to tell you some things?"

There was more silence – except for the rhythmic 'clip clopping' of the horses hooves. With a deep breath he spoke. "I've – wondered whether or not I should ask you to tell me things -" he paused.

"But?"

"But – then I think maybe I should maybe remember them myself. If they're important – people, events – will I feel badly if I don't remember them on my own? And if you tell me – will they then be real memories or only those that you gave me. Geesh – does that make sense? I just – I don't know. There are times when I want to know everything but – "

"I understand", she told him. And she did. It had been what had kept her from saying more – at least since he'd gotten better. "If you want, I can tell you some of my memories of you and times with you. That way it'll be _my _memories – not yours. Does _that_ make sense?"

He thought for a moment and then nodded. "I think so – and I think I'd – like that." He stopped and grinned. "As long as they're only _nice_ memories."

"We – el", she frowned. "I don't know how many _nice -_" she choked when she saw his face. "Sorry – just kidding. Why don't we start with team nights? They were always pretty fun."

She spent the next hour telling him about team nights at his place. She had him laughing in a number of places and raising his eyebrows in a few others. If she embellished a bit – well, there was no one here to stop her. She knew that one day, if he did remember everything, he'd probably come back to her on some of the things she'd said. But, since they were usually at the expense of Daniel or Teal'c, she didn't think he'd mind too much. In fact, he'd probably get a kick out of it.

Her musings were interrupted when Jack reached out and pulled on her reins, effectively stopping her horse. "What?" she asked, concerned. She looked around but could see nothing but the face of a hill about twenty feet in front of them.

"We're here", he gestured to the hill. "That's the entrance over there. We'll have to leave the horses and go in on foot. They won't fit through the tunnel."

They left the horses a couple hundred of feet away, on the off chance that someone came by. They made sure the animals could graze while they were in the valley with the gate.

"I would never have known this was here", Sam said, wonder in her voice, as he parted the bushes. "It doesn't look like anyone has used this for a long time."

"No, I don't think they have", Jack answered, waving her forward. "I think I must have been the first in a long time. At least, the _calf_ was first, and me second."

"But that doesn't make any sense", she answered, looking puzzled.

"What do you mean? As far as we could tell no one around here knew about the gate. It's probably been hidden and unused for years."

"Then how did we get here?" she said. "We must have been brought through the gate and I doubt there are _two _of them here. And how did they get us out of the valley and to the desert where Henry found us?"

Jack blinked, wondering what the hell he'd been thinking. He should have picked up on that immediately. He shook his head a bit. It was at times like these that he grew frustrated, knowing that he still had a long way to go before he was back to what he assumed was his old self. "I don't know", he finally muttered, wanting to swear. "I guess there must be another way in and out."

"You didn't see anything the last time you were here?"

"No – nothing except the gate itself. But then again, I wasn't _looking_ for anything."

Just then they exited the tunnel and were hit with blinding sunlight. It was earlier in the day than what it had been when Jack first found the gate, and the sun was directly over head.

"Where is it?" Sam wanted to know, shielding her eyes.

"This way. Come on." He carefully grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the circle that would lead them home.

In a moment her eyes got used to the light, although she continued to shield her eyes. She really wished they had sunglasses in Mariscola. "Oh my god!" she stopped dead.

"Yeah, it's something, isn't it", Jack whispered softly, looking at the stargate standing in their path.

Sam could feel goose bumps lift up on her arms. It _was_ here. He _had_ found it. It wasn't that she'd doubted him, it was just she'd given up and – and this – this meant home, and was almost too much to bear.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

"Huh?" She turned to look at him and he could see she was looking stunned. "I'm – I'm fine. Oh god Jack – it's really here."

"Yup. Why don't we go and see if we can find that DMV thing."

"DHD" she said absently, allowing him to pull her forward. She continued to stare at the gate, mesmerized by this symbol of so much in her life and right now, the symbol of hope.

Jack stayed back as she walked up the stairs, and right up to the gate. She carefully laid her hand against it and looked up and around at each of the symbols. He could see her lips move, but had no idea what she was saying. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that Sam was safe, she was here, and – as she turned to him with a blazing smile – she was happy.

She checked it out – or simply enjoyed it – for a little while longer and then turned and purposefully walked to where he was standing, at the base of the stairs. "Let's find that DHD Sir", she said. "It's got to be around here somewhere."

They searched for the next twenty minutes, with no luck. He could see Sam get more and more frustrated, although personally, he couldn't care less if they found the damn DHD or not. He was pretty convinced he'd rather stay here with her anyway. Still – he should help find the thing. It wasn't fair to let Sam do all the work.

"Maybe they hid it in the side of the hill", he finally suggested, when it was obvious it was no where within the vicinity of the gate.

"Why would they do that?" she asked, sounding snarky.

"Uh – I don't know. Maybe they were trying to keep people from leaving. Maybe a herd of buffalo ran through here and they figured it was better to put it out of range. Hell, maybe a mama Ancient hid it out of sight from her children so they wouldn't break it. It was just a suggestion Major!"

"I'm sorry Sir. It's just that I"ve never seen one hidden before. Either the gates have one, and then it's visible, or they don't."

"So, let just look and make sure. It could be that this is one of those times when there _isn't _one. In that case you'll just have to build it."

They both headed towards the face of the nearest rock and began to search around, but as far as Jack was concerned, it was pretty much nothing but rock!

"It's _here_!" Sam's voice startled him, although the excitement in her voice was a beautiful thing and something he hadn't heard in way too long.

"You found it?" he asked, surprised.

"Yes and you were right Jack. It _was _hiddenin the face of the rock."

"So, I'm smarter than you thought, eh Carter?" he asked, feeling proud as punch.

"Yes!" She ran up to him and gave him a kiss – right on the lips. "You were right – and we're going home!"

_***Nintendos' - this is from a Stargate episode (The Crystal Skull) but was one of my favorite lines so I stole it shamelessly. Also - please forgive me if my science explanation is lame. I definitely put myself in Jack's place when it comes to understanding the science behind anything.**_


	15. Jack, Sam the Gate and a Baby

**_Extreme fluff and cuddle bunny alert! Sorry - adventure to come but it has to wait a bit longer!_**

"Sir, I think I should maybe just -"

"Fine Carter", he sighed. He'd known as soon as he'd seen the damn DHD that she'd want to touch it, to try it. The feeling of familiarity was so strong it was almost frightening. He'd felt like a switch had gone off in his brain, turning him from 'Jack' to the 'Colonel' – the man she'd told him something about but who had seemed like someone else – until this moment.

"Don't dial earth", he instructed. "Just check to see if it works." He suddenly had another feeling of déjà vu. This time he felt a shiver run down his spine, as if a cold breeze had rushed over him. He could see a picture in his mind of Sam, a much younger Sam, looking cold and frightened and trying to get a DHD working. "Antarctica!" he whispered.

Sam looked over at him when she heard his muttered word. "You remember?" she asked.

"Yeah, I think so. We were – trapped and you were trying to get that thing", he pointed at the DHD, "working then too."

"Yes, that's right." He was remembering things more and more quickly now. She was relieved, although also a bit frightened. She wondered if he'd turn back into the Colonel, and they'd be back to square one. She knew this man's sense of duty was strong and he'd be horrified at the idea of breaking the regs. She also knew that these past weeks and months she'd gotten the opportunity to get to know the Jack behind the duty and the rules and she didn't want to lose him. "We made it back", she said softly.

He gave a small smile. "I kinda figured", he said. "So, let's do it again."

She nodded and turned back to the DHD. She wondered if this would be another lesson in frustration, like it had been that time in Antarctica. The only difference was – this time she was almost wishing it wouldn'twork.

She pressed the first glyph and it immediately lit up. She tried the next six and each of them in turn lit up and the gate lit up at the same time and began to dial. She paused briefly and glanced at Jack before pressing the central glyph. He gave a small grin and she nodded. Her hand rested momentarily on the center circle and then she pushed down. There was a fraction of a second delay and then '_**kawoosh'**_ – the event horizon erupted into the dry, hot, desert air.

"Wow!" Jack was staring at the blue filling the circle. He felt a frisson of – excitement – fear – wonder – run up and down his body. God – he – remembered this! The stargate suddenly meant something to him. No details came to him but he knew – he knew it meant adventure and camaraderie and exploration and, in some strange way, it also meant salvation – both his and that of his world.

"Does it look familiar?" she said softly. She could tell from his expression that he was experiencing something – but whether he knew what it meant she couldn't tell.

"Oh yeah", he finally said. "Very familiar. Oh God Sam – I can't believe I forgot this! How could I have forgotten?"

"You remember now, and that's all that matters", she told him.

He moved so that he was facing her, his face struggling to contain his emotions. "Is it?" he asked. "Is that all that matters – the stargate? Is that – is it our life?"

She didn't know what he was asking, although she could tell that whatever it was, it was important. "What do you mean?" she said, reaching out and gently touching his hand.

"Is – that" he pointed to the gate, which was still engaged, "Is that what our lives are about? That and our – team? Is there, anything else?" He struggled to put into words what he was feeling. As soon as he'd seen the gate – or no, maybe after the first bit of excitement had worn off – he'd had a feeling of dread as if the gate meant the – death of something important.

"The gate is important, very important. With it we can keep our world safe. But – no, our lives are about more than just that."

"What? What Sam? Please, tell me", he asked in despair. The gate suddenly closed and everything became quiet and still. Jack slowly slid to the ground, his head clutched in his hands. Images began to flash through his mind but he couldn't keep up with any of them. He reached out his hand blindly, needing a touch – no, her touch – to keep him grounded. He was afraid he was about to lose something and he didn't even know what it was.

"Here" she took his hand and put it on her stomach. "This – this is what our lives are about. _This_ is what is truly important."

He lifted his head slowly and peered at her. He then lowered his eyes, a thin line between his brows the only thing which showed his confusion. "What?" he whispered, not understanding.

"Life Jack. New life."

He felt it then – the small 'bump' under his hand which made her words come alive. _This_ is why she'd felt different to him. This 'fullness' meant – life, new life, just like she'd said. He stared in wonder at his hand, held lightly over this growing miracle. For a moment a shaft of joy flew through him – to be swiftly followed by fear. This child – whose - ? He lifted his eyes and looked at her.

She sucked in her breath – realizing that he didn't know, didn't realize. The look of fear and pain made her reach forward and hold him tightly. "It's your child Jack", she murmured into his ear. "It's yours. I haven't been with anyone else – only you – that night. That night we created a new life, together."

He slowly lifted his arms and placed them around her and held her, gently, lightly, as if she was the most precious thing in the world. He laughed softly – she _was_ the most precious thing, her and the life within her. He breathed in the scent that was uniquely hers and allowed himself to feel the joy that had first surged through him. No matter what happened, no matter what he remembered or didn't remember – he had this moment.

"Thank you", he finally whispered, when he realized she didn't know how he felt and that she was frightened. "Thank you Sam."

"You're - happy?"

He grinned slightly and then lifted his head. He allowed the tears to run, unashamed by his emotion. He did reach up though and try to wipe them away. "Happy? No – I'm not happy – I'm so far beyond happy there's no word for it." He put his face down again, into the crook of her neck, and simply allowed himself to feel.

"Maybe we should ask Daniel", he murmured into her skin.

"Huh?" she asked, confused, and still slightly stunned at his reaction.

"For another word – something beyond 'happy'. He's good with words."

She giggled – she couldn't help it, and it was a release from the fear and tension she'd been feeling. He was happy – no, beyond happy – and she was – god, she was the same. She hugged him tighter. "That's probably a good idea", she said, "although I don't really care if there's a word for it because I know _exactly_ what you mean."

"You do?" he asked, his lips and breath tickling her neck.

"Oh yeah", she told him. "Although I was afraid you'd be -"

"What?" This time he lifted his head fully and sat back a few inches, although he still kept hold of her. "You were afraid?"

"Yes. I didn't know if you'd want -"

"You didn't know if I'd want a child with you", he stated seriously. "Sam – I – I know we've not really spoken about this, and I'll understand if you'd rather not – have a – relationship with me. I mean, I know I'm damaged and I may never be the person I once was. I get that – and I'll understand if, when we get back to earth you want -"

"Stop!" she said, covering his mouth with her hand. "Just tell me one thing Jack. How do you feel about me?" There – she'd asked. The elephant had been following them around for much too long now. It was time to name it and get on with their lives.

"How do I -" He looked slightly panicked, but then his face evened out and his shoulders relaxed. He became, not the Jack who had looked so lost and wounded for the last year, but the supremely confident man she'd come to know over the years. "How do I feel about you? I love you", he answered simply. "I think – no, I _know_ I've loved you for a long time. I may not be able to remember it here" he touched his head, "but I know it here", he touched his chest. "You're my soul Samantha Carter."

Okay – she wasn't going to cry, she really wasn't, she sniffed. Oh, why the hell not? She felt the tears spill over onto her cheeks and reached out and threw her arms around the man seated on the ground opposite her. "I love you too", she said simply. "and I have for a long, long time."

They held each other for countless minutes, until they were finally interrupted by a small animal that ran right up and stared at them. They pulled away from each other then, and both laughed, realizing that they'd been there so long the local animals were no longer frightened of them. "So", Jack said, a little self-consciously.

"So?" Sam asked with a grin.

"So – the uh – gate works?" he said hopefully.

"Yes, it does."

"So we can – uh – go home?"

"We can", she nodded.

"So."

"So?" she repeated.

He sighed and rubbed his hand through his hair. "You know Carter, it's really not fair that you know me and have all your memories and I'm just learning everything." He was half joking, although a part of him was still worried. There was _something_ lurking in the back of his mind that made him think things weren't going to be as easy as they seemed right now.

"So I guess we'd better get back home so junior here can be born on earth." He reached out with his hand again. Before he touched her he looked at her, silently asking permission. When she nodded he placed his hand on her tummy. "I can't believe I'm going to be a father."

The pain was so intense he thought it was a physical hurt for a few seconds. He gasped and pulled back, almost falling from the intensity of his emotions.

"Jack! What is it? What's wrong?"

He rolled onto his side and covered his face. Oh god! How could he have forgotten? How could he forget his son? He groaned and rolled again, as if the movement could help ease the pain. Except he knew _nothing_ could do that. He groaned again and could feel the tears begin to fall.

Sam was calling desperately, trying to figure out what had happened. She was terrified that it was his head – that something had happened and that there was something seriously wrong again. She called again and again but he didn't respond. Each time she tried to touch him he'd groan and roll away.

Finally – he seemed to settle. She called his name once more, and this time he seemed to hear her. "Jack, what's wrong?" She tentatively placed her hand on his shoulder and he didn't flinch or move away. "Please, speak to me. What can I do?"

"Nothing", he whispered. "I'm sorry – I'm okay", he told her, although he didn't sound okay.

"Please, tell me what's wrong?" she begged, beginning to cry herself.

The sound of her tears finally got him moving. He forced himself to sit up and look at her. "Charlie", was all he said. "I – remembered. I guess when I said – about being – a father –"

"Oh god!" she gasped, holding her hand over her mouth. "I'm so sorry Jack! I didn't think how it would affect you. "I'm so sorry", she repeated.

"Not your fault", he attempted to smile but the pain was still too intense. "Nothing you could have done."

"I thought about telling you", she said, "many times. But then – you know what you said about wanting to remember important things yourself?"

He nodded. "You did the right thing Sam. I needed to – remember this myself. I just – I can't forgive myself for forgetting. How could I forget my only son?"

"How can you blame yourself for that?" she tried to reason with him. "You forgot _everything_. Whatever they did to you practically destroyed you Jack. It's a miracle you've been able to come back. For a long time I thought -" she licked her lips, unable to continue.

"But when I started to remember – I should have remembered him first", he cried. "He was the most important thing him my life – and I – I "

"You _can't_ blame yourself for that! Look, you had a long way to come back – you had to heal from a terrible injury. I'm sure your body and your mind knew what they were doing in giving you back small memories, one at a time, until you could begin to handle more. Do you really think you could have dealt with this one when you were still weak and – and -"

"Out of my mind?"

"Not that Jack – but – you know what I mean. I think your brain is giving you the memories you need, that you can cope with when you're ready to deal with them. I know this is a hard memory for you – but you're at a place where you can deal with it – and where you can _really_ remember your son. It's not just about remembering the bad – but about remembering everything about him. Now you're ready for that, whereas before, I don't think you were."

He sat quietly, pondering what she was trying to say. He knew she was right, although he still felt guilty. God, since when _hadn't _he felt guilty where Charlie was concerned? He had a sudden thought of his son as an infant and, as painful as this had been, was glad that he'd remembered. His memories were all he had left of his son and they were precious.

He sighed and attempted to smile. "I'm sorry – not such a great reaction when I should just be happy about -" he gestured at her stomach. "I – I am happy about that you know."

"I know Jack, and don't feel bad. I know what Charlie meant – means to you – you don't ever have to hide that, or your pain. I really do understand."

He smiled at that and pulled her to him so she was resting with her back against him. He laid his chin on her shoulder and then sat that way, not speaking, while Jack allowed himself to think of his first born son.

"So, do you think it's a boy or girl", he finally asked. He felt Sam start and realized she was still worried about him.

"I don't know. What do you want?" she asked, a little worriedly. Would he want another son or would that be hard?

"Doesn't matter" he told her. "As long as it's as smart and good looking as you I really don't care either way."

She smiled and wanted to kiss him – not because of what he'd said, but because he was trying so hard to make her feel better when she knew he still had to be hurting. She wiggled around until she was facing him and leaned forward and kissed him. "I really do love you, you know?"

"I know", he grinned, his face finally starting to lighten up. "It's my – uh – " he tried desperately to think of something but this was one of those times his memory was acting up and everything was blank. He must have _something_ she'd want.

"Your ass", she said, settling back in his arms, her head leaning against his chest. "I've wanted it for a long time."

"You _have_! Shame on you Carter! Coveting my ass!"

"Hey, don't tell me you didn't _covet_ something of mine!"

"Me? Hell no. I just wanted to get to know you better", he said.

She didn't think anything of his comment, although she was certain she could feel his grin. Suspicious, she turned around to look at him. "What?" she asked, seeing his evil grin.

"Well – you know what you said about the best way of getting to know a girl!" he told her, with a smirk.

It took her all of five seconds to remember their conversation of earlier that day. "_Jack!_" she screeched, turning and hitting him in the arm. "You were coveting my -"

"Yeah those", he grinned, "and your ass, and your legs, and your mouth, and – hell – just about every part of you. I am a man, you know, and you're a gorgeous woman. Of _course_ I wanted you – all of you."

"So you remember _coveting_ my – my_ body?_", she asked him, narrowing her eyes.

"Maybe not with my _mind_" he told her, "But other parts remembered just fine!"

They ended up laughing and – making out – on the side of a hill in a little valley in front of the stargate. They both knew this was a moment out of time – but it was a good one, and they were determined to enjoy it.

"I guess we should be heading back", he finally said, "Or Janet's going to send the cavalry." He struggled to his feet and brushed himself off and then pulled Sam up beside him. "And _you_ – you need to look after yourself and our baby", he touched her again, gently.

"I will Jack, don't worry."

"Of course I worry! It's what I do. Come on, let's get going."

"What are we going to do about the gate", she finally asked. They hadn't once spoken of it all afternoon, but she knew they had to deal with it soon.

He sighed. "We'll worry about it when we get back", he told her. "For now let's just – enjoy this time together."

"Yes", she agreed. She took his hand and together they walked out of the valley and found their horses. They mounted them and side by side turned towards the Stone Circle Ranch. They knew that tomorrow things would change – but for now, they allowed themselves to be happy and to dream.


	16. Mariscola Goodbyes

The closer they got to the Ranch the quieter Sam became. Jack glanced at her a few times, but as soon as she caught his eye she smiled. Still, he knew something was bothering her. He finally reached over and took her reins and stopped her horse.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Nothing. I'm fine – just a little tired is all."

"You're sure? You look – worried about something."

She smiled and touched his hand. "I'm fine. Really. It's just been an exhausting day. A good one", she quickly continued as soon as she saw his look. "A very good one. I guess I'm just -"

"Just?"

"Worried about going home."

"I thought you were looking forward to it?" he asked with a small frown. Why was _she_ worried now?

"I was – I am. It's just – we've been gone a long time. Lots of things could have changed. They probably think we're dead and – oh, I don't know, I'm just being silly!"

"I don't think you know _how _to be silly", he told her. "Look, I'm sure everything will be fine." There was silence as they both clicked their heels and began to ride. A few moments later Jack spoke again. "Sam – what about your family?" It was something he hadn't even thought to ask and he felt rather guilty about it.

"There's my Dad", she told him, "Jacob Carter – you know him. He used to be a General but now he's a Tokra."

"Tokra?" he asked. The word sounded vaguely familiar although he couldn't put his finger on it. For some reason it irritated him.

"Yes", she sighed. "It doesn't matter – I'll explain some other time. There's also my brother and his family. He lives in San Diego. I hate that they probably think I'm dead." She sighed again. It was something she'd tried not to think of since she'd been here. She really _did_ hate what this must have meant for them. Mark especially – since he wouldn't even know the truth behind her disappearance.

Jack was silent now too, thinking about his own family. He'd remembered Charlie – although he tried not to think about him too much right now, knowing that the pain would return. He'd wait until he was alone and allow himself to grieve. He didn't know about anyone else though and suddenly it bothered him. What about Charlie's mother? Had they been married? He rather thought he had been married before but what had happened to her? Was she dead too? Suddenly a name popped into his mind – Sara – that's her – Sara. He tried to concentrate, to remember and eventually he could see a vague picture of a tall blond woman. Geesh – he obviously liked the type! Beyond that there was nothing.

"Sara?" he said out loud, looking over at Sam. She appeared startled, and a bit worried, although he was pretty sure it was for him, not for herself.

"She was your wife", she said softly. "You're divorced."

He nodded. He wasn't surprised. "It was after – Charlie?" he asked, somehow feeling that was true.

"Yes – although I don't really know more than that. It wasn't something you talked about, at least not to me."

"I see." He was quiet again. "I was just – I wondered about – my family", he confessed. "I can't remember anyone else."

"I'm sorry, I wish I could tell you but other than Charlie and Sara, I don't know. It wasn't something you ever said anything about. I guess I always assumed you didn't have any other family."

He grimaced. "I came out of a pea pod?"

She laughed in response. "No, that's not what I meant. I just – I assumed they were – gone or that you weren't close. Daniel doesn't have any family either – at least, except for us. In a way we're each other's closest family", she explained. "All of us are orphans in one way or another."

He didn't ask her to explain, not really wanting to explore that idea right now. He kind of figured he'd had enough emotions for one day. He did feel slightly sad that he didn't seem to have anyone; although he was glad he had his team. He just wished he had clearer memories of each of them.

Sam continued to ponder on their conversation and was glad that Jack had accepted what she'd said. In reality, what was worrying her was what would happen after they returned home. She was pregnant, which could be a really serious issue, although she hoped the Air Force didn't make too big a deal about it. She could claim – truthfully – that they hadn't thought they were ever coming home so had decided to make a life here, in Mariscola. Still, it meant things would be difficult. Jack would one day remember – she hoped – and might want to return to full service. She knew that she would also like to return to work, although in what capacity she didn't know. What really worried her was that Jack might resent her for the decision to be with her, when he didn't really remember anything about his former life. She suddenly hated the thought of him remembering – and then felt guilty for thinking such a thing. Could life never just be simple?

"So here the two of you are", Janet's voice interrupted her thoughts. She quickly looked up, surprised that they'd reached the ranch without her even being aware of it. "I was just about to send Bart out to find you. I suppose you've overdone things Jack!" she scolded.

"Aaah Mom", he whined. "I'm not tired!"

Janet grinned and swatted his leg. "Get off that horse and go in and sit down. Supper will be ready soon." She turned next to Sam. "You're looking tired too. I've set up a bathtub in my bedroom because if you're like me, you like to have a nice warm bath after a dusty ride."

"Thank you!" Sam said gratefully. Right now the thought of a warm soak sounded heavenly. It was a lot of work to prepare a bath without running hot water so wasn't something she indulged in frequently.

She got down off her horse and stumbled slightly. Jack reached over and steadied her and then leaned forward and whispered in her ear. "Can I join you?"

She could feel herself blush although she grinned slightly. This was all so new and she wasn't quite sure how to react. Although there'd been – feelings – between them for a long time, they'd both been very careful not to say or do anything that could lead them to step over that invisible line. Jack had obviously decided not to worry about that anymore. She frowned – maybe it was because he just didn't remember that there had even _been_ a line before.

"Hey- don't worry! I won't if you don't want me to", he said, more seriously this time.

He'd clearly thought that her frown was because she was somehow offended, so she relaxed and gave him another smile. "No – I'd like that although you're probably too big to fit. I was just thinking about something else."

"Something besides a naked Jack in the bath with you?"

She knew he was trying to lighten things up but instead his words conjured up all sorts of – naughty – ideas. She frowned at him again. "Behave!" She glanced over at Janet who had her eyebrow raised and was watching their interplay carefully, although she was too far away to hear what was being said. "And I wasn't thinking about you being naked at all – at least not until you reminded me. Now that's _all _I'm going to be thinking about."

He grinned and began to lead his horse away, whistling as he walked. He was very pleased with the world at the moment.

"He's really in love with you", Janet said seriously, as she watched him leave. "You're lucky."

"Yes, yes I am" replied Sam. "And I love him, very much too."

"So I guess I might as well stop hoping it won't work out. It obviously has." There was a slight pause as both women thought about the man who had just left. "You've known him for a long time?"

"Yes – for many years. We've just – never been in a position to acknowledge our feelings for one another. Now we – can."

Janet nodded, looking slightly sad. "He needs someone to love him. I think he's a man who has been hurt a lot in this life." She raised her head suddenly. "Look after him!"

"I will", Sam replied softly, appreciating the generosity of this woman. "Don't worry. I won't do anything to hurt him. He's my life."

Janet gave a sharp nod. "Bart will see to your horse. You'd better get into the bath before the water gets cold. Dinner will be in an hour."

Bart and Charlie both joined them for dinner that evening. Jack had a funny feeling each time someone would mention Charlie's name. He wondered over the fact that hearing it before today hadn't triggered any memories. The fact actually made him feel kind of sad.

He sat there only half listening to the conversation around him. He was slightly puzzled by the fact that Janet and Charlie were both names from his past, from earth. Bart also sounded vaguely familiar and he'd have to ask Sam if he knew a Bart on earth. Maybe it was someone he worked with.

Thinking about earth and all the changes that were coming gave him a strange feeling. He was happy about his relationship with Sam, but was still worried about what would happen when they returned home. He hated the fact that there was still so much he couldn't remember. What if he felt out of place? What if it no longer felt like home?

"Jack", Sam's reached out and tentatively touched him on the knee. They'd agreed that they'd tell everyone tonight that they were leaving. It was going to be hard, but there was no point in keeping it from them any longer.

"Yeah", Jack sighed and pushed his chair back slightly. "Maybe we should go into the parlor?" he asked Janet.

"What is it?" Janet looked at the two of them and knew that something was definitely up. "What's wrong?"

Jack refused to say more until they were all settled in the other room, coffee cups in hand. He then motioned for Sam to speak, since she was much better at this kind of thing that he was.

"We've found a way to return home", she said, without preamble.

"A way home?" Janet asked, puzzled. "What do you mean? You said it was too far, that there _was_ no way."

"We didn't think there was", Sam went on to say. "I'd pretty much given up but Jack found it – yesterday."

"That's why I was so late", he told them. "I – we can't really explain", he went on to say, "but it takes a special form of transportation to take us to our home."

"That sounds like a load of crap!" Bart said angrily. "What is it you want? Why are you doing this?"

"We don't _want_ anything", Jack replied, equally angry. "We wanted to tell you, because we're planning on leaving and it wouldn't be fair to go without saying something."

"So go! We did just fine before you came." Bart was finally allowing his dislike free rein. He was sick of O'Neill and sick of the fact that Janet turned to him rather than to the man who had faithfully worked for her for years.

"Bart", Janet said softly, reaching out and touching his arm. "Please." She turned back to Jack. "We don't want you to leave but I understand. When do you plan to go?"

"As soon as possible", answered Sam. "There's really – no reason to stay any longer."

"What about your property? The ranch, the cattle? You can't just leave all that." Charlie spoke for the first time. He was upset as well, but like Janet, understood.

"That's one of the things we wanted to talk to you about." Sam reached out and took Jack's hand. "We've agreed that you should have it Charlie. You're running the place anyway and you worked for Henry for many years. He probably would have given it all to you if I hadn't come along anyway."

"No", he shook his head. "That's too much. And he was going to give it to the town, not to me."

"Look", Jack interrupted. "Once we're gone, you can do whatever you want with it. You can give some of the land to the town, or sell it or keep it and make a go of it. You're a good rancher Charlie and I think Henry – hell I _know_ Henry would be proud to know you were looking after it for him. He told me that he thought of you as a son, so don't feel bad about accepting it."

"He _told_ you?" Sam looked at him in shock. Charlie also looked somewhat surprised although less so than she did. He'd suspected Jack was more with it then he'd let on.

"Yes. He used to come in and talk to me – he'd often spend hours with me. At first I didn't have a clue what he was saying, but after a while I started to pick up on things. Before he – I think he knew he was going and he told me things about Charlie and his daughter – things I don't think he'd told anyone. I figure he probably thought it was like talking to a wall – that he didn't know I could understand."

"He knew", Charlie said softly. "He told me – he thought you understood a lot of what was going on. He also told me you were a good man. I – thank you for this. Henry _was_ like a father to me, although we never said anything to each other. I'm glad to know he felt that way."

Jack nodded at him, liking and respecting Charlie more and more. He also knew that the man was in love with Sam, but that he would never say or do anything about it. He suddenly had a brilliant thought. Looking between Charlie and Janet he decided then and there that they would be a perfect match. He'd have to ask Sam and ask what they could do.

"If you're sure, I'll take it. I may – I don't know what I'll do with it, but I'll make sure that I honor Henry's wishes."

"We can go into town tomorrow and do all the paperwork", Sam nodded. "It shouldn't take long. After that – I guess we go home."

"You're going to leave that quickly?" Janet asked, distressed. "Surely you'll stay and say goodbye to everyone?"

"No – I think it's best to leave. The only person I really want to see is Rebecca, and I can do that tomorrow. And there really isn't anything I need from the ranch, although we may stop off briefly just to make sure. I – thank you for everything" she said, looking between Janet and Charlie. Both of us owe you a lot – and I'm afraid we'll never be able to repay it all."

"Shush!" Janet waived her hand. "You don't owe us a thing. What kind of person would I have been if I didn't help someone when they were in trouble?"

"Sam, you and Jack brought a lot of pleasure to Henry's last days. He'd grieved for years over losing his daughter. I know that you aren't really his granddaughter, but he didn't know that and I'm glad. He died a happy man, and that's not something I thought I'd see. So you don't owe me a thing. I just want to know that you'll both be okay wherever it is you are going." Charlie leaned forward and looked at the two people he now considered friends.

Jack and Sam looked at each other, not knowing quite what the future would hold. After a second Jack nodded his head. Yes, they'd be okay – he'd make sure of it. Sam could feel herself relax and she turned back to Charlie.

"We'll be fine", she said. "We have good friends and family at home. They'll look after us as well as you both have."

"This is insane!" Bart stood up and stomped to the doorway. "I can't believe the two of you have bought this", he told Janet and Charlie. "These guys are clearly frauds and you're making a big mistake!"

"Bart!" Janet stood up and tried to stop her hired hand. "Don't do this. They haven't hurt us in any way and they're leaving soon. Why are you so angry?"

"You're doing it again Miss Janet", he cried, "allowing some good looking guy to sell you his story. Look what happened last time! You're doing it again", he repeated.

"I am not!" she told him angrily. "It's not the same at all. Jack hasn't hurt me and he's asking for nothing but our good wishes. Shame on you for acting this way."

"If that's what you think of me after all these years then I've obviously been working for the wrong person. I'll clear my things out tomorrow and be gone."

"Bart!" she called, as he left. She looked back at the others in the room, clearly distressed. "I didn't mean for that to happen. I don't know what's gotten in to him."

"Don't worry Miss Henderson", Charlie told her. "I think he just feels threatened. Once they're gone he'll be back."

"I don't know if I want him back, not after that!"

The four of them, minus Bart, headed into town early the next morning. Jack and Sam rode in Sam's wagon with Sweat Pea tied to the back. Janet and Charlie rode the other wagon.

They stopped off at the lawyer's office first thing and spent the morning transferring title over to Charlie. He had convinced them to put in a contingency clause in case, for some reason, they couldn't make it home.

"We'll get home Sam", Jack told her confidently. "I may not be able to remember much, but I do remember how good you were at saving our butts!"

"Jack!" she scolded. "You were much better at that than I ever was."

"Well, I don't know about _saving_ yours – I'm pretty sure I must have enjoyed looking at it though!"

There he went again, she thought. He had never said these kind of things before and it was freaking her out a bit, although part of her liked it. She wondered briefly if she should warn him before going back to earth. She could just imagine General Hammond's face if he heard Jack talk like this in front of him.

Immediately after lunch she headed over to Rebecca's to say goodbye. In some ways this was the hardest of all. There weren't many young, single women in Mariscola and she knew that Rebecca valued her friendship. She'd have to talk to Janet and see if the two of them could get to know each other. She somehow suspected that they'd get along.

"All done?" Jack asked, when she made her way to the hotel to meet up with the others.

"Yeah", she sniffed slightly, then laughed. "I hate teary goodbyes!"

He smiled and put his arm around her shoulder. "I know. She'll be okay though. Didn't you tell me she's getting married?"

She nodded and spent the next few minutes telling him all about Rebecca and her fiancé. They finally met up with Janet to say goodbye to her. Charlie had offered to come back to Mariscola, after accompanying Jack and Sam to Henry's place, and escort her home the next day.

Jack couldn't help but grin. Somehow he sensed a romance in the making although it would probably take a while. Still, he was pretty sure they were made for each other. He found Sam looking at him quizzically and shrugged. He'd tell her later.

Jack found it harder than he'd thought to say goodbye to Janet. She'd been a real friend in the few months he'd been at her house. She'd saved his life, but even more than that she'd given him the strength to get better.

He gave her a big hug and whispered softly in her ear – "look after yourself."

"Hey, I'm fine. You're the one who keeps getting into trouble!"

"It's my middle name", he agreed. "Look, I can't ever thank -"

"Stop!" she said, pulling back. "You don't have to thank me for anything. You're a friend" she looked at Sam and smiled. "You're both friends and like I said, that's what you do when friends are in trouble. You two look after _each other_ and be safe."

Sam gave her a hug too and also whispered to her. "I think Charlie likes you", she said. Jack had given her a heads up

The two of them decided to spend the night at the ranch and head out very early for the Gate. Although it lay in the direction of the Stone Circle Ranch, they wouldn't be heading there, instead they were taking a more direct root which bypassed the ranch. It would take a few hours, but they should still make it by noon.

Both of them were quiet when they headed out in the morning, thinking about what was in store for them this day – and whether or not they'd see their home and their friends.

* * *

"It – fell through", he said carefully, looking at the man in front of him. James rarely felt real fear – he was too used to being in control and having men watching his back. There was something about the creature in front of him that made him feel – not just fear – but real terror.

"It _what_?" the man asked softly, his pale eyes flashing in his cruelty hardened face.

"It – she broke it off, but don't worry, I have a plan. I'm going to -"

"I may have to kill you", the man's oily voice said. "Why should I believe you will deliver what you have promised? I have been waiting for many months."

"Look, it just takes time", James answered frantically. "It'll work, I promise. I'll be back soon and the land will be mine. It will be too difficult for you if you don't have local help."

"That is what you have told me before. I am beginning to wonder if _you _are too difficult. I will give you 24 of your hours and then we shall get what we want without you."

"Fine, fine. I'll be back soon. Don't worry – I'll make sure she agrees. She's all alone now and will have no choice."

The other man just nodded and watched ominously as the human he had bargained with rode off. He thought with pleasure about killing this man after he got what he wanted.

"Shall we set up camp Pasha?" his loyal officer asked.

"Yes Trada", he turned and looked at the gate. "We will remain a short while. Tomorrow we get what we came for."


	17. A Fate Worse Thank Morta

"They sent through a UAV", Janet told him.

Daniel shrugged and took another bite of macaroni.

"How can you eat that stuff", the petite doctor wanted to know. "It comes out of a box and is nothing but artificial flavors and colors. I don't think there's any nutrition in it at all.

He shrugged. "Reminds me of college."

"Yeah, me too, but we're not _in_ college anymore and we don't _have_ to eat that crap now." When Daniel didn't reply she sighed. "So what do you think?"

"About what?" Daniel lifted his head finally and squinted at her.

"_Daniel!_ Weren't you listening to anything I said? And if you shrug your shoulders at me one more time I'm going to – going to – hell, I don't know what I'll do, but it'll be bad."

He raised a single eyebrow and put down his fork. This time he was the one who sighed. "Sorry. What was it you were saying?"

Janet was worried about the man opposite her. Ever since they'd lost Jack and Sam he hadn't been the same. Oh, they all grieved, _were_ grieving, but for Daniel it was more than that. He felt responsible and the guilt was eating him alive.

After they'd returned to the planet, with SG's 3 and 4 in tow, and found that both the Colonel and Major were nowhere to be found Daniel had immersed himself in guilt and 'what ifs'. She knew the General had assured him they had done the right thing in returning to earth. She had told him the same thing, as had others, but none of it helped. He believed if he'd stayed Jack and Sam would not have disappeared.

Janet was also pretty sure that Teal'c felt the same way. Unlike Daniel, it was often hard to read how he was feeling, but he had become even quieter and more withdrawn than usual. She didn't think she'd seen a smile on either man's face since that awful mission.

Things had gone on at the SGC. They were still in the fight against the Goa'uld and were still exploring the galaxy. But for her and for many others, the excitement had gone out of what they were doing. There had been a pall hanging over the place since that day they had lost two good friends. It was as if SG1 had been the 'lucky mascot' of the base. People no longer believed that the SGC – or earth for that matter – was invincible; not if Jack O'Neill and Samantha Carter could be captured.

She glanced up to see Daniel looking at her curiously. She hadn't answered his question and he probably thought she had been dipping into her own medicine cabinet. "I said the General sent a UAV through. You know", she explained, when he looked at her blankly, "the gate opened a few hours ago and stayed open for almost fifteen minutes. There was no IDC and it was from a planet we've never explored. Walter found the address near the bottom of the list of planets Colonel O'Neill input after he received the Ancient download."

As soon as she mentioned the Colonel she could see Daniel's eye's shutter. She wanted to curse, but knew there had to come a time when they couldn't fear to say his or Sam's name out loud.

"I see." Daniel began to pick at his macaroni and cheese. "What did it find out?"

"That it looks like Arizona." She had to smile slightly at his look. "Well, that's what Walter said anyway. I guess it had an arid climate, with a few sparse trees and rocks. There was nothing else to be seen for miles around the gate."

"Is he sending a team?"

"No, I don't think so. The UAV didn't locate a DHD so I think he's worried that a team would have trouble getting back."

"And no sign of 'hostiles'?"

"No, nothing. I just – when I heard I wondered if -" her voice petered out when she realized there was no point in saying anything. They both knew it was unlikely.

"You wondered if maybe it was Jack and Sam." he said softly. When she didn't reply he went on. "I used to think that every time I heard the gate dialing. I used to hope that it was them, that they'd escaped, like always, and were coming home. I don't know how long it was before I made myself stop believing that would ever happen."

"I'm sorry", she said softly, although she wasn't quite sure what she was apologizing for. A few seconds later and she admitted, "I used to do the same thing."

He nodded. "Do you ever wonder what happened to them?" he finally asked.

"Yes, all the time. Or at least I used to and then I made myself stop that too. There was no purpose in it, other than keeping me awake at night and that wasn't good for me or my patients."

"I keep hoping they're dead", he said quietly.

"_Daniel!_" she cried, shocked. "Why in the world would you hope for that?"

"Because it's better than the other things I can imagine", he told her. "Look, the likelihood is that they were taken prisoner and you know as well as I what happens to prisoners of the Goa'uld. They were either turned into hosts, slaves or they were killed. Tell me Janet, which of those do you think Jack and Sam would prefer?"

She blinked back the tears, knowing that what Daniel said was the truth. But there was another scenario, that neither of them wanted to acknowledge but was likely - and that was that the officers could still be alive, and yet were being tortured by their captors. They both knew that Jack and Sam were hated by the Goa'uld and if that's whose hands they'd fallen into their lives would be made a living hell.

The archaeologist gave her a small smile, which didn't reach his eyes, and stood up. "I have to go Janet."

She nodded, not asking whether he meant now – or for good. She watched him leave and finally let the tears fall. For the first time since her friends had disappeared, she too hoped they were no longer alive.

* * *

James returned to town, still frightened, but determined to get Samantha Carter to marry him. He didn't care what he had to do – he'd make sure that by the next day she, and her land, were his.

He stopped off at the bar when he arrived in town, needing a drink to wash away the sour taste of fear which still lingered in his mouth. He ordered a whiskey and stood leaning up against the bar, wondering when things had gone so wrong.

He took a deep breath and downed the strong drink in one gulp. Setting it down sharply on the counter he turned and leaned back, trying to relax after his encounter with the aliens.

He'd met them over a year ago when he'd been out scouting around – something he did occasionally. He'd discovered, many years ago, that it was wise to keep his ear to the ground and check out what was happening around him. He liked to keep an eye on the citizens of Mariscola and the surrounding areas and sometimes the best way to do that was to simply go riding.

He'd come upon the big circle by accident. His horse had lost a shoe and he'd had to lead it for miles. It had been when he'd stopped for a drink and a rest that he'd discovered some strange markings in the side of a sharp cliff. He'd followed them until he found a narrow passageway through the hills.

On the other side he discovered the most unusual thing he'd ever seen. It was a large round circle with strange symbols on it. He had no idea what it could possibly be and spent a lot of time studying it, with no success.

He went back to see it a number of times but it wasn't until his forth trip that something finally happened. He'd almost decided it was nothing more than some old monument, probably created by the earliest nomads who'd wandered these lands, when it had suddenly started to light up and to spin. He'd been frightened at first, and almost ran away, but had forced himself to stay, although he had hidden himself. What he saw now fascinated him and he immediately wondered if there was some way he could use this thing to his own benefit. When the blue 'sea' rushed out at him he almost cried out. Fortunately he'd concealed himself behind a big bolder, or he would have been disintegrated. He didn't know it at the time however. He only found out the danger of the 'sea' much later, when he watched someone get disintegrated. This time he just stared at the miraculous site of standing water.

It wasn't long before he began to see people step out from this water. Their clothes were strange as were the things they carried. Again, it was much later before he found out that the things they carried were weapons; weapons like he'd never seen but which were terrifying in their power and ability to maim and kill. There were ten of the strangers who came out of the circle and they stood silently, waiting on the one man who appeared to be their leader.

They began to move forward, silently, towards his position behind the bolder. James wanted to get up and run away as fast as his feet would carry him – there was something about these 'people' that sent shivers up his spine. He knew he wouldn't make it and finally, shaking and terrified, he stood up and faced them.

He knew he was within a hair's breadth of losing his life. One of the men – he later found out his name was Trada – had pointed the object in his hand at him. It was the leader's voice which stopped him from firing.

"Wait", the man spoke and James could feel goose bumps appear on his arms. "Who are you?"

"Uh –my name's James Knightly. And yours?"

The man stared at him, his eyes blinking slowly, almost like those of a lizard. "I am Pasha", he replied. "What do you do here?"

"Here? You mean _right_ here? Well, I was going out for a walk when that thing" he pointed at the circle, "began to turn. The next thing I knew you came out."

The 'alien' Pasha blinked again. "Kill him", he told his man.

"NO! No, please don't kill me! I can help you. I can tell you things – show you things. Please?" He dropped to his knees, begging for his life.

Pasha held up his hand, stopping Trada again. "What things?" he asked. "I already know what I want. What else can you tell me that would keep me from killing you?"

Thus had begun their agreement. James thought back on that day and knew he would change things if he could. As much as Pasha had promised him wealth – and some of his weapons – James knew it hadn't been worth it. James was not a good man – he'd known that for a long time and he hadn't cared – but there was something about the alien that was truly evil and he felt as if he'd sold his soul to the devil. Still, it was better than dying a horrible death, which is something Pasha was surely able to arrange.

No – he had to go to the ranch and force Samantha to marry him – or maybe just to sign over the ranch? He was pretty sure she'd refuse and he didn't think he could get away with killing her – at least not yet. There would be too much suspicion if she died and he showed up with the deed to her ranch. He'd think of something. He had to.

He pulled himself out of his thoughts and stood up straight. He needed to figure out what he was going to do, and standing here in the bar wasn't getting him anywhere. As he turned to leave he noticed another man standing alone, drinking. He squinted at him for a minute, trying to place him. It was when the other man turned his face that James recognized him.

"Bart!" he approached the man who worked for Janet Henderson. "Your mistress in town?" he asked.

"Yeah", Bart replied shortly. "But she ain't my mistress – at least not anymore."

"Oh?" James grew curious. "And why is that? I thought you were the faithful right hand man?"

"Yeah – until _he_ showed up."

"He?" James moved closer and ordered Bart another whiskey. "Jan – er Miss Henderson has a man friend?"

"Nah. At least _she'd_ like him to be but he's already sleeping with someone else. He's a real bastard and yet she thinks he's the best. Believes everything he says!"

"But who is he? I haven't heard of anyone new around here lately. Has he been to Mariscola?"

"Yeah – you missed him. He was here today. He's been staying at Miss Henderson's place for the last few months after someone tried to kill him."

James' eyes grew round and he grasped the counter as his thoughts started to spin. "What's his name?" he asked quietly.

"Jack. Jack O'Neill. I don't know where he came from, but he's been more trouble than he's worth."

Oh God! That's why she went there. That's why she broke it off with him. She'd found O'Neill and he wasn't dead. He was going to kill his men. They'd assured him they'd finished the job and left him dead in a ditch. Instead he was alive and clearly back with Samantha. "Is he – still at the Stone Circle?"

"No. He and that bitch of his went back to her ranch, but they're leaving tomorrow."

"Leaving?" he frowned. "Where are they going?"

"I don't know. They wouldn't say. It's all mysterious. O'Neill said he found their way home yesterday. They went to get some of her things at her ranch and then they're leaving tomorrow morning. Good riddance I say – although I still think there's something fishy going on. Why couldn't they say where they're going? And what did he mean by having to have some special way to get to home? It doesn't make sense. Hell, no one even seems to know where they came from in the first place!"

James paid for one more drink for Bart and then slowly headed to his rooms above his office. His thoughts kept turning and turning until finally he began to make sense of things.

The circle – they must have come through it like Pasha and his men. No one had ever questioned where Samantha and O'Neill had come from but had simply accepted Henry's word that she was his granddaughter and had been living out east. But if they needed a 'special' means of transportation to get back, what else could it be but the circle?

James suddenly frowned. But if they _had_ come through it, surely they would have known all along where it was. Why then did it sound like O'Neill had just discovered it? Unless they had been brought here and left? It was possible, but why would someone have done that? He shook his head, he didn't know all the details, but was sure he was on the right track.

His thoughts were interrupted when there was a knock on the door. It was only when it opened it that he remembered he'd sent Robert out to check on Janet and her 'guests'. "Come in", he told his hired man. "What did you find out?"

"The man who was there – it was Jack O'Neill. He's not dead after all!"

"I know" James told him. The other man looked surprised. "Did you find out anything else?"

"Just that he and the woman – Samantha Carter – took a long ride yesterday, although no one seems to know where they went. They came into town today and went and saw the lawyer – Murrow - with Charlie and Miss Henderson. They were there for a few hours and then O'Neill and Carter headed to her ranch."

"What about Charlie?" he asked.

"He went with them, although he was going to come back tomorrow morning to escort Miss Henderson home. She's staying over at the hotel."

James nodded, thinking hard. He finally took a deep breath and looked up. "You did good. I want you to stay and keep an eye on Charlie and the Henderson woman. Don't let them get suspicious and make sure he just takes her to her ranch and then returns home."

"What are you going to do boss?" he asked.

"Me?" James smiled. "I'm going to get me a ranch – and a woman, and I'm going to get rid of someone who is just too stubborn to die!"

* * *

They had to be going to the circle – there was no other place they could be going. He was now positive that Samantha and her man-idiot had come through it and for some reason hadn't known how to get back. Well, with Pasha and his men there, they certainly weren't going to make it now!

He needed some way to make her marry him. He grinned and began to gather his things. Pasha! If there was anyone who could induce someone to do what he wanted it was the alien. Oh yeah – he was finally going to get the woman and her ranch.

He didn't bother trying to go to bed, knowing he'd be too restless to sleep. Instead he stayed up contemplating what he was going to do with the power that he'd have once the aliens had taken what they'd wanted and left him with riches and weapons. Oh, it was going to be sweet.

Finally it was time to leave. It was still dark outside, but he knew if he was going to make it before them he'd have to leave now. It would give him a chance to explain things to Pasha and set everything up. He didn't want anything to go wrong.

* * *

They rode out early in the morning, just as the sun was coming up. Jack couldn't help but stare at the beautiful red and pink and purple hues in the sky as the sun rose. It was his last morning on Mariscola and he didn't know whether to feel sad or frightened or hopeful. In the end, he realized he felt a little of all of them.

"You okay?" she asked, a gentle smile on her face.

"Yeah. Just – not quite sure what it's going to be like. I keep trying to picture the place in my mind but all I get is a gray blank." He tried not to sound worried, but based on her expression figured she knew him a little too well to be fooled. God, he wished he could remember! He wondered if he'd just have to accept that he'd gone as far as he could in his recovery.

Sam watched him carefully, knowing this whole thing had to be terrifying for the man at her side. She was grateful that he was so much better– but she also acknowledged that he was still a long way from the man he'd been. In some ways she liked this new Jack. He somehow seemed softer, gentler than the old Jack. He was more ready to laugh and didn't seem as impatient with things. She didn't know if that would one day return, but she kind of hoped not.

If it did – well, she'd cope just fine. She'd fallen in love with the Colonel – the witty, sarcastic, honorable, brave man he'd been. She fallen even more in love with Jack – the kind, gentle, still honorable man he was now. Whoever came with her through the gate – or whoever he was going forward, she knew she'd continue to love him.

Jack spent the hours to the gate trying to remember his time on his 'team'. He'd been a soldier, a leader who'd saved the people of Earth many times – at least that's what Sam had told him. The thing that was really bothering him wasn't that he couldn't remember – but that it was a life that didn't appeal to him. He wondered if his brain injury had not only made him forget but had changed him into someone different, someone who didn't want to fight, to kill, to be responsible for protecting anyone other than the woman he loved, and maybe his friends.

What if he'd lost his courage, his abilities? What if he was no longer that leader, that soldier, but was now no more than a simple man who wanted to settle down and enjoy his woman and child? He was pretty certain that's who he was now – and he didn't want to turn back to that other Jack.

"We should be there soon", Sam told him. "It really will be okay. You have lots of people who care about you and they're going to be happy to see you back."

"Maybe they won't."

"Of course they'll be happy", she frowned.

"No – I mean, maybe they won't see me back. I – I don't think I'm the same person any more Sam. What if they don't – like the new Jack?"

"Oh Jack!" she pulled on the reins and stopped. "Of course they'll like you – they love you. And you're essentially the same person – you just can't remember everything."

He shook his head, knowing that it was more than the memories, although he was afraid to acknowledge that to her. What if she couldn't really love him the way he was now? What if she was really in love with who he'd been before? "We'd better get going", he told her, starting to move.

She watched him for a while and then began to move herself. She wished she could say something to him which would make him feel better, but knew there really wasn't anything. The fact was it _was_ going to take time for people to get to know this new Jack. She trusted Teal'c and Daniel, Janet and General Hammond. She didn't know how others would react.

They left their horses outside the small passageway, knowing they'd both return to the ranch on their own. With a last look around the two humans from Earth took each other's hands and walked into the short passageway to their way home.

Jack stood silently in front of the gate, just staring at it. He shook himself and turned to Sam with a small smile. "Dial her up", he said.

"So – Earth?"

"Yes. We can try it a few times and see if they send through one of those things you told me about."

"MALP?"

"Yeah, that. If they don't we can go to that other place you mentioned."

She nodded and headed up to the DHD. They'd talked about it the previous night and had decided to see if Hammond - hoping he was still in charge – would send a MALP to investigate. If he did, they'd be able to gate to Earth. If that didn't work she had figured Cimmeria was the best bet for making it home. She thought about the Alpha site, but there'd been some talk of putting an iris on that gate as well and for all she knew they could have done it by now.

She watched Jack for a few moments – he looked so lost that she wanted to run up and throw her arms around him. When he glanced at her, wondering what was taking her so long, she gave a small wave and then turned to the DHD.

She'd gotten to the sixth glyph when she felt something cold on her neck.

* * *

"Stop right now Samantha, unless you'd like your man to die." James was grinning as he held the gun to her.

Sam dropped her hands from the DHD, not quite completing the address. It was only when the gun was removed that she was able to look at the man who had spoken. "What are you doing here?"

"I've come to marry you Samantha" he told her. "You didn't think I'd let you go that easily, did you?"

"I wouldn't marry you if you were the only man left in the world", she hissed. She tried to see what had happened to Jack, but James was standing in her way, and he still held the pistol, although it was no longer pointed directly at her.

"Samantha, Samantha, that's not a very nice thing to say." He suddenly stepped back, "especially when your man will suffer for your insolence. _Pasha_!"

She heard Jack scream and pushed past James – ignoring his weapon. "Oh God!" The alien who had hurt Jack so many months ago was standing over him, pointing some kind of weapon at him. Jack was writhing on the ground although a second later the weapon was turned off.

"It is you", the alien named Pasha spoke. "I am surprised that your man seems to have healed from the Morta. It is unusual for someone to come back when their brain has been wiped."

"What do you want?" she asked. "Why are you doing this?" She was facing Pasha – refusing to even acknowledge the man beside her.

"He wants access to your land", James answered. "And I promised him he could have it, in exchange for a few things for me. It is too difficult for him and his men to go there without attracting attention, so I said I'd get it for him."

"What do you want with the land?" she asked, again refusing to look at James. She could see that Jack was starting to stir and she prayed he was okay.

"I do not care for the land on this puny, insignificant planet", the alien answered and then began to explain. "But what I want is buried there. My brother and I grew up as princes on a world far from here. He was the elder and as such was heir to the throne even though he was weak and useless. He wanted nothing but to till the soil and raise his animals", he said with total contempt. "We had been at war for many years, with a neighboring planet, and he decided that we needed to sue for peace. He was willing to give away our honor for the sake of a quiet life. When my father died, Bora was presented with the scepter and took the throne. He immediately began to negotiate with the enemy."

Sam watched the man speaking and was again struck by the depth of hate and cruelty on his face. She somehow thought the story didn't have a happy ending.

"I knew that if I was to save my home and people I would have to destroy him." He grinned, as if the memory of planning to kill his own brother was a pleasant one. Then his expression changed and Sam felt a bolt of fear at the look on his face. "Some traitor warned him what I was planning, so he fled. He was so much a coward that he wouldn't stay to defend himself or his beliefs. I wouldn't have cared, except that he took with him the scepter."

"And it's important?" she asked.

His head whipped up to look at her and again she felt afraid. She saw Jack begin to sit up, although he still looked dazed.

"It is everything", he hissed. "No one can take power on Terranulla with it. A council was put into place, to hold order until one of us returned to rule, scepter in hand."

"And that's what's buried on my land?"

"You are as intelligent as you are beautiful", Pasha told her. "Yes. My brother escaped to this place and built a new life for himself here. He hid the scepter and turned his back on his planet. It took me many, many years to locate him. When I did, I forced him to tell me where the scepter was and then I killed him. No one here knew that though – they thought he died naturally."

"Why didn't you get the scepter immediately and just leave?" she wanted to know.

"Because I made a mistake", he told her. "I allowed my hatred to make me kill him too soon. He told me the general location, but not exactly where it was buried. I will have to spend time looking for it." He smiled. "That's where James comes in. It will be much easier for the owner – a local man – to search on his own land."

Jack groaned at that moment which caught the alien's attention. He grinned and walked over to where Jack was sitting on the ground, his arms wrapped around his torso.

"So – you have your wits back do you? I must say I'm surprised. It is very rare for this to happen. You must have been very strong."

Jack shrugged, unable to speak. It wasn't just whatever he'd just been zapped with that was keeping him quiet. As soon as he'd seen this man he'd remembered – something – and he'd been frozen in terror. He couldn't remember what exactly had happened, but he knew this man – this 'Pasha' was responsible for something horrifying. He wanted to cower, to whimper – and felt shame for his fear.

"So Samantha", Pasha looked up at the woman standing a few feet away, "you will marry James here so that he will own your land."

"Why would I do that?" she asked, although she had a suspicion she knew what was coming. "I won't ever marry him."

Pasha reached into his pocket and pulled out a disk, a smirk on his face. "Remember this?"

"No", she whispered. "Don't – you can't."

The alien motioned to James, who lifted his gun and told her to 'walk'. She slowly approached the alien, her eyes never leaving the disk.

"Hold her!"

Without warning James arms reached around her and he held her tightly. Another of Pasha's men came over and stood close, watching her carefully. She struggled slightly but there was nothing she could do. Pasha walked over to her and reached out and put his hand on her stomach.

She felt sick – both from fear but more from the feeling of this man having his hands on her. "What are you doing?"

"I hear you bear a child" he said.

She turned sharply to look at James, hating him even more. He knew about the child – she had felt she couldn't marry him under false pretences so she'd told him when he'd asked her to marry him.

Pasha withdrew his hand and then placed the other one, the one with the disk, on her. "Would you like me to turn it on?" he asked with a laugh. "I'm not sure what it will do to your child. It might kill it, or it might destroy its brain. It will be born a vegetable. Which would you prefer?"

She sobbed and tried to step back. She heard Jack make a noise and watched as he pushed himself up and tried to tackle Pasha but his men quickly subdued him. She could see and hear him trying to struggle but there was nothing he could do, nothing either of them could do.

"I won't do it if you will agree to marry James", the alien told her. "It's your choice."

She looked over at Jack. "And him?" she asked.

"He can leave" Pasha said. "I don't care about him. If you agree I will have him sent through the gate. He won't be able to return, I'll ensure that, but he'll be safe."

"You give me your word?"

"NO!" Jack struggled some more. "Don't – Sam, you can't."

"Maybe he would prefer to have me use the Morta again", Pasha asked. "He won't remember anything that way."

"No", she said softly. "I'll go – I'll – marry him as long as you promise not to hurt Jack or my baby."

"I give you my word", Pasha said. "We will go now", he said.

"We?" James looked surprised.

"Yes, I have waited long enough. I will accompany you and watch you take Samantha as your wife. We will then proceed to her land and begin to look for the scepter." He signaled a number of his men who began to prepare to leave. Four of them stayed behind, watching the prisoner on the ground.

"Please, let me say goodbye", Sam begged, trying to make her way to Jack.

Pasha laughed and had her dragged away. The last thing Jack saw was Sam looking back at him, tears running down her face. Soon all of them were gone and he was alone with Pasha's remaining men. He looked up, wondering what was going to happen. He was pretty sure they weren't planning on sending him anywhere, at least not alive. He took one look at Trada's face – and his fears were confirmed.

"Come O'Neill", the alien reached down and pulled him to his feet.

Jack felt like his knees were about to buckle under him, he was so afraid, for Sam, for their child, and for himself. Right now he wished, more than anything in the world, that he could remember what it was to be Colonel O'Neill – instead he was just 'Jack' – and he didn't know what to do.

* * *

"The gate dialed again", Hammond told Teal'c and Daniel. "It's the same address as before."

"What do you intend to do General Hammond", Teal'c asked.

"This time I'm sending a MALP. Somehow I have this feeling that we need to see what's going on y the gate."


	18. Reunited

_**I need to apologize to everyone for a mistake in the last chapter. Two of my readers kindly pointed out that I had Hammond send through a MALP, which would have stayed by the gate on Mariscola as there was no way to get it back. Since this would have messed up the story - I am doing a retrofit of the chapter. It's kind of a strange thing to do - so I am sorry - but better that than trying to figure out what the heck to do with a big piece of equipment lying around. So - for the sake of the story - I have now changed the MALP in the last chapter to a UAV. We will all just all pretend that it flew away from the gate and crash landed in the middle of the desert! Again - my apologies.**_

_**Item #2 - someone else mentioned about the gate dialing in the last chapter just before Sam was captured as somehow being incorrect. In case I didn't make myself clear, the gate at the SGC **_**dialed  - _it did not connect. The gate would have turned and the chevrons would have lit up, but as Sam didn't punch in all the coordinates it would have died before the 'kawoosh'. Walter, Hammond etc. would have known someone was trying to dial in. Hope that clarifies things._**

**_Finally - I'm extremely, insanely busy this week so this is a rather incomplete chapter. I had wanted to take it further, but it was this or no update at all and I figured you'd all prefer something rather than nothing. I will try and update soon although I can't promise with work and travel schedules. Thanks for your patience._**

**Vini**

Trada grinned at him but it wasn't a pleasant expression. He had obviously learned well at his master's knee. For some reason though, the look made Jack's fears disappear into the background. He didn't know why, but suddenly he felt a surge of adrenaline, or courage, or something. He stopped shaking and felt a strange calm wash over him.

"You're not planning on sending me through the gate, are you?" he asked.

"Yes of course we are", Trada laughed. "However you won't be in one piece when we do." He slowly raised his weapon to point it at the man in front of him. The other soldiers just stood and watched, clearly planning to enjoy what was about to happen.

Jack had a brief moment where he wondered what the weapon did. He rather suspected it caused the most amount of damage with the most pain. These aliens, whoever they were, were certainly expert at cruelty.

All those thoughts passed through his mind in a few brief seconds, meanwhile his body was already on the move. Before Trada had time to completely lift his weapon, Jack had sprung into action. Without a single thought or plan he reached out and grabbed the other man's wrist and pulled him sharply forward. He then twisted his arm, causing him to drop the weapon and to twist in agony. Jack then lifted his other hand and hit Trada sharply on the jaw with his fist. The alien was out cold before he even hit the ground.

As the other man went down, Jack turned and without hesitation grasped the arms of two of the men watching and swung them together so hard they both connected with a sharp 'crack' and then fell to the ground. He almost laughed at the sight which reminded him of the three stooges. He didn't have time to dwell on the strange things his mind remembered.

That left one alien – who by this time had drawn his own weapon and was pointing it squarely at Jack. Knowing that he had no choice – it was this or die – he threw himself forward in a spectacular dive. He hit the other man below the knees and they both flew to the ground. The next few minutes were a ferocious struggle for victory as both men knew that to lose meant death and so they fought with everything they had in them.

Jack could hear the others begin to come to and he knew this was it. There was a sudden loud 'crack' and both men went still. It was a few seconds before anyone moved.

Jack forced himself to stand up, refusing to think about what had just happened, again knowing that it had been a choice between him and the alien. He immediately searched for one of the alien weapons and when he found it he picked it up praying he could figure it out quickly as Trada was starting to get up.

"Stop" he told the other man, "or I'll shoot!" Instead of stopping Trada rushed at him. His reaction was immediate; he pushed the button on the handle. The blue light which appeared hit the other man who instantly convulsed, screaming in pain. Jack took his finger off the button but it didn't stop the screaming. Instead, the next thing he knew Trada began to – simply disintegrate in front of his eyes. Jack looked on in horror, never having seen anything like it and knowing there was nothing he could do. It was a slow but agonizing death and he could feel the nausea rise as he watched the other man writhe in pain. Soon however, it was over and what little remained of Trada soon disappeared into thin air. Jack wanted the throw the weapon far away, but knew there were still two of the enemy he had to watch for.

The two who had received the 'stooge' treatment had come to and were watching him. He had turned the weapon on them as soon as he knew Trada was no longer a threat and so far they were sitting quietly, their faces blank with terror. He hoped that they wouldn't try anything because he really didn't think he could push the button again although he was sure they didn't know that. When they hadn't moved after a few seconds he figured they were as frightened of the weapon as he was. The only problem was he didn't quite know what to do with them. At that precise moment the gate began to turn.

* * *

Sam was both angry and frightened. She prayed she'd done the right thing by agreeing to go with James and the alien, although she had a horrible feeling that Pasha didn't mean to keep his word. She wondered if she would ever find out if he'd really let Jack go. God – she shouldn't have come with them so easily. She should have stayed and fought.

She glanced over at her human companion and could tell he was as frightened as she was, although she knew that didn't mean anything and that she couldn't count on him for help. He was a worm, a total, complete, absolute _worm_!

"You shouldn't have tried to break our engagement" he hissed, checking to make sure Pasha wasn't listening. "Everything would have been fine if you hadn't decided to go back to that idiot."

"_He's_ not the idiot!" she glared at him. "Do you really think Pasha is going to let either of us live? Look at him. He enjoys causing pain and suffering and he's not going to leave any loose ends here."

"He promised me money in return for my help. He'll find his scepter and then he'll leave – and I'll be rich. He has no reason to kill me, not when I'll have helped him and he has no more reason to come here."

"James – he doesn't _need_ a reason, don't you get it. He's going to kill us both."

"Silence woman" Pasha moved closer. "We will leave shortly. You are to remain quiet as we travel."

"How _are _we going to travel?" she asked, looking around. They'd exited the valley with the gate but as far as she could tell there was no way to get to the ranch without walking. "I don't see any horses and there are eight of us."

"I said to be silent."

Sam stood quietly after that, deciding that it was better not to anger the alien. She was certain by now that he was mad - there was a look in his eyes that indicated he'd left decency, humanity and sanity behind a long time ago. She continued to watch, however, knowing that her life depended upon taking any opportunity to get away.

Soon she saw dust on the horizon and within a few minutes a wagon was pulling up, driven by someone she'd never seen before. She looked at James, only to see him looking every bit as puzzled.

"You don't think I was going to rely just on you", Pasha smirked at him. "I have many resources. William has been in my pay for a long time. Come – into the wagon. We have a long way to go."

* * *

The men in the Control Room watched as the gate dialed. The moment the event horizon appeared the General nodded and the MALP made its slow way up the ramp and through the blue of the gate.

"The MALP is on route", Walter said, watching his computer. "It will arrive in 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1- it has arrived."

The General, Teal'c and Daniel Jackson all watched as the picture became clear. They could see the platform and some trees off to the side. The camera slowly began to pan in a 198 degree arc.

"Stop!" Hammond called sharply. "Move it back." They all leaned forward as figures came into view. They could see three men, two of them with their hands in the air. The third had stepped back, out of camera range, although they could see his hand which was holding some kind of weapon.

"What's happening? Who are those people?" Daniel wanted to know. No one answered although they all continued to watch the screen.

"Wait!" Daniel cried suddenly. "Zoom in on his hands", he told Walter, referring to the man with the weapon. "Oh my God! Can you move the camera to get that man in the picture?"

The other two men were looking curiously at him, wondering what was going on. "The hands", he said, "don't they look like familiar?"

The others didn't have a chance to comment before the camera moved and suddenly they could see the face of the man with the weapon.

"Oh my dear God! Give me audio!" Hammond cried. After Walter had flicked a switch and nodded Hammond leaned forward and spoke. "Colonel O'Neill, it's me, General Hammond. Teal'c and Dr. Jackson are with me. Are you alright?"

Jack started when he heard the voice, a voice which sounded very familiar. He'd been worried when he first saw the machine come through even though it had seemed somehow familiar. He'd watched carefully as it moved and had finally allowed it to focus on him.

"General Hammond?" he asked. "George?"

"Yes Jack, it's me! It's good to see you son. Uh – are you okay? It looks like you could use some help."

Help? Oh God – Jack suddenly felt a huge sense of relief. "Yes Sir, I could definitely use some help here."

"Roger that Jack. Just hold on. We'll be sending someone through momentarily. We're going to shut the gate while I get a team together. We'll redial in twenty minutes."

"Yes Sir", he answered. "Uh – you said Teal'c and – Daniel were with you?"

"Hi Jack", Daniel leaned down and spoke into the microphone. "It's great to see you", he cried, a huge grin on his face.

"It is indeed a relief to see you well O'Neill. We will be with you shortly." Teal'c too looked happy, although only those that knew him well would have been able to identify how excited he really was.

"Okay." Jack grinned and gave a sloppy salute. The men in the Control room had trouble not choking up – it was such a 'Jack' gesture – one they hadn't seen in a long while.

As the gate shut down there was a moment of stunned silence in the Control room, finally broken by General Hammond. "Well, I certainly didn't expect that!" he said with a small grin. "Walter, get a team down to the gate immediately! Teal'c, Dr. Jackson, go get yourselves geared up. We have a lost Colonel to retrieve!"

Teal'c and Daniel practically ran to the men's locker room. They changed silently and grabbed their gear. As they made their way down the corridor it was Daniel who finally asked the question on all their minds.

"Where was Sam?"

"I do not know Daniel Jackson", Teal'c replied. "We can only hope she is well."

"Yeah – although it looked like Jack was all alone."

"She may have been somewhere else temporarily. There is no use in speculating. We shall find out shortly."

When they arrived in the gate room SG3, with Reynolds and his team, was waiting for them, big grins on all their faces. "Leave it to Jack to make such a dramatic return", Reynolds laughed. "We're ready to head out Sir", he called to the General.

"You have a go", Hammond said as soon as the gate was open. "Just bring him back safely!"

"Will do Sir. Let's go men!"

* * *

Jack watched anxiously as the gate turned again and the wormhole reestablished. He could feel his heart beating quickly, unsure what was going to happen when his – friends – came through. He didn't have to wait long before a body emerged from the event horizon, followed closely by five more.

"Jack!" the first man cried, taking a look at the two prisoners. "Caught some more bad guys I see!"

Jack looked at the man who had spoken but didn't recognize him. He sighed silently. It had begun. "Yes, and I could use some help", he called. "My hand is getting a bit tired."

While Reynolds and his men secured the prisoners, Daniel and Teal'c rushed up to their friend. Daniel reached him first and threw his arms around him. "Jack – God, it's so good to see you. We thought you were dead!"

Jack felt himself grow emotional as his friend held him tightly. "It's good to see you too Daniel", he said quietly. He marveled to himself how true his words really were. He hadn't even realized how much he'd missed his friends.

Soon he was pulled away from Daniel and Teal'c wrapped him in a bear hug. "Hey big guy", he whispered. "It's good to see you too."

"And you O'Neill", Teal'c said, almost overcome with emotion. "As Daniel Jackson has said, we worried that you had perished. It is good to see that was not the case."

"Uh Jack", Daniel frowned, his face conveying his concern. "What about Sam? Is she – did she make it?"

"Yes", he answered simply. "But she has been kidnapped by an alien by the name of Pasha. These two", he indicated the prisoners, "and that one", he pointed to the dead man, "were left here to guard me."

"And you took care of all three of them?" Reynolds looked impressed.

"Actually there were four", Jack answered. "I had to shoot him with this", he held up the alien weapon. "It uh – disintegrated him."

"Kind of like a zat?"

Jack just stared at him, unsure what a 'zat' was. "Uh – yeah."

"Well I can see you haven't lost your touch O'Neill", the other Colonel laughed. "Four men and not a mark on you! So, who is this Pasha guy and why did he take Major Carter?"

"He is looking for something on her ranch." When the other men looked confused he knew he had to explain better, but he was impatient, worried about what would happen to her if they didn't hurry. "Look, I'll tell you on the way but we need to go."

"Okay ", Reynolds nodded. "What do you want us to do with the prisoners?"

Jack looked at him blankly. He didn't have a clue what to say. "I – whatever you decide is fine", he finally told the other man. He knew he sounded unsure – probably very different from the Colonel O'Neill they all knew. He felt a sense of shame, but didn't know how to deal with this situation. He was still reeling from the fact that he'd killed two men and incapacitated two more without even thinking about it. He was really starting to wonder what kind of man he'd been.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow at O'Neill's hesitance. When he didn't elaborate, but continued to look unsure, Teal'c turned to Reynolds. "I suggest two of your team stay and guard them Colonel Reynolds, while the rest of us go in search of Major Carter."

"Yeah – that's a good idea Teal'c." Jack looked relieved. "Come on, we have to go get Sam."

"Where has she been taken?" Daniel wanted to know. He was worried about Jack – there was something wrong, although he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was. The Colonel seemed unsure, which really wasn't like him, but it was more than that. He'd have to worry about it later though. For now they had to get Sam back. "Do you think she's okay?"

"Yes – I think – she's fine, although she's in danger. I told you. They've taken her to the ranch – to her ranch – to find something that belongs to Pasha. It's a long story. Come on let's go."

"Okay, we're coming. Reynolds?"

"Boscoe, you and Wade stay here and watch the prisoners. Jack, how far is it to the ranch?"

"Uh – about a four hour ride."

"When you say ride do you mean by car?"

Jack frowned, looking puzzled. "No – by horse."

"_Horse_?"

"Do you not have horses on Earth?" he asked Reynolds.

The men stared at Jack, all of them wondering what was up with the Colonel. They were starting to realize there was something – different – about him.

"Uh – no, I don't think we have any horses available. Can anyone think of another way to get there?"

"No. Please, you must be able to get some horses so we can travel. Sam's life is in danger. Can you not bring them through the gate?" Jack looked from one person to another, frustrated at the delay. They needed to get Sam home _now_!

"It might be a bit hard Jack", Daniel said. "I don't even know where Hammond would get horses. Reynolds, do you have any ideas?"

"Not right off hand. We could ask the General what he suggests."

"What about dirt bikes?" Petersen suggested. "I ride quite a bit and the land around here seems similar to what I'm used to. We could get certainly get over the rough terrain and we'd move a lot more quickly."

"Yeah, that's possible. Boscoe, dial the gate and let's see if the General can come through for us."

Jack watched as this 'Reynolds' took control and had one of his men dial the gate. He was relieved that the Colonel seemed to know what to do in this situation because he didn't have a clue.

"Are you okay Jack?" Daniel asked him quietly. "You seem -"

"What?" Jack asked sharply.

"I don't know – just – different somehow. Are you sure everything is okay?"

"I don't know", Jack threaded his hand through his hair. "I – was injured", he said, not really wanting to continue.

"Can you tell us what happened O'Neill?" Teal'c had approached and stood silently watching as O'Neill tried to gather his thoughts.

"The alien – Pasha – the one who has Sam, he was the one who captured us before. Sam told me the two of you were there too, but that you went to get help."

"Sam _told_ you?" Daniel said, looking confused.

"I don't remember anything about it Daniel", he answered. "She told me that when we were captured Pasha said something about us desecrating their holy place. He – did – something to me which – which damaged me." He closed his eyes briefly and then opened them and looked directly at his friends. "Whatever it was, it caused serious – brain damage. I was pretty much out of it for months and Sam had to look after me. I still – have trouble remembering things. I don't - " he pointed to Reynolds. "I don't know him," he explained.

"Him – you mean Reynolds? But you've know each other for years. You mean you really don't know him?" When Jack shook his head Daniel whistled softly. "What _do_ you remember?"

"Very little", Jack confessed. "I remember the two of you and General Hammond. I remember Janet – a little - and I remember Charlie. Other than that, it's just bits and pieces of things."

"Oh God Jack – I'm sorry. But it's coming back to you?"

"Maybe –I'm remembering a few things, but nothing very substantial. Sam thinks it will come eventually although I sometimes wonder."

"Other than that are you okay?"

"More or less although I still get confused and tired." He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry – I'm not the same person you knew before. I'm not Colonel O'Neill", he told his friends. "I can't do those things any more. I don't – I don't know how to save Sam!" He hated to admit it, and felt both angry and ashamed at his inability to think clearly. He _knew_ he had to save her – he just couldn't figure out how.

"Hammond says he'll have the bikes here in an hour", Reynolds called over to them. He walked towards the three members of SG1. "In the meantime why don't you give us some more details about this guy that has Major Carter."

O'Neill nodded, grateful for the interruption, although Teal'c and Daniel both looked terribly concerned. They didn't say anymore, although Jack knew more was probably coming later. In the meantime he began to tell them about James and Pasha – and the story the alien had told about the fight between him and his brother.

"You mean to tell me this is all about some stupid _artifact_?" Petersen griped.

"Uh – yes", Jack answered, not understanding the amused looks that passed between everyone but Daniel.

"In many cultures the symbol of power is vitally important. It confers legitimacy on the person in power and without it the people won't follow him or her. I expect that's what's happened in this case." Daniel explained.

"Yeah, that, and the guy's nuts!" Jack huffed. The others all grinned, pleased and relieved to hear O'Neill sound more like himself. "When are those – what did you call them – dirty bikes getting here?"

"Dirt bikes", Reynolds answered, again looking confused. "Uh – are you okay?"

"He was injured Reynolds", Daniel explained. "A head injury. He forgets things sometimes."

"God – I'm sorry Jack. I hope you're okay?"

"I suggest we prepare ourselves for the journey", Teal'c interrupted, knowing how much O'Neill hated to be the center of attention.

The men were all ready to go and had even had time to eat a quick lunch when the gate opened again. They stood up and waited until, without warning, a dirt bike appeared through the event horizon. Teal'c retrieved it quickly and handed it off to the men who were waiting. He then stood and waited until all the dirt bikes were through, at which point the gate shut down.

"So", Reynolds looked at his rag tag group, each one of them now standing by a bike. "Let's go and kick some alien butt!" he cried.

Everyone but Boscoe and Wade and the prisoners, mounted their bikes. After Reynolds had showed Jack how to operate it, he was up and running like a pro.

"Let's move 'em out", Reynolds called.

Jack started to move, his friends close beside him, and for the first time since Sam had been taken, felt some semblance of hope. "We're coming Sam", he whispered. "We're coming!"


	19. Riding to the Rescue

_**Hi – am writing from a hotel room in Phoenix (34 C/94F here!). I'm loving the desert but am exhausted from a crazy week. I hope this chapter makes sense. I'm **__**terrible**__**at action so please bear with me and forgive me! Also, I hope there aren't any glaring mistakes. I wanted to get this chapter posted but am suffering from jet lag and found myself writing a few bizarre things unintentionally (I had Jack and Sam go 'shoe shopping' instead of hugging!)**_

_**Thanks for so many great reviews. I will try and get back to you this weekend. I read all my reviews on my IPhone and find it really hard to respond on it. I write on the go and often don't have internet so am limited in my 'response' time. Be sure I read and **__**really**__** appreciate your comments. Thank you!**_

Sam opened the door to the ranch house and was quickly shoved inside. James followed quickly with Pasha and two of his men. The others were told to stand guard and watch out for anyone coming onto the property.

Sam hoped that Charlie would stay at Janet's as long as possible. She was afraid that if he showed up he'd end up getting killed. She watched the four men standing in the hallway of the ranch home and knew that she'd have to watch carefully for any opportunity to take control and put a stop to Pasha and his plans.

"Sit", the alien instructed. "You" he then said to James, "go and bring back whoever it is that who join you."

"Who can join me?" James frowned, confused by the order. "Oh, you mean _marry_? I don't know if the preacher will be willing to come out here. We may have to go to town -"

"Tell him it is a matter of life and death", Pasha instructed, his eyes narrowed. "The woman will die if you do not bring him back. Her death will shortly be followed by yours."

Sam could see the sweat begin to appear on James' face and would have laughed if the situation hadn't been so dire. He thought he was so tough but she suspected he'd never really dealt with true villains before. Or, she thought, true heroes! SG1 would make mincemeat of James Knightly in a heartbeat.

"Alright, alright", he stammered. "I'll go."

"You will take two of my men with you. Find some clothes for them."

Sam sat quietly, thinking that the fewer aliens who were present the easier it would be for her to stop them. She watched as James ran upstairs and came down a few minutes later with some of Henry's things. His room had never been cleaned out – she had asked Charlie to deal with Henry's things, feeling it was more appropriate for the man who had known him for years. As yet he hadn't been able to face even entering the old man's room.

"Here", James showed the bundle of clothes. "Who should I give them to?"

The alien commander instructed the two men with him to change. Once they were addressed in more appropriate clothing Pasha gave them instructions. "You will accompany him into the town. Watch him closely", he told them. "Kill him if he tries anything."

"Hey! I've obeyed all your instructions – you don't need to threaten me," James objected.

"Get something to tie up the woman before you go", the commander told him, ignoring his complaint. "I do not trust her."

"What do you think I'm going to do?" she asked calmly, although inside she was cursing. How the hell was she to get away if she was tied up? "You're eight men against one woman."

The alien didn't speak – he only gave a sharp nod with his head. James quickly ran upstairs and retrieved some rags which he quickly ripped. "This is your fault", he told Sam as he tied her hands behind her back. "If you'd just -"

"Oh shut up", she snapped. "Don't kid yourself. We both know whose fault this is. You're an ass James – don't try and shift the blame."

He yanked on the ties, causing Sam to wince, but she refused to make a sound. He then tied her legs and left her on the settee.

"Tie her to a chair. It is too easy for her to get loose there." Pasha watched dispassionately as James brought over an arm chair and manhandled her into it.

Damn! This was going to be even more difficult. What she wouldn't give to have SG1 – or even just the Colonel – riding to her rescue!

* * *

They rode over the rough terrain, moving quickly through the stark desert. Jack couldn't help but think about the picture they made, as they rode their dirt bikes across terrain which had probably seen nothing faster than horses.

As worried as he was about Sam, a small part of him couldn't help but enjoy the speed and the power he felt under his hands. There was something about moving so quickly, the wind in his hair and the hot air hitting his face, that gave him a jolt of adrenaline. He must have ridden before, he reasoned, since it felt so – natural.

He looked at Daniel and surprised a grin on the other man's face. He was enjoying this too – and for some reason he was surprised. He couldn't quite remember, but he would never have thought this was something Daniel would enjoy.

And then there was Teal'c. Jack had to grin himself. The man looked huge on the small dirt bike. He also looked totally uncomfortable and even a bit scared. Of the two of his friends he would have thought Teal'c would have found the trip the easiest, but in this case it was Daniel who seemed to be doing better – and enjoying it.

"How far?" Reynolds mouthed at him. It was too noisy, over the din of the motors, to hear one another. Jack looked ahead and calculated that they were a few miles away. He motioned to the others to stop.

Everyone came to a halt and turned off their engines. "What is it O'Neill?" Reynolds asked. "Are we getting close?"

"Yes. I'm afraid if we go any closer with these they'll hear", he explained. "Sound travels easily over the desert."

Reynolds agreed and then asked, "how far a walk is it?"

Jack grimaced. "Probably a good forty-five minutes to an hour", he answered. "I think a couple of us could go with the bikes – it won't be so loud with just two of us and we can get closer. The rest can follow on foot."

Reynolds nodded. "Sounds like a plan. Why don't I take Teal'c with me on the bikes and the three of you can walk the rest of the way?"

There was silence for a moment. Jack was worried – how could he rescue Sam when he didn't even know what to _do_? He'd dealt with the four aliens, it was true, but that had been by instinct and he still wasn't quite sure how he'd accomplished it. Could he risk Sam's life by going? Should he leave it to the others?"

"No", he said quietly. "I'll go. Reynolds, you follow. I'll take Teal'c and Daniel with me. This is a job for SG1." As soon as he'd said it he knew it was true. However, he looked at his friends, unsure how they'd feel. Their dual grins answered his question.

"It is indeed O'Neill." Teal'c nodded, a solemn look on his face.

"But Jack, you said yourself you don't remember much. I mean, do you think you're – ready for this?" Reynolds asked gently. "Remember that Sam's life could be in danger."

"I know", he replied. "That's why it has to be me – us. We're a team Reynolds, and we never leave anyone behind – or in this case – ahead!"

"But if you take three bikes you might as well take them all. That's still going to be too noisy."

"We'll take two. Daniel can ride with me."

"Uh Jack?" Daniel asked, looking at the small motor bike. "Do you think we'll fit?"

"We'll have to Danny", Jack said, looking determined. "Reynolds – I may not remember, but I do know that it's up to me to make sure she's okay. I – it's Sam", he finally said, as if that explained everything.

"Okay Jack", the Colonel sighed. "I think you're crazy, but then that's what SG1 is known for, and it's always worked for you guys in the past. I just hope your luck holds."

"Me too", he gave a lopsided grin. "I'll expect you to be right on our six though."

"We will be Jack, don't worry."

* * *

Reynolds and Petersen watched as the three members of SG1 took off across the remaining distance. "God, it's good to have him back", Albert said, "even if he doesn't remember everything yet."

"Do you think he'll do it Sir", Petersen asked.

"Jack O'Neill? Oh yeah, if there's any way in hell, he'll do it! Come on – let's get walking."

James rode towards town, Pasha's two men – Zorta and Elkay riding slightly behind. He could feel himself sweating and knew it wasn't just the heat of the day. He kept thinking about what Samantha had said and for the first time wondered if he'd survive the day. He'd taken a huge gamble – something he'd done all his life – but this time he wasn't so sure he'd win.

He glanced carefully at the two aliens but they seemed to be watching him intently. He knew he didn't have a hope in hell in getting rid of them – yet. Mariscola was ahead and there he had men who could help. All he had to do was get to them and have them disarm, or kill, Zorta and Elkay. James could then take a posse back, under the guise of rescuing Sam, and kill Pasha and his remaining men. He hated that he'd be out all that money, but for once he decided it just wasn't worth it.

Suddenly, without warning, he heard an odd sound. He thought at first it was some kind of animal but the noise continued without abating. He pulled his horse up sharply as did the two men with him.

"What the hell is that?" he turned to Elkay and asked.

"I do not know", the other man answered, although he had realized that the sound was not organic in nature. He had pulled his weapon and was looking around, trying to determine where it was coming from.

"Jack!" Daniel clutched frantically at the man in front of him, fearful that he'd be tossed off the back of the bike at any moment.

"Got 'em Daniel", Jack shouted back at him. "Hang on! Teal'c!"

"I see them O'Neill!"

Almost immediately they were on top of the riders. The bikes spooked the horses and the immediately tried to bolt. Unfortunately, James' horse tried to get away by turning away from the frightening noise and ran right into the two horses behind. Elkay's horse responded by rearing up, knocking the alien off and onto the ground. Zorta desperately tried to get control of his horse and aim his weapon at the same time.

Jack rode by the alien and Daniel reached out and grabbed his arm, causing him to drop the weapon. Realizing that he had no way of defending himself, Zorta pulled the reins around and kicked the horse as hard as he could. With a scream, the horse took off at a dead run, heading back the way he'd come.

"Follow him Teal'c!" Jack shouted. "Don't let him get to the ranch."

That left Jack and Daniel with Elkay, who had pulled himself to his feet, and James, who was torn about whether to go after the men on the strange machines or go after the alien. He pulled his gun and waited.

Elkay reached his weapon at that moment and went to point it at the man on the loud machine. Just then, out of the corner of his eye, his saw a flash of light. He whirled quickly and shot his weapon.

James screamed in pain and dropped his gun. He grabbed his arm, which had only been grazed but felt like it had practically been ripped off.

Elkay, realizing that for the moment the threat from James was gone, refocused his attention on the stranger. He was too late however, and was soon back on the ground from another shot from a zat.

"Daniel, see to that guy", Jack pointed at Elkay. "I'll deal with Mr. James!"

"God! What was that?" James was bent over his horse, sick with pain.

"That was one of their weapons", Jack said. "Get down!"

"I – I can't. Can't you see I'm in pain?"

"You're going to be in more pain real soon if you don't get down." Jack was ready to reach up and _pull_ the man down, although he restrained himself and waited for James to stumble off his horse.

"God, I'm dying!" the other man said.

Jack took a quick look, and although the wound was messy, it didn't look deep. "I think you'll be okay. Now talk! What's happened with Sam? Is she okay?"

"Samantha? She's fine. Pasha has her at the ranch."

"Has she been hurt? Did anyone touch her?"

"No – no, she's fine – really!" he gasped, sure O'Neill was going to kill him.

"You'd better be telling the truth you bastard! If you've hurt her – or if _anyone_ has hurt her, you're a dead man. Now tell me what's going on."

After Jack had heard the story from James he called Daniel over. "How's the other guy?"

"He still hasn't come around from the zat. I've never seen anyone react like that before."

"Yeah? Well their weapons pack a pretty good punch to humans as well. Maybe our physiologies are different or something?" Jack murmured, looking at James.

Daniel looked at him in surprise. Although he'd always known Jack was smart, he usually tried to hide it. "Uh yeah – could be. What about him?" he gestured towards James, who was sitting sullenly on the ground.

"He'll live", Jack said indifferently, "although if he's hurt Sam I'll kill him."

"So, any ideas as to what we're going to do?"

"Yeah", Jack scowled, "although I don't think you're going to like it!"

As they rode to the ranch Daniel decided that Jack was right – he really didn't like the plan at all. Although to be fair, it was the only thing they could come up with on short notice that would enable them to get into the house.

Daniel had stripped the clothes off the unconscious man and Daniel had changed into clothes from Mariscola. They'd then co-opted the horses and were riding to the ranch. They'd left behind the dirt bikes as this was quieter and they were close enough it wouldn't take long to walk.

Daniel tried to stretch, but the shirt was tight and the pants itched like hell. How did they wear these clothes, he wondered. "You sure I'll pass?"

Jack looked him up and down. "Yeah, you look like a native." He grinned. "Did ya ever want to be a cowboy when you were a kid?"

"No", the archaeologist answered seriously. "I wanted to be Marco Polo or Henry Stanley." When Jack looked at him blankly he explained – "you know Stanley and Livingstone? 'Dr. Livingstone I presume?'", he said in a fake British accent.

Jack continued to look confused. He had no idea who _either_ Marco Polo or this Stanley guy were. "Shhh", he held his finger up to his lips abruptly, having heard something close by. "God Teal'c – you scared me", he exclaimed, when the big man walked out from behind a tree.

"I am sorry O'Neill. That was not my intent."

"No, I'm sure it wasn't. So?"

"So I was able to stop the man from reaching the ranch."

"Good, good. Where is he?"

"Unfortunately, the zat seemed to affect him more seriously than I expected. I only hit him once and I am afraid he had died."

"Damn", Jack said. He really hated this. Although the aliens weren't the nicest folks around, he didn't like the idea of killing them. Then again, Pasha was one he could seriously consider getting rid of. Right now though, all he could think was that there really must be a difference in physiologies. That was the only thing that could explain their reaction to the zats. "Okay, we can't worry about that now. We need to get to the ranch."

"How do you intend to get close to the house?" Teal'c wanted to know. "Will this Pasha not recognize you?"

"Oh yeah, which is why _I'm_ not going up to the house – at least not right away. Daniel is going to do it, with James."

"Daniel Jackson? Will not the commander be suspicious?"

"I hope not. Look, James was sent to bring back a preacher to – to marry him and Sam. Pasha doesn't know Daniel and certainly doesn't know the preacher. He'll pretend to be this person and get inside the house with James. While he distracts the commander you and I can get closer and then get inside."

"What about his men – the two who we vanquished? Will he not wonder why they do not accompanty James?"

Jack raised his brow at Teal'c – he was starting to find Teal'c's formality familiar, and rather endearing. "Uh – Daniel's going to say that they went off chasing some of us. That'll also explain the noise if they happened to hear the bikes."

James stood quietly through the whole episode. He'd decided to throw in his lot with O'Neill and the others, at least for now. He figured his chances of living went up substantially with these men, although he knew enough to keep quiet. O'Neill didn't like him and it probably wouldn't take much to send him over the edge. Still, he had to be better than Pasha. He'd finally decided the alien wasn't to be trusted.

Once Pasha and his soldiers were gone, James figured he'd have a chance to get _something_ out of the deal. Samantha was a lost cause, but maybe he could still get her ranch.

"Come on Knightly", O'Neill grabbed his arm and pulled him forward. "And if you try _anything_ I will kill you. I've had a hard time restraining myself to this point, so don't push it."

"You need me", James told him bluntly. "Without me Pasha will just kill her. So you owe me."

"Oh, I've already paid that debt James, with your life. If it wasn't for the fact that I need you I _would _ have killed you – for what you did to Samantha _and _what you did to Janet. You're scum and the world would be better without you. However, I'm not going to worry about that right now – just know that if you screw up, I will make sure you regret it– even if I have to follow you to hell to do it."

"Come on, let's go", Daniel motioned to the man who had wanted to marry Sam. He glanced surreptitiously at Jack, hoping the older man was okay. He'd seemed to find his stride and for the last little while had returned fully to 'Colonel' mode. Daniel wondered if it would last. Oh well, as long as he kept it up until they saved Sam that was okay.

Jack dismounted and untied James and then stood back as the slimy little villain re-mounted the horse. "Daniel, keep your zat handy in case Mr. Knightly here decides to pull a fast one, just don't let Pasha or his men see it."

"Okay Jack. See you in a few."

"Yeah, good luck Daniel", he saluted.

"Indeed Daniel Jackson. May you break a leg." Teal'c said seriously.

Daniel stared briefly at him and then shook his head, still sometimes surprised by Teal'c's slight misunderstanding of Earth idioms. Or maybe he _didn't_ misunderstand them. Oh hell- he didn't need to worry about this right now.

"Okay, thanks Teal'c."

Jack watched as Daniel and Knightly rode towards the ranch. He knew the first few minutes could be deadly, so he kept his weapon handy

The two men tied up their horses on the post at the front of the ranch house. James walked up the stairs to the front porch, followed a few feet later by Daniel.

"Good man Daniel", Jack muttered. The archeologist had come a long way over the years and was now a battle-hardened soldier. He wondered what role, if any, he'd played in that.

The door opened and both Jack and Daniel held their breaths. A few seconds later and Jackson and the 'weasel' entered the house, the door closing quickly behind them.

When the door opened Daniel couldn't help but hold his breath. He clutched the zat tightly although kept it concealed in the bulky pocket of his jacket. It was one of Pasha's men.

"Where are Zorta and Elkay?" the man asked suspiciously.

"We were attacked by two men. They took after them on their horses and told us to get here quickly. Look, can we see Pasha? I did what he wanted and brought the preacher."

The man – Storus – if James remembered correctly, looked them both up and down carefully. He finally jerked his head to the side, indicating they could proceed.

James took a deep breath and nodded at Daniel. "They're in the parlor", he explained, leading the way. "Pasha", he said, as they walked into the cozy room. "I brought the preacher."

Daniel did a quick sweep of the room with his eyes. He saw Sam first thing. She was bound to a chair, but otherwise looked okay. Her eyes had widened suddenly when she saw him, but she'd quickly shifted her face back into neutral and just looked bored. That's my Sam, thought Daniel. You're one of the bravest people I know – you and Jack.

"Should we get on with it?" he asked Pasha.

"With what?" the alien smirked at him.

"You wanted us to get married as soon as possible', he told the commander. "I went and brought the preacher from Mariscola and he's ready to marry us."

"I see. You are anxious, but then again that's probably for the best." He faced Daniel. "Marry them."

"Uh – I have to have the consent of both parties, and it doesn't look like she is consenting to anything." He figured he should make himself look as real as possible. No preacher would simply marry a girl who was tied to a chair.

"You will marry them, or I will kill you", Pasha answered plainly.

"You'll _kill_ me?" Daniel looked at the commander. God – he was creepy. Those eyes! He was pretty sure the man was completely mad. "Who are you? What's going on here?"

The alien commander slowly lifted his arm. Clasped in his hand was one of the alien weapons. Daniel had heard what the result of these things were from Jack.

"Okay, okay. But she can contest it afterward. She can say rightly that she was forced."

"Do it", Pasha hissed quietly.

Dr. Jackson felt a shiver run up his spine. "Okay. Uh are you going to untie her?" he asked.

"No, she can stay as she is."

"Okay, but then it won't be legal. Part of the ceremony is the bride and groom have to hold hands. If they don't there's no marriage."

Pasha narrowed his eyes, looking ready to kill. Daniel briefly wondered why he was even bothering with this whole charade. Then again, James would need to prove this was _somehow_ legal, after the fact and what better way to do that then to have the preacher who had married them.

The alien turned to Sam. "I will untie you. If you try _anything -_" he pulled out the disk from his pocket. "You will agree to marry James, freely and without coercion, is that not correct."

Sam debated for a moment, but the fact that Daniel was here must mean that the Colonel had a plan. With a sigh she nodded her head. She then waited while the commander had one of his men come in and untie her. She rubbed her wrists and then bent down and undid the ties around her ankles herself.

"Now – marry them."

The ceremony was long! A few times Daniel had been pretty sure that Sam had had to bite her lip in order not to giggle, and for good reason. He'd made the entire ceremony up and at times it had flown into flights of the ridiculous. James had almost blown it once, but had caught himself from saying anything and the 'ceremony' had gone on.

When he'd had the 'couple' walk in circles five times and then do the 'do see do' he'd thought he'd heard a 'snort' from Sam. Pasha had grown impatient and had told Daniel to hurry up and finish.

"You must respect our customs if you wish them truly married", he'd replied. "Our ceremonies are based on long traditions and honor our ancestors as well as the couple and their families."

He'd discovered one of the things which made Pasha tick and that was tradition. He wasn't surprised considering that the alien had gone to a lot of work to track down the scepter. So Daniel continued to draw out the ceremony as long as he could.

"Samantha, you must tell your betrothed the history of your family – the generations past – to the very beginning."

Sam gave him a 'look that could kill' and proceeded to make up a long list of family members, starting back from when Columbus discovered the new world.

"James, it is your turn." If anything the 'little' villain (as opposed to the 'big' villain, which is how Sam had labeled their enemies), gave Daniel an even dirtier look, although he began with his made up relatives from generations ago.

"ENOUGH!" Pasha cried. "You make a mockery of me. You are married and James the ranch is yours."

"Well, not _exactly_", Jack said from the door way. His zat was trained carefully on the alien. "Put your hands up _slowly_ and drop the weapon."

Pasha grew totally still, although his eyes flashed with anger and hate. "You will regret this O'Neill", he jeered. "_Storus, Marto! Come!" _he called.

"Uh, if you're looking for your men -"

"They are all secured O'Neill", Teal'c waked into the room. "All the aliens are accounted for."

"Good. You killed them all?" he asked casually.

"Of course", Teal'c replied.

Good man, Teal'c, Jack thought. A few years ago his Jaffa friend wouldn't have been able to dissemble like that.

"You _killed_ them", Pasha screamed.

"Yeah, sorry. It didn't take much. For some reason this weapon of our seems to kill you guys."

"It is much like our weapons then", the commander answered. He still held on to his weapon, although he hadn't made a move to attack anyone – at least not yet.

"I said to put it down", Colonel O'Neill was in full command. "I'd say I didn't want to kill you too, but I'm afraid that would be a lie. I can't think of anything I'd like to do more than eliminate you, so just drop it!"

Pasha moved faster than Jack thought a two legged being could. One moment he was standing there, defeated. The next he had grabbed Sam and was holding her in front of him.

"Good God – did you see that Jack?" Daniel was shocked at the speed the man had moved, just like the others.

"You know him", Pasha gestured to Daniel. When Jack simply nodded the alien's eyes flashed. "I should have known."

"Yeah, you should have. Now let her go Pasha. You're not going to get away with this."

"Why not? I have the woman _and_ this." He held up the disk and then laid it on Sam's stomach, his hand pressed flat palmed over it to keep it there. "Maybe I _should _use this", he laughed. "Or maybe you'd like to try it again. I wished I could have been around to see you being looked after like a newborn infant. I'm sure Samantha enjoyed it. I enjoyed the brief few moments I got to see your dead eyes and face."

Jack was only half listening to Pasha. Instead he was watching Sam. She was being pressed up against the commander but he couldn't see her face.

Jack wanted to shake his head, to cry 'no', but he was sure Sam would ignore him and act anyway. He figured the best thing to do was to go along with her, although if anything happened, he'd never forgive her – or himself.

One, two, and _three_ blinks and Sam collapsed, allowing all her weight to lie on Pasha. Surprised, and unable to hold a suddenly 'dead' body, Pasha let go of her. She fell to the ground and the alien suddenly pointed his weapon at Jack.

There was no thought, to decision, nothing but adrenaline. Jack shot his zat at Pasha, instantly causing the man to curl up in pain. He continued to watch as the commander rolled on the floor, his arms held protectively over his abdomen.

"Is he faking?" Daniel wanted to know.

"Maybe – I can't tell, although we'd better act like he -"

"Jack?" Daniel's voice sounded funny, and Jack took a closer look at the alien who had caused both him and Sam such grief.

"Good god! What's happening to him?" The electricity from the zat still seemed to surround Pasha. His body was held rigidly in the light and it looked like all his muscles were in spasm. "This is worse than the others even."

"I don't know what it is", Daniel wanted to do _something _to help the alien, but couldn't think of anything.

"O – Neill?" a haggard voice spoke to him from the body of the alien.

"Yeah?" he asked. He had to respect the man's dying wish. "What is it?"

"I hope – you – go to – HELL!" With that he took one last breath and died.

"Sam!" he cried, relieved beyond measure that she was safe. "Daniel, you and Teal'c watch the others. Keep your eye on Pasha too just in case." He turned back and rushed over to the woman he loved and threw his arms around her. "Sam", he said again. "Are you okay? He didn't' hurt you"

"No – I'm fine. She returned the hug, allowing her head to rest on his shoulder. "The worst part was listening to Daniel's wedding ceremony."

"Hey!", the person in question answered. "I'll have you know that that ceremony saved your butts!"

Jack and Sam didn't answer, they just held on to each other. "God, I was so worried", he murmured into her neck. "I can't lose you."

"You won't", she whispered.

By this time the aliens were either dead or captured, so Teal'c returned to the parlor. "Is everything fine?" asked the Jaffa. He noticed Sam and Jack in a desperate 'clinch'. "Are they well?" he finally asked Daniel.

"Uh – I don't know Teal'c", he answered, staring at the sight of the two _hugging_. "Uh guys?" he asked. He didn't quite know what was happening but then again, he didn't _want _to know.  
"Does anyone know where James is?"

Jack finally came up for air and carefully looked around the room. "Looks like he's gone", he answered indifferently."

"_Jack!"_ Sam cried as Jack suddenly went down onto his knees. His face was paper white and he was shaking. Kneeling beside him she took his face in her hands. "What's wrong? What happened? Did you get hurt? God, don't tell me you got hit with one of those weapons. Daniel – did you see what happened?" All the time she was talking she kept checking him over, feeling for wounds and fever and anything else she could find.

He reached out and captured her hand. "I'm fine – just tired. I'm not exactly used to riding a dirt bike and a horse and wrestling with aliens."

"You're sure?" She didn't trust him to tell her if something was really wrong.

"I'm sure. I just -" He rubbed his eyes. "I just need to sit down for a bit." He squinted up at Daniel and looked confused. "Who -?"

"It's Daniel" she told him, even more worried now. "Come on, let's get you to bed. A sleep will help."

The fact that he didn't protest as Teal'c and Daniel helped him up to his former room worried her more than anything. God – what if he started to regress.

"I'll be fine", he told her quietly as he put his head down on the pillow. "I'm just tired Sam, really."

"And Daniel?"

There was a pause and then half of his mouth turned up. "You mean ol' space monkey? Yeah, I remember him. It was just a brief moment Sam, I promise."

She kissed his cheek. "You rest. I'll check on you in a while."

"Mmmm", he agreed, and was asleep before she'd even reached the door.

"Is he okay?" Daniel asked, worried. One minute Jack had seemed his old self and the next he'd collapsed. What the hell was wrong?

"I think so. I think he's right and he's just tired. He gets like this sometimes."

"He needs Dr. Frasier", Teal'c added. "She will 'fix him up'."

Sam couldn't help but laugh. "You're right Teal'c. And the sooner we get back and under her care, the better it will be! It's time to go home."

There was a sudden commotion down below and Reynolds and his team arrived. Now they'd really see about getting off the planet!


	20. Resolutions

_**Hi - back home but still jet-lagged! I'm coming to the end of Mariscola – only one or two more chapters - and then will complete the other two stories I have on hold. Thanks for your patience everyone! I'll **__**really**__**try and exercise restraint and not start another story until those are done.**_

James took his chance when everyone was preoccupied with Pasha. If he could get back to town he figured he'd be safe and right now, that's all he cared about.

As he slid out the window of the parlor, and onto the porch, he breathed a sigh of relief. He knew that once he was out of here he'd start to plot again on how he could get more of what he wanted, which was money and power, but for now, escaping with his life was bonus enough.

He was surprised that he made it all the way to the barn and still no one had figured out that he was gone. He quickly saddled one of the horses and took off at full speed. He was travelling so fast that he almost didn't see the two men on foot coming towards the ranch. At the last minute he caught sight of them and decided to change direction so as not to run into them. He was halfway back to Mariscola before he truly believed that, once again, he'd managed to get out without any damage to himself. What had happened with Samantha and O'Neill and the others, he really couldn't care less. He only hoped that they put an end to Pasha.

* * *

"I wonder who that was?" Petersen asked. "He was travelling like a bat out of hell!"

"Probably met up with O'Neill", Reynolds quipped. "He has a tendency to do that to people."

"Is Colonel O'Neill really like they say?" the young officer asked. "I mean – I've heard he's a real hero but that he's rather – unconventional."

"Oh yeah, he's a hero alright", the Colonel said, "but there are a lot of those in our business. Unconventional?" he laughed. "Oh yeah! But I think the main thing about Colonel O'Neill is that he intentionally makes people underestimate him. He's one of the smartest guys I know, but most people don't know that when they hear him talk. He's also one of the most humble officers I've ever met. _He_ doesn't even know how bright he is. And the best thing about Jack! You can trust him absolutely. If he tells you something, you know it's gonna happen. There's no one I'd rather have watch my six then him."

"I just hope he's gonna be okay. It sounded like he'd been hurt real bad."

"Yeah", Reynolds sighed deeply. "I hope so too. I'd hate to lose O'Neill to something so stupid. Damn!"

"What is it Sir?"

"Oh, just these infernal boots. They're new and they've given me blisters. Never walk in new boots Captain! Wouldn't you know we'd end up having to walk all over this god-forsaken desert. O'Neill is _so_ gonna owe me for this one. Thank God", he muttered, just a few minutes later. "Looks like we've arrived."

* * *

Bart sat drinking until late into the evening, furious with O'Neill and Janet and Knightly and hell, with the whole damned world. Why had this happened? He'd been working faithfully for Janet for years and before that for her father. He'd always been loyal – he would have done anything for either of them. And then along came that idiot O'Neill and had destroyed everything! He was glad he'd told Knightly – he was! He hoped that their local villain James managed to rid the world of O'Neill. Maybe then things would return to the way they had been.

He knew that what was going on was related to old Dave Henderson. Bart laughed and took another drink. Dave! Yeah, that was the name he'd taken when he'd arrived here years ago. In actual fact his real name was Bora - and he was a Prince. Bart – or Bartoleo, his real name, had been servant to the Prince and had come with him to this land and had served him well. After his death he had served his daughter, but she no longer needed him. She didn't even know her own heritage and somehow he didn't think she'd want it.

He gave a drunken laugh and slammed down his glass. It didn't really matter now. Everything had changed and it was time for him to leave. Maybe he'd go back through the gate to the stars and return to his own world. Maybe his family was still alive. He picked up his whiskey one last time and gave a silent toast. "To you Prince Bora. You got your peace, at last, and I hope you are happy!" He tossed back the whiskey and then put the glass down one last time. He threw some money on the bar and then stood and walked out, never to return.

* * *

Charlie was whistling as he made his way back to the ranch. He glanced over to the side and grinned. He'd planned to take Janet home and they'd been halfway there when he'd invited her to see his ranch. He'd been surprised, and pleased, when she'd agreed. She was an attractive and interesting woman and he had a suspicion that maybe they could continue to get to know each other a little better. He still felt a pang when he thought about Samantha, but he knew that that was just a pipe dream. She was totally and truly in love with O'Neill, and he with her. Part of him wished them both happy, part of him still grieved.

Oh well, he thought, sneaking a peak again at the woman riding beside him, I'm a man of property now, and I certainly could do a lot worse than Janet Henderson. He grinned and began to whistle again. Hell – what am I thinking? I'd be a lucky man if she even _looked_ at me. She's something, Blackstrap, he said silently to the horse, she really is.

"This is beautiful", Janet said beside him. She'd been watching this man for the last couple of miles and found she liked what she saw. He seemed to be an honorable man and he certainly was attractive. What was even better, was he didn't appear to have anyone else in his life. She thought about Jack, and still felt a tightness in her chest. He was a good man, and she'd started to fall in love with him, but he had already given his heart. No, she needed someone who could love her openly and completely. She wondered if Charlie could be that man.

"Yeah it is", he smiled at her. "We're on my land now – see that rise over there? That's the border of what was Henry's property. I still can't believe it belongs to me now."

"You deserve it", she said. "I'm glad it's all working out." She sounded a bit sad though and he looked at her with sympathy in his eyes.

"They'll be fine", he said. "They're going home, where they should be and they have each other."

"I know", she smiled, although if it was a bit crooked he'd never tell. "And I am happy for them it's just – I'll miss them."

"Yeah, me too. Still, I'm glad you're here and that we got a chance to meet. Henry used to talk about your dad. I guess they were friends although I never met David. By the time I started working here he didn't travel much."

They spent the next few minutes reminiscing about Henry and Dave – and the adventures the two of them had had. Abruptly, in the middle of one of her stories, Charlie pulled on his reins and his horse came to a stop. He motioned to her to do the same.

Charlie had heard someone coming. Normally he wouldn't have thought too much about that, but lately, with everything going on he figured he'd better be careful. He had Janet pull her horse off to the side and waited patiently for the other rider to appear.

The sounds of hooves grew louder and were approaching quickly. Whoever it was they were moving fast. The next thing Charlie knew, James Knightly came riding towards him, travelling at a fast trot. As he approached their position he seemed to slow down a bit as if sensing something was there. Charlie could see his face, which was dripping with sweat, and his expression, which was one of fear. What the hell had happened?

"Stop there Knightly", he instructed, moving out into the trail directly in front of the other rider. The other man reacted by jerking on his reins and sending his horse into a panic.

Once James had his horse under control he glared at the man in front of him. "What the hell are you doing?" he asked. "You scared the hell out of me!"

"Really? Good. Where are you headed in such a hurry?"

"None of your damned business!" James growled, and clicked his heels to get his horse to move forward.

"I don't think so", Charlie moved his horse in front of James'. "As for it being my business – you're on my land, so yes, it is my business."

"I just went to see Samantha and to say goodbye, that's all", he muttered. "Like I said, none of your business."

Charlie looked at him suspiciously. Why would this man go and see Samantha after she'd broken off her engagement with him and made it pretty obvious she no longer wanted anything to do with him? "You know what Knightly, I don't like you. I never have. And the reason for that is that I don't trust you as far as I can _spit_. You're a vain, arrogant, evil man and someone really needs to shoot you. But see, I'm in a really good mood today, so I'm not going to do that. What I _am_ going to do is invite you back to the ranch with me."

"I don't have time for this", James jaw clenched as he forced the words out of his mouth. "I'm going back to town. If you need me you know where you can find me."

"I suggest you listen to him James", Janet rode calmly out into the small clearing. "He's not a man to be ignored."

James looked in shock between the two riders in front of him. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Charlie invited me to see his ranch. It was a beautiful day for a ride so I came – not that it's any of _your_ business", she told him sarcastically.

"_His_ ranch? Is that what he told you? I bet he said that to try and get you into bed – not that it needs much. Did you know that about her Charlie? She'll spread her legs for any man!"

Charlie was _so _tempted to shoot the man, and almost reached for his gun. It was Janet's voice that stopped him.

"He's not worth it Charlie", she said, although inside she felt sick. There probably went her chance with this man. She didn't expect he'd be as understanding as Jack.

"If you ever say anything like that again about this lady – or any other for that matter – I will shoot you right between the legs. I've heard about you Knightly so don't think you can sully Miss Henderson's name."

James actually cringed at the threat but something about the man made him believe him. "Janet -"

"That's 'Miss Henderson' to you", Charlie said quietly.

"Fine! _Miss_ Henderson" he snapped, "You should know that the ranch and land belong to Samantha Carter and that idiot O'Neill. Only a small portion belongs to this man."

"Oh, didn't you hear?" Janet told him. "They signed everything over to Charlie. The ranch belongs to him now. And in case you don't believe me, I was there and was one of the witnesses. It was all done totally legally."

James stared at them, dazed with the knowledge that all he'd attempted – the kidnapping, wedding, everything, would have been in vain anyway. As the shock wore off he could feel the anger build. There was no way this ignorant ranch hand or that bitch Janet Henderson were going to tell him what he could do or where he could go. He reached for his pistol, and lifting it quickly, pointed it right at Charlie.

The single shot brought him down almost instantly. He lay on the ground, looking up, and wondered what had just happened. The sky grew dark and his last thought was that he should have known from the start that getting mixed up in this wasn't going to be good. Someone had finally brought him down.

Janet stared at the gun in her hand. She always carried it – her father had made her learn how to use it for her protection – but she'd never actually fired it at a person before.

"Are you okay?" Charlie's soft voice came to her but didn't penetrate her shock. "Janet, look at me. Are you okay?"

Okay? No – she wasn't okay. She'd just shot and killed a man. She slowly looked up into Charlie's concerned gaze. "I – I killed -"

"You saved my life Janet. He was going to kill me – and he's hurt a lot of people. There was nothing else you could have done."

She nodded slightly, although his words still didn't mean much. Her hand suddenly began to shake and the pistol fell out of nerveless hands. She began to topple over but Charlie caught her and helped her down. It was only then that she realized he was off his horse and was standing next to her.

It took him almost half an hour to get her settled down but eventually she stopped shaking. She couldn't look at the body, although she was finally convinced she hadn't had a choice. She replayed it in her mind and knew that it had been a choice between James and Charlie. She was just thankful that the man with her was still alive.

"Come on", he said, pulling her up gently. "Let's get back to the ranch. You can rest there."

"What about - " she couldn't say his name or look at him, but Charlie knew who she was talking about.

"Don't worry – I'll send someone to get him. It'll be okay – he was trespassing and he's been responsible for a lot of pain around here. I don't think anyone's going to complain too badly that he's gone." He took her shoulders gently and turned her to face him. "It really will be alright Janet. You saved my life and believe me, I will never forget that!"

She gave a wobbly smile and nodded. She then allowed him to help her onto her horse, something she usually never did. This time however, she felt she really needed the assistance. She didn't look back as they rode off, knowing that it was more important to focus on what was ahead.

* * *

"Everything okay?" Reynolds asked Teal'c.

"Everything is fine Colonel Reynolds", the Jaffa told him. "O'Neill is resting but as usual was able to come up with a plan to deal with the enemy."

"Jack kicked butt again did he?" Reynolds grinned, relieved that his friend had obviously 'come back'.

"Oh yeah", Daniel entered from the kitchen eating a piece of bread and butter. "He figured everything out and then calmly came in and got rid of old Pasha. It was great!"

"Hey, where's some of that for the rest of us?" The Colonel complained. "Petersen and I just walked miles across the desert and could use something to eat. And a beer would be really nice."

"I don't think we have any beer Sir", Carter gave a wobbly smile to her _second_ favorite Colonel, "however I can get you something to eat and drink." Suddenly Sam began to feel the reaction of everything and she desperately wanted to sit down, but instead she continued to look at Reynolds.

"How's Jack", Reynolds asked, serious for once. "I don't see him anywhere."

"He's sleeping. This has been a lot for him to deal with", she answered, sounding as if she was trying to convince herself as well as the others. "It hasn't been that long since he's been up and around."

"Was it bad Major?" Reynolds was looking at her in sympathy, having some idea of how she felt about the Colonel, although he'd never say anything. He had too much respect for both of them.

"It was -" her voice broke, and she found she couldn't continue.

"Sam?" Daniel reached over and put his hand on her shoulder. "It's okay. We're here now and Jack is getting better. We'll get him back to Janet and she'll have him up and running like new in no time. Of course", he frowned, "he'll bitch and complain the whole way."

The gurgled laugh she gave caused the men in the room to look at each other. They could all hear how close she was to tears. "It _will_ be okay Major", Reynolds also walked up to her and put an arm around her shoulder. "Jack is the toughest SOB I've ever known. There's no way he'll let something like this keep him down for long."

"I didn't think he'd ever come back", she said softly, finally needing to get it off her chest and knowing that she could trust these men. "He was – gone. His eyes – they were completely dead and he couldn't do anything for himself. It was so awful I wished – I wished" she let out a sob, "Oh god – I wished that he would die!" She covered her face with her hands and started to shake.

Reynolds stepped back slightly knowing that she needed her teammates right now, although he would give what support he could. He motioned to Petersen to come with him outside so they could make sure the ranch was secure. Major Carter needed to be alone with her friends.

"It's okay Sam", Daniel put his arms around her and could feel the trembling that went through her. "I would have thought the same thing. We all know that there's nothing Jack would hate more than to be – like that. I wouldn't have wanted that either for him."

"Nor would I Major Carter", Teal'c's deep voice spoke softly right next to her. "He would rather die than to live in that state."

"But you don't understand", she said, "I tried – I tried to kill him. I almost murdered him but I – I couldn't - and then he got better. How could I do that?"

Daniel looked in horror at Teal'c, who returned his gaze solemnly. Neither man blamed her, but both understood the horrendous guilt she would carry.

"Samantha, you did _not_ murder O'Neill. That you thought about killing him, that you may even have attempted to do so, is understandable. I believe I would have done the same. But the fact is you did _not_. You stopped yourself in time and that is all that matters. O'Neill is alive and he is getting well, that is all you should worry about. If he knew he would certainly forgive you and understand."

"There's nothing to forgive."

She looked up in shock. "Jack!" He was standing in the doorway and had obviously been listening to the conversation. "I – I – oh God!"

Quickly moving forward, Jack reached out to take her in his arms as Teal'c and Daniel stepped back. Sam shrugged away from him, the tears now falling on her face. "No", she cried. "Didn't you hear me? I tried to kill you Sir. I – you - you could be dead now."

"I know." He took a step closer to her and held out his hand. "Sam, listen to me. I can't remember everything from the time we've been here, but I do remember some of it. And believe me when I say that I would have _wanted_ you to kill me if I had to stay like that forever. I – the little I remember was awful; to be trapped in my own body without being able to move or speak or even think properly, to be dependent on others for the rest of my life would have driven me insane."

"But you got better!" she cried.

"Yes – and you didn't kill me, so everything worked out the way it was supposed to. Sam, please don't feel guilty. I don't blame you in the least – all I know is that I have you to thank for my life. You _saved_ me – in more ways than I can count, so please let this go."

There was a general sense of relief in the room when Sam nodded slightly. Jack was too wise and too experienced to know that she had let go of her guilt that easily, but he also knew it was a first step. He'd hopefully have time to convince her that what she'd done was not wrong. He'd really meant it when he'd told her he would rather have someone kill him than leave him to live as a vegetable.

"Hey Jack, I thought you were supposed to be resting?" Daniel decided to break the heavy silence. "That wasn't a very long a nap."

"'Fraid I couldn't sleep", he explained. "I – was trying to remember some things about Earth – home – and – ." He finally shrugged and gave a slight grimace. "I'm afraid there's a lot missing from my mind right now, but what's there won't settle down." He glanced around the room. "Where are Reynolds and Petersen?"

"They're outside", Daniel told him, "checking up on everything. I expect they'll look in on Pasha's men to make sure they're still secure."

"Where are they? The aliens I mean." Jack looked around curiously. He hadn't even thought about them before.

"They're locked up tight in the cellar. They won't be going anywhere until we let them out. By the way – what _are_ we going to do with them?" Daniel wanted to know. "We can't very well leave them here."

"No. We'll take them with us to the gate with the others. We'll have to – uh -" Jack stopped and frowned. What _were _they going to do with them? Had they dealt with this kind of thing before? He really didn't know.

"We don't even know what planet they come from", Sam finally spoke. She seemed to have regained her equilibrium, although she still looked pale. "Maybe we could ask them? We could then send them to their home planet."

"But what if they decide to come back for the scepter?" Daniel asked. "I wouldn't want to let them loose here again."

"That is true", Teal'c interjected. "Maybe we should attempt to locate the scepter. If they know we have it, and that we are taking it with us, they will leave this world alone."

"But we don't know where it is", Daniel argued. "I mean, I'd love to find it, but where would we even look?" He suddenly seemed to think about something. "Sam, did James or Pasha say anything about where it could be. I mean, one of them must have had some idea or else why did they come here. In fact, how did Pasha know it was here in the first place?"

Jack sat down, suddenly feeling exhausted again. There were just too many things to think about, too many decisions that he didn't feel able to make. He glanced again at Sam, and was worried at how pale and tired she looked. She looked like she didn't want to have to decide anything right now either. How did things get so complicated?

"Let's not worry about it right now", he said. "I think we need to eat something and get some rest. Tomorrow we can head back to the gate and deal with the aliens then. As for the scepter, unless we have a really good clue I think we should forget it. We'll just have to make sure the aliens can't come back. Maybe we can – get the people here to bury the gate."

"What about James?" Sam again spoke, this time so quietly Jack barely heard her.

"James? Oh, he'll probably stay away once he finds out that Charlie owns everything and we're gone." Lines appeared between his eyes as he looked around the room. "By the way, where _is _Charlie? Shouldn't he be back by now?'

"Jack! You're awake. I thought you were supposed to be sleeping." Reynolds walked into the room.

Jack sighed. Why did everyone seem to think he should be in bed? "Nah, I couldn't sleep. See anything out there?"

"No, everything looks quiet. I left Petersen out there to keep an eye on things. Oh, and I checked on our friendly cellar aliens. They're fine too."

"_Cellar_ aliens?" Jack laughed.

"Yeah – I mean, what else do you call them?"

Petersen suddenly stuck his head in the front door. "We have company", he called. "Two people on horseback."

"Thanks Captain. Stay outside and keep an eye on them." Reynolds looked at the others. "Major Carter, I think you and I should go as well. You have a better chance of recognizing whoever it is."

"Yes Sir", she responded, standing up and looking around for a weapon. Teal'c reached out and handed her a zat. "Thanks Teal'c. Uh – should we use these", she held up the Goa'uld weapon. I mean – won't we be uh - ?

"Violating the prime directive", O'Neill quipped. "I think that was Star Trek Major."

She grinned at him, appreciating both his usual 'O'Neill humor' and the fact that he'd remembered something. "Yes Sir, I guess you're right. So a zat it is. After you Colonel", she told Reynolds

"You okay Jack?" Daniel asked after the others left the room.

Jack sighed. "I'm _fine _Daniel. You really don't have to keep asking me that."

"I know – I'm sorry – it's just -"

"We thought we had lost you O'Neill", Teal'c finished. "We are very happy to see you and want to make sure you remain well."

"I know guys", he threaded his fingers through his short hair. "It's just – I hate not _knowing_ not _remembering _and every time you ask me that it reminds me that I'm – _not_ – okay. I know that my brain's been scrambled and I hate it!"

"Your brain hasn't been _scrambled_ Jack – you've just forgotten some things, but they _are _coming back. I mean, you just talked about Star Trek. Hell, you know more about it than I do and I haven't had an alien stick some device on my head!"

"He doesn't know _Star Trek_?" Jack asked Teal'c incredulously.

"I am afraid not O'Neill."

"Geesh – I guess I'm not so bad after all!" The other two grinned, although they knew that Jack was simply dissembling again.

"Jack, you're gonna be fine, really", Daniel told him. "And I – well, I can't promise I won't ask how you're doing again, but I'll really try not to do it so often."

"Thank you!" Jack gave a grateful smile.

The door abruptly opened and Jack looked up, startled. He could see both Daniel and Teal'c raise their weapons, which they lowered the moment they saw it was Sam.

"It's Charlie", she said, "and he brought a guest with him." The three men looked at her strangely and then swung their eyes to the door as someone followed her.

The first person through was someone Jack hadn't thought to see again. Janet walked in with a small smile on her face, followed immediately by Charlie. "Hi Jack." she said. "I must say I'm surprised to see you still here. Sam tells me these are you friends from home?"

Jack looked at her stunned, and then at Charlie. "Uh - yeah." He quickly introduced Charlie and Janet to everyone in the room. "But what are you doing here?" he finally asked. He was worried when he noticed how pale she was.

She looked slightly uncomfortable, but with a quick glance at Charlie shrugged. "Charlie invited me to see the ranch. I hadn't been here before, even though my father used to talk about it all the time so I thought I'd come and see it." Her expression changed then. "There's something else", she told them, biting her lip.

"What is it Janet?" Sam asked, sensing that something had happened.

"Janet saved my life", Charlie quickly interrupted. "We came across James on our way here. I stopped him and he drew his gun and tried to shoot me. Janet got him before he had a chance to kill me."

There was silence in the room, with Jack and Sam especially looking shocked. Jack certainly didn't feel badly for the man – who was nothing more than a skunk – but he worried about Janet.

"Thank God!" Sam finally said. "I was so worried with him still around. Now no one has to worry about that evil – son of a bitch again!"

Charlie raised his eyebrows at that, and then gave a small grin. Glancing at Janet he knew that Samantha's words had more effect than all of his reassurances.

"Are you okay Janet?" Jack asked. He walked up to the woman who had cared for him for so many months and took her in his arms. "Sam's right you know. He was an evil man who has hurt a lot of people. You did the right thing."

"I know", she said, leaning her head on Jack's chest. "I just – I've never killed anyone before."

He rubbed her back gently, knowing she needed comforting. At the same time he glanced at Sam, wanting to reassure her that this was only something he was doing to help a friend. When Sam gave him a smile he relaxed and looked at Charlie. He grimaced slightly at Charlie's expression – well, that hadn't taken long, Jack thought. If that wasn't a jealous look he didn't know anything. After a few moments Janet seemed to get a hold of herself and stood back.

"Samantha isn't going to be happy watching you hug another woman Jack", she told him. "I expect she's not a woman you want to make angry."

"Samantha?" he asked, with a grin. "Not on your life. She's a tough one. She could whup any of us!"

Jack moved away and went and stood by Sam. He could tell that both Daniel and Teal'c were looking on with some curiosity. He knew he should expect an interrogation soon. He sighed – he didn't know if he was quite ready for that yet.

"Jack? Sam?" Daniel asked.

He should have known Daniel couldn't wait, thought Jack. Before he had a chance to answer Sam had stepped in.

"Not now Daniel", she said. Her tone of voice was such that Daniel simply nodded, although he grew even more curious as to what was going on.

"Okay everyone", Charlie interrupted, "can you people please tell me what's going on? I come home to see you and O'Neill both here", he addressed Sam, "after you said goodbye and told us you were going home. On top of that there are all your friends here, from your mysterious 'home'. What the _hell_ is going on?" Janet also looked between them, clearly as mystified as he was.

Sam gave them a brief overview, explaining about Pasha and his search, and about James connivance in the whole thing. She left out the part about them being from a different planet – figuring they probably wouldn't believe it and really didn't need to know – at least for now.

"They're looking for a _scepter_?" Charlie asked, clearly confused by the whole thing. "Is that like a long metal stick with jewels on top?"

"That's right", Daniel sounded excited. "Have you seen it?"

"I have if you mean it's the one that David Henderson gave to Henry years ago? That's the only thing like that I've ever heard of. But why would these guys care about it? It's just some trinket from one of the trips David took when he was a young man." He suddenly noticed that everyone in the room was staring at him. "What?" he asked, looking around. "What did I do?"

"You didn't _do_ anything, Charlie", Jack grinned. "But would you happen to know where this 'stick' is? It's very important."

"Yeah sure – it's in Henry's room. You want me to get it?"

Sam suddenly started to laugh so hard she had to sit on the couch where she was soon joined by Jack, who also seemed to find the whole thing ridiculous.

Teal'c raised his eyebrow and looked over to Daniel and to Charlie, Janet and a newly arrived Reynolds. "I think they've lost it", Daniel suggested. The others agreed silently, and without waiting any longer, Charlie headed up to Henry's room.

"I don't understand", Janet suddenly spoke, looking slightly lost and confused. "What is this about? Why did my father have this thing?"

Sam looked at her teammates briefly and then walked over to the other woman. "I'm sorry Janet – I know this is confusing. Did your father ever talk about his childhood, or about any of his family?"

Janet continued to look stunned. "He – he didn't say very much. He didn't like to talk about it. He told me his parents – my grandparents – were dead. He did mention his brother but said he was mad and dangerous and that he'd decided the best thing to do was to get as far away from him as possible. I think he was afraid of his brother."

"But he didn't mention any names? Did he say what his brother was called?"

"No – not that I can remember. Are you saying that this Pasha was his _brother_?"

"We think so Janet", by this time Jack had stood up and made his way over to her. He rested his hand lightly on her shoulder. "I think he came here so you he could have a better life away from all the fighting and war."

"But – but you're saying that my father was a prince!" Her eyes suddenly grew round. "He used to call me – Princess, all the time. I just thought it was something a father would call his little girl but I remember", she paused, "I remember that he used to get this strange look when he'd say it. He used to say it as if he was serious – I thought it was just because he was getting sick and old but – God, maybe he really did mean it." She slowly walked over and sat on the chair and buried her face in her hands. It was all too much to take in.

* * *

Charlie had to pause outside Henry's door and gather the courage to enter. He hadn't been inside since the old man had died and it gave him a strange feeling to be here now. He slowly opened the door and walked in, the smell practically knocking him over. It wasn't bad – it just brought back memories of Henry. He felt like if he closed his eyes he would hear the old man's voice. God, how he missed him.

He was finally able to open his eyes and look around the room. Where had he put it? "Aha!" he exclaimed, suddenly remembering that Henry had kept it in a box under his bed. Kneeling down he quickly discovered it and pulled it out. It was a wooden box, three feet long but only a few inches deep. He placed it on the bed and opened it. Yup – there it was – a long, solid golden rod with an intricately carved top, encrusted with some kind of precious stones, most of which he'd never seen before. He had no idea what the thing stood for, but it seemed to be important. He closed it back in its case and carried it downstairs.

"Henry showed it to me a couple of year ago", he explained as he watched Dr. Jackson examine it. "He told me that David Henderson had given it to him for safekeeping. He'd told him that someone was after it and not to tell anyone he had it as it could be dangerous. Henderson didn't want his daughter to get hurt or even to know about it. I think if he'd been able to he would have destroyed it. Henry eventually told me – I think because he knew he might not be around for much longer – although to be honest I'd forgotten about it. I guess it should really go to Janet. It's hers now."

"Henderson was right", Jack interjected. "It could be dangerous to keep. The men who tried to kill us today were after this thing", he explained. "Although you are correct – it does belong to Janet."

"Technically she's probably the heir to the throne", Daniel told everyone. "If she went back with _this_, I expect she could take power."

"What?" Janet stood up. "I don't want 'power' – I don't want to be the heir to any throne. I don't even know which country you're talking about!"

"Janet's a good woman" Charlie was sounding angry and worried. He didn't want to lose her –not now. "This is her home. She has friends here, responsibilities." He looked at the woman in question. "Why would she want to go to some foreign place, to be surrounded by people she doesn't even know?"

Sam nodded. "But shouldn't we let _her_ decide that?"she asked him gently.

Charlie looked at her for a minute and then over at Janet, but finally he nodded. "You're right. I'm sorry. Janet – if this is what you want then I'll help in whatever way I can. I didn't mean to say – it's your decision – I just -"

"You just?" Janet was looking at him carefully. The more she'd gotten to know this man, the more she'd liked him and now everything seemed on the verge of disappearing.

"I just – would hate to see you go", he finished. "I was hoping -" he shrugged and looked embarrassed. "I kind of wanted to get to know you better." There! He'd said it! He closed his eyes briefly hoping he hadn't made a fool of himself.

"Good", she said gently. She walked up to him and put her hand on his arm. "You're a good man Charlie, and I'm looking forward to that." She turned to face the others. "I don't know what this is all about, but I have no interest in the scepter or being an heir to anything. My father gave that up by coming here and clearly didn't want it for me either. No, I'm happy to stay here where I am."

"And the scepter?" Daniel asked.

"Keep it. Do whatever you want with it. I'd rather not see it ever again."

"So we take it with us and get rid of it", Jack said. "And we make sure that Pasha's folks know it's no longer here. That'll keep them from ever coming back." Jack looked around the room at his friends – from Mariscola and from Earth - his two worlds. He looked at Janet and Charlie and felt glad that there was something there between them. He was pretty sure that they'd found each other and that they'd be happy. He then looked over at Daniel and Teal'c, at Reynolds – and finally at Sam, and finally knew where he wanted to be.

"Reynolds, can you gather everyone up and let's get going. I want to go home."


	21. Home

_**Because I made you all wait - here's another chapter! I hope you all enjoy and thank you all for the wonderful reviews!**_

The gate whooshed open and the blue of the event horizon sparkled in the early evening light. Reynolds and his team and SG1 all looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to call it. He looked at the blue – the 'wormhole' Sam had called it, although he thought it was too beautiful, too mystical to refer to it by that name. What it was, he knew, was his road home, his and Sam's. All he had to do was take a few steps and he'd be back – back to his home, to the place he could barely remember.

In the end they'd given the scepter to Bart. They'd found him standing in front of the Stargate, looking at it with both longing and indecision written on his face.

"Bart?" Janet had walked up to him and had put her hand on his arm. "What are you doing here?"

"Deciding whether I should go home Miss Janet", he'd answered. He looked at the woman he'd cared for for so many years and smiled. "I think it's time. I think you have others who will look after you now."

"Bart – you're my friend, you were my father's friend. I still need you", she'd answered.

"No – I think you'll be fine." He faced her fully, shame written on his face. "I'm sorry", he said. "I was jealous – jealous of O'Neill and the fact that you turned to someone else. Because of that I did something terrible and I don't expect you to forgive me, but I have to tell you how sorry I am."

"What did you do Bart?" she asked, looking frightened.

"I told James about O'Neill and the Carter woman. I knew he wanted her – wanted her land – and I told him." He looked over at O'Neill and the woman who were both staring at him and felt even more shame. "I can only tell you how sorry I am – it was wrong of me."

"Bart, come back. I need you and Jack and Sam are leaving. Please? I need my friends."

"Thank you for that Miss Janet, but it's time for me to go. You see, it's not just you – I'm homesick. I came here with your father, many years ago. I was his servant and had vowed to remain faithful to him – and I did", he said, sounding fierce. "I stuck with him through everything, even though he gave up on his world and his people. He came here because he was afraid – he was afraid of his brother and of fighting. He wanted to live in peace, that's all he wanted. Well, I was faithful to him. I stayed until he found that peace for eternity, but now I want to go home. Please, let me go."

"If that is what you really want Bart, then go. And know you have my gratitude for all you have done, and my forgiveness for these last few days."

In the end they'd given him the scepter and sent him on his way. He took it, unwillingly, but told them he'd make sure it got to those who would know what to do with it. "I will take it to the Council", he said. "Hopefully they will have learned by now that power is not about a symbol, but about wise and just leadership."

Janet watched sadly as the man who had been like a brother to her walked up the short steps and through the blue water. She gasped to see him disappear – she suddenly believed what Jack had told her as they'd come to this stone circle. For the first time she really believed that she was the daughter of a prince from another world. Turning to look at Charlie, she smiled. She might be that princess, but it meant nothing. No – for what she really wanted was to simply be Janet Henderson, a woman here on this world who was loved and who loved in return.

Shortly afterward they'd sent the alien prisoners. Bart had said he'd have people waiting, to ensure they were taken into custody and punished for their actions. Once the gate had shut down for good on the aliens Jack looked around. It was now their turn to go home.

So here they stood, he and his teammates and SG3 - ready to return to Earth. He took one more look around at this world – so much simpler than Earth in so many ways. He had said his goodbyes and his thank you's and now it was time to leave.

"Jack?" Daniel was standing at his side, ready as always to give the help and support his friend needed. Teal'c also stood close by, but Sam was the one he really needed. She was standing a bit apart, although she gave him an encouraging smile. He reached his hand out, and with only a bit of hesitation she walked over and took it. He frowned slightly, wondering if she still wanted this – now that they were returning home.

"It's okay", she said, squeezing his hand. "I'm just a bit nervous going home."

He suddenly felt badly. He'd been selfish, thinking about himself and forgetting all that she had been through. This had to be frightening for her as well. He held on to her tightly and finally looked at Reynolds. "Okay campers", he said. "Let's go home."

George had heard the gate activate and immediately walked down the stairs to the Control Room. He'd been anxiously waiting to hear from SG3, wondering what they'd discovered on the unknown planet.

"It's SG3 Sir", Walter confirmed. The gate kawooshed open and the two men watched and waited. "Walter?"

"I don't know Sir", the Sergeant replied. "We have a stable wormhole – I don't know why no one is coming through."

George could feel his heart begin to race. These were the times that made him wonder why he did this job. As much as he tried to maintain a calm exterior, inside he often worried about the men and women under his command. After losing two of his best officers, and friends last year he'd started worrying even more when things didn't go as usual.

Suddenly a body appeared through the horizon, followed quickly by three others. It was Reynolds and his team. The Colonel grinned up at the General and saluted, and then stood aside. Almost immediately Teal'c and Dr. Jackson appeared. When they too stood aside on the ramp the General slowly stood up, his eyes never leaving the blue, swirling horizon.

Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill stepped out of the wormhole, moving as if this was just a normal mission from which they were returning. The only difference Hammond could see was the way they were dressed, and the fact that they were holding hands.

The General's face broke into a huge grin and he slapped Walter on the back. The Sergeant had every bit as big a grin on his own face. "Yes!" said the General. He leaned forward and spoke into the mike.

"Major Carter, Colonel O'Neill, where the hell have you two been?"

The two officers looked up and both of them grinned back. Predictably it was O'Neill who answered. "Oh you know Sir, Carter wanted to take a look at some doohickeys! Did you miss us?"

At that George hurried over to the stairs and made his way down into the gate room. He walked quickly over to his two officers, who immediately stood at attention, their expressions now serious.

"God – it's good to have you both back. We thought we'd lost you!" He reached over and gave Sam a big hug. He let her go after a few moments and turned to Jack. "Colonel – it's good to see you!" He put his hand out but when Jack took it he pulled him into another fierce hug.

"Same here Sir", Jack said, remembering all at once his great affection for this man. "I'm sorry we're so late – we uh – had some trouble finding the gate!"

The General cleared his throat, slightly embarrassed by his emotion. "I look forward to hearing about all your adventures but for now you'd better get to the Infirmary to get checked out." He grinned again. "I think Doctor Frasier is going to be happy to see you!" He turned to the others. "Well done SG3, Dr. Jackson, Teal'c. This was a good day's work!"

He watched as all his people walked towards the Infirmary, laughing and joking as they went. He looked back up to Walter, who gave him a small salute. Yes, there were days that he was glad he did what he did. He slowly returned to his office, looking forward to hearing all that had happened to his people. He frowned suddenly when he remembered the picture of O'Neill and Carter coming through with their hands together. He sighed. He had this sneaking feeling things were about to change.

Sam and Jack arrived at the Infirmary followed by the others. A few of the nurses had seen them but the officers had held their fingers over their mouths, warning them to be silent. They'd received smiles and nods in return – and some of the nurses had followed, wanting to see Dr. Frasier's reaction.

"Siler, you should know better! How many times have you been in to see me just this month alone? You have to – what?" Frasier looked at the man on the table in front of her who suddenly looked like he'd seen a ghost. She whipped around, holding up her penlight as if it was a weapon. Were they being attack –

"SAM! COLONEL! Oh my God!" She dropped the penlight, which hit Siler on the knee, and launched herself at her friend. "Sam", she repeated. "Oh my God – where did you come from?" After practically squeezing the life out of her she then threw herself at Jack. "Colonel! Oh my God – it's so good to see you. We thought you were both dead. What happened? Where were you? Why did it take you so long to get back? Were you captured?" She stood back and looked at the two officers. "Were you hurt?"

"Janet!" O'Neill was laughing. "Slow down. We're okay and as to where we were, we'll tell you everything and it's good to see you too!"

Sam was giggling and went up to her friend and hugged her again. "It's _so_ good to see you Janet. And no, we weren't held captive. It just took us this long to find the stargate."

"But you were okay?" Janet peered at her carefully, not liking how pale Sam was. "You weren't hurt?"

"Not me", Sam answered gently. "The Colonel was, although he's a lot better." As soon as she said these words Janet moved closer to O'Neill and began to look at him.

He sighed – this felt really familiar – and he was pretty sure he had never liked it. "I'm fine Janet", he told her. "I was injured a long time ago and I am getting better."

"What happened?" she asked. At that moment she seemed to realize the room was filled with bodies. Not only were SG3 and SG1 present, half the medical staff was here. "Okay everyone out!" she commanded. "Not you", she told the returned soldiers. "SG3 can go to examining room two. Lieutenant Rapson, take a couple of nurses with you and do their post mission check. Daniel, Teal'c, you can go to Exam Room three. "Nurse Delaney will check you out. Now you two – over there!" She pointed at the two tables over in the opposite corner.

Once the two officers were seated Janet approached them. "I'll have the nurses come and take your blood and do the routine tests, but I want to find out what happened. I'm going to send you both for some X-Rays as well." She sighed. "I know this is a pain but because you've been gone so long we have to do an extensive work-up. I'll also have to do a DNA test."

Sam reached out and took the Doctor's wrist. "No X-ray for me Janet", she said quietly.

"I'm sorry Sam, you know I have no choice -"

"Janet – I'm pregnant" Sam said quietly.

Janet stared at her, stunned. She blinked a couple of times, not quite sure how to respond. She opened her mouth to say something but instead licked her lips. Next she turned her head to look at the Colonel, who was looking down at his hands, which were resting in his lap.

"Are you sure?" she finally asked, not knowing what else to say at this point. She had a million questions but somehow knew now wasn't the time to ask.

"Yes, at least I'm pretty sure. I haven't taken a test or anything, but I'm starting to show so -"

"How far along do you think you are?"

"Uh – probably about 15 weeks."

"Okay – so – no X-rays. I'll have to do an ultrasound then. We might as well do one of the baby at the same time. Sam, have you seen a doctor, had any tests, anything?"

"No – where we were – it wasn't as advanced as here. It was kind of like living in the 19th century. I've been healthy though, other than a little morning sickness I haven't had any problems."

"Good. Well, I'll take some tests anyway and the ultrasound will give us a good idea of exactly how far along you are. Was there anything else? You said you weren't injured?" Janet decided that questions about the baby could wait until she could talk privately with Sam. For now she'd deal with the more immediate issues. She glanced once more at the Colonel, but he still wasn't looking up.

"When we were first captured I was knocked out, but I recovered pretty quickly afterward and haven't had any problems since then."

"Good. I'm going to have the nurse do some tests while I see to the Colonel." She smiled and reached forward and hugged her friend. "I'm so happy to have you back Sam – and you know I'm here for you."

Sam sniffed and nodded. "Me too Janet – and I know."

Janet frowned a bit as she headed over to the bed where Colonel O'Neill was sitting. She somehow knew this was going to be harder – he always was. She was dying of curiosity about Sam's pregnancy and wished she could ask both of them what was going on. Taking one look at the Colonel though, she knew she'd do better to keep her mouth shut!

"Colonel, it's good to have you back Sir."

He finally lifted his head and she was relieved to see the smile on his face. There was something different about him, she could see, but he didn't appear angry or upset. "It's good to see you too Janet", he said. "I – it's good", he finished. "I suppose you're going to poke and prod me now?"

"Sorry Sir, but you know the routine."

"Well actually – I don't really remember it", he said softly, looking at her carefully.

She frowned in confusion. "No?" What did he mean? She wanted to pursue it but decided it could wait until she found out exactly what had happened to him. "Sir, can you tell me what happened to you? Sam said you were injured."

He sighed and rubbed his hand over his eyes. "I don't remember Janet", he said again. "I'm afraid – I have some trouble remembering things."

"What kind of things?" she asked, suddenly worried.

"Most things unfortunately", he replied, his mouth twisted. "I actually only remember a bit of my life here on Earth."

"What?" she looked between him and Sam. "Sam? Is this true? What happened?"

"Yes, it's true Janet", Sam replied. "Sir, would you like me to tell her?"

"You'd better Carter", he grimaced. "You can explain it better than me since I only know what you told me."

"We were captured Janet, on P7K 5Z4."

"The planet you went to on your mission last year?"

"Yes, that's the one. Teal'c and Daniel came back to get help, but before they were able to return the alien commander – his name was Pasha – put something on Jack's temple. Wait!" Sam reached into her pocket and pulled out the metal disk she'd taken off of Pasha's body. "This is what he used. I don't know how it works but we should have someone in the science department look at it."

Janet took it and turned it over a few times but could see nothing on it that told what it did. "So, he put this on the Colonel's temple. What did it do?"

"It sucked my brains out Janet", O'Neill quipped, although from his pale color Janet knew that this wasn't a joking matter.

"Sir?"

"I don't know what it did Janet but that's what it felt like. I remember that part of it but after that I don't' remember anything. I think – it did something bad to my brain and kind of left me – like a vegetable."

Janet's eyes widened in horror. She looked at Sam, but the Major's expression only confirmed what the Colonel had said. "Sam?"

"That's – about right Janet", she said softly. "He appeared – brain dead. He was completely unresponsive. I only had a chance to see him for a moment before I was knocked out. The next thing I knew we were on a completely different planet, left in the middle of a desert, with no gate and no one around."

"Oh my God! And the Colonel?"

"She told you Janet – I was a vegetable." The Colonel gave a sickly smile. "Sam had to care for me totally for months."

"Someone came by and rescued us", Sam went on. "It was an old man by the name of Henry. He thought I was his long lost granddaughter so he took us in. He treated us well and we lived with him for months. During that time -"

"During that time Carter had to look after me like I was a newborn baby", Jack said in disgust. "She had to feed me and bathe me and change my diapers!"

Sam hopped down off her bed and made her way the few steps over to where he was sitting. She reached out and took his hand. "I told you – I was honored to help you Sir", she told him. "And you would have done the same for anyone of us."

Janet watched as her two friends looked deeply at each other. She knew that this must have been traumatic for both of them, so she was surprised when the Colonel gave a small smile and nodded, seeming to accept what Sam was saying.

"I didn't think he was going to get better", Carter explained, "but eventually he did. He started by regaining some muscle control and the ability to make sounds. His eyes", she closed her own for a moment, "his eyes were no longer dead, although he didn't really seem able to understand me and he couldn't talk. It really was as if" she looked at the Colonel apologetically, "it was as if he was an infant and he had to relearn everything."

"But you seem okay now", Janet said, surprised. "People can come back from an injury like you're describing, but I've never seen anyone come back quite so completely. Do you have any other symptoms other than being unable to remember?"

"Uh – I get tired more easily than I used to", he told her softly, "and sometimes I get – confused." He said that as if ashamed. Frasier reached out and gently touched his hand. "That's normal Sir", she told him. "I'm sure it will get better over time. I'd like to hear more, but for now I think I need to do some tests. I'm going to pull the curtains and I want both of you to get into gowns. I'm afraid this will take a while but it needs to be done. I may be able to give you some more information about what happened to you Colonel and I'd like to send this disk for analysis."

Both officers nodded, and if Janet was surprised at how easily O'Neill acquiesced she wasn't going to complain.

The tests took the rest of the day and by the time she was done both Jack and Sam were exhausted. It was as much from the emotional turmoil of the day as it was from the actual tests, but by the end they were both glad to collapse on beds in the Infirmary. Janet insisted that they both stay until all test results were in. Again, Janet was surprised at how little Colonel O'Neill complained. She couldn't help but think that his injury had made him gentler and less acerbic. She'd have to ask Sam if that was true.

"Janet?" The doctor looked up to see one of her patients standing in her office door, a hospital robe wrapped around her.

"Sam? You're supposed to be sleeping."

"I know I just – can I talk to you for a bit?"

"Of course, come in. How's the Colonel?"

"He's asleep. He was right when he said he gets tired more easily. This has been a rough day for him – hell it's been a rough few months!"

"Was he really as bad as you said?"

"You mean his injury? Yeah. It was awful Janet. I really thought his brain was irreparably damaged. He – it was hard."

"I'm sure it was." She reached over and put her hand on her friend's leg. "You know I'm here to talk whenever you need me."

"I know", Sam smiled. "I was honest when I said I was honored to be able to help him. It wasn't me that I worried about – it was him. I just hated to see him like that. It was as if he was dead, although he still kept breathing."

"It's a miracle he's as well as he is", Janet said. "I've never heard of someone coming back quite so well or so quickly, unless the technology somehow mimicked true brain damage rather than actually doing some real damage."

"Can it do that?"

"I don't know Sam – it's not something I've seen on Earth, but you never know. We've come across weirder things."

"But there's his memory?" Sam asked. "It's coming back, but very slowly."

"I don't know", Janet sighed. "I'll see what the tests say but I really have no idea Sam. We'll just have to wait and see."

"If he doesn't get his memory back, can he still continue" she made a gesture indicating the SGC.

"I don't think so", Janet said gently. "Depending on what happens – Sam, we just have to wait."

The Major nodded, having known already that it was too soon to say.

"Sam, can I ask you something? This is from a friend, not from your CMO."

"You want to know about the baby?" she asked, with a small smile.

"Well, yes. Did someone – were you – I mean, was this consensual?"

"It wasn't rape, if that's what you're asking", Sam said. She bit her lip, wondering how much she should say. "This is between friends?" she asked. "You won't report any of this?"

Now it was Janet's turn to look hesitant. She knew she had a duty to report anything untoward, but also knew her friend had been through a tremendous amount over the last year, and what she really needed was a friend.

"This is your friend Janet here", she finally said. "Not Dr. Frasier, not Major Frasier."

"Thanks Janet", Sam gave her friend a quick hug. "So – the baby. Jack is the father", she said simply. When Janet didn't speak, but simply raised her eyebrows, Sam continued. "He was slowly getting better, although I still thought of him as having the understanding of a small child", she explained. "At least he seemed happy. He could communicate a bit and started to feed himself and – look to his needs. I felt relieved that he was getting better, although in a funny way it was worse than when he was lying on the bed, staring blankly at nothing. It really brought home to me that he was – damaged."

"Oh Sam", Janet said softly. She couldn't imagine how difficult it must have been for her friend. "So what happened?"

"I came home one day and he was up – he'd been able to walk around. I hadn't known he was that much better. Later – when I helped him to bed, he looked at me – Janet, it was the old Jack, not the damaged child. I could see in his eyes the Colonel – the way he sometimes looked at me. It was the look of a -"

"Of a man?" Janet said softly.

"Yes", her friend answered simply. "I was so happy – so relieved. It – went from there and the next thing I knew I'd woken up in his bed."

"What happened then?" Janet asked, having a pretty strong idea of what Sam's thoughts would have been.

"I felt so guilty. I thought I'd taken advantage of him so I left. Oh, not for good", she quickly added, when Janet looked horrified. "I just needed to get away and figure things out. I'd really thought of him as a child Janet", she cried, trying to justify why she'd left. She still felt guilty over it though – even though she knew Jack had long forgiven her.

"And what about Jack?" Janet asked, pretty sure that this would have just about killed him.

"He – woke up and found me gone and so he – left."

"He _left_? Where did he go?"

"I don't think he had any idea where he was going either, so he just got on a horse and rode away. God Janet – he could barely walk or talk and he left across the desert because I'd hurt him so badly."

"But it looks like everything worked out. Did you find him?"

"No, at least not for a long time. He ended up getting shot – it's a long story and you'll hear about it all tomorrow. Anyway he was saved", here she grinned, "by a woman by the name of Janet. She was kind of your double! She looked after him and he got better under her care."

Janet looked at her carefully, hearing a bit of jealously in Sam's voice. She waited silently for the rest of the story.

"I thought he was dead", she said simply. "We looked everywhere but couldn't find him. I thought I was going to be there, alone, for the rest of my life." She looked up at Janet and gave a small smile. "And then I found out I was pregnant."

"God Sam, what did you do?"

"Do? I cried and then I rejoiced. Even if I'd lost him, I decided, I'd have a bit of the Colonel with me. I – I realized then how much I'd loved him."

"You poor thing", Janet moved over and put her arms around her. "I can't imagine how hard it must have been."

"It was", Sam agreed. "So I did something really stupid. I agreed to marry a man – James – just so I wouldn't be an 'unwed mother'. I told you, Mariscola was just like something out of the old west. I would have been shunned and my baby would have been labeled a bastard, so I decided I would marry. Fortunately I regained my senses and called it off. It was then that I found out the Colonel was still alive."

"What happened?"

"Well, he found the gate the same time I found him! We decided to come home but had to tie up a few loose ends on Mariscola. Unfortunately the guy who had done this to us in the first place showed up so we had to get rid of him and _then_ we came home."

Janet knew there were a lot more details in what had happened to these two but just the little she'd heard made her want to whistle in wonder. "So – you haven't decided what to do about the baby or about the Colonel?"

"No, not really. I mean, I'm keeping the baby, there's no question of that. As for the Colonel, I think – I mean, I'm pretty sure he -" She stopped, not sure what to say.

"Sam, does he know the baby is his?"

"Yes."

"Well, he's been in love with you for years, _and_ he loves kids. He's also the faithful type who would _never_ run out on someone, so I'd say things will work out fine." She suddenly narrowed her eyes, looking at her friend. "That is if it's something _you_ want. Sam – how do you feel about the Colonel and the baby?"

"I love him", she said simply, "and there's nothing I want more than to have his child."

"Well then", Janet grinned. "It' looks like you're going to get your wish."

"There's just one problem Janet", Sam said quietly.

The two women looked at each other, both knowing that things weren't as easy as all that. "I know Sam, but it will all work out."

"Will it?"

"With Jack O'Neill on the case? You can bet on it."


	22. What Lies Ahead

_**BIG disclaimer: I have ABSOLUTELY no head for science. I don't understand it, know anything about it, nor am I even vaguely competent in trying to explain it. Therefore, please read the following with a BIG grain of salt and please suspend all disbelief. For those of you who DO know something about it, my humble apologies – all I can say it's 'my universe and I'll screw it up if I want to" (sung to the tune of 'It's my Party')**_

_**Secondly – we are coming to the end of this story (one more chapter to go – really, truly) so I let myself play with this one a bit. I hope you'll enjoy – and if not, I hope you'll forgive me. What can I say – I was in a silly mood. Thanks for bearing with me, oh loyal readers. I luv ya all!**_

"Aaargh!"

The painful groan came from Janet's office so Daniel hurriedly rushed over and knocked on the door. "Janet? You okay in there?"

The door opened so abruptly that Daniel stepped back, worried that something was about to rush out at him. Instead he saw the cute backside of the petite doctor walking away from the door and back towards her desk.

"Uh – Janet?" he asked, carefully stepping into her office. "Are you okay?"

"That man! He's going to drive me insane." She plunked down into her chair and put her head in her hands.

"By 'that man' I assume you mean Jack?" the SGC's official archaeologist and unofficial counselor asked. "What's wrong? Is he being obnoxious again?" Daniel was used to Janet's occasional 'melt-downs' anytime she had Jack in the Infirmary. His ability to drive the medical staff – hell, _any_ of the staff in Cheyenne Mountain, crazy was legendary.

Janet slowly lifted her head and looked blearily at the man opposite her. She sighed dejectedly and pushed herself to sit up straight. "Obnoxious?" she said, practically spitting the word. "No, he's being _nice _Daniel." He almost laughed at her tone when she said 'nice'. You'd have thought Jack was spreading the bubonic plague or something.

"Nice?" he asked, confused, but trying not to grin.

"Yes – _nice_. And it's driving my staff crazy. It's just not right Daniel. He's actually _cooperating_. The _Colonel_. He does what the nurses ask, he says 'please' and 'thank you'. He didn't even mind when Nurse Jenkins took a blood sample and actually gave a urine sample _without complaining_. What the hell is _wrong_ with the man?"

Daniel couldn't help the laugh that finally escaped. "Uh Janet – you usually complain about how _uncooperative_ he is. Aren't you being a bit – hypocritical?"

"I'm _supposed_ to complain about it", she told him, as if he was an idiot for even asking. "That's what the Colonel does – and that's what I do. Now he's gone and changed things and it's driving us all crazy. How can I treat him when I don't even know who he is anymore?"

Her last comment caused a silence to descend in the small room. Both the people there looked at each other, Daniel's humor of a moment ago dissipating instantly. Janet went from being irritated (okay totally pissed if they were being honest) to simply looking sad and worried.

"What's really wrong Janet?" Daniel finally asked. "Surely you can't be that upset because the man is being cooperative?"

"No, of course not", she sighed. "It's just – it's just not the Colonel Daniel. It's not like him – and I'm scared."

"You're scared that we've really lost him this time, that he won't 'come back'?" Daniel looked at her in compassion, although if truth were to be told, he was every bit as worried.

"Yes, that's what I'm worried about", she admitted quietly.

"Have you got his tests back?" he asked, wondering if she knew something the rest of them didn't.

"No, not yet", she said, a small smile on her face. "I'm – over-reacting. It's just – he's been through so much in his life and this is just one more thing. And I don't really know how to treat whatever's wrong with him."

"Janet, he was severely injured, but according to Sam he's come a long way since then. He's not quite the Jack we knew, but he's still Jack. I think -" he grimaced, wondering if he should be saying anything. Janet was far more of an expert than he was.

"What Daniel? Say it, please."

"Jack doesn't remember much and I think he's – searching – for who he is. He's lost his point of reference and doesn't have confidence in who or what he is because he doesn't remember who he _was_. But he _is_ the same person Janet. I saw it – we all saw it – on the planet. When push came to shove he stood up and was the Colonel O'Neill we know and that we have faith in. He just doesn't quite believe it yet and so what you are seeing is a Jack who is – afraid."

"Afraid?" she said, surprised. "Of what?"

"Of himself, of this place" he gestured around him, "of his memories, once they return. He can't remember who he was, or what he did and I think he's worried that he won't like himself when it all comes back. I also sometimes wonder if who we're seeing is the Jack he'd be without all the crap in his life. I mean, don't you think that some of his – behavior, his being uncooperative and snarky – is just a defense mechanism. He's human and things scare him just like they do anyone, but he doesn't think he's allowed to show that so he – acts out."

Janet looked at him quietly and then gave a tiny nod. Daniel hadn't said anything she hadn't thought about the Colonel for years. She, as well as anyone, knew how vulnerable he was under that tough exterior and she guarded him jealously as a result. She and the Colonel had a mutual understanding; he'd bitch and complain, and she'd give him hell – and she'd make sure she kept him safe and well. She knew that he trusted her as he did few people – and she made damned sure she honored that trust. Right now though, their usual 'dance' had changed, and she'd been totally thrown by it.

"Thank you Daniel", she smiled again. "I knew I could count on you to make me feel better."

"No problem Doc", he told her seriously. "You're usually the one who makes _us_ feel better. The least I can do is return the favor occasionally. So, how is Jack really?"

Both of them knew she couldn't talk about anything directly as she had to uphold doctor/patient confidentiality – but they also knew that Jack was family, and that he'd need the support of those closest to him to get better. So, with that in mind she gave what information she could.

"He's doing as well as can be expected Daniel. She grimaced again when she realized that that was 'doctorease' for not saying anything at all. "Physically he's fine, if a little underweight", she explained. "I haven't got the tests back yet so I don't really know anything more than that. The good news is he seems to be handling things pretty well."

"Really? Or is it just Jack's usual 'I'm fine so don't ask me any more questions', routine?"

She laughed at that and pushed herself up. "Your guess is as good as mine on that one Daniel", she said. "Maybe he's just able to hide it better behind this new front of being cooperative."

"Yeah – that sounds like the 'sneaky Jack' we all know and love."

"Come on, let's go see the man who's giving us all this trouble", she laughed again, suddenly feeling much better.

"Well, at least _that's_ no different than usual", he laughed along with her, feeling suddenly lighter than he had in a while.

When they got to Jack's room it was to see the Colonel sitting on the side of his bed, his bare legs dangling over the edge and a scowl on his face.

"Colonel?" Janet asked, wondering what was going on.

"When the heck can I get out of here Doc", he snapped. "Your damned nurses have sucked practically every bit of blood out of me and if they ask me to pee in a cup once more I'm going to throw the damned thing across the room!"

Daniel could see Janet's shoulders relax and feel her entire mood lighten up a little more. He had to stop himself from grinning. Jack was coming back to them quicker than they'd hoped.

"That's the routine Sir", she answered calmly. "The sooner you cooperate the sooner you'll be out of here."

"I _have_ cooperated", he complained. "I've done everything they've asked and they're _still_ not satisfied. "I just want to get out of here Doc."

"I know Sir", she said gently. "Where do you want to go?" She wanted to bite her tongue the moment the words left her mouth. This Colonel was so what she was used to that she forgot that he couldn't remember much of anything.

"I don't know", he said softly, looking down at his gown covered legs. "I – I guess -" He looked over at Daniel. "Do I have a – house – or - or anything?"

"Of course", Daniel answered, matter-of-factly, although inside he cringed. "You have a house, a nice house. It's been locked up since you – left – but Teal'c and I go over regularly to make sure everything is okay. It probably needs to be aired out but it's still yours."

Jack looked at him gratefully, although his heart was still beating a mile a minute. He was glad he had a place to live, but was worried that he wouldn't know what to do when he got there. Although there were myriads of images running around in his mind, he really couldn't put them together to make a logical pattern. He knew this world was different than Mariscola – he just wasn't quite sure how.

"Don't worry Jack", Daniel interrupted his thoughts. "If it's okay with you I could stay with you for a while until you're back on your feet. I know it's all pretty overwhelming since you've been away for so long."

"How long were we gone?" he suddenly asked. He hadn't really thought in terms of time before now and for the first time it bothered him that he didn't know how many days or weeks or months had passed. He could only really remember the last three or four months. Beyond that were vague memories of Henry and Charlie and Sam and being looked after like a baby.

"Almost a year", Janet said gently. "In fact, it'll be a year in just a couple of weeks. We were all dreading the anniversary so –"

"So we're really happy you're here", Daniel finished.

"Yeah", Jack laughed bitterly, "except I'm _not_ really here. At least, it's not really me."

"What do you mean?" Daniel frowned. "Janet said the DNA checked out and you really are Jack O'Neill."

"But not the same Jack O'Neill that left here – almost a year ago. I'm different Daniel – you know it, I know it, hell _everyone _knows it. I'm not that soldier, that man who saved the world anymore. God, I don't think I could even save a puppy now! What good am I to anyone if I don't even know _who_ I am?"

"You're you Jack", Daniel said softly. "You may not be able to remember everything, but you _are_ the same man who left here. We all saw it back on the planet. Ask Sam or Teal'c or Reynolds or his team. When it really mattered you became who you've always been; the brave, smart –sometimes irritating, but always honorable man you are. So you can't remember how to play hockey or what a toaster is – big deal. You _do _remember what it is to be a friend and someone who cares about those closest to him. Jack _we_ know you and believe me, you are the same man."

Jack looked at him carefully, trying to see whether the younger man was telling the truth or not. His gaze then swung to the doctor but she too wore the same look. It was one of faith and affection – no, more than affection. The two people in front of him were looking at him like – he mattered to them. He took a deep breath and let it out. "So – I was this obnoxious _before_ I lost my memory?"

Both Janet and Daniel burst out laughing. "Yes Jack", Daniel answered. "you were _definitely_ this obnoxious."

"Actually, I was telling Daniel how cooperative you were this morning Sir", Janet jumped in, "although I'm glad to see that changed."

"Glad?" he said, his eyebrows raised.

"Yes, you may have been obnoxious in the past Colonel", she explained. "But we loved you for it – and we're glad you're back!"

He grinned and for the first time since he returned, felt like he might just be okay.

Of course by the time he made his way to the briefing room that feeling had faded. He was nervous. Hell no, that was putting it mildly. He was terrified. He did remember George – ur Hammond – but wasn't sure what was coming. Was the General going to tell him he was finished, that the Air Force was wiping its hands of him? Was he to be let go so that he'd have to find his own way back? He didn't know if he could do that.

And then, of course, there was Sam. He hadn't seen her yet this morning and he missed her. He also continued to worry that she wouldn't want him now that they were home. If they really had been in love – if she had cared before – why hadn't they been together? And why had she seemed so uncomfortable around him since they got back. He stopped suddenly. What if she had been with someone else before they went on their mission? What if their 'feelings' for each other hadn't been appropriate? Maybe she was regretting what had happened on Mariscola and she'd rather be with someone else. _Was_ there someone else? God – he should have asked Janet or Daniel.

When he arrived at the briefing room it was to see that only Teal'c was present. He felt a slight easing of his tension – there was something about this man that made him feel like things would be okay. He sat down at the table, but felt his tension rise at Teal'c's strange look.

"Uh – is everything okay Teal'c?" he asked, looking around the room.

"Indeed it is fine O'Neill", he large friend answered. "I was simply surprised to see you in that chair."

Jack looked down at the chair, trying to discover if there was something wrong with it. "Uh – shouldn't I sit in it?"

"You may sit there if you wish", his friend answered. "It is simply that that is not your usual seat."

"Oh." He looked around the table and stood up slowly. Did they have assigned seats? Was it inappropriate for him to sit here? "Where -?"

"Your usual place is there", Teal'c pointed, "although you are free to sit where you wish. I did not mean to imply you were wrong to sit there."

"No, no, that's okay", he answered, moving to his 'usual' seat. "I – thanks for telling me." He really was grateful to Teal'c for letting him know, although now of course, he was _really_ nervous. What else would he screw up today?

Soon the others filed into the room, including Colonel Reynolds and Janet Frasier. He smiled at both of them, although he was still bothered by the fact that, for the life of him, he couldn't remember Reynolds. From the comments of the other man they must have been friends – before. He sighed silently – he _so _hated this.

Daniel and Sam came in together, chatting casually to one another. Daniel looked over at him – in his usual chair – and smiled. Sam gave him a quick glance, a small grin, and then sat down and didn't look at him again. He felt a headache coming on. He should have known she wouldn't want him anymore. He wondered what she was going to do about the baby. He felt a twinge of fear as he thought about losing another child.

The General finally entered and with a smile welcomed everyone and sat down. "So Colonel, Major, let me say again how good it is to have you both back."

"Thank you Sir", he answered. He wanted to say it was good to _be_ back, but the words wouldn't come. Right now he desperately wanted to return to Mariscola.

Carter smiled and said a brief 'thank you' as well, although she continued to refuse to look at him.

"So", Hammond continued, "we're here to debrief about everything that happened on P -"

"Mariscola Sir", Jack interrupted. It was something he remembered, something he knew. He didn't want to speak in letters and numbers – that was the old Jack, it wasn't him.

"Yes", Hammond looked surprised, "Mariscola, if that's easier. So everyone, can you tell me what happened?"

For the next hour and a half everyone gave their explanation of all that had happened since the team had been attacked and Sam and Jack had been kidnapped. For the first time Jack realized that both Daniel and Teal'c were suffering from guilt over having 'left' their teammates behind. He hadn't realized how much they were hurting over that fact and knew that he'd have to have a long, serious talk with the both of them. Either that or he'd harass them until they caved. He grinned slightly – yeah, that was the better way, the 'O'Neill way' to deal with this. He looked at the two men affectionately and not for the first time thanked God he had them as friends.

Most of the time was spent with Sam and him telling their stories. Although to be totally honest it was more Sam than him as she told all about their life on Mariscola. There were plenty of sympathetic looks, which just about drove Jack around the bend, but there was also some laughter and some serious discussion. Jack was relieved that she left out any reference to the two of them being together or her being pregnant – or at first he'd been relieved, although the more he thought about it, the more upset it made him. She was making it pretty clear she no longer wanted there to be a 'them'. Well fine, he decided, suddenly feeling angry. If that's the way she wanted it – he could put her into his pile of 'things he forgot'.

"So you didn't think there was a way home?" The General asked, compassion in his voice.

"No Sir", Sam said simply. "I looked everywhere I could but there was absolutely no sign of the gate. I heard a rumor from one person but there weren't enough details to go on. I eventually decided that we were stuck there for the rest of our lives."

He could feel the sympathy from everyone in the room, although he refused to look up. His anger died down when he realized again all that Sam had gone through on that planet – without anyone to help her through it. Damn the aliens! Damn his bloody head! Damn the fact that he wasn't 'whole', that he was only half a man.

"Colonel?"

He lifted his head quickly, realizing everyone had been staring at him. "Sorry Sir", he said. "I – my mind wandered there for a bit."

"That's okay Colonel", General Hammond said sympathetically. Jack felt a brief flash of irritation; sure the General wouldn't have been quite so forgiving a year ago. He guessed they all had to be tolerant of the 'retard'. He closed his eyes briefly and swore at himself. Don't be such an ass Jack. They simply care.

"So, in conclusion", Hammond said a few minutes later, once everyone was done speaking. "We don't think there's any danger from these aliens?"

"No Sir", Carter replied. "As far as we know, they don't have Earth's address and Bart – he was the one who took the scepter – was going to make sure Pasha's soldiers were taken care of. Of course, we can't really be sure, but I don't see any danger in the future. We do have their gate address and we can ask the Tokra to check their planet out via ship. The Colonel also recommended that the gate on Mariscola be buried so that they don't have to worry about future visits."

Hammond looked surprised and gazed at Jack. "You were sure about that Colonel? It means you can't return either."

"I know Sir", Jack said, a sick feeling in his gut. "I think it's best this way. There's really nothing there for us and this way the people can lead a peaceful life without fear of more advanced races taking advantage of them."

George nodded, although he looked like he wanted to say more. From his expression he must have realized how difficult a decision it had been for Jack to forever throw out any chance of returning to a world he knew. Instead he'd chosen to go home to a place he could no longer remember.

"Thank you, all of you", the General finally said. "You all deported yourself with honor and integrity and I'm proud of you. Colonel Reynolds, please convey my congratulations to your team and tell them that they will all receive a notation in their files. Major Carter, you especially deserve a commendation for all you did on Mariscola. I know it was difficult for you – but you did a fine job and you are to be congratulated."

"Thank you Sir", she answered, although to Jack's eye she looked anything but grateful for the General's words. Instead, she looked guilty. He felt the anger and bitterness return and build inside him.

"And you Colonel O'Neill", the General said, not quite finished. "With all that you've been through and with the fact that you're still dealing with the aftereffects of a head injury, you still managed to bring everyone back safely. I'm proud of you Colonel – well done!"

"Thank you General", he said quietly, although inside he knew he didn't deserve the praise. It had been no more than a fluke that had gotten them home, that and Reynolds and his – and SG1.

"Colonel Reynolds, you may be excused. I need to talk to SG1 - and again, thank you."

After the Colonel had left Hammond turned to his remaining people. "I wanted to discuss the technology that injured the Colonel and then I'd like to hear his test results. Colonel, if you'd rather the others not be present for that I'll understand and ask them to leave."

"It's okay", he muttered. Hammond looked at him sharply but when Jack didn't say anymore decided to leave it. He still wondered what was going on with Colonel O'Neill.

"So, what have you found out about the weapon that was used on the Colonel? Major?"

"Uh, we're still examining it Sir", Carter explained, "although we do have some preliminary results."

Of course they do, thought Jack. That must have been where she was – checking out her damn technology again.

"And?" Hammond prompted.

"Well Sir, it's like nothing we've ever seen before. It seems to send out a subatomic particle beam which turns regular matter into Bose-Einstein Condensate matter."

Jack stared at her blankly, having not a clue what she'd just said. He glanced around the table and was relieved to see equally confused expressions on everyone else's face. "What?" he finally asked. He could have sworn she grinned, although as soon as he narrowed his eyes she continued seriously.

"Bose-Einstein Condensate matter Sir", she repeated. "It's what is also commonly referred to as the 'zero state of matter."

"Zero state of matter" he said, hitting his palm on his forehead. "Why didn't you say so in the first place?"

"You don't have any idea what that is, do you Sir?" she asked, a twinkle in her eye.

He wanted to grin over the fact that he'd made her – if not laugh, at least _want _to laugh. Somehow he knew this was something he had a talent for. "Nope, not a clue."

"Well, sir, there are basically seven states of matter. The Bo – ur 'zero state' is when matter is frozen to extremely low temperatures that are a tiny fraction of a degree above absolute zero."

He stared at her again, although not because he didn't understand her. It was more that – it was so hard to believe. "Are you telling me that damned thing _froze_ my brain?"

"Yes Sir, essentially. Although it's even more sophisticated than that. It appears to have 'selectively' frozen only parts of your brain, allowing the parts that controlled autonomous systems, such as respiration and circulation to continue. As I said, it's not something we have ever seen before. It's quite – incredible."

"Yeah right", he scoffed, "_Incredible_ that someone turned my brain into a popsicle!"

"You said you're still examining this device", Hammond asked, although he felt as stunned as Jack.

"Yes Sir. We know what it does, we just don't know how. It could have some amazing applications if we discov -"

"Stop!" Jack said angrily. "Carter this thing _froze my brain_", he repeated. "I don't think 'amazing' is a word you should use for it. I say we toss it back into space otherwise the next thing you know the NID will have created an entire planet of zombysicles!"

"Colonel", Hammond said. "No one is going to let the NID get a hold of this."

"Yeah sure" he muttered. "Just wait!"

"Colonel!" Hammond glared at his officer for a moment and then finally turned to Janet. "So Doctor, I'd like to hear what the results of your tests were." He looked back at O'Neill. "You're sure you want your team to stay? They don't have to hear this Jack."

"No, it's okay Sir. Daniel will just worm it out of me anyway, and you should see Teal'c – nosey is putting it mildly!"

Daniel simply grinned and Teal'c did the old 'eyebrow lift' in response to Jack's quip. Soon however, everyone had gone quiet, waiting for the Doctor's report.

"Well Sirs", she said, "The good news is that Colonel O'Neill's physical health is good. He is underweight by about fifteen pounds, but with the right diet he should make that up easily. There is also some muscle weakness, but again that is something which an exercise regime should handle. It is very common in patients who have been bed-ridden for a lengthy period of time. Other than that there don't appear to be any serious physical affects, certainly nothing lasting or long-term.

Jack could feel himself breathe a sigh of relief. The muscle weakness especially had worried him, although he knew that what Janet had said was logical. He'd just have to get down to the gym and begin working out. He had a sudden moment of surprise when he realized he knew what a gym was. These occasional flashes of memory still surprised him.

"And the mental picture Doc?" he finally asked. This was what was really worrying him, although he fully expected it to be bad news.

"Well, the findings here are a little more difficult to analyze", Janet said. She reached into the folder in front of her and pulled out what were obviously brain scans. "The PET scan showed that parts of your brain have definitely been affected. Right now the main area affected seems to be the temporal lobe, which controls memory. The frontal cortex also shows some effects, although not as bad. I won't say damage, because it's impossible to say at this point whether it's permanent or not. Certainly the fact that the Colonel has improved so dramatically in such a short" she stopped at Jack's objection. "I know Sir, for you it didn't seem so short, but it terms of brain injury it was. Anyway, as I was saying, with the dramatic improvement he's had, I suspect that the effects of the device may be mostly temporary. From what Major Carter said, it looks like the device severely affected most parts of his brain, except those involved in in controlling autonomous functions. The good news is that the rest of his brain now seems totally back to normal. That gives me hope that the remainder will get better over time."

"So my brain is thawing out", he quipped. He then continued more seriously. "But you don't know for sure?" Jack asked.

"I'm sorry Sir, there's no way of telling. I would like you to have some more tests and have a neurologist look at you. He or she may be able to tell more."

Jack just nodded. In a sense it was better than he'd hoped, although he was still creeped out over all this talk of his 'brain' and damage. Why was it that aliens always seemed to like to go for that part of him? If he was Sam or Daniel he could understand it. They were the smart ones with the big brains. He was just a soldier with a rather – plain brain. He had to stop himself from grinning at that, even though it wasn't that funny.

"So – what happens now?" he finally said. He looked at the General, who was giving him a sympathetic look. Uh oh, he thought, that was never a good sign.

"Colonel, it's much too early to make any decisions. You need to take some time, to get better and rest. For now you're on medical leave and we'll re-evaluate in" he looked at Janet, "how long do you think he'll need Doctor?"

"That's hard to say Sir. A few months at least."

"_Months?"_ Jack wanted to yell, instead he simply glared. "You're kidding?"

"I'm not Sir", Janet replied calmly. "You've been through tremendous trauma and your body – and mind – need time to heal. If you're better before that then fine, but I expect you'll need at least that long. Don't try and rush it Jack", she said more softly. "You need time to heal."

He glared at her for a few more moments, but his were the eyes that dropped first. He took a deep breath and rubbed his face distractedly. "Yeah, okay." He then looked at Hammond. "Will they give me that long Sir?" he asked. He figured the Air Force might try and dump him before then.

"Of course we will Colonel", the General answered. "The President made sure to tell me that he wanted you back 'no matter what we had to do'. Dr. Frasier's right Jack. Take the time, rest, heal. We'll be waiting for you right here."

He nodded slightly, not sure whether to be upset or relieved. If he was honest however, he knew that what they were saying was true. He did need the time. He had a whole new world and a whole life to remember. He might as well get started.

"If that's all people, you're dismissed. Jack, you're free to leave the base although I suggest that one of your team stay with you for a while, until you've had a chance to re-familiarize yourself with everything. You'll find that all your affairs are in order. Both you and the Major were declared MIA so it's relatively simple to get everything back up and running."

"Thank you Sir", Sam said gratefully. "Any word on my father yet?"

"The Tokra have been notified and let us know that a message is being sent to him. He's on a mission, and they couldn't give me an estimate on how long it would be before he could make it here."

"Typical Tokra!" Jack said sarcastically. It was only when the silence grew that he realized. He grimaced. "That's one memory I could do without", he said. "Why couldn't I remember hockey rather than the Tokra?"

Everyone grinned and his teammates stood up. Janet gathered her papers together. "Colonel, I'd like you to come down briefly to the Infirmary before you go."

He nodded. "Okay, thanks Janet." He went to speak to Daniel, to ask him if he'd come home with him (wherever the hell _that_ was), when _her_ voice interrupted him.

"General", Sam asked, "Could I speak with you and the Colonel alone for a few moments?"

Hammond looked vaguely surprised but nodded. "Of course Major. Colonel?" When Jack nodded he ushered the two officers into his office. George sighed heavily as he shut the door. He'd been expecting this and wasn't quite sure how he felt about it. Although after a brief second he decided it was a good thing. He stopped the grin before it appeared, but couldn't help but hope that he was proved right on this one.

"What is it Major", he asked, after everyone had sat down. He noticed that Jack looked confused. George frowned – maybe it wasn't what he'd thought after all.

"Sir, I have something to tell you", she bit her lip and looked over at the Colonel, almost as if to get his support.

Jack was totally confounded. What was this all about? Surely she wasn't going to say anything to the General, not if she was wishing it hadn't happened.

"I left something out of my report", she said.

"Yes?" the General looked at her expectantly.

"You see, it was true that we – I didn't expect to make it back to Earth and I'm afraid – well -" She paused, looking nervous. "I'm pregnant Sir", she finally blurted out.

Jack didn't know who was more shocked, the General or him. He looked at her and saw that she was gazing at him – hopefully, but still nervous.

"Pregnant?" Hammond repeated. He hadn't been expecting this at all. "I – see. Uh – was this – uh -" He didn't seem to know how to continue.

"It was consensual", Sam said. She looked at Jack again, seeming to beg him with her eyes.

What did she want him to say? Did she want him to confess it was his or would she rather keep the father anonymous? God, he wished he knew what to do. She seemed to be losing confidence and her eyes were suddenly glistening with unshed tears. Shit! What did she want him to do, to say?

"Jack?" her voice, so quiet, so unsure, finally made him decide.

"It's mine Sir", he told the General, refusing to look directly at her. "I – what Car – ur Sam, said was true. We didn't know we were going to come home and I -" Hell, just do it Jack. Get some balls and for once in your damned life just say the right thing. "And I've loved her for a long time. I _needed _her and I – Sir, I love her and that's my baby."

"I – see" the General leaned forward, not quite sure what to say. Finally, looking up at his officers he decided to keep it simple and smiled. "Congratulations. I'm happy for you both."

The two across the desk just stared at him, more than surprised by his answer. He really wanted to grin at their shocked faces but spared them that. "What?" he finally asked. "Did you think I wouldn't be happy for you?"

"No – I mean – but Sir", Sam finally got out. "I thought we'd be in trouble."

"Well, normally it would be frowned on, but as you said, you didn't think you were coming back. You were gone a long time, almost a year. I don't think that anyone is going to make a fuss over it. And anyway, for now you're not on the same team – in fact, neither of you are on _any_ team, not until I assign you to one." He glanced between the two – still stunned – looking officers and frowned. "I assume you're pleased by this?" He certainly hoped so, but you never knew how people dealt with things.

Jack turned to Sam, hoping that he hadn't screwed up royally. What if she hadn't wanted this? What if he'd put pressure on her, made her feel guilty, forced her to go along with him? What if – he stopped and stared. She was – _beaming_ – that's the only word he could think of – at him. Tears were running down her face and she looked like she wanted to launch herself at him. In fact, if it wasn't for the General sitting there he was pretty sure she would have.

"Did you mean it?" she asked.

"Mean it? – oh, you mean about me" he gestured between the two of them, suddenly feeling tongue-tied.

"About loving me and wanting the baby."

"Of _course_ I meant it", he said fiercely. "I may have forgotten a few things", he told her, "but I haven't lost my mind – at least not all of it. I've loved you for a long time and there's nothing I want more than -" he stopped, realizing that General Hammond was sitting there listening to his whole confession. He could feel his face start to turn red and wanted to swear. It had been a lot of years since he'd actually _blushed_ for God's sake. He glanced carefully at said General and winced when he saw the big grin on the man's face. He was never going to live this down!

"I love you too", she said softly, not seeming to care that her commanding officer – or to be accurate, her commanding officer's commanding officer, was sitting in the room across from her. "And I'm glad you want the baby. I wasn't sure."

"_You_ weren't sure?" he said incredulously. "You've been the one avoiding me."

"Well – I thought – I was worried – I didn't want to get you in trouble."

"In trouble?" he said, feeling even more confused. "Why would I get into trouble?"

"Because it's against the rules to sleep with your subordinate Jack" the General said, sounding like he was enjoying this way too much.

"It is?" Jack asked, startled. Oh shit – that was something he'd clearly forgotten. "Uh – I didn't know" he tried to explain, but the General just waved him off.

"I told you Jack, it doesn't matter."

"Really Sir?" Sam asked. "I thought for sure we'd be in _some_ sort of trouble."

"Leave it to me Major. Now, I think the two of you need to talk without me here. Although I must admit I haven't enjoyed anything quite so much in a long time." He stood up. "Colonel, get yourself down to the Infirmary and then have Major Carter take you home. I don't want to see you back in for a while. Just go and - rest and get yourselves back together. Jack, you especially. You're going to need all your strength for what lies ahead of you."

"You mean with the Air Force Sir?" Jack asked, standing up slowly.

"Hell no son", Hammond grinned. "I mean fatherhood!"


	23. Next Steps

_**Okay – I lied! Not intentionally though. I really really meant to end it here. However, it got so long I had to stop. There really is just a teeny bit left so I'll finish tomorrow. I'm never saying I'm ending a story again, until I actually do! Thanks.**_

He looked out of the window and wondered how Janet was doing – the Janet in Mariscola, not the one here. He hoped that she and Charlie were together. He somehow thought it likely, although he knew he'd never really know. He wouldn't ever go back to Mariscola and a part of him grieved. In some ways he considered it the place of his birth, not his real, physical birth, but the beginning of the person he was now. He had no real way of knowing if he'd return to the Jack O'Neill of before, of this world, but again, somehow he thought it wasn't too likely.

He knew he could never really explain it to anyone, but he knew that something inside him had changed irrevocably on that planet. He might end up regaining all his memories, but it was more than the loss of those that had changed him. Maybe it was being so helpless, having to rely completely on someone else that had changed him. Maybe it was getting away from the battles of this Earth and returning to a simpler time. Or maybe it was that he was secure in the love of the woman that had taken the journey with him. Whatever it was, he could feel that there was a peace inside him that there hadn't been for a long time, if ever.

He was still frightened of what lay ahead, of what was unknown in this world, but with his friends by his side he knew he would one day get beyond the fear and to the place he wanted to be. Where that was – he still wasn't quite sure.

He glanced sideways at the woman seated beside him and felt a mixture of happiness and fear. He rejoiced in their love, but worried whether it would be strong enough to survive. For the fact of the matter was, they really didn't know each other as equals, something that he knew was essential if they were to have a life together. Although he could remember little of his life as Colonel O'Neill, he was aware that Sam had served under him, was his subordinate. He gathered, from what little had been said and from what he had felt, that there had been something between them for a long time. But it had been hidden, kept in the secret corners of their hearts, and never brought out into the light. Knowing Sam she had probably been the ever loyal soldier, obedient to his commands and putting duty first. They had not been equals.

And then there was Mariscola. Here too they had been unequal, but this time it was Sam who was in control, in charge. She had had to look after everything for him, had had to make all decisions and do everything to keep him alive. He had been an infant, a child, an adolescent to her mature adult. Not only that – and this worried him even more – she had been a mother to him, not a lover.

Except for that one time. He looked at her again, seeing her hand gently covering the slight bump around her middle. That one night they had together, but even that had been, not of two equals, but of two wounded people who loved.

He sighed heavily, knowing that the joy and the dream of a short while ago had to be put on hold. He loved her – yes, and he believed she loved him – but they didn't know each other, not yet, not as equals.

He didn't know how to tell her, how not to hurt her, but he had to. If their love had any chance to grow and to build, they'd have to start with a solid foundation. They'd have to learn about one another, they'd have to talk and discover and hold each other and argue and fight and love – as equals, as friends, not as commander and soldier or mother and child. He didn't know how to tell her.

"I think I should go to my house Jack", she said softly, finally breaking the silence. Teal'c and Daniel sat in the front, giving their two friends privacy. "I need to – sort some things out. Will you be okay if Daniel stays with you?"

He felt guilty for the relief he felt. He wanted to be with her, to hold her, but he also needed some time, some space. "Yes", he gently reached out and touched her fingers lightly, fleetingly. "I'll be fine. How about you? You shouldn't be alone."

She smiled and looked relieved as well, which should have hurt him, but somehow he knew it was okay. "I'll ask Teal'c if he'll come over. I'm sure he won't mind."

In the end it had been decided. Teal'c would stay with Sam for a few days, until she'd had a chance to reacclimatize herself to Earth and to her home. Daniel would stay with Jack.

"When?" she asked him carefully. "When will I see you?"

He couldn't bear that she sounded so sad. At that moment he wanted to pull her into his arms, to tell her that it was okay, that they had to be together, now, always, but he restrained himself. It wouldn't work right now and this meant everything to him. For once in his life he was going to make sure he did the smart thing, the right thing. He was not going to lose the most precious thing in his world. "Soon", he said. "We need -"

"- a little time, I know", she smiled. "I just – not too long, okay?"

He smiled back at her, relieved again. "No, not too long. I need to find myself again Sam", he whispered softly. "before I can be what you need and what – _he or she_", he pointed to her tummy, "needs. But I won't be too long, I promise."

She nodded in understanding, although he could tell she really didn't like it. The hand at her waist tightened and then relaxed. "We do need you Jack, don't ever forget that."

"I won't." He finally leaned over and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek just as the car came to a slow stop in front of her house. He got out of the car and stood there as she retrieved her few possessions from the back of the car. Teal'c stood silently, waiting for her while Daniel sat still in the car.

She walked up and looked at him carefully and then leaned forward. This time it was she who gave him a soft kiss, but hers was on his mouth. "Soon. You promised."

As she turned and walked away he held his hand up to his mouth and then slowly nodded. "I promised." His words floated gently to her ears, and, without turning back, she smiled.

Jack was silent the rest of the way to his house. Daniel looked at him a number of times but knew his friend needed silence. He worried that things were not okay, although he didn't think Jack looked upset – just pensive.

"We're here", he finally said, after they'd sat in Jack's driveway for a few moments. It was only then that his companion lifted his eyes and looked around, surprised.

"Oh. I didn't realize." Jack reached for the handle and let himself out. Once out of the car he stood silently, looking at the house in front of him. _His_ house. The feeling was strange and vaguely disturbing, especially when he became conscious of the fact that he didn't recognize it at all. For some reason, he had had the picture of a white, two story house with a porch and a child's swing set in the back yard. This brown house, surrounded by trees, didn't feel right.

"You want to go in?" Daniel asked, careful not to ask if he recognized it. He was grateful that his friends never asked him that, seeming content to let him deal with his memory loss in his own way. Still, he found himself suddenly wanting to confide in someone, to tell someone – Daniel – that he felt lost and frightened. He had this desperate urge to ask to go back, to go home to Mariscola.

"Yeah", he finally answered, knowing there was no other choice. This was his home – this house, and this planet – and he might as well get used to them. Still, he stood there, his feet frozen and his body unwilling to move.

"Come on then", Daniel was beside him, his hand warm and reassuring on his shoulder. "Let's go. There's cold beer in the fridge and I thought we could order pizza.

"Pizza?" he asked, startled. He had a mental picture of a flat round crust, oozing with red sauce and cheese and lots of little bits of _stuff_. His stomach growled and he glanced in embarrassment at Daniel.

"Yeah, I'm starved too", his friend said. "Come on, let's go eat."

And it was as simple as that. He followed Daniel to the front door and waited while he fumbled with the key. Just as he was going to put it into the lock he stopped and turned. "I think you should do this Jack", he said. "It is your house so you deserve the honor of opening the door."

He took the key, ashamed at the trembling in his hand, although he was grateful Daniel didn't say anything. He reached out and placed the key in the lock and turned it, surprised at how easy it was. He glanced again at his friend, who simply raised his eyebrow and nodded. With a deep breath Jack turned the knob and pushed the door open.

Oh God! He closed his eyes and allowed the feeling to wash over him. The _smell_ – it was home! Not that it smelled bad, for someone had obviously been over to clean it but still, it smelled like – dinners in front of the TV, friends over for the evening, reading in front of the fire, listening to music with the lights out. It smelled like private times, thinking of his son and the things they'd done together, of missions gone right – and gone wrong, of days as a child, his parents and family. It smelled like – his life.

"You okay Jack?" Daniel's worried voice broke through the warmth of his homecoming.

He lifted his head and looked at his friend, love and affection in his eyes. "I'm fine Danny", he said softly. "I'm home."

As he and Daniel sat in the living room, drinking beer and eating pizza – God, how could he ever have forgotten pizza! – he allowed more of the feelings and memories to wash over him. They were still unformed, still disconnected, but they proved to him that this was his life, that this was the place he needed to be. He knew Daniel was worried about him, about his distraction and his silence, but _he_ was no longer worried. No, this was right, this _was_ home.

"Thank you", he said softly, interrupting something Daniel was saying. The other man canted his head and looked at him, a question in his eyes. "Thank you for your friendship", he said, "and for caring. I don't remember much still Daniel", he said, continuing softly, "but I do remember that I could always – _can_ always count on you. I know that you are someone special in my life, and that I've been blessed to know you and to call you friend."

The other man looked surprised and then embarrassed and finally and simply grateful. Tears formed in his eyes and he reached out with one hand and put it on Jack's shoulder. "_I'm_ the one who has been blessed Jack", he said simply. "You're family, and you'll never know how much that means to me."

He did, of course he knew, because Daniel – and Teal'c, and Sam and George and Janet – they were _all_ his family, something he'd never thought to have again. He smiled slightly and lifted his bottle at the other man, giving him a silent toast. As he took a drink of beer he thought again. I'm home.

That night, after Daniel had gone to bed, he snuck out and climbed the ladder to the roof of his house. He somehow remembered that this was a place of comfort, of solitude, of peace. He remembered about his telescope – he'd have to ask where it was – for now he'd simply look up at the stars and be home.

"So, what do you want to do today?" A chipper Daniel was pouring himself a cup of coffee as Jack walked into the kitchen, sporting a truly remarkable case of bed-head. Daniel grinned – he couldn't help himself. It was times like these that Jack most closely resembled the child he was sure lurked inside his friend.

"I don't know", Jack answered, grabbing a mug and pouring his own cup. He sat down at the counter and simply breathed in the aroma, allowing it to wake him more fully after his late-night star gazing.

"Up too late were you?" Daniel grinned knowingly. "I thought about setting up your telescope for you, but figured you'd _never_ get to bed then."

Jack looked at him in surprise, but before he had a chance to speak Daniel continued.

"I know you Jack", he said. "You always go up there when -"

"When?" he prompted.

"Oh – whenever something important happens. It's your – thing."

"My _thing_?" he said, laughter in his voice.

"Yeah, you know – the thing that keeps you going, that allows you to come down or to pick you up. Your _thing_."

"I see", he answered, and he really did. "And what, if I may ask, is _your_ thing?"

Daniel grinned and simply lifted his cup. "Coffee", he answered. "It cures almost everything."

The two men enjoyed a leisurely breakfast, chatting about nothing in particular. It was all so _normal_ that Jack couldn't help but feel himself relax even more. Last evening had been good, it had been necessary, but it also had been difficult. Today was about starting his new life – or, to be more accurate, about _re_-starting his old life.

"Jack?" Daniel asked abruptly, a slight question in his voice.

"Daniel?" he replied, his brows raised. He had a sense of – familiarity – somehow knowing this little scenario had been played out many times in the past. It gave him a sense of comfort.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure", he said, although his voice sounded hesitant. He wondered if he was going to like this.

"I'm just wondering – well, actually _Teal'c_ and I were wondering -"

"Yes?" he prompted, when the other man didn't seem to want to continue.

"We're wondering about you and Sam." He said, the words tumbling out in a rush.

"About me and Sam?" Jack answered, innocently. He could feel an impish sense of mischievousness settle over him.

"Yeah – I mean, you seem awfully close and we were kind of wondering if -"

"If what Daniel?" Play it cool O'Neill, he said to himself. "What are you asking?"

"Well, we kind of wondered if there was maybe something serious going on between the two of you?"

"Serious? What do you mean by serious?"

"Come on Jack, you know what I mean!"

"I do? Well, I don't remember too much, but you guys did tell me that she was my subordinate before we went to Mariscola. I guess that's kind of serious."

"I mean _now_, not before."

"Now? Well, we're friends. I mean, she did look after me when I was – sick. That was certainly serious."

"Yeah, but you're not going to be, are you?" Daniel said, sounding aggrieved.

"I'm not going to be what?"

"Serious!"

"Oh. Well, I kind of enjoy _not_ having to be serious for a change Daniel", he grinned. "The last few months – well, let's just say I could use some fun and _not_ serious time."

"Okay", Daniel sighed. "I guess we were wrong. I just thought – never mind."

"Okay", Jack agreed. He settled back and suddenly felt guilty. After all Daniel and Teal'c had done, why was he so hesitant to tell them the truth? He could trust them. He knew they wouldn't do anything to hurt him or Sam. He shook his head. You can be a real jerk sometimes Jack, you know that. "It's still new Daniel", he said quietly.

The younger man looked up in surprise, not quite sure what Jack was saying.

"Sam and me", O'Neill explained. "It's – new and I guess I'm a little unused to talking about it. I -"

"You don't have to tell me Jack, not if you don't want to. I really didn't mean to pry. I guess I was just – both Teal'c and I care for you both and we just – wondered."

"It's okay, and I _want_ to tell you. No, actually I want to ask you – " he rubbed his hands through his hair. "I don't want to screw this up Danny."

"Screw it up? What do you mean?"

"You've always known haven't you– or maybe not. Anyway, I've had – feelings – for Carter for a long time."

"We know Jack. We also know you and she never did anything about them."

"No – well we did on Mariscola."

Daniel's one eyebrow spoke volumes, although he refrained from asking for details.

"I mean – we grew close", he explained. "It was only briefly, before I left and went to Janet's but – I realized then that I loved her. Of course I didn't think she'd actually love me, not in the state I was -"

"She's loved you for years Jack", Daniel said quietly, confidently.

"Really?" Jack looked at him eagerly. "I – I wondered, but I wasn't sure."

"Oh yeah. Most people wouldn't have known, but both Teal'c and I did, and Janet and – General Hammond I think, although he'd never say."

"Oh yeah", Jack grimaced, "Hammond knew all right – the old –" Jack closed him mouth, realizing he was on the verge of being disrespectful, although he couldn't help the small grin that escaped. "Oh yeah – and he certainly knows now!"

"Really?" Daniel said again, surprised. "How – why?"

"Sam told him", he said. He sighed again and took a deep breath. "She's pregnant."

Daniel's eyes grew round – which looked quite funny behind his glasses. "Pregnant? But how?"

"Daniel! Surely you're old enough to know _how_!"

"I know _how_ Jack", he said, disgusted. "I mean – _who_?"

"Me of course!" Jack sounded slightly irritated, although it was more out of embarrassment than anything. He felt funny talking to his friend about this. "We – I told you we grew close."

"Boy, did you ever!"

"_Daniel!_" he said, sounding scandalized.

"Well – are you happy about it? Is Sam, okay with it?"

"I guess", he replied. When Daniel looked at him in concern he grinned slightly. "Okay, I'm thrilled. Sam – yeah, she says she's happy."

"Good! I'm happy for you both." When Jack grew serious he narrowed his eyes. "Shouldn't I be?"

"What? Oh yeah. I mean. I guess I'm just a little nervous. We didn't really have time to – you know – get to know each other and now we're going to be parents. It's a little – overwhelming."

"Yeah, I can imagine. But you guys are meant to be together. Teal'c and I have agreed on that for a long time. Everything will be fine."

"You think?"

"I _know_." Daniel realized that his friend really was nervous about this whole thing. He nudged his friend. "Look, I know this really has to feel crazy, but we're all here for you and Sam loves you. Everything will work out fine and – you're going to be amazing parents."

"I hope so", Jack answered, sounding unsure. "I – we're going to take it slow. Spend time getting to really know each other before rushing into anything."

Daniel nodded. "Just don't take too long Jack. She needs you and I think you need her too."

"Yeah, I do", Jack answered quietly. "Thanks again Daniel."

"You're welcome. Uh Jack – the General – what? I mean, you're not going to get in trouble or anything are you?"

"No, at least the General says we're not. I guess we were away long enough and didn't think we were getting home. And of course, neither of us is on active duty right now."

"That's good. I really am happy for you two." He suddenly grinned. "Hey that means I'll be 'Uncle Daniel."

"Uncle _Danny_", Jack corrected with a grin.

Jack watched his friend carefully for the next few minutes and wanted to laugh at him. Daniel tried to sit quietly, but was fidgeting terribly.

"Go ahead", Jack finally told him. Daniel looked at him carefully. "Go ahead and call Teal'c. I know you want to!"

The next few weeks were difficult for Jack, although he had his friends to help him through them. He slowly was rediscovering things about Earth. Sometimes the memories would return, in other cases it was simply that he was relearning things. The neurologist that Janet had him see basically told him – nothing. It seems his memories might all return, or they might not. He might always have blanks in his memory but he was coming to accept that fact more easily as each day passed. He knew his acceptance was in large part because of his teammates.

They supported him totally and never seemed to question him or get impatient, even when he would find himself totally lost at the simplest things. It took him a while to even want to go out in public, afraid that he'd do something stupid or embarrassing. They had stood by him always and often it was Daniel or Sam – and sometimes even Teal'c – who would whisper things in his ear to let him know what he was supposed to do or say. Fortunately the need for that was getting less and less as each day went by, although occasionally something still surprised him.

As for work – well, he was still on medical leave and wasn't particularly anxious to return. His friends all assumed that he'd want to get back as soon as possible and he was having a hard time telling them the truth; that he didn't know if he _ever_ wanted to return. As each day went by, even though he was remembering more and more, his former life seemed – distant, like it belonged to another person. We wondered if he'd been given a second chance at a new life, or if he was just hiding. He didn't know, and increasingly it was bothering him. The problem was, there was no one to talk to about it.

As for Sam – well, that was going well, or at least he thought it was. They were spending time together, getting to know one another as friends. He could still make her laugh – something she confessed had been one of the first things she liked about him. And she could still make him feel – amazed – by her brilliance and by her warmth. He couldn't get over how lucky he was. Still, there was something not quite – right – and he began to worry that it wasn't going to happen. Again, he didn't know who to talk to, although he desperately needed someone to help him, to advise him. He felt like she was slipping away from him and he was afraid.

* * *

"What's wrong Sam?" Daniel came up behind her quietly and she jumped, startled out of her reverie.

"Oh Daniel, I didn't hear you. What's up?" Sam turned a brilliant smile on her friend, but he didn't respond.

"Sam, come on. What's wrong?" He'd been worried about her for days and even more worried about Jack. He'd thought they would have resolved things long before now, but instead their relationship seemed stalled. Sam was showing now and it was known to everyone that she was pregnant, although she hadn't as yet told anyone who the father was. Some speculated that it was Colonel O'Neill, while others suspected someone on the planet. She seemed to be oblivious to any of the gossip that was going around and went about her work in a daze.

"What do you mean Daniel?" she asked, not looking at him. She turned back to her computer. "I'm fine, nothing's wrong."

"Sam, don't lie to me", he said gently. "If you don't want to tell me, I won't bug you, but I know you well enough to know that something's up."

She continued to stare at her monitor for a long time and Daniel was about to turn to leave when she finally spoke.

"I don't know if he still wants me", she said

"You – _what? _Sam, what are you talking about?"

She twirled on her chair and faced him. "Jack. I don't know if he still wants me. He hasn't – I mean, he treats me like a friend but nothing more."

Daniel stared at her, not even sure where to start. "Sam, whatever gave you that idea? He _adores_ you. God, you can see it in his eyes anytime he's looking at you – hell, even when he's just _thinking_ about you. When you're not around all he talks about is 'Sam this' and 'Sam that'. Of _course_ he wants you."

"Then why doesn't he _say_ anything Daniel? We've been back for over three months and he hasn't even so much as –as _kissed_ me."

Daniel closed his eyes, not quite sure how to deal with this. As much as he was happy for his friends, he still found this whole thing to be a bit uncomfortable. It had always been there, in the background, but for years it had only been something they were vaguely aware of and neither Sam nor Jack had ever done anything overt. "Uh – have you kissed him?" he finally asked.

"What?" she said, confused by the question.

"You know – have _you_ kissed _him_?"

"Me? But – I mean – why would I -"

"Sam, the man is still finding his way. He still feels – lost and unsure. Everything is new to him and I'm sure he feels inadequate and – and – knowing him he's afraid that you feel sorry for him, or he'll make you feel guilty or some such thing. God Sam, you know what he's like! He _wants_ to kiss you, I think he just feels that he shouldn't. And he's also probably doubting how you feel."

"You think he wants to?" she asked hopefully. "Kiss me, I mean?"

"Of course he does."

"But how do you know?"

"Sam – I – God, you guys really need to talk to each other. No, I take that back – you should simply get a room and have mad, passionate sex. Sam – the guy's probably taken more cold showers in the past few months than in his entire life. Even Teal'c has noticed it and was wondering why you two don't just go and – _do_ it!"

She looked at him as if he'd just told her the Goa'uld had attacked Earth and taken the Queen of England as a host. Her mouth opened and shut a few times but nothing came out. Daniel had trouble not grinning. It was a rare sight indeed to see Sam completely gobsmacked.

"So, I suggest you get off that pretty little butt of yours and go over to his house and grab him, throw him to the ground and let him _know_ you love him. That's all he's waiting for Sam. I mean really – you're not living in the 19th century anymore. Woman _can_ make the first move you know!"

She stood up, leaned over and gave him a fast, hard kiss on the mouth. "Thank you Daniel", she said. "Can you please close down my computer and tell the General I had an emergency and had to go home."

"An emergency?" he grinned.

"Yeah – I have to go and" she turned back to him and grinned, "have mad, passionate sex with Jack. Oh, and Daniel – don't come over tonight okay and pass the message on to Teal'c." With that she was gone.

Daniel sauntered back to his office, whistling.

"Daniel Jackson, for what reason do you appear so pleased?" Teal'c stopped him in the hallway near his office.

"I just spoke with Sam", he said.

Teal'c raised his eyebrow in inquiry.

"Yup – and I told her to go and – well – to go and put Jack out of his misery! She left and told us not to disturb them tonight – or tomorrow I suspect."

Teal'c stared for a moment, nodded and then turned to walk beside Daniel the remaining distance to his office. "You did well my friend", he said. "I will be glad to no longer have to deal with a – frustrated Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter."

"You and me both Teal'c, you and me both!"

Sam covered the distance between the base and Jack's house in record time. She intentionally kept her mind blank, refusing to think of anything besides his lips and chest and arms and hands – oh those hands! Then there was his butt – _very_ nice butt, although she'd really like to see it without those damned cargo pants. His legs – long and lean and very, very nice. His face – well, there was no way around it, he was a very handsome man. She could get lost in those eyes. Of course there was more – she'd only had a glimpse that once, but she remembered - . She could feel herself blush – or at least grow hot – hotter – God, she had to get there soon or she was going to spontaneously combust.

She pulled up to his house, behind his truck – he'd finally gotten up the courage to get behind the wheel and fortunately driving had come back to him very quickly. She hopped out of her car and rushed to the front door.

"Damn!" Why the hell had he locked his door? He never usually locked it. In fact, they were always giving him hell for his lack of caution. So why now, the one time she wanted in quickly? She leaned on the doorbell, letting it ring continuously. She knew it would drive him crazy and wasn't in the least surprised when the door crashed open and he was standing there, a scowl on his face.

"Sam?" His expression changed instantly to one of confusion and then concern. "What's wr - ooph" he cried as she barreled into him, pushing him back into the hall and kicking the door behind her. Before he had a chance to speak again she had shoved him against the wall and had plastered her lips again his.

It wasn't a gentle or romantic kiss – it was rather, a passionate, frustrated, sexually charged kiss, that was hot and wet and invasive. He didn't stand a chance as the woman he loved – lusted after – desired – as she assaulted his mouth with everything she had in her.

He attempted to put his arms around her, to stop and ask her what was going on, but she stopped him. She grabbed his arms and pinned them to the wall. He could easily, if he had wanted to, have gotten free from her. He was still much stronger than her – but for some reason, he suddenly felt incredibly weak and so simply – allowed – her – to – have "Mmmm", he murmured into those lips which were doing things to him which he was pretty sure were either illegal, or not allowed in this galaxy. "Smm?" he tried to speak.

"Shhh", she whispered, capturing his mouth again. Her hands suddenly let go of his arms and began to roam. Anytime he'd try and touch her or take back some control, she'd stop him. "No", she murmured. "Me!" It wasn't very coherent, but he understood and simply relaxed and let her – touch – "Oooh God", he groaned. Her hand had made its way under his shirt and "Mmmn", he murmured again.

Part of him wondered if he'd had a relapse, if his brain had 'refrozen'. He lost the ability to think. He couldn't remember anything at all. Who was he? He didn't know. Who was she? He didn't know either although he was pretty sure she was a goddess! Where was he? Who the hell cared. "Oh God – yes!"

"Up" she murmured against his neck. He felt the tingle all the way to his toes.

"Yeah", he murmured back, into her hair, "I am."

He could feel her giggle and she leaned back slightly. "I meant upstairs", she clarified, her face alive with laughter and – something else – something that sent joy rushing through him.

"Oh – yeah", he answered, slightly embarrassed but totally willing. She took his hand and led him up to his bedroom. He had a brief thought that he really should have made his bed and – hell, he rather thought his underwear was lying around but as she dragged him in and threw him down on that messy bed, he simply grabbed his boxers and tossed them across the room – the ones on the bed at any rate. He'd let her handle the other ones! He let out a 'huff' of air and she landed on top of him. "Be careful", he warned breathlessly, as part of his anatomy was – kind of in the way.

"Don't worry", she said, again speaking into his neck. "I'll be _very_ careful.

Damn – there were those tingles again, but this time they led directly to –_ "SAM!"_

"Yes Jonathan?" she asked naughtily, "See, I'm being very careful and _very_ gentle!"

"You don't need to be _that_ gentle", he told her. Big mistake that! He wondered if he was going to survive. As he gasped he decided it didn't really matter. If he had to go – this was definitely the way to do it!

Yup – there was a heaven, he decided afterwards. He'd wondered for years, not sure there was any way to prove or disprove it. Now, of course, he'd had direct, absolute, irrefutable proof. He'd officially died and gone there. As he lay there, his own angel draped over top of him – totally naked and glistening with sweat – and other evidence of their recent trip to the 'beyond', he decided that for whatever reason he'd just been given a glimpse of perfection. His arms tightened around her and he gently kissed the top of her head, which was all he could see. "I love you Samantha", he said quietly. "I love you."

She woke up later – much later – to the sound of gentle snores. She was still lying on top of Jack, covering him like a blanket. She stared at his face – so handsome and so relaxed looking. Since they'd returned from Mariscola he'd lost that look he'd had for so many years. He had remembered many things over the last few months, including some bad and hard memories, but for some reason he seemed to be at peace now, more so than at any time since she'd known him. She hoped, for his sake, that this new found peace would last, that it wouldn't disappear as his life returned to normal.

"Hello?" his sleepy voice startled her and she looked down into his velvety eyes.

"Hi", she answered. She started to squirm, suddenly embarrassed. God – she'd attacked the poor man. What had she been -"

"Stop thinking" he said softly, knowing her too well. "And thank you!" he lifted his head and kissed her. "I – that was – amazing."

"You didn't mind?" she asked tentatively. She had come on so strong. What if he didn't -"

"Sam, I said _stop thinking_. And did I _mind_? Hell woman – you just fulfilled every fantasy I think I've ever had. What you did – God! You realize I am absolutely _never_ letting you go?"

"Really?" she grinned. "You mean you still want me?"

"Still want you?" he asked incredulously. "I've _always _wanted you. It's just that now you don't have a choice!" he grinned. "And when I said I'm not letting you go?"

"Yes?"

"I'm meant from my bed. I'm afraid you're stuck right here, right on top of me."

She giggled but then grew serious. "Then why-?"

"Why what?"

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Why didn't you", he asked calmly. "We're living in a modern age Sam. It doesn't have to be the guy you know."

"I know but -"

"But?" He grinned again.

He knew damned well what he was doing, the evil, sneaky bastard, she thought. Oh well – it had all worked out. She reached up and pulled his head down again and kissed him, this time with more gentleness and less – passion. "But now it's _your_ turn", she murmured into his mouth. "I think I said plenty earlier. Now I want to hear how – _Jack!"_

There was no more talking for a long, long time – although the afternoon was broken by the sounds of two people very much in love, and very intent on showing that to each other.

* * *

"Do you really think this is better Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c asked his friend as they watched the two of them holding hands and snuggling on Daniel's couch.

Daniel shook his head in disgust. "No, I think I liked it a whole lot better when they were tippy toeing around each other. This is -"

"Yes it is", replied Teal'c, actually cringing at O'Neill's giggle. "Would you like to go with me to get a beer and watch some hockey at the local drinking establishment?"

"Yeah, that'd be great. Do you think they'll notice if we leave?"

Teal'c considered the couple for a moment. "No, I do not. Let us go."

It was quite a while later when Sam asked. "Uh – where are Daniel and Teal'c?"

Jack looked around vaguely. "I don't know. _Daniel! Teal'c!"_ he called. When no one answered he shrugged. "Probably took Junior for a walk. Now, where were we?"

* * *

"Come on guys, it'll be fun", Jack urged Daniel. He was sitting in Daniel's lab, watching him try and translate some kind of scroll that one of the teams had brought back. Teal'c was standing in the doorway, having come to take the archaeologist for a coffee break.

"No it won't", Daniel said distractedly.

"What do you mean?" Jack said, sounding hurt. "Of course it will. It'll be the whole team, and Janet can come too and Cassie. We can roast a turkey and everything. The cabin's great at this time of year."

"I believe Daniel Jackson means that watching you and Major Carter – snuggle and 'make in' for four days will not be enjoyable for any of us."

Jack's eyes got big in response. He then swung to look at Daniel, who had dropped the scroll and was looking up in interest.

"Yeah, he's right Jack, although I think he means 'make out'. You and Sam have been – well – let's say you're not a lot of fun to be around these days."

Jack bit his lip and squirmed a bit. He hadn't realized, but now that he thought about it, he knew that what his friends were saying was true. Oh God – they'd been acting like a couple of horny teenagers! He cringed when he thought of the way they'd been behaving. He sighed and looked directly at his two best friends in the whole world.

"I'm sorry guys, you're right and we owe you an apology. I think – it was just -"

"We _know_ what it was Jack", Daniel said gently, "and we understand, really we do. It's just we don't want to be around it all the time."

"Yes, and he does mean _all_ the time O'Neill", Teal'c interjected.

"I really am sorry! Look, come to Minnesota for thanksgiving and I promise we'll behave. I'll speak to Sam and we'll – we'll -"

"Be celibate?" Daniel suggested with a smirk.

"Hell no! I'm not a saint Daniel! But we will keep it in our room and we will promise to spend time with you guys. Come on – please?"

After continuing to beg, and promise, for a while longer he got both of his friends to agree. Jack hoped that Sam had had as much luck with Janet and Cassie. The next person he had to speak with was George.

His only regret was that they hadn't heard from Jacob at all. Sam was almost seven months along and she was beginning to worry that her father wouldn't make it back before the baby came. He shrugged – he felt bad for her – for himself he felt greatly relieved. He was a little nervous about Jacob.

Daniel and Teal'c _and_ General Hammond had all filled him in on Jacob Carter and Sel'mac. He had remembered about the Tok'ra but for some reason he still couldn't remember Jacob. Daniel was convinced that his mind was intentionally blocking the memory out of pure terror. Although he would never admit it, he kind of figured it was true.

Oh well – he wasn't going to worry too much about the man/Tok'ra. It was his own fault that he wasn't here. His daughter had been missing for almost a year and now it was four months later and still no sign of him. George figured Jacob had volunteered for some long, deep undercover mission out of reaction to losing his daughter.

Jack still hadn't started back full time at the SGC although he was coming for a few hours every week to help out the General. He'd improved enough – and had read enough – to be able to contribute. He wasn't well enough to go off world yet, and frankly, he had no interest in it – for now anyway. Sam was effectively grounded because of her pregnancy, although she was also rethinking gate travel. Daniel and Teal'c worked as 'fill-in's for other teams that needed extra help or on missions where their specialties came in handy. SG1 had not been officially disbanded, but for now it was inactive.

Jack sat in his office, thinking over the last year or so and shook his head. Who would have thought everything would have changed like it had. He wouldn't ever wish to go through the brain-zapper again, but truthfully he couldn't regret where it had got him. He was happy – completely and absolutely content, and he was pretty sure that was not something he would have been able to say before Mariscola.

His friends told him he was still the 'same old Jack' but he knew that wasn't quite true. In serious moments Sam had told him that in most ways he was the same, but also that he seemed more at ease now, more at peace – and he believed her. It could have been because of what had been done to his mind, but secretly, he believed it was Sam who had changed him. He smiled thinking about her. She was his joy.

"Jack?"

He looked up to see a stranger staring at him. The man was older – bald – and was wearing unusual clothes. He dropped his chair down suddenly and sat up. Oh crap – he recognized him now – not from memory, but from Sam's photos. "Jacob!"

"Hi Jack", the other man grinned and walked forward, his hand held out. "It's great to see you. We all thought you were dead!"

He shook the older man's hand, his mind completely blank. What was he supposed to say to the former General? Hi Sir! Nice to see you and oh, by the way, I screwed your daughter and she's seven months pregnant. Hell! "Uh – hi." There – that was profound and shouldn't get him in any trouble.

Jacob – or maybe it was Sel'mac – tilted his head. "Are you okay Jack?" he asked. He'd heard from the Tok'ra that his daughter and O'Neill had been found but that Jack had been hurt. When he'd arrived the only one around was Walter – who had directed him to Jack's office. The rest of SG1 was off-world. He assumed his daughter was with them so hadn't bothered to go to her office. He felt badly if Jack's injuries were still keeping him 'Earth-side'.

"Yeah – yeah, I'm fine Jacob. Uh – what are you doing here?" He closed his eyes – stupid, stupid Jack!

"What – Jack? What do you _think_ I'm doing here? I came to see Teal'c of course."

"Teal'c?" Why would the man want to see – "oh – that's a joke. I'm sorry Sir – I – have you been to see Sam yet?" he asked finally. Surely he wouldn't be looking at him like that if he _knew._

"No. Walter said SG1 was off world right now but he also said you were here. I guess George is also off base right now."

"What? Oh yeah – he's – uh – Sam's here", he blurted.

"What?" Jacob frowned. "Why isn't she with SG1?"

"Well, technically there isn't an SG1 right now. Daniel and Teal'c are actually off with SG5, helping out."

"And Sam?" Jacob was starting to look worried.

"She's okay", he assured her father quickly. "She's just – she's not – going through the gate right now."

"Why not? Jack, what aren't you telling me? Did she get hurt as well on that damned planet?"

"Hurt? Oh – no, no, she's fine. She's not hurt Jacob."

"Then why the hell isn't she going off world? Jack – what is going on?"

Jack felt like he was drowning. He wondered if Jacob and Sel'mac would refrain from killing him if he pretended total amnesia – or if he dropped over and went into a coma? Yeah, that was a good idea. Jacob surely wouldn't hurt him when he was in a coma –

"JACK! What the _hell _is going on?"

Okay – so Jacob wasn't a patient man. He was pretty sure that either Daniel or Teal'c had warned him of that. "Uh – look Jacob, why don't we go for a walk. We could go see – uh Walter and you could wait for Geo – ur General Hammond to get back. I think he's back tomorrow. He can probably explain things better." Yeah, and Jacob won't kill the General!

"Jack – what – is – going – on?"

"She's pregnant Jacob." There – that was good O'Neill. Just get to the point. Spit it out. Don't dissemble – just be open and honest. Jacob will appreciate that.

"What did you say Colonel O'Neill?" The voice belonged to Sel'mac

Shit! Jacob was obviously having an internal conniption fit. Jack eyed the door and wondered if he could make it before the older man recovered?

"_WHAT_" Jacob had returned. "What the hell are you talking about? Who's pregnant?"

"Sam", he answered. When talking to the enemy keep your answers short and direct and don't offer any more than they ask. The voice of his drill sergeant was loud and clear in his mind. Actually, come to think of it he should have simply told Jacob his name, rank and serial number – although he was pretty sure the General wouldn't accept just that. No – he'd probably start the torture at any moment.

"Jack did you want to go for – _Dad!_" Sam screeched and threw herself at her father, who looked relieved and enveloped her in a huge hug.

Jack cringed, knowing that at any second – _there_! Jacob had felt 'the bump' – as he and Sam affectionately referred to their as yet unborn offspring – and he'd realized that Jack was telling the truth. Jack could also see the moment he realized –

"_JACK O'NEILL_. WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY DAUGHTER?"

Coma, coma, coma – come on! Where's one when you need one? "Uh –"

"Daddy, calm down. Jack didn't do _anything_ to me."

Jacob looked slightly relieved although his expression soon turned to confusion. "Well then – who's the father and what the hell happened?"

Jack slowly inched his way back. He couldn't make it through the doorway with both Sam and her father there. He did have an emergency button on the wall however. He also glanced up at the sprinkler. Jacob could erupt at anytime and it might be needed.

"Stop it dad", Sam suddenly became 'the Major' before Jack's eyes. He couldn't help the grin – he was just so damned proud of her. "Jack _is_ the father. We were stuck on that planet for almost a year and didn't think we were ever going to make it home so we decided to start a life together."

Okay – if she wanted to play with the facts a bit, it was okay by him. He wasn't going to disagree.

Hell – Jacob's eyes flashed, never a good sign.

"Jacob, I'm sorry. What Sam said is the truth. We never would have – you know – except we thought we were stranded." Okay, if she could lie, so could he.

"And that's it?" the older man asked. "You didn't think you were coming home so you jumped into bed together and now you're having a family?"

"Yeah – that's about right", Jack replied, starting to get angry.

"_Jack_!" Sam laughed uncomfortably. "Dad, Jack and I love each other and we're happy about the baby. I want you to be happy too and _not_ to kill Jack. It was my fault anyway." She reached out and gave Jack's hand a fierce squeeze, warning him to be quiet and let her handle this. "He never would have – 'jumped into bed with me' – except I – pushed him. I wanted it – him – and I couldn't be happier."

"But your career Sam", he wailed. "This has to be bad for it."

"The General assured me it wouldn't matter, although frankly, I don't care if it does. I'm happy with my life, and with Jack, so suck it up Sir and tell Jack how happy you are to welcome him to the family."

Jack looked at his love with awe written all over his face. Damn, this whole thing had been worth it just to hear Sam give her dad hell. He bit his lip, knowing it was probably more than his life was worth to let on. However, when Jacob stuck his hand out this time, the Colonel was sure he saw a gleam of – something – in the General's eye. Damn – he was pretty sure that whatever that something was, it wasn't anything he was going to like.

"Welcome to the family", Jacob said softly, "son."

Crap!


	24. Epilogue

He sighed, but knew he had to do it. Damn, and everything had been set. He just hoped this didn't ruin things, although - it _could_ end up being a good thing. In fact, if the man behaved it might be great.

Still, you could never predict things with Jacob. He could keep you guessing and on your toes – just like his daughter! Selmac, on the other hand, was pretty predictable. Jack wondered briefly how they kept from killing each other. He frowned. _Could_ they kill each other? He hadn't really thought about the relationship between a snake and his host before – at least as far as the Tok'ra were concerned. He shivered slightly – he didn't really want to start.

No, the more he thought about it, the more he figured that maybe it _was _a good thing. Of course, that was if he could keep the man from killing him. He sighed again. Oh well, if Jacob got out of hand he'd just sick his daughter on him. He grinned, remembering how she'd dealt with her father. God, he loved that woman.

He continued down the hallway, deciding that he'd better just bite the bullet and go for it. He could only die once. Uh – well, okay, maybe he could die multiple times if there was a sarcophagus close by, or the Nox – but generally speaking it was only once.

As Jack continued in search of Jacob Carter, he had no idea that his memories were flooding back faster than he realized. For the first time since he'd started to regain a sense of self, he wasn't thinking about what he couldn't remember or who he was.

"Jacob!" He caught sight of his future – well, the grandfather of his child – and hailed him. He refused to back down. Hell, he was a black ops soldier, a Colonel, a man who had saved the universe and had lived to tell the tale – and he could also run like hell if need be. Nope – he could do this.

"O'Neill", Jacob nodded his head sharply, looking like _he _was the one who wanted to run. "What is it?"

Okay – so you haven't forgiven me, Jack thought. _Fine!_ Be like that! "Uh, I just wanted to speak with you for a minute if that's okay Sir?" There- show respect but don't grovel.

"I don't really think there's anything more to say _Colonel_", Jacob replied, his eyes looking like they were ready to shoot nails.

Okay, Jack was really starting to get pissed off. The man was acting like he'd violated his daughter or something. She'd told him they loved each other and were planning on being together. He'd better just learn to live with it. "Actually, yes there is _General_", he replied in kind. He would continue to be respectful, but damn it, he was _not_ going to act like he had something to be ashamed of, nor was he going to let the man treat him like he was a worm. He laughed – that was kind of funny – a snake treating him like a worm. "If you would come with me for a moment, I need to speak with you."

Jacob gave another sharp nod and followed Jack into an empty office. The Colonel carefully shut the door and took a deep breath. "I'm not asking this for my sake Jacob, but for your daughter's." He then went on to explain to the man what he wanted. In the end after much cajoling Jacob agreed, although he didn't look happy. Jack was pretty sure that Selmac had given him a metaphorical kick in the ass. He'd have to have a talk with that – snake – one day and thank him.

* * *

He was whistling as he drove the rental van towards one of his most favorite places in the whole world. He looked over at the people chatting to each other – his family – and smiled. This was great! He just hoped they all enjoyed his cabin as much as he did. It was a special place for him and one he wanted to share.

He knew Teal'c hadn't cared for it greatly, but he suspected that was because of the mosquitoes. Since it was November now, there were no more of the pesky bugs around so he hoped that the big man would be able to relax and enjoy.

"How long until we're there Uncle Jack?" Cassie asked from the back seat. She'd been thrilled to be invited and had amused all of them with her chatter since they left Colorado Springs, first on the airplane and then in the rental van.

"Just another few minutes Cass", he told her, looking back with a smile. He suddenly grew serious. "By the way – I did tell you that I'd have to put you in the shed to sleep, didn't I? I'm afraid there isn't room for everyone in the main house."

He practically laughed at her horrified look, although it was soon replaced by a speculative one. "You're kidding", she told him.

"Who me?" He did laugh then. "Yeah, you and your mom can share the bed in the second guest room. I'll put Daniel in the shed!"

They arrived shortly thereafter and all six of them climbed out of the van and made their way to Jack's cabin.

"It's wonderful", Sam said, standing on the back porch and looking out over the crystal blue lake. "I can't believe I didn't come here before."

"Yes – well as much as I would have liked you to come", he said, standing behind her with his arms wrapped around her. "You and I both know it would have been too dangerous. Now however", he leered playfully, "Now we can do what we want!"

"Jack", she laughed squirming out of his arms and turning to face him.

"Well?"

"Yes – but later okay?" She smiled and kissed him. After a moment more they returned to the house to help get everything put away and everyone settled. They'd promised themselves that this time was about their friends and family so they were going to play it cool – until the bedroom door closed. They agreed that it wasn't fair to make their friends feel uncomfortable.

"Uncle Jack – we have _marshmallows!_"

"Of course we do Cass. And chocolate and graham crackers. I mean, you can't go to a cabin in the wilds of Minnesota without making S'mores!"

"Uncle Jack – we have _wine!"_ Janet Frasier said, lifting a bottle of her favorite red out of a brown paper bag.

"Well, you can't go to a cabin in the wilds of Minnesota without wine!" Sam answered with a grin.

They were soon all laughing and talking and having a wonderful time. That evening they played cards and ate popcorn and told stories of their time together on SG1. Of course it was the "G" rated version since Cassie was with them, but it was still fun.

"You seem to be remembering a lot more", Sam said as they lay curled up together under the covers.

"Yeah", he pulled her closer and breathed in her scent. "I think I stopped worrying about it and since then things seem to be – just there. I don't even think about what I don't remember anymore."

"I'm glad", she snuggled into him and gently kissed his shoulder, the part closest to her. "It's nice to see you back."

"Am I?" He face, illuminated by the moonlight snaking through the window, showed his uncertainty. "Sam, am I – different then before?"

She didn't answer right away, taking the time to truly think about her answer. After a moment she started to speak. "In most ways, no", she told him. "You've definitely still got your same sense of humor – which sometimes borders on painful, in case I haven't told you lately! You're still the honorable, strong man I've always known. For the most part I'd say your personality is just the same –"

"But?" he leaned up on one arm so he was able to peer down at her. "I hear a definite 'but'."

"You're happier", she said plainly. "Before – you would sometimes seem – I don't know, like you were surrounded by darkness and you let it pull you down. Now – you're almost exactly the man I remember, without that."

He smiled and pulled her to him, kissing her gently on the forehead. They remained like that, simply enjoying each other and the quiet of the cabin.

The next day dawned bright but chilly. Frost was in the air and a thick and sparkling white blanket covered everything. Jack woke up, feeling like he had finally come home – not just because he was at his cabin, but because everything was falling into place. He smiled as he watched the sleeping woman beside him. God he loved her and he knew she was the one who had brought that happiness into his life.

"Rise and shine", he sang into her ear. She twitched but then quickly returned to a deep sleep. He grinned and began the 'Jack O'Neill' wake up. Tickling her ear he watched as she twitched again. He then assaulted her toes, climbing under the covers to reach them. The shriek she let out told him that she was awake. So did the foot jammed into his nose.

"Hey!" he untangled himself from the covers and glared at her. "What was that for?"

"If you're going to tickle my feet, you'd better know that you will feel swift and painful retribution! _No_ one tickles my feet and gets away with it!"

They eventually pulled themselves out of bed and got moving, knowing that there was a lot to do that day.

"You're sure you're okay with this?" Jack asked for the tenth time. "Cause we coulda -"

"Jack! I can't think of anything better than this. _Stop worrying_!"

"Okay, okay – just checking."

She sighed slightly, the hitch in her breath letting him know that she _was_ bothered by something.

"What?" he asked gently.

"It's just – my father. I wish -"

He leaned down and kissed her. "I know", he said softly. "It'll be okay."

"But why does he have to be such a, such a -"

"Pain in the ass?"

"Yes, that."

"Sam, he loves you and worries about you. And don't worry – everything will be okay, I promise!"

For the rest of the morning everyone took it easy, reading, relaxing, playing games or taking short hikes around the lake. It wasn't until after lunch that Sam and Jack decided to get things rolling.

"I told you that there was a special event happening in town tonight." They all nodded. Jack had had everyone bring good clothes to see the local 'Thanksgiving' play in the small town a few miles from his cabin. He'd convinced them it was _the_ thing to do at this time of year. They'd all agreed, even though most of them thought it was a bit strange that Jack would be interested in such a thing.

"I need everyone to be ready to go by about 2:30", he told them. "So we should probably start to get ready now."

"You're sure we should dress up in our fanciest clothes?" Janet asked skeptically.

"Oh yeah. This is the major event of the year around here and everyone dresses up like it was New Year's eve!"

It didn't take the guys long to change into their suits. The women, of course, took much longer. Jack helped Sam after he was ready, although he really wanted to get Janet to come in and help. She understood about all those – fashion – things. Still, Sam's smile, which she turned on him in gratitude, was worth every moment of playing the 'lady in waiting'.

There was a slight commotion in the living room and Sam went to look when Jack stopped her. "Nah – I'll look. You stay here. I don't want anyone to see you yet." He gave her a peck on the cheek. "You're too beautiful and everyone will be jealous.

She gave him a gentle shove for his comment but smiled in thanks. Although she was curious about the noise she agreed to stay in the room. He could deal with it. After a few minutes Jack came back. "Nothing", he said. "Teal'c just knocked some books off the table."

She looked at him curiously; sure he was up to something, although she couldn't figure out what. She continued to get ready.

"I'll just go and see if Michael is here yet", he told her with another kiss. "Do you want me to send Janet and Cass in?"

"Yes, I think it's time." She suddenly looked nervous. "Jack, do you think – _are_ we doing the right thing? What about Dad?" Now she was the one beginning to have doubts.

"Sam, I promise, things will be fine! Just relax and I'll tell everyone and get Janet to come in."

As he walked out to the main room he heard a knock on the front door. Must be Michael, he thought. Mike was a friend of his from way back. He was the local priest and served a number of small communities in the area. Jack had known him long enough that he was one of the few people he'd been able to talk to after he'd lost Charlie. He sometimes thought Mike was almost as responsible as Daniel and Abydos for keeping him sane.

"Mike!" he put out his hand and shook the priest's hand. "Come on in. Everyone's here." He invited the gray haired man into his house and introduced him to everyone. "Folks, this is Father Mike, an old friend of mine. He's here to help me out." Jack then looked at the tall man standing a bit apart, a petite woman and two kids by his side. He'd briefly said hello to them when they'd arrived, but now walked up to them and spoke.

"Thank you for coming," he said smiling. "And I guess these two must be escapees from the local jail!"

The little girl smiled, although her face turned beet red. The boy – the older of the two, laughed. "No Sir. I'm Liam and this is Steph. Are you Uncle Jack?"

"That I am", he said. "Or at least I soon will be." He faced Mark again. "I hope you found us okay?"

"Yeah", Mark smiled. "We met up with Dad and Uncle George at the airport. Thank you for inviting us! It's great to meet you finally."

"We're so happy for you both", Terry told him, a big smile on her face. "It's about time Sam had someone in her life."

"Well, we're about ready to start", he told the Carters. "I look forward to spending some more time with you afterward. Just have a seat."

There were a number of confused faces all looking at him, although he was glad to see that General Hammond and Jacob both seemed relatively relaxed. He looked over at Jacob and nodded his head in gratitude. The man had come through for his daughter. For that, Jack would be eternally grateful to him. He also suspected that George had spent a lot of time on their trip together talking to his friend and pleading Jack's case.

"Uh Jack?" Daniel asked, looking around in confusion. "I thought we were going to town. What's going on and why are – all these people here?"

The Colonel looked affectionately at his friends and family in the room. They were all dressed in their finest, with Daniel, Teal'c, Jacob and Mark all in suits and George in his dress uniform. Janet, Cassie, Terry and young Stephanie all looked beautiful in fancy dresses. Jack noticed that Janet had even let Cassie wear a teeny bit of eye shadow and lip gloss. "You all look great", he said. As he was speaking he saw that Mike was putting on his robes and pulling out his bible. He knew it was time to tell everyone.

"Actually", he told his friends, "we kind of – didn't tell the truth. We're not really going into town at all. The reason I asked you all here was to help Sam and I celebrate our wedding. We thought it would be special to have our closest friends and family here with us."

There was stunned silence in the room, broken by a sudden squeal from Cassie, who ran over and threw her arms around Jack. Soon everyone was talking and hugging and congratulating him. He finally managed to catch Janet's eye. "Janet, can you and Cassie go in to see Sam. She wants you both to stand up with her. Stephanie, you wait right here and when Sam comes out you can stand up with her as well. I'd just like you to be a surprise for your aunt." This time the squeal came from Sam's niece.

"George, Teal'c, Daniel, I couldn't really pick one of you as a best man, since you're all the best as far as I'm concerned. I'd like all of you to stand with me."

He smiled as he got the grave nod from Teal'c, the teary eyes from Daniel and the 'I'd be honored son', from George. He glanced at Jacob, who still hadn't said anything although at least the guy gave him a slight smile and nod. "Jacob, you can escort Sam from the bedroom. I just have to put on some music. Daniel, in a couple of minutes you can go and tell the ladies we're ready."

"Does she know I'm here Jack?" Jacob finally spoke.

"No – I wanted it to be a surprise. It'll mean everything to her Jacob. Thank you."

Jacob looked at him speculatively and then walked over to where Jack was standing. He thrust out his hand. "No – I think _you_ mean everything to her. I – this was a shock, and I'm sorry for the way I acted. George and Selmac both told me I was a fool and I'm afraid I have to agree. Welcome to the family Jack – I'm proud to have you as my son-in-law."

Ah crap! He'd been so sure he'd get through this whole thing without blubbering. That was Daniel's job, not his. He cleared his throat as he shook the older man's hand, and finally got out a rather strangled, "thank you Sir."

"Okay campers", he said, after that emotional little episode, "time to get this show on the road." He walked over to his stereo and put on a CD. Sam would walk down the 'aisle' (actually the hall from the bedroom) to the strains of Handel. He started the music and walked to his place in front of Mike, who was standing by the fireplace. George and Teal'c took their places by his side while Daniel and Jacob went down the hall. Stephanie also stood waiting patiently while Mark and Terry stood a bit back, their arms around each other, with Liam by their side.

Daniel knocked on the bedroom door and called in. "It's time ladies." He then smiled at Jacob and returned to the main room.

Jacob stood nervously outside the door. He was so glad he'd listened to the little voice in his head – that of his friend and lifelong companion – and to the voice of his friend George. He would never have forgiven himself if he'd missed this.

The door opened and out walked Cassie, holding a sprig greenery tied with a white ribbon. They couldn't bring flowers, but this seemed more appropriate for the cabin anyway. Cassie gave him a quick grin and walked on. She was followed by Janet, who gave him a brilliant smile. The tiny doctor knew what his presence would mean to Sam.

Then Sam came out and Jacob forgot how to breathe. His daughter was – gorgeous. Attired in a long flowing white dress, its simplicity enhanced her natural beauty. Her hair was done simply, with little bits of greenery entwined through the soft curls. Her lips were rosy and her eyes were a sparking, brilliant blue. Never had she looked more like her mother. Never had he felt so proud.

"Dad!" she breathed. "You came!"

"I couldn't miss my little girl's wedding", he said, leaning forward and giving her a careful kiss on the cheek. "You look beautiful Sammy. I'm so proud of you."

"Oh Daddy!" She leaned forward and hugged him, trying desperately not to cry and ruin her carefully applied makeup. "Thank you!"

"We'd better get going", he said gruffly. "Jack has never been known for his patience!" He held out his arm and she put her hand on it lightly.

"Dad – you and Jack -"

"Don't worry", he grinned as they began to move forward, "I won't kill him." He got serious all of a sudden and looked down at his daughter. "I'm happy for both of you, really Sam. I told him that too."

By the time she reached Jack she was beaming with joy even though a few small tears had escaped and had made a small path down her face. She couldn't have cared about them. She was happy – surrounded by her family and marrying the man she loved.

As they reached the main room she saw her niece standing by a man in robes and glanced over to see the rest of her family. She smiled at them all, feeling the tears well up again. Next she saw Daniel and Teal'c and General Hammond. Finally, her eyes touched the man she loved more than anything in this world.

Jack was looking at her with an expression she'd never seen before. Her breath caught at the wealth of love and – awe – she saw on his face. She was startled as well to see the tears gather in his eyes. He was not someone to ever cry – and it overwhelmed her to see the emotion on his face right now.

When she reached him he glanced at Jacob and smiled, he then put out his hand and took hers in his warm clasp. She had finally arrived.

After the ceremony Jack cracked open bottles of champagne and toasts were made. They let Cassie have a small sip under the careful eye of Janet. The two younger children each had a glass of ginger ale served in champagne glasses.

"I can't believe you pulled this off Jack", Daniel told him. "I didn't suspect a thing."

"Hey, I wasn't black ops for all those years for nothing you know!" O'Neill exclaimed. "We wanted it to be a surprise", he said. "We didn't want to make a big thing of it, especially with the Air Force being a little unhappy with us, although the real reason was we just wanted to share this with a small group of our closest friends and family! And we wanted to party!"

And party they did. Jack had even made sure they had some dance music even though the men outnumbered the women. At one point everyone was dancing except for Daniel and Teal'c, who stood by watching.

Daniel could feel his friend's eyes on him and turned to look. Teal'c was looking at him speculatively. "What?" he said. All he got in return was an eyebrow. "There is _no_ way I'm dancing with you Teal'c", he told the other man. "So don't be looking like that at me."

Teal'c shrugged and then turned his face to the dancers. Daniel shook his head. He really had to find himself a girlfriend or maybe better yet, a girlfriend for Teal'c.

"Where are you going to put everyone Jack", Daniel asked him later on that evening. "Your place is a bit crowded."

"Yeah – well Mark and Terry are going to stay in my room and we've got air mattresses for the kids. They can stay in here. I've arranged for George and Jacob to stay with Michael – he's coming over in a little while to pick them up."

"So where are you guys gonna stay?"

"I've booked a room at a lodge a few miles from here. It's just for tonight but I figured it is our wedding night so we should go somewhere a bit special."

"Good", Daniel grinned and then patted Jack on the back. "We're happy for you guys! It's about time you got your act together and did this thing!"

Everyone stayed for a few days to enjoy time together and to celebrate Thanksgiving. Mark and his family moved into the lodge while Jack and Sam returned to the cabin. It was a time for family and friends – and for a true giving of thanks for what they had all received.

* * *

They'd been married now for a couple of months and, at almost seven months pregnant, Sam was really starting to show. She was back to work full-time in the labs even though she no longer went off world. So far she didn't seem to be missing it.

Jack had been filling in at the SGC more and more even though he was still only part-time. His memory, except for a few things, had almost completely returned. Every once in a while things would catch him up, but for the most part he was back to normal. He still felt more content than he could remember feeling for years, and had decided to simply accept all that had happened and take the good that had come from it.

The one bad thing which remained was his lack of self-confidence in his leadership and soldiering abilities. He knew he'd lost his 'edge' and for that reason didn't think he could ever go out in the field again or truly lead a team. For a while it hadn't bothered him, but lately he was starting to feel like he needed something, some purpose in life or he'd start to get bored.

George had been called up to DC for a meeting with some of the Generals there, and he'd asked Jack to hold the fort for a few hours. Some kind of bug was going around and they were short on senior staff. Since few teams were off world, and the universe had been rather calm lately, he figured he would do it. If worse came to worse he could harass Walter for a while or maybe play some golf again through the wormhole.

He grinned at that memory, glad that he hadn't lost it. Of course, he wouldn't actually _do _it, knowing that this time there _would _be consequences. Still, it was nice to contemplate. He could also call Sam up to the Control Room and dip her like he'd done before. It probably wasn't the most professional thing to do, but at least he wouldn't get in trouble for it. Except maybe from Sam, he frowned. She might give him a hard time over it since she was very conscious of her position here, especially now that she was pregnant and no longer on the front line.

Oh well, there must be something he could do, he thought as he twirled around on George's chair.

At that precise moment he heard the gate start to dial and the announcement of an unauthorized off world activation. He stopped the chair and frowned. He had to think who it could be. There were three teams off world and none were expected back anytime soon. Hoping that it wasn't anything more serious than that they had forgotten their grocery list, or someone needed to use the bathroom, he made his way to the Control room.

"Who is it, do we know?" he asked Walter.

"Not yet Sir – wait, it's SG9."

"SG9? But they just left an hour ago. What the hell's happened?" he said, more to himself than to Walter.

Jack watched as the chevrons continued to light up. Finally, the wormhole 'kawooshed' open and settled back into its flat and swirling normality. Everything was still in the Gate room as the SF's as well as the two men looking down through the glass held their breaths.

Chaos erupted as uniformed men came running through the event horizon, shouting to 'shut the gate!' Walter's hand was already hitting the control when a whole group – it was impossible to say how many at first count – came running after the SG team.

The sound of weapons' fire filled the room, along with the sounds of men screaming in either pain or rage, Jack couldn't tell which. He hit the emergency klaxon and called for reinforcements. He hadn't needed to say anything to Walter, who had already hit the controls to shut the door to the Gate room.

Unfortunately one of the intruders, who seemed to be winning the battle below, looked up and noticed the men behind the glass. He shouted something to his companions and ran through the closing door, closely followed by one other intruder.

"Crap! Walter, get out of here. I'll try and hold them off. Let the Pentagon know and that we have a wildfire situation."

"Yes Sir", the Sergeant got out of his chair quicker than Jack thought possible. "What about you Sir?"

Jack grabbed a weapon from the weapons cupboard. "Just _go_ Sergeant."

Just then the first alien burst into the room.

"Not a smart move whoever you are", Jack cried as he shot his zat. The man/alien/whatever fell to the ground. He was quickly followed by his companion. "Okay – definitely not smart!"

By this time reinforcements had arrived and he instructed his men to secure the aliens he'd hit. He then raced towards the Gate room, followed by two SF's. Just outside the door he ran into Teal'c and Daniel and – "What the hell are you doing here Major", he practically shouted at Sam. "Get the hell out of here."

Sam looked like she was about to argue when it hit her. What _was_ she doing here? She put her hand on her stomach protectively and retreated back the way she'd come. All she could think of was that she'd put her baby in jeopardy and that Jack was _still_ in danger. God, she hoped he could deal with it.

And he did. Although the battle was messy for a while, they eventually managed to contain the aliens who were, as Jack had said, not particularly bright, although they were ferocious. Unfortunately one man was critically injured, four others received serious wounds and three more just had superficial damage. After everything had been cleaned up, the wounded taken to the infirmary, the Gate secured and the aliens placed in the brig, Jack was able to head back to Hammond's office and sit down. He would have to go to the Infirmary to check on his people, but he needed a moment to recover.

God – this had been the first bit of action he'd had since Mariscola and he felt – exhausted. At the same time, however, he felt like he'd gotten his old self back. He'd reacted quickly and decisively and they'd ended up winning the day. He knew they weren't the most brilliant of opponents, but that often didn't matter. Even stupid people could do a lot of harm.

It took him a moment to identify the ringing in his ears as the phone. He reached over and picked it up, not surprised to hear Hammond's voice – although he was surprised the man was calling on the red phone.

"General. What's up Sir?"

After a few moments Jack sat up straight and coughed. "Sorry Sir! I'm just – well, everything's fine and I was just resting for a moment before heading to the Infirmary. I know – Janet thinks he'll pull through. I was about to head to the Infirmary to check on everyone." There was a pause as Jack listened to the General and then, "thank you Sir. I didn't want you to come home and find things a mess."

After he had hung up Jack took a deep breath, stretched, and went to find out how his people were doing. Next he'd go see Sam. He was _not_ looking forward to that conversation.

* * *

"He's asked me to be his XO", he told her. It had been ten days since the attack in the gate room and Jack had been going in every day to check on things and fill out reports. That was one aspect he hadn't missed.

"What?" Sam would have sat up quickly, although she wasn't doing anything quickly these days. They'd talked about her little jaunt to the Gate room and she'd admitted that she hadn't even thought about what she was doing.

"You know I'd never intentionally put the baby at risk Jack", she'd said. "I just didn't think."

"_You_? Not think?" He grinned slightly but then grew serious. "Carter, you _have_ to think. Not only could you have put yourself and the baby at risk, you're vulnerable right now and that can make it hard for the people around you. They don't need to be worrying about you when they're dealing with an outside threat. Besides that, the enemy can also use you. I – don't ever do something like that again!"

She bowed her head, which surprised him. This is the first time he'd spoken harshly to her, as a superior to a subordinate since they'd returned from Mariscola, and he figured she wouldn't like it. When she didn't say anything more he frowned. "Sam?"

"No Sir, I won't," was all she said. She then gave him a small smile. "It's okay Colonel. You had a right to reprimand me. As long as you leave the Colonel O'Neill in the mountain when we go home I don't have trouble with it."

He came back to the present to see her staring at him.

"His XO? Are you going to take it?" Sam was surprised. She'd kind of come to the conclusion that Jack wasn't going to go back full time. Since the alien incursion though, he'd been a different person. She'd seen the old Jack O'Neill – witty, sarcastic, funny and very much a leader – come back in full force. She was glad – she's always found that side of him to be very sexy.

"I think so", he told her. "I don't want to go off world so much anymore, not with a kid on the way. This will give me a chance to stay involved and hey, I might still get to go off world sometime."

So, in the end, he'd taken the job and was back to work full-time. She knew that Hammond was pleased as could be to have Jack back – and this time the Colonel was able to give more assistance to the day to day running of the place. The General was smart however. He made sure Jack got to do things like training and the occasional off world mission – just enough to keep him happy.

* * *

"Jack." He felt something push against his side.

"Hmmm?"

"_Jack_." Someone was singing, which confused him. Why would anyone be singing Sam's name? "Come on Jack, it's time to go."

He opened one bleary eye and stared sideways at the woman in bed with him. She was sitting up, holding her stomach and she was all dressed.

"What time is it?" he asked finally. Surely it couldn't be morning already?

"It's 2:00 am. Jack, I need you to take me to the hospital. The contractions are coming five minutes apart."

Oh hell! Why didn't she say something? He jumped out of bed, suddenly feeling wide awake. "I'll get your suit -"

"It's already downstairs. I couldn't sleep so I got everything ready. All you have to do is get dressed and drive me there."

He could do that. He could defeat aliens, travel through stargates, ride a horse, make really good pancakes. Yeah, he could drive her to the hospital to have their baby.

"Okay Sam – push." Her midwife helped guide her through the last bit of labor. Jack had stayed by her side the whole time and Daniel and Teal'c and Janet had made the odd appearance, offering support and encouragement. It was Jack however, that made her believe she could do this, no matter how hard.

But that was her husband, she thought as she rested briefly from pushing. He had always given her confidence. She was who she was today because of him. She began to push and with a burning and a rush of fluid, their baby was born. She couldn't help but smile as she heard the tiny but powerful voice of her child. Yes, and because of Jack O'Neill, she was now a mother."

"Would you like to hold your son", a gently weeping Jack O'Neill gently laid the warm little body against her stomach. He covered the baby with a warmed blanket and then reached down to kiss his wife tenderly. "He's beautiful", he whispered. "Thank you."

He watched as he wife fed their new son, her expression one of amazement and joy. He thought back to this long journey and knew now that it had all been worth it. Mariscola was now a distant memory but that was okay. He now had new memories to make. He was home.

_**The End**_

_**Thank you, as always, to my many loyal and wonderful readers. You're amazing! Now, on to 'The Mission' and then to 'Absence of Malice'. **_


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